2014 November

Wednesday, November, 12, 2014

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The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Anonymous Letters to the Editor with pictures. Published Monday through Friday by Noon.

swimming hole end bpk
Request for competitive bids for design of a scenic overlook at the Big Pine swimming hole on US1. Link
Clear Channel wants to put up a 199 ft tower on Sugarloaf Key which frightens the neighbors. They now own eight radio stations in the Keys. Sun 99.3, US1 104.7 (with it’s decent newscasters), WAIL 99, Thunder 100.3, Conch Country 98.7, WAVE 97.7, WEOW 92.7, WKWF

So do they also own all the recently sold marinas too? My point is that along with a potential Walmart, we are being taken over by the corporate types much as Fantasy Fest was taken over by Captain Morgan and the “market share” type folks. Will they follow the local newspaper in giving us the news they want us to hear.

How many steps
does the guard take during his walk across the tomb of the Unknowns and why? 21 steps: It alludes to the twenty-one gun salute which is the highest honor given any military or foreign dignitary.
[“Immigration reform”] The reason we don’t send all illegals and their offspring back is because we’ve looked the other way and have not enforced immigration laws since demand for cheap labor became a problem and enforcers were told to look the other way when they saw an illegal. It is the American people who demanded they looked the other way in order to keep food prices low. So this is a problem we have intentionally caused by our demand for lower food prices. It is now our responsibility to show compassion to these people we encouraged to come to the US for many, many years. We just can’t be like Germany and say everyone pack up and leave tomorrow. Is that really what America had become. I think that’s the direction many would like to go. This is what we do to our allies. Use them when needed than abandon them to their oppressors (Afghanistan-Iraq, etc). Some see compassion as being a pussy. I see it as the American way.
waving fish
[“Hates it here”] See ya. The Keys aren’t for everyone. We keep saying that it’s one big open-air insane asylum. We like the fact that we get to go free. We are more interested in what’s going to happen today, and how we deal with it. We don’t like the normal way they do it in the rest of the world. If we did we would move there. That’s what makes it humorous. We like that. I would like to personally thank you for leaving instead of staying and trying to make our world into your world like the rest of the newbies do. That’s something that bothers us. The doctor, the mechanic, the service, those are just the fun part of living here. Enjoy the real world. Tell everyone of your experiences. Have a nice life. We who live here know paradise when we see it.
[“Bar fight”] City Commissioner Mark Rossi Greg Sullivan, the manager of Waste Management are such bubbas that they were in a bar fight together against a tourist. Commissioner Rossi just approved a juicy non-competitive, no-bid, multi-million dollar contract with the City of Key West. Rossi supported his friend’s no-bid contract that many are still questioning. Is this what they call the bubba system?
Sorry, but George Neugent has always promptly returned all my questions, and had a very good answer too!
slasher michael myers chasing man slasher
Who needs to kill
, needs to bring harm to others on all sides? Who are the sick humans who need such atrocities, who need to bare arms, who need to build weapons? It seems we of the human race will never grow up. No wonder aliens, if they exist, do not contact us. We seem to be nothing more than mechanically oriented insects who fight each other over trivial pursuits for things not needed to sustain our lives, and to satisfy egos. Some day all this hate, killing, and stupidity, hopefully, will be a long gone nightmare even history will not tolerate. I hope that day comes in my lifetime!
Subtitle: [slow motion grunting]
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I found an old broken $90 Leatherman tool in a bag in the trash and sent it in to Leatherman to see if they’d guarantee it. They did and sent me a new tool. Yeah, Leatherman!
[“Snowbird Neighbor”] Boy, what a tight-ass, complaining about water toys and laundry in the yard. I’d sure hate to live next to someone as uptight at that. Chill, old man, go back to your Reader’s Digest and mind your own business.
[“3 different pills under that pill’s name”] Obvious it’s a pill size issue. CVS carries three sizes of the pill and Winn Dixie only carries one. CVS wanted to call the doctor to confirm the pill size, Winn Dixie didn’t need to. Perhaps the doctor was unaware the drug maker recently came out with different sized pills and CVS was first to carry them. So instead of waiting a bit longer at CVS, you started the whole process all over again at Winn Dixie. The CVS pharmacist realized they made a mistake giving you too much information. You now realize you, perhaps, should have waited and the doctor is going to make the mistake again with another person because nobody called them. My mistake was even bothering to respond to this rant. I’m going outside for a change of air.
computer caffine transfusion
[Overdosing on Computers] Do computers take away your life? Think about it. You sit in front of a screen or cell phone and you think you are accomplishing something, but in reality how long have you sat there mesmerized by that display of useless crap until you look up and realize you have spent hours doing nothing important! The only thing that has happened is some of your life time has vanished! Could it be that thing in front of you has been programmed to do just this? It does not take much to traumatize a human being with a flickering light and subliminal messaging! TV anyone?
[“Walmart”] I wholeheartedly agree with the poster who stated that a Walmart would be a good thing to have in the lower Keys. One gets bone weary of hearing this nonsense about the loss of the atmosphere on the Keys of days gone by which is largely a figment of their imagination. Having said that, one can pretty well be sure that the same old worn out arguments will swiftly be advanced, like if we like big box stores than why don’t we move to where they are? My answer to that dreary statement would be I just happen to like them here; or give us that old dry spiel about the locals and all the fine attributes inherent in them.  If you think that the average Ma and Pa restaurant of yesteryear was any where near the quality of modern restaurant chains you are still hallucinating. Tourists are the lifeblood of the Keys yet many of our fine citizens speak of them as second class citizens. If someone wants to build a round house, different than the strip mall look of his neighbors, I say go for it. It is his money, he made it, and he is not breaking any laws, so it comes under the heading of his business and not yours.
will be in the Keys this weekend from Key West to Islamorada. They will be at Big Pine Dog Park Sat 11-12. Appts for dentals at holiday prices open for Fri and Mon. Call 305-390-0325 or go to for more info.
[Directionally Challenged] I am not surprised anymore when I meet someone who has lived here a while and still cannot point to North or South.
1998 Yamaha 15hp 2 stroke engine for parts. Bad block and pistons. All other parts serviceable. Was being used a month ago. Failure due to no oil. Will sell parts separately or complete for $250. Classified Ads > Boats
senator edwin brooke
Tim Scott is not the first black Republican Senator. Edwin Brooke was elected to the Senate from Massachusetts in the ’60’s
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nira11.12[House for Sale] Extremely well maintained canal front home featuring 2 bedrooms, 2 baths, dining room, kitchen nook and family room with phenomenal boating access to Pine Channel – a direct shot from your back door! Some newer appliances which include a Bosch Silence Plus dishwasher and new central air conditioning unit. The beautifully landscaped backyard transforms into your own tropical oasis. The property is on a great boating canal on Little Torch Key and is listed at $279,000. Video  Classified Ads > House For Sale
Dave Mason’s tribute to veterans. Video
[Grammar Police] “Anything you wright that includes these mistakes comes across as foolish.” It really irritates me when people try to prove how superior they are then write ;wright’ for write. People who live in glass houses …
Massive, multicolored lobster fetches $95,000. 56-pound crustacean dubbed ‘the god of lobsters’ during an intense bidding war at a Chinese fish market. Link
Did Fox News lose interest in Ebola?  They must have decided the shock value was ended and moved on to more titillating topics like “identifying ISIS members in your neighborhood” or Obama chews gum in China.
Veterans Day celebrated in Key West. Welcome home. Support the troops! Link
everglade-city49-00If I wanted to live in an area where Walmart helps the economy I wouldn’t have moved to the Keys. I know there’s a lot of low paying jobs here that are already available at stores and hotels. Switching them for low paying Walmart jobs doesn’t seem good for anyone because Walmart would put a lot of stores out of business. I realize the Keys aren’t cheap – that’s the price of admission to paradise. Unfortunately, not everyone can afford to live here. Don’t ask the Keys to change, there are plenty of other places you could live that are far more affordable. The arguments seem a bit twisted, it would be like saying a Mercedes is too expensive, so Mercedes should lower the price for you to afford it. Instead you should admit you can’t afford it and should buy a different car. Isn’t this how the housing bubble occurred — people buying more than they can afford?
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bum martini
The absolute driest martini is made buy filling one of those tall fancy stemmed martini cocktail glasses with a good gin and only then whispering Vermouth across the top of it.
[“Big Pine Key becoming two islands from 1′ sea level rise”] As I understand it, this would require 24 inches of sea level rise. Agreed, we should plan our roads and buildings with an eye toward higher future water levels. But no need to run around with our hair on fire (or legislating changes that would create insanely high energy prices like in parts of Europe.) Big Pine could well be wiped off the map by a direct hit hurricane well before a two foot sea level rise happens from climate change.
If Jesus was born as prematurely as Christmas-themed commercials start airing, there wouldn’t have been a Christmas.
Veterans dive free
during month of November. Link
[Poor People Report] More than 14,000 Keys households—48% of the total—are struggling to afford basic needs like food, housing and health care, according to a groundbreaking report released today by United Way of the Florida Keys. United Ways in six states commissioned Rutgers University to conduct the research for the ALICE report, which stands for Asset Limited, Income Constrained, Employed. The report spotlights a large segment of the population that is working hard—sometimes at two or three jobs—but is still barely able to make ends meet. “ALICE folks are our child care workers, mechanics, home health aides, store clerks, office assistants and other workers who provide invaluable services we all rely on in our daily lives,” said Margie Smith, President of United Way of the Florida Keys. “But as hard as they are working, all it would take is one emergency–a serious illness, an expensive car repair, a damaging storm—for them to spiral into poverty.”

The ALICE report is groundbreaking, Smith explained, because it more accurately portrays the extent of financial hardship in Florida. Federal poverty guidelines have not been updated since 1974 and are not adjusted to reflect cost of living differences, Smith said. “This is significant in an area like the Keys, which has traditionally had the highest cost of living in the state.” The ALICE report states that 12% of Monroe County households are at or below the federal poverty level, but an additional 36% of households are in the ALICE category—barely getting by. “You really need to combine these two groups,” Smith said, “in order to get a true picture of how many people in our county are struggling financially.” The ALICE report contains cost analyses of basic household expenses like housing, food, child care and health care for all 67 Florida counties, and compares these costs with household incomes. It concludes that in Monroe County, a bare minimum “household survival budget” would be $24,020 for a single adult and $61,962 for a family of four. Only 51% of Keys households are making that much or more.

“And these figures are very conservative,” Smith said. “Health care costs, for example, include only out-of-pocket expenses, not premiums. Housing costs are the cheapest housing you can get in an area.” When ALICE households don’t have enough income, Smith said, they have to make difficult choices to reduce their expenses. “For instance, they might leave their child with a neighbor instead of putting him or her in an accredited facility, which could jeopardize the child’s safety and learning opportunities. Or they might skip preventative health care, which could cause a serious health problem in the future.”

It’s important to add, Smith said, that the whole community suffers when ALICE households don’t have enough income. “When ALICE children aren’t ready for school, they add a burden to the educational system. When ALICE households can’t afford preventative health care, they place future burdens on the health care system, increasing insurance premiums for everyone.” Smith said United Way is releasing the ALICE report with the hope that it will encourage state and local decision-makers to initiate policies and programs that will support working families who are struggling to continue living in the Keys. “We have been serving this fragile population for many years through our funding of food pantries and child care programs,” she said. “We care about them and want their lives to be better.”

To access the complete ALICE report, visit Link or call 305-735-1929.

sperm one
[Obama Sperm] The essence of my proposition is simple”, says the chairwoman of the Commission on Women’s Affairs, Children and Family. “Each female citizen will be able to receive by mail the genetic material of the President, get pregnant from him and have a baby. These mothers will be receiving special allowances from the government.” Link
Dear FTR, You may have thought you were being cute criticizing Obama for the military having finished “zero-zip-nada” of the Ebola treatment hospitals, but what you really did was denigrate the great work being done by our Army engineers. They are fast, but they aren’t miracle workers. They are doing the best they can under difficult circumstances. One of the treatment centers is almost finished and ready to be put to use. Maybe if you got your news from someplace other than Fox News you’d know that.
[Sewers] A respected professional living in Bay Point was disturbed to discover that the shallow injection well there had been tracer studied to see where the wastewater effluent goes, and that it quickly travels through underground tunnels to the ocean just outside Sugarloaf Sound. Emailing about the Bay Point sewage treatment plant, she says, “The place smells like hell! All the time, You cannot sit outside at Kaya (restaurant),” About the effects of the effluent, she writes, ” No wonder M could not find any fish or lobster worth taking this past summer. And if we can’t fish, and the ground under the water is covered with stuff that kills the coral reefs because of our sewage that someone made a decision to save money for at the expense of cruding the sea bottom,… yeah- something needs to be done ASAP. Aqueduct already charged us plenty for this system; Time to correct it, whatever it takes.”
It was the County that selected a vacant parcel for the Bay Point sewer plant that was adjacent to and between a pizza shop and a restaurant undergoing reconstruction. It was the County that demanded that ECOfluid be sole-sourced by FKAA as the treatment equipment supplier. The FKAA sewer rates then paid for the design changes and modifications to try to make the faulty plant work correctly. This tiny treatment plant still does not work as intended and stinks next to two eateries. You can read the FKAA Board meeting minutes from June 2007 on the FKAA website, with all the confident staff BS about how the odor problem would be remedied shortly, at extra expense of course, and the design flaws fixed. See page 7 at Link

The plant still stinks, and when it rains hard, the poop just gets screened instead of treated, and then dumped down the shallow wells to exit into the nearshore ocean, just like at FKAA’s other plants. How is this an improvement on septic tanks? If it is not going to be done correctly, then it should not be done at all. But FKAA and the County persist at rushing a known seriously faulty sewer system into the Cudjoe Regional. Their biggest sewer system will be our biggest disaster. It is long past time to stop, think, and make the design changes needed for a properly functioning system that protects rather than degrades the water quality. Please help fund the legal challenges against government agency idiocy.

live webcam
Why couldn’t we take up a collection and buy Sloppy Joes a really high definition camera to use on their live Duval Street web cam internet site?  I would gladly chip in. Webcam
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Couple seeking to rent apartment or small house in Big Pine Key area starting mid-January 2015 for however long it takes to find a property to buy in the Keys. Please reply with details to Sam at Classified Ads > Situation Wanted
Politics is the art by which politicians obtain campaign contributions from the rich and votes from the poor on the pretext of protecting each from the other.” ~Oscar Ameringer (1870-1943)
people-of-walmart12[“Walmart on Rockland Key”] Exactly how long have you lived here, if I may ask? I have lived here for 35 years and the only thing I agree with you is it is expensive to live here, however you do not have to shovel snow, deal with icy road conditions, buy winter clothes, buy heating oil, have to pay for maintaining your vehicle for winter conditions, or your winter home for that matter. To live in paradise comes with a cost that supersedes living in the winter wonderland. The Key’s time for raising a family is over, dear. I remember in the 1980’s the Keys were more kid friendly. We had a roller rink, ice skating rink, 2 movie theaters in Key West and one in Marathon, plus a bowling alley also in Marathon and one in Key West. Four game rooms, miniature golf and a go cart track. This all ended when the powers that be decided they wanted to kick out all the families with kids and make the Keys a mini Miami Beach and cater to the elderly which is why Key West is a concrete jungle now. We also had the fair come to Key West every February.

As for Walmart goes, I think you should research their policy about taking out the mom and pops. We already have Kmart, and don’t need Walmart and their agenda. If you haven’t noticed, the sex store on Rockland Key closed down last year. If you love Walmart so much I suggest that you get into your expensive gas guzzling vehicle and drive to Homestead. And that’s just my opinion.

[“Hates it here”] It takes two jobs to live here, three to leave.
We’ve been using ketchup cups wrong. Video
The round house will be an eye sore and degrade the street for sure. It is the reason Cudjoe Gardens had rules to begin with, to keep our community conservative and keep trailer trash and weirdos out. But money talks and the locals kiss arse when that happens.
1. Arbitrator-A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s
2. Bernadette-The act of torching a mortgage.

3. Burglarize-What a crook sees through
4. Avoidable-What a bullfighter tries to do
5. Counterfeiter-Workers who put together kitchen cabinets
6. Left Bank-What the bank robbers did when their bag was full of money.
7. Heroes-What a man in a boat does
8. Parasites-What you see from the Eiffel Tower
9. Paradox-Two physicians
10. Pharmacist-A helper on a farm
11. Relief-What trees do in the spring
12. Rubberneck-What you do to relax your wife
13. Selfish-What the owner of a seafood store does
14. Sudafed-Brought litigation against a government official.

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Tandem clear bottom kayak. Jjust like the one out front of Skeeter’s on U.S. 1. Good condition. Includes seats, paddles, and life jackets. MSRP for the kayak alone is $1,275. Now $500. Call Classified Ads > Boats
I just received a copy of Neugent’s e-mail below a couple of days ago and have had to read it over a few times to try to understand where George Nugent’s head is.  Read it once or twice and ask yourself if this sounds like a rationale person.  I understand George wanted to support the DEP Director who was under fire, but to malign every person and group who disagreed with the grinder pump system or the shallow wells is unconscionable.  To suggest that the hundreds of individuals who didn’t believe the proposed system was best and only wanted to solve “pollution through dilution” is insulting.  George represents us, but he refused to meet with us, to listen to us, to support our positions at the BOCC and then he claims we bypassed the process.  George stands on a soapbox and pats himself on the back, while his constituents get an expensive, inefficient system that is likely to be fraught with problems in the future. The citizens of who supported Dump the Pumps, Dig Deep Cudjoe, and the Sir Isaac Newton Coalition should be applauded. They put their money where their mouth is. Were it not for these activist citizens, we would not have made the limited progress accomplished to date. Remember, we did reduce 1,100 grinders, and forced many improvements to the system such as generator connections, electrical isolation of controls, a remote monitoring system, recognition that explosion proof motors were needed, recognition that the design would require additional flushing, increased generator trucks and a more thorough review of permit applications by the DEP.  George will be our Commissioner for four more years, but at least we know what he thinks of his constituency.

skeleton's hand email“Speaking out as one the few that can truly say, “We accepted the challenge to accomplish the task of FS99-395.  From inside the arena and with tenacity and persistence, we weathered the slings & arrows from beginning to end while refusing to be distracted by those that would debase our accomplishment(s) and cause.”

I know that this flippant litigation and now trumped issue over Deep well injection vs Shallow well injection, the system design and then then the shameful use of the ESA as a disruptive tool in a transparent ruse to interrupt progress on the Cudjoe Regional Project will fail. This group has not made any effort to use the local platform(s) of the BOCC or FKAA to civilly discuss the facts of the issue but rather gin up the uneducated.

We, amongst the champions and agencies, who have worked tirelessly and passionately for twenty years to bring central collection and advanced treatment for the sewage and storm waters that have been allowed to run unabated into nearshore waters for generations, should not be distracted by those who espoused – “the solution to pollution is dilution.” And now having drug them to the table, kicking and screaming, they want to give the appearance of giving a Damn.

We all have always openly solicited and taken positive/negative/indifferent public input, respectfully, and still do.

Jon Iglehart I applaud you as a true champion and leader along side our partner the FKAA, The Department of Environmental Protection, NOAA & EPA. But most especially to Secretary Vineyard and Governor Scott whose leadership and contributions (more funding to the table, since the start, than all other administrations combined) bring consummation to this project – a minor miracle. This, in conjunction with the Funding from the State, is without question the greatest accomplishment in Monroe County since the Florida East Coast Railway. ~ George Neugent, Monroe County Commissioner”

It is as many of us have long suspected. The headline reads, “Real science: Almost half the population may be infected with a mysterious virus that makes people stupid.” It is rumored that of the 45% of the U.S. population expected to be found infected with this virus, all of the FKAA executives, most of the Cudjoe Regional Sewer System designers, all of the DEP permitting engineers and 60% of the BOCC are amongst the most heavily infected. The symptoms of the “stupid virus” are obvious in this group as well as the majority of voters. Link
Deer Ed, maybe it’s time to replace FTR’s warning sign with this one.
[“Walmart is coming. Let’s try to make it a place to live and raise a family”] Oh great, just what we need more low rent breeders clogging our party islands with more mutants, religion and greedy merchants. You want kids, you want Walmarts? you want families? Move to Texas or Mexico. Leave the freaking Keys the Keys! How about you go to Habitat for Haitians or South Africa to breed rainbows. Get out of here.
[“Dirty violent bums that pollute our beaches”] Hell, they are much more pleasant to be around than the locals born in New England, Jersey or York. If its got a ‘new’ in the name, it’s full of arse holes, lots of which wind up here.
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This Jersey woman is in the Keys looking for some warm winter action.  She frequents all-you-can-eat diners, 2-4-1 meat lovers pizza specials and KFC extra crispy by the bucket.  She can be found locally at bars sitting on two stools at happy hour complaining about not getting the locals discount.
[“You said you sold junk”] God, I hate the low lifes in the Keys. No wonder they named a dump after themselves, Mt Trashmore!
Have you noticed that the Ebola scare went away after November the 4th. They say its been eradicated from America. Did you fall for the Republicans scare tactic? You’ve been fooled.
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The Republican sweep of the last election reminds me of the story about the dog that liked to chase after cars.  He finally caught hold of one and then it was like, “now what I do?”
from the right
jobs-americans-don't-want-to-do-obamaThe immigration issue and Obama’s threat of executive action is rapidly becoming exactly what Obama and the Democrats want it to be: a wedge issue. The issue has been crafted into a tool that Team Obama wields to ingratiate him and his with the Latino community.

Team Obama is convinced that the open door policy will result in waves of new Democrat voters and slavish obedience from the existing, legal, Latino population. The notion that legal Latino voters are obedient Democrat voters was deeply discounted in the recent election. Obama and the Democrats preying on the immigration issue is outrageously shameful, they are using this terribly important and incendiary issue simply to Shanghai new Democrat voters.

The Obama/Democrat threatened “Executive Action” is not a humanitarian gesture, it is a disgraceful and disrespecting display of exploitation of Latinos for political gain. Were that not so, why has he not done acted in the past 6 years? Why did he and they wait until after the midterm elections?

He and his have chosen to ignore the very real perils of open borders and amnesty. They have cooked the books on deportation, claiming record numbers of deportations, but in actuality have redefined deportation so that even those who simply turn around are counted as being deported.

In 2013 alone, ICE freed 36,007 convicted criminal aliens from detention who were awaiting the outcome of deportation proceedings, according to a document obtained by the Center for Immigration Studies. This group included illegal aliens convicted of hundreds of violent and serious crimes, including homicide, sexual assault, kidnapping, and aggravated assault. An inventory of crimes committed by illegal aliens from 2013 stats alone includes more than 16,000 drunk or drugged driving convictions,193 homicide convictions (including one willful killing of a public official with gun), 426 sexual assault convictions, 303 kidnapping convictions,1,075 aggravated assault convictions, and a whole menu of drug and property crimes. It’s scary as hell to consider that that list is from 2013 alone. These are the persons that Team Obama is determined to grant amnesty.

For perspective, the 36k criminal illegals released amounted to about 10% of illegals actually deported in 2013 (@ 36.5k). That number is a dramatic decline from 2012 when @ 410k were deported.

There is no doubt but that most Latinos who are here illegally live quiet law abiding lives, but granting them blanket amnesty will be a massive incentive for other Latinos to storm our borders. It will create a tsunami of illegal immigration that will drown our schools, social services, welfare, and the job market. It will deeply impact the already suffering poor and middle classes. It will rob them of jobs as our economy ever so slowly recovers.

If the Democrats and Obama truly want to untie the Gordian knot that is illegal immigration, the first step will have to be to actually secure our southern border.  Until that comes to pass we must begin enforcing the existing law.