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Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days,
Tuesdays and Fridays.
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![]() west. These connections will be made using water control structures so the Refuge can restore the freshwater and better manage the habitat over the long-term. Four abandoned roads will also be removed, and two drives will be relocated to facilitate sheetflow across the slough. Central Slough Restoration |
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[Tinker Toys] After assembling a 7-piece patio set ordered from Amazon (China), I think my dad’s words of wisdom ring true: “The yellow race will rule the world.” If it’s not Covid, it’s 2 small cardboard boxes of patio furniture with a wrench and machine screws to drive you nuts assembling it. |
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Scientists should stop analyzing animal intelligence and start studying human stupidity. |
![]() The term ZIP is an acronym for Zone Improvement Plan; it was chosen to suggest that the mail travels more efficiently and quickly (zipping along) when senders use the code in the postal address. The term ZIP Code was originally registered as a service mark by the USPS; its registration expired in 1997. |
[No Coco Tele] Deer Ed, I was worried yesterday when there was no Coco Tele in the morning. I was hoping it wasn’t a technical difficulty or, worse, a personal issue. I can totally understand forgetting what day it was. It happens to me all the time! |
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If we arm every teacher and have civilian armed guards in schools and they miss and kill another citizen, who’s liable? the school? or the person who shot them? Shouldn’t that person be charged with murder for unsafe weapon charges? |
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[Friday Joke] An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband’s libido. “What about trying Viagra?” asked the doctor. “Not a chance” she replied. “He won’t even take an aspirin”. “Not a problem,” said the doctor. “Give him an Irish Viagra. “What on Earth is Irish Viagra?” she asked. “It’s Viagra dissolved in his morning cup of coffee. He won’t even taste it. Let me know how it goes,” he said. She called the doctor the very next afternoon. “How did it go?” he asked. “Oh faith, bejaysus and begorrah, doctor, it was terrible. Just horrid, I tell ya! I’m beside meself!” “Oh, no! What in the world happened?” “Well, I did the deed, Doctor, just as you advised. I put the Viagra in his morning coffee, and he drank it. Well, you know, it took effect almost immediately, and he jumped straight up out of his chair with a smile on his face, a twinkle in his eye and his pants a-bulging. Then, with one fierce swoop of his arm, he sent the cups, saucers, and everything else that was on the table flying across the room, ripped me clothes to tatters and passionately took me then and there right on top of the table. “T’was a nightmare, I tell ya, an absolute nightmare!” “Why so terrible?” asked the doctor. “Wasn’t the sex good?” “Freakin jaysus, it was the best sex I’ve had in me last 25 years, but sure as I’m sittin’ here, doctor, I’ll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again.” |
![]() [Florida Censors] I find it amazing that the people who complained about the photograph of the statue of David where not in the least bit offended by the nude photographs of Melania Trump. |
[Plumbers] Deer Ed, I hope your new sewer system kerfunkle is finished. Plumbers have it easy. All they have to know is: shit flows downhill, quitting time is 3:30, and the boss is an a**hole. |
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Wow, Key West realtors must really be hurting. An office on Duval St was open on a Thursday night with an agent on duty sign. |
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Why people don’t like the AR-15 |
[“AR” Designation] Did you ever wonder what the “AR” designation means on an assault rifle? If you think that it means “assault rifle”, you’re flat wrong. It simply is the first 2 letters of the company that introduced the line of firearms: ARmalite. If you think that the AR designation is there because the designation simply represents the first two letters of Armalite, you’re flat wrong. AR means Armalite Rifle. |
![]() I suggested that she transfer me back to the guy who said he was going to issue a replacement, but she was either unwilling or unable to do so. Anyway, she gave me a phone number for a local appliance store in Key West, but they said they don’t work on dehumidifiers. |
![]() Happy face cow, |
[Texting While Driving] New Ohio law takes effect. It’s about time they did this. Turn off the damn distracting radio too. This should be Nationwide. Link |
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(Editor: I’m embarrassed I forgot Tuesday and didn’t publish until after 1pm. My excuse is that FKAA has been here since February 19 installing a wastewater treatment plant to replace our septic tank (at a cost to us of $10,000!). We have a large park-like property that we have been cultivating for 30-40 years. The contractor didn’t even try to stop the water from coming into the swimming pool-size hole they dug through the 2-3 vent holes in the porous limestone rock. They pumped all that brackish water into the garden. They couldn’t control it, so they just kept bringing in more and more pumps. Bigger and bigger. Consequently, they pumped 1,250,00 + gallons of brackish water and muck all over our garden and left an inch or two of salt sludge on our plants. If that is not distracting enough from remembering days of the week, I don’t know what is. That’s the worst tragedy since we got hit with Hurricane Irma. The plants are starting to die again from the salt. Listening to the deafening sound of heavy equipment 6 days a week for 2 weeks was more than my nerves could handle. (And people ask me why I drink. Ha). Much of the one and a quarter million gallons of brackish water flooded the neighbors’ yard too—3 acres away!). |
![]() Our lineup: Bobby Howard & The Ukeholics Haywire Stormfront So come enjoy the day, keep our low key attitude, and have a great time. Take only pictures and leave only footprints. Your friend, Flip Flop Bob |
Dear Stormy Daniels, how’s business? I’ll bet it’s real good! |
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[“AR-14 of 15”] I’m not surprised the gun nuts missed the whole point of the post about killing children with assault rifles and only noticed the rifle in the post was misnamed. And they went on and on about it never mentioning the dead kids |
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[I Smell Lawsuit] Federal agents busted into the wrong hotel room during a training exercise and held a Delta pilot handcuffed for nearly an hour. Link |
![]() Last ticket drawn – Atocha Coin – valued at $5k 99th ticket – Key West Seaplane Adventure to Dry Tortugas and a 2 night stay at the Doubletree Key West. 98th ticket – Fury Ultimate Adventure for 2 with one night at The Marker 75th ticket – Sunset Cruise with Beach Bum Charter 50th ticket – Sebago Parasail for 2 Other prizes for 1st & 25th tickets drawn Tickets are $150 each, and the proceeds benefit Take Stock in Children – Monroe County. Purchase raffle tickets online only at: Link |
[“Killing Kids for Fun”] In the last sentence of that post, are you claiming that guns are sick? Which is unlikely as an inanimate object can’t function without a human operator as opposed to society being sick, which has daily shown to be stark raving bonkers. So it’s people in society that are sick and should be put in nut houses like Dunning or Chattahoochee. Note that more people die in hospitals than from guns. Check the statistics. |
![]() [Friday Joke] I made a snowman. A woman passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman. So, I then made a snow woman. |
The current Coconut Telegraph was published on 4/7/23 at 8:30 am. |