2018 August

Friday, August 17, 2018

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsLetters to the editor with pictures since 0202. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.​​​

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[R.I.P. Captain. C. Charles Lafollette] At midnight on the new moon Saturday, our most loved friend and brother, Captain Charlie, finally went to the other side. Hallelujah! He was a long time liveaboard at the Koehn Ave boat ramp on the “Enigma”. Most recently on the 10 meter Morgan “Rebel. He was a very long time local sailor, musician, poet, artist, philosopher, long time flea-marketeer and a real loving and sharing survivor to the end.

You will be much missed our brother. Thanks for living out your days among us. Peace out, bro.

Aretha Franklin is dead too.
[Queen Of Soul Dead At 76] Known for having one of the greatest voices in music history, and for hits like “Respect,” and “(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman” died Thursday after a long battle with pancreatic cancer. 18 time Grammy winner. Link
[Friday Joke] The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn’t find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away. KABOOM! He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney. KA-BLOOEY! Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph. BULLS-EYE!

“I’ve got to get this guy!” Coach said to himself. “He has the perfect arm!” So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.

The young man is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother. “Mom,” he says into the phone, “I just won the Super Bowl!”

“I don’t want to talk to you, the old woman says, “You are no longer my son!”

“I don’t think you understand, Mother,” the young man pleads. “I’ve won the greatest sporting event in the world. I’m here among thousands of my adoring fans.”

“No! Let me tell you!” his mother retorts. “At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn’t get raped!” The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, “I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago!”

[Cricket Science] There’s an easy way to figure out the temperature outside. Count the number of chirps crickets make in 15 seconds, then add 37. Why does this work? Crickets are cold-blooded, and as the temperature warms up, it becomes easier for their muscles to move. The warmer they get, the more frequently they can rub the tops of their wings together, making that familiar chirping sound.
I contacted just about every agency in Monroe County, Key West and the State of Florida about the problems we had after Irma with our insurance companies and FEMA. Of course, I got no where. Why are we paying freaking taxes when we get nothing for the money? The only thing they do is come after you if you don’t pay up. Talk about mob rule!





[S**t] I still haven’t figured out if it was gravity or the grinder pumps that brought all the bull-shit down here.

[Friday Joke] I was walking home last night and decided to take a short out through the cemetery. 3 girls walked up to me and explained that they were scared to walk past the cemetery at night, so I agreed to let them walk along with me. I told

Them, “I understand. I used to get freaked out too when I was alive.” I never seen any one run so fast.

Property lines are legal boundaries but also make for liabilities even if fenced or bordered by markers. If your loving neighbor steps over that line and hurts himself, he can sue you and then you have counter-sue him for trespassing. Nice world we live in, huh?
[Wetstock 14] Ladies & Gentlemen, Boys & Girls, Children of all ages. The line up is set for Wetstock 14, a day of Peace & Music. The Rockin’ Bob’s & Friends will open the show 12:30 (Keys time). Cat 4 and their surprise guests are up next for great music and fun. This year we are happy to have Haywire finish out the show. We all know what a great band they are. It is going to be a blast!

I would like to thank my good friend John North for furnishing so much sound equipment to make this the best Wetstock yet. He literally makes this show possible, so make sure you give him big thanks when you see him.

Seems like a million years ago when I decided to put a band on the boat for fun. Myself, Bob Paul, John Munoz, and I can’t even remember who else had a blast jamming out that day. And now Wetstock 14, a Day of Peace & Music!

[Early Voting] Early Voting started Monday August 13, 2018, and will end Saturday August 25, 2018 . Early Voting sites will be open 8:30 am to 5:00 pm
Supervisor of Elections Offices at 530 Whitehead St #101, Key West
Big Pine Key Community Park, End of Sands Road, 31009 Atlantis Dr., Big Pine Key
Supervisor of Elections Offices at 10015 Overseas Hwy, Marathon
Islamorada Branch Library, 81830 Overseas Hwy, MM. 81.7
Supervisor of Elections Offices at 102050 Overseas Hwy #137, Key LargoPrimary Election Day is Tuesday August 28, 2018. And for the first time in 75 years, we who live outside of Key West proper get to vote for the (Keys Energy) Utility Board, and we get a representative on that Board. Please make sure to vote and of course, I hope you’ll vote for me! ~BethBeth Ramsay-Vickrey for Utility Board Seat D




This video is of the Escherian Stairwell constructed at the Rochester New York Institute of Technology in 1968. For years this stairwell, that seems to violate the laws of physics, has puzzled and entertained thousands of unbelieving people. Eat your heart out Escher! Video

Let’s never get rid of newspapers.
[Library of Political Ads] Google is rolling out the online library of U.S. political ads it promised lawmakers last year, along with a report detailing political ad-spending trends across its platforms. With the midterms approaching, large tech platforms are taking steps to satisfy lawmakers and users who are demanding more transparency after the Russian campaign to disrupt the 2016 election.
A searchable archive went live on Wednesday will include all ads across Google platforms including Search and YouTube that feature a candidate for a federal elected office or an incumbent officeholder. It includes ads from the end of May onward. Link
[“Sunscreen kills coral”] Never mind the coral, protect yourselves. It’s crucial to detect skin cancer early, when it is easiest to treat and most likely to be cured. People of all ethnicities to do a monthly skin self-exam and see a dermatologist annually — and sooner if any of the warning signs appear:  A bump, patch, sore or growth that bleeds, oozes, crusts, doesn’t heal or lasts longer than a month. This may indicate basal cell carcinoma.

An ulcer, scaly red patch, wart-like growth or sore that sometimes crusts or bleeds could be a sign of squamous cell carcinoma. This type of skin cancer can also develop in old scars or areas of previous physical trauma or inflammation.

New or existing moles that are asymmetrical, have an irregular border, more than one color, are larger than a pencil eraser or change in any way may indicate melanoma. Pay special attention to suspicious spots on the hands, soles of the feet or under the nails. Link

[“Missing black snakes”] I saw one a few days ago climbing around in a small bush. The first I saw since Irma.


[“Cats don’t fart”] The hell they don’t! Everything farts on this planet. From volcanos to bacteria. Farts and breathing will end this world very soon.

[Oatmeal Causes Cancer] Oatmeal, breakfast foods, contain unsafe amounts of weed killer Roundup. A number of popular breakfast foods were tested and found to contain potentially dangerous amounts of the cancer-linked glyphosate. weed killer.

The Environmental Working Group (EWG), an environmental advocacy organization that conducted the study, said Wednesday that glyphosate was found in all but five of 29 oat-based foods that were tested. Glyphosate is the active ingredient in Monsanto’s Roundup, the most heavily used herbicide in the United States. Link

My old neighbor is starting to lose his mind. He has been going in and out of Middle Keys Guidance Clinic, Homestead Hospital Psychiatric Ward, Southern Winds Hospital in Hialeah.  Too bad there is not a senior living facility in the Keys.

There needs to be a person or a group who can help the elderly and their families know what to do based on their needs for ongoing treatment, personal care and assistance–and a hope to keep them in the Keys where they are happy.  They are old and contributed to the fabric of our Islands.  Of course that person or group would factor in the financial eligibility, if a vet or not, disabled, insurance coverage and ability to pay.

Help paying for senior home care. Link


My wife is pissed because she tried to wear an elastic-type sweat band for yard work and it kept sliding up to the point.

[“Spacecraft trying to ‘touch’ the Sun”] Being no one else has figured it out yet, I will be the first one. They are going to get there at night, so the rocket doesn’t burn up!
(I know it’s a stupid old joke but couldn’t resist.)
[Resident in Court for Refusing a Private Property Easement and Installation of Grinder Pump Because County Ordinance Says it is to be Placed on Right of Way] Still in court, but not a word from the judge yet. A review of some of the complications in this hearing leads us to believe it could be months before we get an opinion. A lot of the defense relied upon documents. Late in the game, FKAA/Monroe County submitted 1500 pages of documents and Ms Delaney submitted a couple hundred pages.  The judge will have to go through all these.

Please keep in mind, Louise Delaney carried the brunt of the expenses in this case.  Many thanks to you who have helped her along the way.  But her costs far exceed the contributions.  Please take a look and see if you can help her a bit.  She did this unselfishly for the benefit of many of us and not just for herself.

Consider sending Louise a check through her GoFundMe account. Link

[Mobile WiFi”] I like that idea. It would have made the disaster so much more tolerable if I was able to go to the highway and connect to a mobile hotspot. Might I add another suggestion, have mobile charging stations set up. There was one after Irma, but it was poorly run and under-managed.

[Smartest Man in the World] He was recently on TV and is project manager for a big building project in MA. This project is shooting for a 20% workforce of women. He says, “It is very important that we get a women’s perspective for every element of this project in order for it to be successful.” Finally, a man who knows how to do things the most effective, and direct way to get anything done.
[FDA Still Won’t Allow New Sunscreens] Here is another interesting fact about sunscreens. In Europe most sunscreens block both UV B and UV A rays. The UV B stops surface sunburn and the UV A blocks the rays that go deeper into the skin and can cause wrinkles and cancer. In the US the FDA has not approved most UV A blocking products. That should make you more than a little angry. Link


I woke up this morning feeling great, so I checked my pulse to make sure I was still alive. The feeling persists and I haven’t even had coffee yet! I’m kind of scared to tell my wife, she might take me to the ER.

[Friday Joke] A Boeing 777 wide-body jetliner was lumbering along at 800km/hour at 31,000 feet when a cocky F-17 fighter jet flashed by at Mach 2. The F17 pilot decided to show off. On his state of the art radio that is part of his state of the art 3D and million dollar headset, the F17 youngster told the 777 pilot, “Hey Captain, watch this.” He promptly went into a barrel roll, followed by a steep, unimaginable, vertical climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier, as the F17 screamed down at impossible G’s before levelling at almost sea level. The F-17 pilot asked the 777 pilot what he thought of that?

The 777 pilot said, “That was truly impressive, but watch this.” The 777 chugged along for about 5 minutes at the steady 800km/hour, and then the 777 pilot came back on and said, “What did you think of that?” Puzzled, the cocky F-17 pilot asked, “What the heck did you do?” The 777 pilot chuckled and said, “I stood up, stretched my legs, walked  to the back, used the toilet, then got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll and secured a date with the flight attendant for the next 3 nights in a five star hotel paid for by the company.”

[“Spacecraft going to the Sun”] Holy crap on a cracker! Without a doubt this has to be one of the most mind numbingly stupid things I’ve ever read. America is getting dumb enough as it is, don’t help.
P.S. everybody knows that the Parker Solar Probe is go at night, so it doesn’t burn up.



[Winn Dixie] Weekly ad. Link

[Phony Veterans Charities] Before donating to charitable organizations that claim to help veterans and servicemembers, Floridians should follow these simple tips: Ask questions, such as: “Who is the fundraiser and who will benefit from the donation?”; “How much of the contribution goes to the charity mentioned in the request?”; and “How much of the donation goes toward administrative and fundraising expenses?”

Research the charitable organization at to see if the charitable organization is registered with the Florida Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services and how much of a donation will go toward the individuals the charity intends to help versus operating expenses;

Report any suspicious charitable solicitations by calling 1-800-HELP-FLA (1-800-435-7352) or, for Spanish speakers, 1-800-FL-AYUDA (352-9832)

[Friday Joke] A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called and asked to speak to his client.  “Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news.” The art collector replied, “You know, I’ve had an awful day, Jack, so let’s hear the good news first.”

The lawyer said, “Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she has invested only $5,000 in two very nice pictures that she thinks will bring somewhere between $15 and $20 million, and I think she could be right.”

Saul replied enthusiastically, “Holy cow!  Well done!  My wife is a brilliant business woman, isn’t she? You’ve just made my day. Now, I know I can handle the bad news.  What is it?”

The lawyer replied, “The pictures are of you and your secretary.”


[Tax Poem] Tax his land, Tax his bed, Tax the table At which he’s fed.
Tax his tractor, Tax his mule, Teach him taxes Are the rule.
Tax his work, Tax his pay, He works for peanuts Anyway!
Tax his cow, Tax his goat, Tax his pants, Tax his coat… Link

[“Spacecraft going to the sun”] We all know going to the sun is going to end up in the craft vaporizing but the information that we will get will be fantastic. The engineers have put thousand of hours into this and all agree that as they get closer to the sun the hotter it will get, so that is why they are going at night. We all know it’s always cooler at night.


The pictured black bird looks similar to the Black Vultures that we have farther up the coastline.

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