2014 April

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsThe Original Unsocial Media
Anonymous Letters to the Editor with Pictures
Published Daily by Noon Since 2002 – No Saturday Edition

jester balance act


Finally. It is now April 2. We can now believe everything the Internet says again.

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Lufthansa cancelled all 3,800 of its flights today because of a walkout by employees costing the airlines tens of millions of dollars.

egg mcmuffin2


Breakfast is the only growth sector for fast food restaurants. Breakfast has grown by 3% while lunch and dinner has shrunk by 1%. An Egg McMuffin only has 350 calories.

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old 7 mile bridge 2 bikes


[Old Seven Mile Bridge] Kudos to the powers that are going to restore the bridge. It is one of the biggest tourist attractions in the lower Keys. I’ve never been by the parking lot when it wasn’t full. For those of you who are against maintaining the bridge I ask you to take some time off and walk a ways on the bridge around sundown. I guarantee you’ll enjoy the experience. It’s just about the only popular thing of consequence you can do in the Keys that’s free. Even the parking’s free. Top that!

What’s wrong with D.C.? The new mayor is involved in a bunch of scandals and the old mayor smoked crack? I think that says a lot about our government being in D.C. too. It must be something in the air
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Deer Ed, please remove my 3/20th posting ‘Free Rent in Exchange for…” I received an email from Lucas Hornstein that he is going to sue me for slander if I don’t remove the message from your website. Please go ahead and remove the house for rent.

hand zebra


Zebras have stripes to ward off flies. Researchers say the stripes confuse the eyes of flies.

[Sewers] Deer friends and Piners, the eleventh hour has arrived. DEP, after giving $90,000,000, yes 90 million for the sewer project. Has approved permits to start installing 3000, yes 3000, grinder pumps on BPK. I for the life of me, don’t know why they would choose this system. It’s not when it will fail, because it will. It’s why it failed. We approved a 1% sales tax just for the sewer. After a good sales pitch about saving x amount of dollars. Instead of everyone having gravity, like we were told, we get a bucket to shit in when the power go’s out. But we do get a marina, park, oh yea, a bridge to nowhere for $70,000,000 and we now have 20 bridges that need repair for only $140,000,000 Dam, how’s that math work? Has this county gone insane? No, it’s the county commissioners! Piners, you should stand up now. I don’t know why the Key deer people, all environmentals aren’t concerned when these pumps failing because they will. There is enough money to do it right the first time. Please make your voices heard. If the people who say they protect the wildlife don’t stand up to help do the right thing I will never donate or help any of them in any way–you are killing our wildlife! Google grinder pump failures.
An 8.2 magnitude earthquake happened last night in northern Chile near the Peru border. That’s an extremely big earthquake.

will rogers hat

Humorist Will Rogers famously stated, “Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for.” Were he alive today, he would have a field day with the machinations of the Cudjoe Regional Wastewater System. Stranger than fiction, grinder pumps — plastic sewage tanks housing a 220V electric motor — will be buried at 1300+ homes on low-lying islands subjected to saltwater flooding during hurricanes. The stuff of a Carl Hiaasen novel: Grinder Pump Goofs, Goons, and Gastroenteritis.

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conquistadore pig cannon


April 2, 1513 Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de Leon landed in Florida.

[Sewers] I heard from one of the people who had a sewer grinder pit put in her yard yesterday, without an easement or permission, while she was at work. She said she had several guys banging on her door this morning from FKAA and the contractor to discuss the grinder pit having been placed without an easement. She became so stressed that she gave them the easement. I am floored. I suggested that she revoke it as it was obtained under duress, but I think she will not because she “just wants it to be over” and “I can’t handle the stress anymore”. When you are a single lady living alone and there are a bunch of guys on your porch hassling you when you just woke up, then I guess you do things you don’t want to just to make them go away. I once gave up two fish when surrounded by sharks charging me from different directions, so I know what it feels like when you just want to “make them go away”. This is another case of shameful tactics being used to force grinder installations, and they will say that “one more agreed that a grinder is okay with her.” She still has a Dump the Pumps bumper sticker, and now talks of selling her house to get away from the stress and the invasion of privacy.
[“Density at Lucky’s Landing”] For the rest of us we are allowed to expand to 1.5 times our original foot print when doing renovations or replacing our structures. The Lucky people are replacing the units one-to-one, but it appears that they have doubled their volume. I am sure that they have received variances or found other loopholes. I just wonder what the rest of us would have had to go through to get the same consideration.
[Menu] For those of you who wonder about stuff, the new smartphone icon for the menu is three horizontal lines forming a square.
GM’s CEO is in the hot seat in front of Congress for the second day. Yesterday Ms Barra was all contrite and sympathetic and claimed GM knew nothing about the deaths. Oh, I felt so bad for poor her until captured emails showed GM knew about the faulty ignition killing 13 people, but did nothing about it.
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apartment for rent


Big Pine apartment for rent. Furnished 1/1 with W/D, on canal w/ fishing dock, large covered porch. Respectful utilities included. No dogs.Long term only, w/ credit and references. Looking for financially secure retired person. F/L/S $1025 mo. Contact me at Classified Ads > For Rent 

[“Density”] The note about the density at Lucky’s Landing is interesting. Why was this allowed to happen? It is disgusting to look at all those units. I understand there will be 24 double units. If there is one car to a household, that is 48 more cars on this road. And, if there are 2 cars for each household, well, you do the math. This sure will change our little island!

How about the sewers for all those units? What will they do until the new system of grinders is up and running? We were wondering why they did this section of Little Torch (Barry, Powell, Heck), yet they have not finished the houses off of SR4A.

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Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the clouds of war, it is humanity hanging on a cross of iron.  ~Dwight D. Eisenhower



Dumbing down of America sun visor issue.

[Keys Survivalist] “There are enough decent folks in the States who can defeat any misguided violent force from within.” Actually not. The only thing holding the U.S.A. together is the shaky economy, the concept of if we all help each other, we all help ourselves. Once that concept goes and people start starving the country will segregate along ethnic lines to survive and protect themselves. The survivalist prepares for the worst, including civil war over natural resources. Those who forget history is doomed to repeat it.
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An al Qaeda suicide bomber blew up the Interior Ministry in Afghanistan today.



Potatoes don’t have any fat to begin with. None. Zilch. The butter, sour cream, etc that you choose to put on them or cook them in probably has fat, but the potatoes are innocent.

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freshw-lensSomebody wondered how the freshwater lens on Big Pine was maintained before water was piped in from the mainland and distributed through septic tanks.

Let’s think about it. Years ago, there were no dug canals, estimated to have reduced the lens volume by 20%. Likewise the census count was very low. Years ago, there were no shallow French drains cut through BPK for the water mains. If it were not for the water imported by the pipes in those trenches, they alone might have reduced available surface water.

The shallow well water that was extracted, before FKAA came along, was used and put back in the vicinity from which it was extracted. The only loss was what went away in evaporation from sweat and drying clothes or in the bladders of the users when they went fishing. And even then, after the natives, Big Piners mostly drank beer made with mainland or imported water — again a net gain. All this water (except for outdoor uses) is lost from Big Pine with central sewer. Unless you pee outside, in which case you are supposedly killing reefs.


table saw


Table Saw by Walker Turner. Cast iron 48 inch top. Heavy duty rip fence, 220 volt 1 HP motor. $150. Call Classified Ads > Tools

Mudslide death toll up to 28. What do they do with the mud they remove when looking for the dead? Do they put it on top of other mud that might be hiding other dead? Do they put it back on the hill? What a mess of a tragedy?


[Gay Scouting] The Boys Scouts of America has removed an openly gay Eagle Scout  troop leader in Seattle, saying he made an issue out of his sexual orientation. The organization told Geoff McGrath in a letter Monday that it “has no choice” but to revoke his registration after he said he was gay while being profiled by NBC News.

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[Travel Destinations] It is a crying shame the travel industry has become the Kmart of tourism and is destroying all but the most private off-limits places on this planet. Seems everywhere my wife and I go, there is nothing left but degraded living conditions, shacks with debris all over the place and no such thing as maintenance anywhere. Our precious Keys must be saved from developers and sicko’s who would stack instant container housing on every square inch of Paradise. Stop the slaughter of Paradise now or forever stare at this tsunami of garbage!
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shoe high heels 300h

[“Woman kills husband with stiletto heel”] If you walked around in those stilettos for a few hours, you’d want to kill something too! I thought men liked them because of the implied danger associated with the wearers.

You poor saps are going to get stuck with grinder pumps whether you like it or not.  The government officials whom you voted for in good faith, all of them, male and female, have accepted the notion that they cannot please all the people all of the time.  They have been cowed into forking over your tax dollars to the loud and scary domineering and highly organized groups like the bridge bullies who could care less and are blissfully unaware of people like you, whom as members of  the fabled true one human family of  locals should have insisted that all of our home owners were equipped with the best, and most trouble free for them,  gravity sewer systems.  

All available tax funds should have first gone to  satisfy every individual homeowner’s sewer wants before one dime was spent on absolutely anything else around here.  Then afterwards go ahead and piss away whatever is left on whatever blows your skirt up.  

I got the gravity system but I sympathize with anyone with that glorified garbage disposal in their future.  I would rather that my tax money go to another home owner’s toilet facilities before anything else around here.

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[“Low fat potatoes”] Try baking them and skip the butter and sour cream. All potatoes come out of the ground with no fat it’s how you cook them that adds the fat.



[Coconuts] To night at the NUT–UKE Nite!

Okay poster, the Catholic Church has done good, a lot of good. But that doesn’t outweigh the years of hiding of pediophiles and money laundering. A bad comparison would be Hitler (who the Church supported) and all the good he did for Germany — the buildings, the new infrastructure, the Autobahn, schools, etc.

If the church would sell it’s gold, paintings and other assets they could really do Jesus’ work. No one knows how wealthy the Church is because they don’t want people to know. Secrets, money and then God are the order of the day. You think anyone pointing that out are just out to bash the Church, but it’s to wake you folks up that is the real reason. The Church needs to return to God’s work and always, not only when it’s convenient, ask what would Jesus do? If they really believed.

In other Church news. Days after Pope Francis permanently removed a German bishop for his lavish spending on a new residence, the Atlanta archbishop apologized for building a $2.2 million mansion as his residence. He bowed to criticism from local parishioners and said he’d consider selling the new home in Buckhead, Atlanta’s toniest neighborhood. The Tudor-style mansion, stretching nearly 6,400 square feet, includes two din­ing rooms and a safe room. The archbishop said the new pope has “set the bar” for church leaders and others, and Gregory said he hadnt looked at the project’s cost in terms of his own “integrity and pastoral credibility.”


If I’m ever arrested I sure hope I smile for my picture. I don’t want to look like all the other arrestees.

[Peary Court–The People Lose] The Judge said that military property is tax exempt! The international development and housing company Balfour Beatty will not have to pay roughly $l I million in back property taxes for military hous­ing subdivisions in Key West.
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[Key West Supports Legal Pot] With a 6-1 vote Tuesday night, the city commission placed its support behind two pending state bills to make it legal for someone to have up to 2.5 ounces of marijuana and grow up to six plants.
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dancing old lady

The AARP activities calendar is now online for April. Menu > Ongoing Events

[Keys Diseased] I heard a long time ago that the clicking of a credit card on certain bar tops was the usual Big Pine mating call.
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from the right

The White House and the Democrats are giggly with glee with their claim that 7 million poor souls have signed up for Obamacare/Democare. That was their goal.

donkey brayingPlease recall that this whole kerfuffle began with the indignant braying of the Democrat donkey that there were about 40 million Americans who had no health insurance.

Let’s think this through. Some stats surrounding the 7mil figure are circulating. One stat claims that about 20-30% of the “sign ups” have not paid. Hence we have to believe that 7 mill – 20% is a more accurate figure, that’s 5,600,000 persons who we now believe have actually purchased Democare insurance.

The Rand Corporation tells us that only one third of the “sign ups” were previously uninsured. Think of that of the 7 million sign ups, only about 2.3 million were previously uninsured. That’s startling.

Then we have to think about the 4.7 million or so souls who had insurance before Democare and were forced to drop their existing insurance and get Democare. Of that set of people the Cleveland Clinic states that three quarters of those who signed up are being hit with higher premiums and bigger deductibles. That 4.7 mil Americans got royally screwed.  I personally know several of those folks.

Please now recall that our Democrat friends lectured and scolded us that we had to pass Democare so that the 40 million or so Americans who were uninsured would have inexpensive health care. The law was designed so that no American had a choice, we had to buy the insurance or be covered by another government health care plan.  Of that purported 40 million uninsured, it now appears that only 2.3 million previously uninsured now have insurance. Deer Friends, that’s about six tenths of one percent of the 40 million.

So, maybe, perhaps, six tenths of one percent of the previously uninsured are now insured, but to accomplish that the Democrats have shattered our health care system and forced many millions to pay higher premiums and higher deductibles. They call that success. I think it sucks.

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