Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.
[No More Sandbar Fun] Islamorada passes vessel exclusion zone off Lower Matecumbe Key. Partiers aboard boats have to find a new place to play loud music and enjoy the ocean in the Florida Keys because Lower Matecumbe Key bayside is soon to be off-limits. Saying they have been dealing with problems at a Lower Matecumbe Key sand bar for six years and must do something since it is a life-safety concern, the Islamorada Village Council on Wednesday, Aug. 12, unanimously approved a 300-foot roped-off swim area to curb unruly behavior that is characteristic there most weekends. |
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[Bring Back Spanking] Key West police officers arrested an 8-year-old boy at Gerald Adams Elementary School in December 2018. That’s appalling. I think we need new teaching and administration staff if they can’t handle an eight-year old. When I was in grade school hitting a teacher was the worse thing you could do, because that meant you were going to see the principle and you were going to get a paddling. Bring back corporal punishment because what’s in place now is not working. |
| [Powerless] What would it be like w/o power for weeks or months in the Keys or the whole of Florida? No water, no food, no fridges, no lights, no toilets, no fuel, no protection, no nothing until Mother Electric turns back on. Forget generators, and the military. We are just the same as anyone on a ship. If the power goes off, we go off! |
[Leaky Roof] Deer Editor. I hope your roof project was successful and without heat stroke. (Editor: Well, thanks for asking because I almost collapsed from the heat. It was awful up there in the 91ﹾ direct sun, but there’s no alternative to water leaking into your bedroom is there. A roofer friend used to say that a house without a roof is a corral. |
| [“Broken Deer hooves”] That was interesting info Tuesday about the deer hooves (healthy and unhealthy.) Another reason to stop feeding the deer! |
Good morning and Happy Friday to everyone! I hope everyone enjoys their day. Please stay safe. I feel much better since I switched from coffee to orange juice in the morning. My doctor says it’s the vitamin C, but I’m pretty sure it’s the vodka. |
| [Covid-19 in Sewers] One week after the Florida Keys reopened to visitors, the Key Largo Wastewater Treatment District began finding evidence of COVID-19 in the region’s sewage treatment system. The district began lab testing wastewater samples from Key Largo and Islamorada on May 23 for COVID-19 RNA. It wasn’t until June 8, after Monroe County removed its checkpoints entering the Keys that COVID-19 was detected in the area’s wastewater. The Key Largo Wastewater Treatment District has been testing wastewater samples from the two northernmost communities to track the pervasive coronavirus. Recent scientific evidence has revealed that by analyzing sewage, communities can better track and predict a local level of infection of the novel coronavirus in advance of clinical diagnoses. The data collected may also better reveal the number of asymptomatic cases. |
This is a travel tent accessory built in 1910. |
| [Friday Joke] On their way to the church to get married, a young couple was involved in a fatal car accident. Being good Catholics the young couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter finally showed up, they asked him. St Peter said, “I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out” and he leaves them sitting at the Gate. After three months, St Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. “Yes,” he informs the couple ” I can get you married in Heaven”. “Great!” said the couple “But we were just wondering, what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?” “You must be bloody joking” says St. Peter, red-faced with frustration, slamming his clipboard on the ground. “What’s wrong?” asked the frightened couple”. “OH, COME ON!” St. Peter shouted, “It took me three months to find a priest up here. Do you have any idea how long it’ll take me to find a lawyer?” |
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[Menthol Vision] I had a dream last night, that good old Vicks Vapo Rub is the cure for everything. |
| [Friday Joke] Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?” Johnny: “Seven.” Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?” Johnny: “Seven.” Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?” Johnny: “Six.” Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?” Johnny: “Seven!” Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!” Johnny: “Because I’ve already got one cat!” |
 [School Supplies] Florida Keys children need the community’s help. With nearly half of Keys families unable to afford life’s basic necessities, many children return to school each year without essential school supplies. However, that doesn’t change the fact that these tools for success are still needed. In light of COVID-19, funds are needed now more than ever to help children from struggling families and equip schools to safely educate our children. How do we send local children to school equipped with everything they need to succeed and excel? By joining the United Way of Collier and the Keys’ efforts to raise funds for “Stuff the Bus” before August 31. Stuff the Bus |
| [Forgotten Felines] I’ve already forgotten them. It’s impossible to contact them by phone and I’m not on Facebook so I can’t contact them that way. None of their numbers work: 305-743-2520, 305-743-6969, 305-783-6080. Their website’s a mess and outdated. What a rinky-dink outfit. They don’t seem to be too interested in finding new homes for their cats. |
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| [Mask Law Enforced] Police and city officials in Miami Beach have issued $14,400 in fines to people who weren’t wearing facial coverings to help stop the spread of COVID-19. |
 Deadly derecho leaves path of destruction across Midwest, 800,000 without power. A derecho is a widespread, long-lived, straight-line wind storm that is associated with a fast-moving group of severe thunderstorms known as a mesoscale convective system and potentially rivaling hurricanic and tornadic forces Video |
| [“Free seeds”] What should be done with these things from China? Burn them and give thanks for to the CCP for sending student spies to our Navy base and Kung-Flu to the world. |
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| [Friday Joke] Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion. |
[The Surveillance Economy] In her new book, The Age of Surveillance Capitalism, Harvard Business School’s Shoshana Zuboff argues that tech companies — like Google and Facebook — collect so much personal data for profit, that they’re changing the fundamentals of our economy and way of life. Link |
| [School] Several employees at a Florida high school are quarantining for 14 days after being exposed to the coronavirus on campus. |
[For Rent] 1 Bedroom/1 Bath. $1600 F/L/S. 7537 Overseas Highway, Marathon. Available immediately.(305) 393-9345 Call or Text. |
| [Friday Joke] Wife, “I’m pissed!” Husband, “Again or still?” And that’s when the fight started. |
[Quarantine] If you are bored being stuck in your cave, grab the Yellow Pages and go through the listings of businesses and departments, checking off what items are really worthwhile keeping and which the world can do without! You will be amazed how your logic sorts what is really needed and what is a total waste of natural resources and man-power! The Amish are got it right. |
| A beautiful girl can make a man do anything she wants—literally. |
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| Deer Abby. I think my friend the Internet is spying on me. I share everything with her. She knows what I like and don’t like. What I buy and where I shop. Where I’ve been and where I want to go. Who I might vote for and what issues I believe in. Everything. It turns out, my friend the Internet is taking my information and sharing it with other friends. They even pay her for it! It sucks because she is a huge part of my life. But it’s like she’s spying on me! What do I do? Signed, it’s Complicated. Reply To It’s Complicated, A close friend does not disclose the private chats that you’re having. You can’t trust a person like this. You can’t take back what’s out there. A person who mistreats you isn’t a friend. Somebody who uses you is not a friend. In the future, be careful what you reveal to this so-called friend, who doesn’t seem like much a friend to me at all. Even Ford Motor Company admits to using its vehicles to spy on the drivers in order to sell the information. |
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| [Friday Joke] A Navy pilot walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his new Apple watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks huskily, “Is your date running late?” “No,” he replies, “just got this state-of-the-art Apple watch, and I was just testing it.” The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?” He says, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.” The lady says, “What is it telling you now?” “Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties.” The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!” The Navy pilot smirks, taps his watch, and says, “Darn thing’s an hour fast.” |
Great white shark soars 15 ft through the air as the highest ever water breach is recorded in mesmerizing photograph from South Africa. Video |
| [Friday Joke] A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey and … cola.” “Why the big pause?” asks the bartender. The bear shrugged, “I’m not sure; I was born with them.” |
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