Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002.
Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days,
Tuesdays and Fridays.
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![]() Fish were jumping all over the place. It looked like a Disney cartoon and was well worth the hassles. There were maybe 100 to 200 great white herons spread along the exposed flats. There was also a large herd of ibis and a bunch of pelicans. I hadn’t seen anything like that before. It was reminiscent of Darwin when he wrote from Key West’s Bay Keys that the horizion was filled with Great White Herons as far as the eye could see and far too numerous to count. |
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Vegan witches. |
[Today’s News Same as Yesterday’s] ] Latest British Prime Minister, Herschel Walker’s latest abortion, Iran’s fashion police protest, Trump’s latest problem, latest virus, latest retard running for election, etc. |
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[Wife For Sale] In the 17th century a Virginian farmer could buy a mail order bride for 125 pounds of tobacco. In To Have and to Hold by Mary Johnston, the hero discharges a gambling debt by traveling to Jamestown to pay the passage of one of 90 young women brought to the colony in 1619 by the Virginia Company of London to marry the colonists. The imported brides were supposed to encourage colonists to become husbands and found families, thereby becoming more likely to remain in Virginia and sustain the colony’s growth. (published in 1899) |
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[Potatoe Medicine] How to use potatoes to heal infections. Link |
[Friday Joke] Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town. Alter a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel. The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager: ‘Go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, I’m not wasting two of my girls on them. They won’t know the difference. ‘ The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business. As they are walking home the first man says. ‘You know, I think my girl was dead!‘ ‘Dead?’ says his friend, ‘Why do you say that?‘ ‘Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was loving her.‘ His friend says. ‘Could be worse I think mine was a witch.‘ ‘A witch? Why the hell would you say that?‘ ‘Well, I was making love to her, kissing her on the neck, and I gave her a little bite, then she farted and flew out the window. Took my teeth with her too!‘ |
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Hello! |
![]() [Butter] We had fresh stone crabs for supper and I ate so much butter that I was farting pop corn all night. |
The US has no firm policies. They change every four years with the new administration. We can’t agree on any policy except don’t eat children or diddle them. |
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Close up of a wicker coffee table what hasn’t been dusted in along time. |
[Friday Joke] How does a hippie polygamist count his wives? 1 missus hippie, 2 missus hippie, 3 missus hippie… |
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First recorded Parrot Head: “Wasteth hence again in Margaritaville, searchin’ for thy lost shaker of salt.” |
First woman on the moon, “I forgot the freaking keys!” Video |
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![]() [Twitter Sold] Elon Musk bought Twitter. Now what? Elon Musk changed his Twitter bio to “Chief Twit.” Link |
[Change] You can’t truly refer to yourself as an adult until you catch yourself getting really angry when the grocery store changes their layout |
![]() [Wealthy] How many people made a half million dollars or more in 2022? Only .7% of workers, or around 1,195,318 people in the United States made a half million or more in income in 2022. |
[Real Do-gooders] The United Way of Collier and the Keys has awarded a series of “Creating the Next Generation of Reef Steward” grants throughout Monroe County, with a focus on expanding opportunities and education for students in marine science and conservation. Currently in its second year, UWCK’s five-year commitment will provide $180,000 to schools and educational facilities throughout the Keys. This year, $33,208 has been awarded as part of the grant program, with funds providing educational experiences and an expansion of resources to twelve schools, one childcare center, and five marine science non-profit organizations. |
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[“Missing current issue of the CT”] Deer Ed is correct – I had missing/wrong day CT issues weeks ago but followed and paid attention to the instructions at the end of the CT and the missing current issue problem is no more! (Ed; Thanks for trying. I understand why folks are afraid to try the refresh function. It’s no wonder people are so reluctant to try new things on their devices, they could explode or other terrible consequences could happen. Computers are scary. You can mess up just by doing the simplest thing. You’re never more than a couple of clicks from disaster.) |
![]() [Bear Spotting Tip] How can you tell a black bear from a grizzly bear? When the bear charges you climb up a tree. If the bear comes up after you, it is a black bear. If it knocks the tree down, it is a grizzly. |
[Friday Joke] Two holy nuns, big Sister Mary Agnes and small Sister Mary Vincent, are traveling through eastern Europe in their car, bring the word of God to Transylvania. As they were stopped at a traffic light, out of nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses at them through the windshield. “Quick, quick!” shouts big Sister Mary Agnes, “What should we do?” “Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination,” says small Sister Mary Vincent. Big Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knock the mini-Dracula around. But the little vampire hangs on and continues hissing at the two nuns. “What shall I do now?” shouts big Sister Mary Agnes.“Try the windshield washer. I filled it with holy water before we left the Vatican,” replies small Sister Mary Vincent. Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windshield washer. The vampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns. “Now what?” shouts big Sister Mary Agnes. “Show him your cross,” says small Sister Mary Vincent. “Now you’re talking,” says big Sister Mary Agnes. She then puts down her window and shouts, “YOU LITTLE PIECE OF CRAP, GET THE HELL OFF OUR CAR!” |
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[China] It’s not that Xi has gone Orwellein on his people, but they have no choice in any matter. Any leader can be benevolent, but what happens to the people when he makes bad decisions, although well-intentioned. The people have no recourse. None. Case in point: Chairman Mao and Stalin. I think Chairman Xi is the best thing to happen to China in all of history, but not for the USA by any means. |
![]() You know who pleads the 5th Amendment defense? Criminals, the Mafia pleads the 5th. You don’t plead the 5th if you’re innocent. It’s a defense against self-incrimination for the guilty. |
Apple 12.9-inch iPad Pro 2022 review: Pretty and powerful. The new iPad Pro adds a super-powerful M2 chip to an already-excellent body. Link |
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Completely mortifying family photos from the 1970s. Link |
![]() GET THE LATEST WEBPAGE by refreshing your cellphone’s browser. Or if on a laptop just refresh your browser. 1. Open bigpinekey.com on your cellphone. 2. Touch the menu icon in the upper right. 3. Touch the refresh circle (open circle with an arrow on one end). That’s it. The Coconut Telegraph is published Tuesdays and Fridays |