Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002.
Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days,
Tuesdays and Fridays.
                                              |
| Submit a post Contact Us |
       |
 [Taxation Without Representation] How does it feel to have no representation at the Monroe County government? Just look at the City of Key West, they have 2 representatives. the City of Marathon has 2 representatives, and the combined cities of Islamorada and Key Largo have the remaining 1 commissioner. That’s 5 commissioners, which leaves all the rest of unincorporated Monroe County citizens with no representation. Why is that? No one to stand up for our rights? Now look at District 2’s appointed commissioner, the former mayor of Marathon and resident of the City of Marathon had nothing to do with the citizens of the lower Keys. Refusing to meet with them when they formally requested a meeting to discuss issues pertaining to the lower Keys. With the upcoming election on November 8th be sure that you write in a candidate who might be mor prone to consider unincorporated Monroe County citizens’ best interests as opposed to the city that she has loyalty to. Me, personally, I’m writing in ‘porky’. Perhaps we’ll get better representation with ‘porky’ |
 [Life Is A Breeze In The Florida Keys] Yesterday just after sunrise I was in the backcountry at low tide (either the hurricane or FWC removed most of the markers back there) and ran aground 3 times, duh. Couldn’t see a thing because it was so early and the Sun was so low the water all looked black. I had to get in the water and push off from one grounding where I just missed the channel.Fish were jumping all over the place. It looked like a Disney cartoon and was well worth the hassles. There were maybe 100 to 200 great white herons spread along the exposed flats. There was also a large herd of ibis and a bunch of pelicans. I hadn’t seen anything like that before. It was reminiscent of Darwin when he wrote from Key West’s Bay Keys that the horizion was filled with Great White Herons as far as the eye could see and far too numerous to count. |
Vegan witches. |
| [Today’s News Same as Yesterday’s] ] Latest British Prime Minister, Herschel Walker’s latest abortion, Iran’s fashion police protest, Trump’s latest problem, latest virus, latest retard running for election, etc. |
 [Fantasy Fest Parade] Each year, the Fantasy Fest Parade winds through the world-famous Duval Street from the Gulf of Mexico to the Atlantic Ocean. The parade is a splendid moving party with festive floats, wild walking groups, bicycle brigades, and even human-powered kinetic machines that entertain tens of thousands of spectators in the premier Fantasy Fest event. Link |
 |
| [Wife For Sale] In the 17th century a Virginian farmer could buy a mail order bride for 125 pounds of tobacco. In To Have and to Hold by Mary Johnston, the hero discharges a gambling debt by traveling to Jamestown to pay the passage of one of 90 young women brought to the colony in 1619 by the Virginia Company of London to marry the colonists. The imported brides were supposed to encourage colonists to become husbands and found families, thereby becoming more likely to remain in Virginia and sustain the colony’s growth. (published in 1899) |
[Potatoe Medicine] How to use potatoes to heal infections. Link |
| [Friday Joke] Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town. Alter a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel. The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager: ‘Go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, I’m not wasting two of my girls on them. They won’t know the difference. ‘ The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business. As they are walking home the first man says. ‘You know, I think my girl was dead!‘ ‘Dead?’ says his friend, ‘Why do you say that?‘ ‘Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was loving her.‘ His friend says. ‘Could be worse I think mine was a witch.‘ ‘A witch? Why the hell would you say that?‘ ‘Well, I was making love to her, kissing her on the neck, and I gave her a little bite, then she farted and flew out the window. Took my teeth with her too!‘ |
 [Name That Bird] This is a poor photo but I wonder if someone could identify the brand of bird. It sort of looks like a sparrow and about that size. The mate had a long, thin yellowish stripe from its nose, over the eyes, to the back of its head. They just showed up in abundance about a few weeks ago. |
| Hello! |
 [Butter] We had fresh stone crabs for supper and I ate so much butter that I was farting pop corn all night. |
| The US has no firm policies. They change every four years with the new administration. We can’t agree on any policy except don’t eat children or diddle them. |
Close up of a wicker coffee table what hasn’t been dusted in along time. |
| [Friday Joke] How does a hippie polygamist count his wives? 1 missus hippie, 2 missus hippie, 3 missus hippie… |
First recorded Parrot Head: “Wasteth hence again in Margaritaville, searchin’ for thy lost shaker of salt.” |
| First woman on the moon, “I forgot the freaking keys!” Video |
 [The Great Mustard Debate] Try Heinz mustard. I also was brought up with French’s thinking it was the only one. Heinz is thicker and a might tangier. America’s Test Kitchen rates Heinz as their favorite. Now that that’s straightened out, on to save the rest of the world. It’s no wonder I am tired all the time, as dear old Ma used to say, “It just never ends”. |
 |
 [McRib Sandwich] I read that McDonalds was bringing back McRib Sandwiches for a limited time so I decided to give it another try. I’ve been eating McDonalds since Ray Kroc opened the first one in April 1955 at Des Plaines, Illinois when I was a sophomore at Maine Township High School. The current McRib sandwich is nothing like the original one in 1981. It was larger, thicker, and juicer than the current offering, which is smaller, thinner, and dried out (possibly from over cooking). However, the price is comparable to Popeyes and Kentucky Fried Chicken sandwiches at $4.83. Be that as it may, if you absolutely must try the latest Mickey D’s offering, then go for it, but be prepared to be disappointed. Personally, I’d prefer a nice juicy fried chicken sandwich. |
[Twitter Sold] Elon Musk bought Twitter. Now what? Elon Musk changed his Twitter bio to “Chief Twit.” Link |
| [Change] You can’t truly refer to yourself as an adult until you catch yourself getting really angry when the grocery store changes their layout |
[Wealthy] How many people made a half million dollars or more in 2022? Only .7% of workers, or around 1,195,318 people in the United States made a half million or more in income in 2022. |
| [Real Do-gooders] The United Way of Collier and the Keys has awarded a series of “Creating the Next Generation of Reef Steward” grants throughout Monroe County, with a focus on expanding opportunities and education for students in marine science and conservation. Currently in its second year, UWCK’s five-year commitment will provide $180,000 to schools and educational facilities throughout the Keys. This year, $33,208 has been awarded as part of the grant program, with funds providing educational experiences and an expansion of resources to twelve schools, one childcare center, and five marine science non-profit organizations. |
 [People Are Dirty and Stink] People have all kinds of diseases and problems that spread easily from one to another. To rationalize what I am saying, just think what is wrong with yourself: germs, skin, hair, odors, breath. Whatever your problems are, there are others much worse sitting next to you. Scary, isn’t it? This will upset a lot of people, but because it is the truth, it should wake up the dreamers out there. |
| [“Missing current issue of the CT”] Deer Ed is correct – I had missing/wrong day CT issues weeks ago but followed and paid attention to the instructions at the end of the CT and the missing current issue problem is no more! (Ed; Thanks for trying. I understand why folks are afraid to try the refresh function. It’s no wonder people are so reluctant to try new things on their devices, they could explode or other terrible consequences could happen. Computers are scary. You can mess up just by doing the simplest thing. You’re never more than a couple of clicks from disaster.) |
 [Bear Spotting Tip] How can you tell a black bear from a grizzly bear? When the bear charges you climb up a tree. If the bear comes up after you, it is a black bear. If it knocks the tree down, it is a grizzly. |
| [Friday Joke] Two holy nuns, big Sister Mary Agnes and small Sister Mary Vincent, are traveling through eastern Europe in their car, bring the word of God to Transylvania. As they were stopped at a traffic light, out of nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses at them through the windshield. “Quick, quick!” shouts big Sister Mary Agnes, “What should we do?” “Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination,” says small Sister Mary Vincent. Big Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knock the mini-Dracula around. But the little vampire hangs on and continues hissing at the two nuns. “What shall I do now?” shouts big Sister Mary Agnes.“Try the windshield washer. I filled it with holy water before we left the Vatican,” replies small Sister Mary Vincent. Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windshield washer. The vampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns. “Now what?” shouts big Sister Mary Agnes. “Show him your cross,” says small Sister Mary Vincent. “Now you’re talking,” says big Sister Mary Agnes. She then puts down her window and shouts, “YOU LITTLE PIECE OF CRAP, GET THE HELL OFF OUR CAR!” |
 The Key West Garden Club will hold its first monthly meeting of the season on Thursday, November 3, at 1:30 PM at West Martello, 1100 Atlantic Blvd. Get the down and dirty lowdown on how the KWGC Propagation Department “propagated itself.” Four members of the Department will discuss its creation and what they have learned from shoots, seedlings and clippings. The meeting is free and open to the public. Join us for delicious refreshments afterward in the garden. keywestgardenclub.com |
| [China] It’s not that Xi has gone Orwellein on his people, but they have no choice in any matter. Any leader can be benevolent, but what happens to the people when he makes bad decisions, although well-intentioned. The people have no recourse. None. Case in point: Chairman Mao and Stalin. I think Chairman Xi is the best thing to happen to China in all of history, but not for the USA by any means. |
You know who pleads the 5th Amendment defense? Criminals, the Mafia pleads the 5th. You don’t plead the 5th if you’re innocent. It’s a defense against self-incrimination for the guilty. |
| Apple 12.9-inch iPad Pro 2022 review: Pretty and powerful. The new iPad Pro adds a super-powerful M2 chip to an already-excellent body. Link |
Completely mortifying family photos from the 1970s. Link |
| |
 The current Coconut Telegraph was published on 10/28/22 at 9:39 amGET THE LATEST WEBPAGE by refreshing your cellphone’s browser. Or if on a laptop just refresh your browser. 1. Open bigpinekey.com on your cellphone. 2. Touch the menu icon in the upper right. 3. Touch the refresh circle (open circle with an arrow on one end). That’s it. The Coconut Telegraph is published Tuesdays and Fridays |