2014 April

Friday, April 18, 2014

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsThe Original Unsocial Media
Anonymous Letters to the Editor with Pictures
Published Daily by Noon Since 2002
No Saturday Edition

Is there anything to the rumor that South of the Border is trying to buy the Sugarloaf Lodge complex. I heard that they have been looking for a year round site to put in another resort.
[Stealth Boats] Did anyone see the convoy of super modern trucks towing huge boats towards Key West Wednesday. The boats where all unmarked, covered and painted in some type of stealth camo type colors. Wish I could have taken a picture but I was driving in the opposite direction at the time. I just wonder what they are? possibly some type of military or another federal agency? Anyone have any idea?
bbq steaks

I’m tired of all you sissy’s talking crap about guns. I hunted and fished all my life. When the big one hits don’t come around my house looking for dinner. I also have gone very hungry in my life, and would just look at you as dinner. Even if I gave you a deer to eat you starve to death trying to talk him into taking his clothes off and jumping on the BBQ.

[Zipline Is Dead] Crane Point Museum and Nature Center has withdrawn its plans for a zipline can­opy tour, which proved too difficult to implement.



[“Refrigerator woes”] That guy who was next to the Big Pine ACE Hardware was Paul’s Appliance. He is now behind the Habitat building on Quail Roost Trail. His number is (305) 872-3926

I had three refrigerators go out this year in January. He fixed one, I bought one new, and retired one. Business Directory

The number of connected devices will exceed the world’s population–more than seven billion–by the end of this year.
[Pot Delivery
] Last week someone got busted here receiving a FedEx box of pot. A day later I got a notice from the postman that there was a package for me at the post office. I feared it was my own expected package of pot and went to the post office very nervous. I went early while my wife was still home so she could bail me out. I even left the number of my lawyer, Dennis Ward, with her just in case. It turned out to be a Guy Fawkes mask I ordered. Whew!

I was shocked at my buddy’s innocence in transporting Class 1 Narcotics across state lines via the US Mail–a double felony. Not only did he get a tracking number, and put his actual return address on the package, but he wrote a note and signed it on the back of his wife’s signed medical release form.

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[Appliance Repairman] Local syndrome:  didn’t show, didn’t call.  Just part of the salt lifestyle.
The Top of the La Concha will close today as it will become a spa. The Top was the hangout for corrupt politicians, law enforcement people and smugglers in the late 70s. I had many great times there. I remember the time Sheriff Freeman was so drunk he dropped his gun on the floor.

Yard sale Saturday 4/19 lots of stuff, household, dvd’s, cd’s, restaurant quality goods, dishes, mixing bowls, etc, baseball cards, collectibles, lawn and garden, etc. 29168 Palm Ave,Big Pine, Eden Pines 305-515-0051 for info.

After reading this week’s edition of The Blue Paper, all I can say is wow!   Maybe it’s time for Donnie Lee and the Twelve (or 13) officers to plan a last supper.  They could hold it at Salute where the homeless could watch them eat. Thank you Blue Paper for keeping this on the front burner.
[“Dogs poisoned at Venture Out”]  Where did this happen in relation to the main entrance at Venture Out? We are weekenders at VO and walk our dogs south of the main entrance on the west side of Spanish Main Drive.


Prince William and Kate are down under on a PR tour. I think they really want to see the Pistorius murder trial.

[Irony] When I suggested the use of Go-Karts to attract visitors to enjoy nature as it exists in Crane Park Hammock I was, foolishly enough, indulging in a literary device known as irony. I am hoist on my own petard since my suggestion has been seconded by someone who at least felt that Go-Karts would be a bit much and suggested the use of golf carts instead. I give up.
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[Everest] An avalanche killed 12 guides yesterday who were supplying one of the camps in preparation for the climbing ‘peak’ season in May. There are already hundreds of people waiting at the base camp who are getting ready to climb.


Gabriel García Márquez, the Colombian novelist whose “One Hundred Years of Solitude” sold 50,000,000 books is dead. He’s been compared to Charles Dickens and other great writers. García Márquez was a great story teller who incorporated magical realism as matters of fact in his books.

GM says it’s safe to drive their faulty cars as long as there is nothing attached to the ignition key. That’s not a very comforting thought while driving your thirty thousand dollar dream car.
I can remember when the Dow was 600 and gold was $26 an ounce.  It was just a few years ago, I swear.
Moore18Moore’s law is the observation that, over the history of computing hardware, the number of transistors on integrated circuits doubles approximately every two years. The law is named after Intel co-founder Gordon E. Moore, who described the trend in his1965 paper. His prediction has proven to be accurate, in part because the law is now used in the semiconductor industry to guide long-term planning and to set targets for research and development. The capabilities of many digital electronic devices are strongly linked to Moore’s law: processing speed, memory capacity, sensors and even the number and size of pixels in digital cameras. All of these are improving at roughly exponential rates as well. This exponential improvement has dramatically enhanced the impact of digital electronics in nearly every segment of the world economy. Moore’s law describes a driving force of technological and social change in the late 20th and early 21st centuries.

The period is often quoted as 18 months because of Intel executive David House, who predicted that chip performance would double every 18 months (being a combination of the effect of more transistors and their being faster).

Although this trend has continued for more than half a century, Moore’s law should be considered an observation or conjecture and not a physical or natural law. Sources in 2005 expected it to continue until at least 2015 or 2020. However, the 2010 update to the International Technology Roadmap for Semiconductors predicted that growth will slow at the end of 2013, when transistor counts and densities are to double only every three years.

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target 6 bullet holes

[Sniper] They think they captured the Kansas City sniper yesterday. The sniper has shot 13 cars, hitting some people, but killing no one so far.

[Blacklight Fusion Demo] A million times more powerful than the internal combustion engine. (15 minutes of technical jargon and bad sound) Video
[Friday Joke] (British humor In the greatest days of the British Empire) A new commanding officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel. After welcoming his replacement, and showing the

courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches) that protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said, “You must meet Captain Smithers, my right-hand man. God, he’s really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless.” Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three feet tall. “Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself.” “Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst , joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines. I’ve represented Great Britain in equestrian events and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight division of the Olympics. I have researched the history of… ” Here the colonel interrupted, “Yes, yes; never mind that, Smithers; the CO can find all that in your file. Tell him about the day you called the witch doctor a motherf**ker.”


Slicer. Commercial Hobart meat/cheese slicer, used, works great of course it’s a Hobart, top of the line. $400 Big Pine, other restaurant items also. Classified Ads > Household

[The Top] Say goodbye to the free, great view of Key West from the top of the La Conch hotel on Duval. Link
What happened to all the great banners you used to show and now only flip three over and over? (Ed: I have been working on that for over a month and am no closer to finding the solution yet. I hate computers!)


$.99 Cookies packed in a steel can, imported from Denmark almost 5,000 miles away. How good can these be selling at this price? The can alone must cast a buck!

Also, I tried to buy one quart of low fat milk, but every single container had today’s expiration date on them. Or was it sell by? Who knows? I didn’t buy it.

Please don’t ascribe “Must Be A Cat Lover” to the posting of the despicable dog poisoning along the Venture Out fence. I, like many, love both cats and dogs, along with many other animal types. I have no love for the type of animal that would commit an act such as this.
fish-chipsTGIF from Springers Bar and Grill!Today we have 2 great specials for you, a stuffed shrimp appetizer and beer batter fish and chips. These 2 delicious treats from the sea are sure to please your palate.

Don’t forget tonight we have Doug Yeomans on our patio starting at 7:30. In 2004 Doug Yeomans was inducted into the Buffalo music Hall of Fame. The Buffalo Music Awards have named him the best bluegrass, country and all around guitarist. He has played lead guitar for the broadway shows Ring of Fire and Ain’t Nothin But the Blues. This is a musical event not to be missed. So join us tonight for a toe tappin, boot stompin good time.

Weekends, always something special at Springers, definitely a step above.

[Friday Joke] A while ago a new supermarket opened in Chatswood, Sydney, Australia. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and there is the scent of freshly mowed hay. In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens clucking and cackling, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.

I don’t buy toilet paper there anymore!

[“Dirty Pig Pine”] We have been telling readers of the CT that Big Pine is a filthy Island for years. Nobody cares so we have given up trying to motivate the people who live there. Yes indeed, Big Pine is an embarrassment to the Keys, it is the one Key that brings down the beautiful overseas Highway, it’s almost depressing when driving through. I guess the caliber of people living there is very low. It is no wonder why neighbors hate each other so. When people say they live in Big Pine try and avoid them for your own good.
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Today is the last day to reserve your spot for the General Membership Meeting at Kiki’s Sandbar this Monday, April 21st from 6-8pm.  Kiki’s Chef is preparing a delicious buffet on the beach featuring a Grilled balsamic vegetable platter ~ Baby greens salad: carrots, cherry tomatoes, pickled red onions, honey shallot vinaigrette ~ a Pasta station: Handmade pasta, vegetables, grilled chicken, pesto, chardonnay cream ~Smoked Ribeye with caramelized onions & horseradish cream ~ Dinner rolls ~ Dessert buffet.

Reservations in advance are $20.00 per person and $27.00 at the door.  Visa/Mastercard are accepted.  Call the Chamber 872-2411 now to reserve your spot.  Congressman Joe Garcia will be the guest speaker with information on flood insurance and more.  Great food and a great atmosphere.  We look forward to seeing you there!



[New Planet] Pack you bags as they’ve discovered a planet similar to Earth 500 light years from here. Kepler 186F could support life, but you’d better pack a lunch because the trip is a long one.

[Kick-Backs] Whenever a neighborhood guy got himself elected to a city commission it wasn’t very long afterwards he had his hair styled, his shirts starched, his nails manicured, somehow acquired a nice tan, and smelled like a rose.  He just looked rich and well fed.  I always wondered about that.
[Classified Ads Work!]How cool is this! Please remove my ad for the spare trailer tire as someone who lives and is now up north saw it and called their neighbors here on Big Pine to come get it for him. Now that is a Piner’s Coco Telegraph working slick as a whistle. Don’t you just love it.
Below is what the ad looks like. Way to go Ed!
Trailer tire on white rim, 4 lugs. Tire size is 5.30-12. Super, like new shape. $25 2/19/14 SOLD!
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Do they still do the Bunny Hop at weddings?

The Applejacks – Bunny Hop (1959)

Survey: Evangelicals are not the major part of the Moral Majority any longer. (Thank God!)
70% of our planet is covered in water, the other 30% is covered in idiots.
LeonShell-Check-PresentationThe 16th Annual Leon Shell Memorial Sailfish Tournament once again benefited Visiting Nurse Association & Hospice of the Florida Keys. This highly anticipated two-day fishing event, which is held in Key Colony Beach, honors Captain Leon Shell.  Shell was a gifted and respected angler, as well as an artist who was famous for his handmade specialty fishing lures.

VNA/Hospice, the only not-for-profit home health, hospice and palliative care provider serving all of Monroe County, has been the recipient of the funds raised since the tournament began in 1986. This year’s tournament was also part of the year long celebration of VNA/Hospice’s 30th Anniversary of caring for the Keys.  To mark the occasion, VNA/Hospice COO Kathleen Ryzoc cast her line as part of the Hillbilly Deluxe team, which was captained by Scott Stoky.  Ryzoc and her team captured the First Runner-Up award in the newly instated Amateur Division.

“There are three things in life that I love,” stated Ryzoc.  “I love being a nurse.  I love the work that VNA/Hospice does for this community.  And I really love to fish.

[Obamacare] Eight million people have signed up for health care through new insurance exchanges and the proportion of younger appli­cants has increased.
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[“Refrigerator woes”]  Some of us wear more than 1 hat of the business, and cannot ans the phone when it rings, we are out working. Did you leave a message and a phone number so we can call you back [at our convenience].
paul revere lantern

On this date in 1775 Paul Revere & William Dawes ride from Charleston to Lexington warning the “Regulars are coming!”

[Citizen Of The Day Says] My favorite thing about living in the Keys is heading south for Fantasy Fest.
D-Day 70th anniversary. Band of Brothers Tours. Just in case you forgot our brothers. Link
More than 100 people attended an April 11th “friend-raiser” in Key West to find out about the recent work of United Way of the Florida Keys and to honor local donors. Community leaders and UWFK leadership donors (giving $1,000 or more annually) gathered at the home of Guy Ross and Michael Ruiter for the evening reception. Nice yard!
A man called the Big Pine CVS Pharmacy and threatened to blow up the store Wednesday night if clerks there didn’t fill out a prepaid money card, according to a report to  the Monroe County Sheriff’s Office.
[Pediophile] A 32-year-old Sugarloaf Key man was charged with having sexual rela­tions with a young girl Wednesday. The victim’s mother came home and found Emanuel Llama naked in her 13 year old daughter’s bedroom. llama left the house after a confrontation.
[Friday Joke] George Phillips , an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan , was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?”

He said “No,” but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.

Then the police dispatcher said “All  patrols are busy. You should lock your doors  and an officer will be along when one is available”

George said, “Okay.”

He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.

“Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both; the dogs are eating them right now,” and he hung up.

Within five minutes, six Police Cars , a SWAT Team , a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips’ residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George, “I thought you said that you’d shot them!”

George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!” (true story)

National politics is back. Click on this link to send your national political post anonymously. No one will know your name or email address, [Well, maybe the NSA will] not even me. FTR is going to be the new national politics editor. Do not fear, FTR promised to post everything, even if he hates it, he’s that kind of guy.
Your name and email address are not required. Please be civil. I Have Something To Say About National Politics–Click Here
from the right
A TRUE BELIEVER, A “WARMER” WROTE:  [“30 year fisherman denies sea rise”] “I don;t know if I should send this to FTR or not, but from my observations of the climate change debate, I’ve found that all deniers I’ve met or read about, are all right leaning on the political spectrum and their anti-science opinions are politically motivated.” (Ed: I’ll send it to FTR for you.)

FTR’s RESPONSE: The issue of climate change has become so politically divisive that it has spawned a near cult of people who desperately want to believe that man is killing our planet. Their obsession approaches religiosity.

The fact is that this old earth over the eons has been much warmer than it is today, and much cooler than it is today. There is no question that as recently as 10k years ago the coast of Florida was miles offshore of where it is today. And before that, the site of your home was under many feet of water. These islands are nothing more than ancient coral reefs that have been exposed as the ocean receded.

There is no question but that more and more scientists are questioning the claim that climate change is anthropogenic. There actually are many scientists who claim that a warmer world would be better for humanity. They claim it would open up millions of square miles to agriculture.

Climate is changing, it has always changed, it always will. The reason the right resists the political initiatives of leftist global warmers is that their schemes would be a massive waste of public money, would be massively intrusive on our way of life, and would seriously damage our stature in the world.

In recent years we’ve been bombarded by warmers dire predictions that hurricanes would devastate our shores and our nation would soon be a nearly uninhabitable hot box.  The evidence is that the number of hurricanes has been steadily declining, now they only forecast three this year. Why? Climate change; and an El Nino situation in the Pacific. Plus, and perhaps most important,  the South Atlantic waters have become much cooler.  Did you catch that, the South Atlantic is cooler.

Last winter was one of the most difficult in decades.  Thousands of snow fall and low temp records were broken. Today is April 16th, last night about 4 inches of snow fell in my home town of Old Forge New York. That’s unheard of.

I caution any who are warmers NOT to read the link, you might have to actually think about the issue: Link


A POSTER WROTE:  “FTR 3 –  Irate Gunny – 0.    Again, IG offers no proof, citations or links that back up his rant, while FTR provided 5 links in his last “debate” with this poor, misguided person.”

FTR’S RESPONSE: None needed, thank you for taking the time.


A POSTER WROTE, and I quote: “You wrote, “Very recently Steve Israel, prominent Democrat legislator stated the Republicans are racist.”  Steve Israel said Sunday, responding to a direct question from CNN’s Candy Crowley on “State of the Union.”  But, the New York Democrat added, “To a significant extent, the Republican base does have elements that are animated by racism, and that’s unfortunate.”

“FTR, I gather you aren’t too concerned with accuracy, only your slant. I believe it is fair to say that the base “does have elements that are animated by racism, and that’s unfortunate.” But, that is different than your slant that sounds as if he said all Republicans are racist. On balance the Dems have there fair share of assholes too.”

FTR’S RESPONSE: Your posting has merit. What you reported seems to be fairly accurate. But, the point I was trying to make is that the Democrat strategy for the upcoming election is to try to brand Republicans as being racists.

We see evidence of it everywhere. Recently Nancy Pelosi pushed that theme and pushed it hard.  She told an NBC reporter: “I think race has something to do with them (the Republicans) not bringing up the immigration bill,” Pelosi told reporters Thursday. “I’ve heard them say to the Irish, ‘If it was just you, it would be easy,” Pelosi told NBC News.

South Carolina Senator Tim Scott, a Republican, and an American of African ancestry, scalded Harry Reid for comments suggesting that Republican opposition to President Barack Obama is the result of racism.

Attorney General Eric Holder, in a speech to Al Sharpton’s action group, shamefully and strongly suggested that the Congressional inquiry into Fast and Furious, the Benghazi murders, the inquiry into the  Obama admin using the IRS as a political weapon were nothing more than Republican racism. The record is replete with these scurrilous Democrat accusations. The Dems never provide or even suggest that there is proof. The absolutely false charge of Republican racism is their strategy to motivate their base. In this fight, hate is in the corner of the Democrats.


By the way: The price of gas is now about $3.90 and climbing. It was half as much when Obama took office, he and his are a very happy crowd. Where is the Keystone Pipeline?

Thanks for stopping by.   FTR

National Politics. Your name and email address are not required. Please be civil.  I Have Something To Say About National Politics–Click Here