Friday, April 4, 2014

(Ed: Ta-da! You can now resize the CT while using your smartphones. It was as simple as replacing: <meta name=”viewport” content=”initial-scale = 1.0, maximum-scale = 1.0, user-scalable = no, width = device-width”>  with this new code: <meta name=”viewport” content=”initial-scale = 1.0, width=device-width”>. I knew you all were dying to know.)

[Paddleboat Races] Big Pine & Lower Keys Rotary Club Presents the 6th Annual paddleboat Pursuit. Come join the fun on

Saturday, April 12, 11 A. M. at Looe Key Tiki Bar Waterfront, Ramrod Key Build your own paddle wheeler and race against your friends and neighbors.

The catch is only limited materials allowed. Prizes for 1st, 2nd and 3rd place, plus bragging rights For a list of materials and registration information call Events

[More bar wisdom] I’m so old, I remember when vodka only came in vodka flavor.

[“Catholic Church Continued”] Jesus was a communist before the term was ever thought of–something for everyone. What’s wrong with that? Are you saying Jesus sucks because he’s a dirty, low-down communist?

I understand your prejudice when defending Mother Church, but sometimes words mean what they say. Your interpretation that the facts I “gleefully regaled” wasn’t so. I wasn’t gleeful, I was weeping for the Church. Why should I specify what good the church has done? If you don’t know already, why are you defending them? What’s the root of your defensive posture? Maybe you can understand this capsulization of my opinion: The Catholic Church needs a long overdue enema and Pope Francis might be just the guy to do it.

[Joke Friday] Why don’t blondes like to breastfeed their babies?

It hurts to boil their nipples!

[Torture] A Senate report says torture after 9/11, in the name of homeland security, was ineffective and that the CIA exaggerated their results.

The DOW opens at 16,572 today making the 1% even richer.

[“Good eye doctors”] Oppenheimer Eye Clinic on N. Roosevelt is great.  Very reputable and thorough, the staff has worked with my husband and me for years with bi-focals and contact lenses.  Very professional.

Three years after a tsunami wrecked the Fukushima nuclear power plant, the area is still off limits due to high radiation levels.

There are no federal regulations regarding “sell by” and “best by” dates on food packaged in the United States except for infant formula and baby foods. For the rest, the dates have little foundation in actual food safety science, as a result, Americans throw away billions of pounds of food every year over concerns that it has gone bad.

Happy Friday from Springers Bar and Grill. Today we have a great special for you, mahi with a pineapple cilantro sauce. This tropical treat from the sea is sure to fill the belly and please the most discriminating palate.

And don’t forget Friday night karaoke with DJ Nick starting at 7. Weekends are always something special at Springers, definitely a step above.

[Friday Joke] A woman goes into Bass Pro Shops to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday. She doesn’t know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. The clerk was standing behind the counter wearing dark shades.She says to him, “Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod

and reel?”

He says, “Ma’am, I’m completely blind; but if you’ll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.”

She doesn’t believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, “That’s a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 ree and 10-lb. test line. It’s a good all-around combination, and it’s on sale this week for only $20.”

She says, “It’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I’ll take it!”

As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

“Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,” he says.

She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was her who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around.

The man rings up the sale and says, “That’ll be $34.50 please.”

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, “Didn’t you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20? How did you get $34.50?”

He replies, “Yes, ma’am. The rod and reel is $20, but the Duck Call is $11, and the Catfish Bait is $3.50.”

She paid it and left without saying a word.

Enough already about this sewer thing. Some of us would just like indoor plumbing. We could care less where everything goes after that, as long as we don’t have to pay for anything.

[Men] While wearing a bikini you show 90% of your body. We men are so polite, we only look at the covered areas.

McDonalds closed all three of it’s Crimea locations. Nyet!

Kawasaki Vulcan 800. Original mileage 5,000. Like new condition, has been in storage for 10 years. Extra chrome everywhere. Must sell, leaving in 2 weeks $2800 or best offer. Email me for photo. Call Jack, 617-775-8836 Classified Ads> Autos

The Way-Big-Yard-Sale on Big Pine near the No Name Pub is this Saturday and Sunday. Just follow the signs for furniture, plants, antiques, designer clothes, tools, art, boat stuff, and just about anything – except Tupperware. This is major.

[“Sleeping in car”] Lower Keys Chamber of Commercers are a bunch of uptight pussies, sending out a mass email about a guy sleeping in his car. Who cares? Lighten up!

[“Banks Previt for commissioner”] Now there’s a person I can get behind!

[Royal Whiskey for the Pope] Yesterday while the Queen of England schmoozed with the Pope she dropped off a bottle of whiskey she distilled on her estate.

Thomas Aquinas said Supernatural Revelation was faith and Natural Revelation was reason and the two are complementary. That might mean a lot but it’s too deep for me to understand.

[Fashion Police] That’s just gross. Black knee pads with white socks! What was he thinking? Do they sell these pants at Walmart?

To the person looking for an eye doctor, try Dr. Oppenheimer in Key West (on N. Roosevelt). Both my husband and I were happy with him.

[Captain Doom and Gloom] The problem with this blog as is with many is the readers do not give a shit what happens, but always give feedback if the topic does not agree with their idea of what they thinkis right.  How many really supported fighting the grinder pumps only to ignore the warning from up-rights who know what is going down? Not many for sure. How many will protest using public tax money for projects that only give a small percentage of the gross profit back to the people? How many see how their hard earned labor has created a junta that all but robs them tax wise to spread that money to cohorts in the trades? You people deserve getting it up the gaga. Smile!

What everyone in the Keys should read about tipping. Link

“No wake violators”  Call the Marine Patrol and file charges. Else call Mr. Spalding and, well, you know!

I think it is about time to play a little baseball here in Jawsville to straighten out the junta and get control back to the locals. No paying taxes is another good way to slap them annalists down too! Where is my Spalding?

FTR wrote, “Of that purported 40 million uninsured, it now appears that only 2.3 million previously uninsured now have insurance. Deer Friends, that’s about six tenths of one percent of the 40 million.”  Obviously FTR did poorly in math or he just makes stuff up. Actually, it is over 17%. Once again, FTR writes fiction and he wonders why he has little credibility.

FTR’s response: When you’re wrong, you’re wrong.  The critic was right at the same time he/she was wrong. The actual percentage of previously uninsured who “signed up” for Democare was not @ six tenths of one percent (.06) it was six percent.  I guess I’ve forgotten about decimal points in my dotage. Here’s the equation: 2,300,000 previously uninsured; Democare “sign ups”, divided by the 40,000,000 who were previously uninsured = .057 or about 6%. The critic was flat wrong with the 17% figure, he/she is even worse at math than I am. I’m sure that he/she was not trying to mislead, but, like, me simply made a stupid mistake.

Nonetheless, 6% is abysmal, especially when you consider that Team Obama spent about $700,000,000 on advertising. That’s just about the amount of money Obama stole from Medicare.

A poster wrote: A bit late, but still just as true.  FTR’s response: The posting came through with a great cartoon lampooning Obamacare, portraying it as an April Fool’s joke.  I can’t figure out how to include it, I hope that our Deer Ed can figure it out, it was worth seeing.

Thanks for taking the time, friends and critics alike.

Part 2) Justin Snyder is a liberal activist who recently declared: “The Florida Democrat Party’s entire strategy has been to remind Floridians of the reasons why Rick Scott and his Republican minions are the wrong choice for Florida. The problem is that strategy hasn’t worked in the past.”Snyder says: “Crist is trying to re-position himself as a “populist” but his prior record doesn’t match his rhetoric and the party itself doesn’t have any positive rhetoric of the sort.  The FDP is rapidly becoming the party of no ideas, just empty rhetoric telling us how awful the other side is without attempting to present any evidence that shows we are better.”

In a way, it’s understandable that the Democrats, and especially Charlie Crist, are avoiding actually comparing Crist’s record with Governor Scott’s. Both men have a record to run on. Scott is proud of his. Crist, no so much.

Under Crist, Florida’s economy was in shambles. Now our economy is growing steadily. Now, unlike under Crist, when our employment rate far exceeded the national rate. Now, our unemployment rate is well below the national average.  

In February 2014, under Governor Scott, Florida added 33,400 jobs. While in the entire nation, Team Obamas Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that 175,000 jobs were created. My lame math skills tell me that here in Florida we created more than 1 in 5 jobs of all the jobs created in all 50 states.

Deer Friends, that’s damn good news.