2014 April

Thursday, April 3, 2014

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsThe Original Unsocial Media
Anonymous Letters to the Editor with Pictures
Published Daily by Noon Since 2002 – No Saturday Edition



[Random Act of Kindness] About 3 months ago I lost one of my crab traps and looked all over to no avail. I come home from work yesterday and found my nice, clean trap under the center of my house. Someone took the time to pressure clean it, look at the address engraved on it, and return it to me anonymously. Thank you who ever you  are and don’t  you just love it here!

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[Banks Prevatt For Commissioner] If it’s inevitable that we are to be stuck with grinder pumps then I believe it’s our duty to remove those commissioners who refused to listen to their constituents. I, for one, will never vote for George Neugent, Sylvia Murphy or David Rice ever again. I’d love to see someone like Banks Prevatt run against the ever elusive Neugent, what do you say Mr Banks? At the very least, he lives in our district, unlike Neugent. Let’s get a movement going to find a replacement for these self-serving politicos. Get involved, it matters.

cowboy lasso[Cowboys] Many years ago, we had a place leased just across the MO line. It was a rough old place and when we went to get the last of the cow-calf pairs, there was one old cow that didn’t want to leave, but we had a trick to get her. Dad roped the calf one evening and put him in a trailer, which we left overnight. We camped out there and the next morning rode our horses around to the backside of the field where the trailer was. There was Momma cow next to the trailer so Dad moved in for the catch. Well, this ol’ girl made a beeline for the corner of an old house that was there and Dad caught her as they rounded the house. The problem was there was a utility pole off to the left and away from the house.

I came around the corner of the house in time to see the cow go down the left side of the pole and Dad with his mounted steed headed down the right side of the pole.

Now let me set the final seconds of this wreck. Dad was mounted on an old standby ranch horse named “Mouse” (he got into the burlap feed bags whenever he could) who weighed in at around 1100 lbs. The momma cow weighed in at around 950-1000 lbs. The momma cow was roped and was tied off hard & fast (solid to the saddle horn).

So, we have a cow running full out and a mounted rider and horse running full out, and the slack in the nylon rope is diminishing rapidly.

Ol’ Mouse was a smart one and saw the wreck coming so he threw his left shoulder down to try and turn into the rope. He didn’t quite make it and as the rope hit the end of everything, he was jerked down quite suddenly. Momma cow went into the air about six feet and hit the ground knocking the wind out of her.

Now Dad. Well, when Mouse went down, Dad was launched like a rubber band from a finger. He did about three or four body rolls before coming to a stop. I rode up and dropped a loop from my rope on the cow to keep her under control as she still had fight in her, Mouse was snorting loudly, and Dad was trying to get his breath.

Ahhh, ranch life. You can’t beat it for excitement.


Ms. Nancy Finley, Refuge Manager, Florida Keys National Wildlife Refuge, have you or anyone under your supervision to your knowledge, evaluated the potential environmental impact of grinder pump installation on refuge lands on Big Pine Key? Are you aware of any coordination or written correspondence between your agency(including ecological services)and any of the following agencies regarding use of grinder pumps on Big Pine Key? FKAA, Florida National Marine Sanctuary, Florida Departmental Regulation, Monroe County, including the Board Of County Commissioners? You were asked this question on March 18th 2014, you have yet to respond.

What is your answer?


[Toothpaste Scam] Looking at toothpaste yesterday I found prices ranging from $1.19 to almost ten dollars! I bought AIM for $1.19 because having bought the expensive stuff in the past I saw no difference in whiteness. I don’t think the vanity toothpastes whitens any more than the cheap stuff do, simply because the paste only stays in your mouth for two stanzas of Happy Birthday and that’s not long enough to whiten teeth.

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NASA wind tunnel testing a full-sized aircraft tail. Link

Chad_Anderson_head_shot[Rare Butterflies and Key Deer] The final meeting of the current cycle of the Key Deer Protection Alliance (KDPA) will host National Key Deer Refuge Biologist Chad Anderson presenting a program on “Rare Butterflies of the Refuge with a Key Deer Update”.  It will be held on Thursday, April 10 at the Lower Keys Property Owners Association Building on Bogie Road, beginning at 7:00 p.m.

Anderson is a general biologist for the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service at the National Key Deer Refuge.  His main responsibilities include conducting relevant research for applied use in land management with a special focus on endangered species recovery.  Current projects include: urban deer management, fire effects monitoring, rare butterfly surveys, and exotic species control programs. Most of Anderson’s career has been dedicated to working to restore and manage ecosystems in Florida. However, he has also worked as a field biologist in several parts of the country on a variety of projects such as avian surveys, small mammal research, and stream health assessments among others.   Chad is also a part-time conservation photographer who uses his photos to document nature and bring science to the public in a relatable way.

The public is invited. Events

[Gun Nut] Five years ago Major Nidal Hussain went on a Muslim rampage and killed a bunch of non-believer soldiers. Yesterday a non-believer, himself,  went on a rampage and shot 1 dead and wounded 14 more at Fort Hood. At least yesterday’s gun nut wasn’t a Muslim. What is it about fort Hood?
Hi Deer Ed, keep smiling! The CT looks simply marvelous.

Your critique of the Catholic church indeed may have many valid points, however I find your views very skewed indeed to the point where you imply that overall the bad outweighs the good, and in your view perhaps the last hope for the Catholic Church may be the present Pope Francis who is the pope that is universally recognized as being a hard core socialist, so one could perhaps extrapolate this view into the future, and come to the conclusion that most of the ills that are visited upon the church being very similar in structure to society as a whole could be fixed by a leader with strong socialist tendencies, never mind that socialism is really a first cousin of communism, kind of like a gateway drug serving as a path to total addiction, if only the church would rid itself of all it’s material wealth we would then be favored with real progress this is the siren song sang for centuries by those that chose to ignore the  hard truth about human nature, this is what law is all about.

Of course the church is riddled with flaws many of which you have so gleefully regaled us with, however outside of the fact that you have admitted that the church has done good things, in your exuberance you have failed to specify a single one, many of the churches deeds are abstract in nature and impossible to quantify, whether you choose to partake or believe in the message is not germane to this discussion.


The 7 Mile Bridge will be closed on April 5, 2014 from 6:45 AM until 9:00 AM for the 33rd Annual 7 Mile Bridge Run!

It’s not too often that you get to post your opinion on two of the hottest CT topics in one post, and here it is. The taxpayers of Monroe County are getting an inferior sewer system while being charged a fortune to rebuild a bridge that only the few who will benefit from it want.

Whose hands are on the controls? our County Commissioner? Remember that at election time.

Oh, it looks like there were three things.

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[Mary Jane]  New poll: 54% of Americans support legal marijuana. Pretty soon we won’t have to be using code words when contacting friends about buying pot.



Uke nite at the NUT is a fun entertaining evening for all the folks that make it happen. Once a month on the  1st or 2nd Wednesday the Coconut Ukulele Orchestra  meets . The NUT is happy and proud to be a part of this musical experience, info on Facebook and the CT will give ya the scoop. There is no cover, no entertainment prices, no strings attached except the one’s on your uke.. Just show up with or without a Uke and enjoy your self. If you come ukeless, there will always be a extra one.  If you would like to learn how to play one & your first song that very nite there’s a good chance you will accomplish both. ~The “NUT” Link

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No one doubts that the Old Seven Mile Bridge is a treasure. What some of us doubt is the wisdom of spending that much public money to save it. What we actively disbelieve are the economic arguments made by those who decided that it should be saved and then came up with the ” data ” that was then dug up to give an economic justification.

There’ s no point in arguing about it now because it’s a done deal, so let it lie. What I want is that you don’t insult our intelligence with your “data “, since most people believe that there is an economic payback, but not to the taxpayers.

Our only recourse now is at the polls ; making us angry by rubbing it in our faces will make it worse.



1984 Ford F-150, long bed, standard cab, 351 automatic. Excellent condition with only 77k miles. No air, no cruise, and no rust. $3000 firm. 305-515-0263 or 305-394-7789  Classified Ads > Autos

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[New Pope] Last week President Obama visited Pope Francis. Today Queen Elizabeth dropped by to chew the fat and a few months ago Putin stopped by to say привет.

eye chart focus


Are there any good eye doctors in the Keys besides Dr Maurer in Key West? I need one, but find Dr Maurer too conceited for me and am looking for another. There was a real good one in Marathon, but he retired last year or so.

Is Comcast the only TV service that shows Al Jazeera America? I like them because they have all news and sports and a whole slew of different spin doctors then the usual suspects.

bacon-film[Bacon] April first Netflix featured a 20 minute film titled Sizzling Bacon. I watched several minutes, but I already knew the ending. By now, we hope it’s obvious: this “show” was an April Fools’ Day prank. There were two fake shows follow up Netflix’s gag last year of offering implausibly specific movie and television categories. The other was a chicken roasting.

But intentionally or not, Netflix has created its own examples of a burgeoning genre of television known as “Slow TV” that’s not at all a joke in Norway. “Slow TV” programs in that country show ordinary events like log splitting, sweater knitting and wood burning play out over hours. Watching this mundane footage is supposed to be relaxing, and who’s to say gawking at cooked meat isn’t?

In the interim, Netflix users are content to write hilarious reviews for the films.

[More Bacon News…] Noooo! Bacon has been used for evil by a woman named Crispi. Video
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[Senator For Sale] Yesterday the Supreme Court made it easier to purchase an election. They removed most restrictions on how much money anyone can donate to a political campaign. Now the money bags from both parties can “hire” their own candidates to run on their own personal platforms.

rainbow flag waving


[Gay Marriage] Two employees of the 801 Bourbon Bar filed a civil lawsuit Monday against the Monroe County Clerk of Court for refusing them a marriage license in what could become the first Keys-based legal effort to overturn Florida’s ban on same-sex marriage.

[In More Gay News…] A World Vision board member has resigned in protest after the Seattle Christian aid group quickly reversed its decision to hire employees in same-sex marriages. World Vision board has given new meaning to “Doing the Christian thing.” Hypocrites!

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[“Aluminum Boat lifts in canals”] I also dislike the big, ugly aluminum boat lifts, especially when they are on both side of the canal which makes it too narrow for 2 boats to pass. But the thing that bothers me the most is the people that chug thru our canal on Summerland Key(the Peggy Sue from North Carolina) with no regard for anyone else’s property. What can you do to try to get these fruitcakes to no wake? They are not the only ones, but they are the worst.
[Peary Court] The Monroe County Property Appraiser on Wednesday appealed a Monroe County judge’s ruling that five neighborhoods used by the military are exempt from property taxes. The Five neighborhoods have remained tax exempt, despite the Navy forming a partnership and ground lease for the neighborhoods with the private development com­pany Balfour Beatty in 2007.



2002 Light blue Chrysler Sebring convertible. 79,000 miles. Looks and runs like new. Has been garage kept on the mainland. $6500. Classified Ads > Auto

[Sewers] The late Rube Goldberg famously drew cartoons showing how to make simple tasks ridiculously complicated. Apparently some people don’t realize that Rube’s cartoons were jokes — not blueprints to be emulated. Which brings to mind, the Cudjoe Regional Wastewater System and its hordes of grinder pumps, a Goldbergian design with a Frankenstein pedigree. General Eisenhower observed “Plans are nothing, planning is everything.” Well said, General.


[“Uke night”] Damn, I brought my ukulele all the way down from Massachusetts just to participate in uke night at Coconuts and then, as I read the CT at 11 pm Wednesday night I read it was being held that night. So unless it’s still going on after 11, I guess I missed it!

Please announce events before they happen rather than the same day.

[Grinder Pumps] Look on the bright side. When you get your grinder pump and your home is devalued your property taxes should drop.
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NOAA’s Florida Keys National Marine Sanctuary (FKNMS) will hold a public meeting of the Sanctuary Advisory Council in Islamorada, Fla., on Tuesday, April 15, 2014. Presentations and discussion beginning at 9:10 a.m. will focus on the sanctuary’s marine zoning and regulatory review process, and scientific data available to help guide potential revisions to the sanctuary management plan.   At 1:00 p.m., the Advisory Council will hold elections for the Chair and Vice-Chair positions for the next two years, followed by discussion on next steps resulting from the February 18 meeting which focused on enforcement roles and responsibilities in the sanctuary. Events

blow out candle cake bomb

[Germs] It’s weird how no one is bothered by eating cake at a birthday party after watching someone blow their breath and spit all over the cake.

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[“Keys Survivalist”] “What disaster will last long enough that I can grow food?” Really? Where are you from? I bet you’re the same guy who waits until there’s a tropical storm an hour out before he goes looking for water and food.

It’s not necessarily the Keys being a target as it is our flow of goods being interrupted from the mainland by something happening up there. There’s nothing wrong with a little prudent thinking when you live where we do, so if folks just plan for a hurricane, they should be good for a week or two. To do nothing and depend on the gubment is stupid.

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[Random Thoughts on BOCC Meeting] I liked the referee shirt. The prayer.  Bless the city council?  Why? Proclamations are just a time to pat each other on the back. No applause after citizen comments?  Why?  Don’t the care what other citizens think? Yaniz on affordable housing.  He has no clue what’s affordable.  Ask Bashinsky Fats. Why pay out-of-towners to plan the park? $1.8 M in fees? Who’s going to pay for the park?  Rossi was spot on. Do you expect the Commission to accomplish anything?  The can’t even get a working clock! Rossi needs a longer neck on his microphone or needs to lose weight so he can get close enough to hear. Is Lopez backing away for Bahama Village? Wardlow doesn’t speak. Cates and Rossi having a pissing match. Lot’s of “I don’t know”  from the dais. If the city runs the EMT’s like the PD, people will die. Wardlow speaks!

slomo3Slomo came into my life at an opportune moment. Having just rolled into my 30s, I was looking for both a film subject and some wisdom on how to approach the encroaching “middle third” of my life — the years when youthful idealism is so often blunted by adult responsibilities.

Around this time, during a business trip to San Diego, my father had a chance meeting on the Pacific Beach boardwalk with John Kitchin, an old medical school classmate. My dad barely recognized Dr. Kitchin, who was meticulously skating up and down the promenade, blasting inspirational music from speakers hidden under his shirt. Disillusioned with a life that had become increasingly materialistic, he had abruptly abandoned his career as a neurologist and moved to a studio by the beach. The locals called him Slomo, knowing little about his past life, but cheering and high-fiving him as he skated by in slow motion. He had become a Pacific Beach institution. I was intrigued.

I’ve long been fascinated by people who make seismic changes late in life. It goes against the mainstream narrative: Grow up, pick a career, stick it out, retire. I was also curious about Slomo’s concept of “the zone,” a realm of pure subjectivity and connectedness that he achieves through his skating. The only thing Slomo loves more than being in the zone is talking about the zone, so it wasn’t hard to persuade him to take part in a documentary film.

Slomo’s combination of candor and eloquence made him a natural on camera, and his background as a neurologist legitimized his metaphysical theories about skating, lateral motion and the brain. But like many of the people who saw him skating by, I couldn’t help wondering: was this guy nuts, or was he onto something? And was his mantra “Do what you want to” translatable to those of us without the nest egg of a retired doctor? But just like the throngs of Slomo fans on Pacific Beach, I couldn’t get enough of him, and was determined to capture the effect he had on people in a cinematic way. Video

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[Sleeping in public] Business owners should be on the look-out for a white Ford Taurus SE four door camping out in their parking lot.  It’s a single male from Quebec and he has been sleeping in this vehicle in business parking lots on Ramrod Key for the past five or six nights. Monroe County sheriff deputies have warned him twice. So now he’ll be looking for another place to park at night. ~Lower Keys Chamber of Commerce

What can educators do to end white supremacy in the classroom? Link
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[“Aluminum Boat lifts in canals”] I’m mostly afraid that I’ll hit one of them coming back at night. When they don’t have a boat on them they are hard to see in poor light.

easter egg montage

Key Colony’s upcoming Easter Egg hunt. Video

The teacher who is indeed wise does not bid you to enter the house of his wisdom but rather leads you to the threshold of your mind.  ~Khalil Gibran
It’s hard to believe that they will find enough renters to fill the Little Torch Cottages.
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(Ed: National politics is back. Click on this link to send your national political post anonymously. No one will know your name or email address, [Well, maybe the NSA will] not even me. FTR is going to be the new national politics editor. Do not fear, FTR promised to post everything, even if he hates it, he’s that kind of guy.)
Your name and email address are not required. Please be civil. I Have Something To Say About National Politics–Click Here
from the right

Go ahead, give it a try, send your political postings to me.  As our Deer Ed says, I’ll post them, but be aware that I will edit out any racism, any ad hominem attacks against anybody, and any profanity. If the posting is as goofy as some that we’ve seen, I’ll probably post them and simply label them as being goofy.  Let’s see how it works out. Think a little, just a little, and post rational, well thought out items that try to convince the reader that your point of view is valid. (Ed: There is no way Mr FTR will know who you are. You will be completely anonymous)

caduceus3Part 2) Obama and the Democrats are absolutely right when they say that Democare won’t be repealed. Well, at least until 2017. No sentient person can believe that simply returning to the pre-Democare status quo is a desirable or practical alternative. That’s not much to crow about from our Democrat friends given that for the nearly the last 5 years our nation has been in horrific political turmoil over Obamacare. Now less than 25% of Americans have a favorable opinion of Democare.  Only now we are just beginning to be exposed to the realities of  Democare. It is going to be painful.

Now we must begin the dialogue about what will replace Democare, for it must be replaced with a comprehensive health care plan that will not savage our citizenry and blow our economy up, but will deliver really affordable, quality health care to all Americans. This time, the Democrats have to listen to the Republicans. Remember that not a single Republican voted for Democare. Already the reports of increasing insurance rates and increased deductibles are as common as hair balls. Very soon rate spikes will begin and we will all realize that Democare is not insuring the uninsured, but it is cutting the quality of Medicare and is diminishing the quality of healthcare for all.

National Politics. Your name and email address are not required. Please be civil.  I Have Something To Say About National Politics–Click Here