Friday December 2, 2016

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays
Letters to the Editor with pictures

antenna tv head


[Bring Back TV Translator] I say if ATT wants to put in towers, a total of 35 altogether. Then make them put the translators on them like we use to have. They would get what they want, and we would get free TV.

[R.I.P. Ann Young] With great sorrow and sadness, one of my most admired women has passed away. Ann Young, Jim Young’s wife, passed away peacefully at home from complications. For those of you who were blessed enough to know her, she was always a mother to any child who needed her. It takes a village to raise a child and Ann was all of that and more. Ann and Jim Young have run a plant nursery, built the charter school, and owned the Big Pine Flea Market for almost 40 years. Ann had so many friends here from years ago, that there are too many to name. Everyone that knew her loved her. She has always been a lady who could help you, or just listen to you when you needed it.
After almost 40 years on Big Pine, many of her earlier accomplishments were friends like Wilhelmina Harvey and Cocos restaurant. Ann was really friends with Rosie from the hair shop and Kathy at her shop. All the commercial fishermen knew her well, many because Ann always made lunch for anyone working. Everyone who has been here more than 20 years know her kindness.
We will miss her greatly and we are thankful that she blessed us with kindness and passed away peacefully.
Please bring a card or note to the Flea Market this weekend for Jim. The concession stand and Codys Discount can give you the address and mail them for you. It’s hard for a man to lose his wife after 60 years and he would love any cards from old friends. Please share your favorite memories in writing on Saturday or Sunday. Find any Cindy, we will help you mail it.
cuban-raft-e[“R.I.P. Fidel He brought free education and free healthcare to the Island”] My friend I have spent a little time in Cuba. You stand in line for hours to get a loaf of bread. the line to see a doctor runs out side the building and down the street. After you get your free education, as a doctor or engineer you may not leave Cuba unless it’s to go to Venezuela to support the revolution. Fidel was a murder & a thief. Cubans speaking out against Castro were put in prison or shot by firing squad. Fidel Castro was to Cubans, what Hitler was to the Jews. One of the few things that is worse than Fidel Castro are the folks that make him into a hero.
[Cisterns] One of the falsehoods from Kirk Zuelch that he may not even be aware of on US1 Radio’s Morning Magazine Thursday was that FKAA has always been a big supporter of converting septic tanks to cisterns. That is not true! FKAA and the Monroe County Dept of Health have fought hard against conversions.

Retired attorney and avid gardener Fran Wagner (now deceased) and his across-the-street neighbor in Bay Point energetically campaigned for conversions and finally won approval at the State level. In defeat, FKAA spun it as if they were always in support. I was there, I helped Fran in the background with developing the disinfection protocol and rebutting the objections, and I saw the FKAA spin the whole thing like it was their idea and like they gave a damn about conservation. FKAA management gives a damn about money and power-tripping and that’s all. Because it helps them if they can project a positive image, they care a little about that, but only to smooth the path to the money–your money. In reality, it pains FKAA to see you use less of the water they sell. Think about it. That’s why they discourage bottled water consumption.

If you do decide to convert to a cistern, remember that there are fero-cement boats that float very well, and so might your near-empty converted septic tank when in a high water table situation arises. That is especially so if you have a plastic or fiberglass tank. The weight of the dirt on top of the little concrete ring that was poured around the bottom of grinder pits is the only thing holding them in the ground.

two dolphinsThat is a hell of an assumption that Dolphin Marina currently owned by the people who own Little Palm Island were here first.  Actually, not only me but many other residents in the area were there well before Dolphin Marina changed hands to the current owners.  Just a little Dolphin trivia: The original Dolphin Marina was named after the resident mammal dolphins, Dahl and Suah (pardon me if I miss spelled their names, I seem to have misplaced the book about them given to me by Betty Brothers, the lady who developed the ocean side of Little Torch).  The current Dolphin Marina mascot is the Dolphin fish.  As neighborhood kids, we used to take our skiffs into the bay and the dolphins would come out from their cut and pull us around by a looped line they would pick up with their noses.  I truly feel blessed to have experienced the Keys In the good old days.  While I do truly believe that the Keys are still the best place to live in the country, they are a mere shadow of what they once were.
[FTR’s IdentityAgain] One more time. FTR is (drum roll please) Walt Lagraves.  Or not?  Whoopee…who cares!  ~Walt, aka, FTR  (Ed: See FTR’s opinion of Trump at NATIONAL POLITICS)
[Worker Housing] History is full of examples of businesses and communities acting to provide housing for workers.  The mid-nineteenth century saw the beginning of the “company” towns in the northeastern sections of the US as the textile industry began to develop, and it became necessary to attract workers from rural areas to the developing mill towns.  Why can’t the Keys have the same forethought?  Where are the brains of the Keys?
chicken-shades-spotlightHey Folks, my name is Rob DeGennaro and I am the Owner/Operator of the new soon-to-open Bucktooth Rooster Restaurant on Big Pine Key. I am also a fellow Big Pine Resident as well, living in Eden Pines. We happen to run across this wonderful website and thought we would share with you some accurate information on the Bucktooth Rooster.

We all missed the Big Pine Restaurant for it’s breakfast, lunch and dinners so we are bringing back the local’s favorite spot as a local’s restaurant serving breakfast at 6:30 am, lunch, dinner till 10 pm or when the last person is served–no one leaves hungry!
The menu is not that of a BBQ restaurant. It is a large menu featuring homemade foods from soup, salads, sandwiches, burgers, fried baskets, hand cut steaks, homemade pastas, plenty of local seafood, a BBQ section, and a wonderful children’s menu. The breakfast will be very special as well, since we’ve owned 3 bed and breakfasts for years, so the entrees will be very different and unique as well. The prices will be very reasonable and will be geared toward the locals. We’ll be serving cold draft and bottle beers and great wine selection.
The locals should ask for the Chicken Scratch card that will offer locals a discount. Now for the kicker, we will entertain “call ahead seating for the locals”. This will be helpful during seasonal times.

We are shooting for all licenses by the County to be completed next week so we are targeting opening on December 12 or 13th for a soft, locals opening. If I can answer any further questions, please give me a call at 239-218-8695.



We’re celebrating the end of storm season and not sorry that Jim Cantore didn’t get to visit!

[Maintenance] The Tiki bar on Ramrod had all kinds of new enthusiasm when it was bought last year or so, but already it’s in decline. They forgot to maintain it. The whole place is filthy. You can tell what the food will be like just by looking in any restaurant’s bathrooms. These photos are of the Tiki bar’s. Dirty floor, dirty door, dirty sink. They’ve even stopped posting promotions in the frames above the urinals. Do they even have a manager?
What happened to Bryce? We heard he got sick. Hope hes okay. Has he left the keys? Anybody seen him around?
When your wife snaps at you over something minor, nod your head and focus on the things that you’ve gotten away with.
yankee-conch19To the Yankee who said we were all Yankee’s if we were not born here. I’m from a state that wasn’t involved in the Civil War. I’m an old timer that has watched for decades how you Yankees have ruined the Keys. The only good thing I can say is most of the old timers are dead, and don’t have to watch it happening. God rest their souls. Maybe you should take a history class. I think the South may feel differently about being called Yankees. They weren’t born here, but I don’t think they would ever call themselves Yankees.
Springers Bar & Grill, big Pine Key

Monday. Cajun Gumbo – Homemade with fresh ingredients – Delicious!

Tuesday. Steak Night – Sirloin Steak with a choice of 2 dinner sides.

Wednesday. Meatloaf Dinner – Just like coming home for comfort food. Chose 2 dinner side dishes

Thursday. Mexican Food Specials – We have great Margaritas to go with it.

Friday. Fish n Chips – A Favorite, made with homemade beer batter, fried golden crisp.

NFL Friends. See your game here. 14 TV’s, Cold beer, friendly bartenders.

Happy Hour. Mon – Sat 3pm – 7pm, Sun 1pm – 7pm

Our wonderful neighborhood streets beckon to cyclists and walkers but everyone needs to remember: pedestrians should walk facing oncoming traffic and cyclists should ride with traffic and obey street signs. Yes, this means stop signs too. Many more people are now on our streets enjoying the area and the weather so we all need to stay alert and use more caution particularly when driving or riding into the glare of a rising or setting sun.


[Coconut Crab] These Pacific crabs can lift 60 pounds, and put a hurting on a hand. Video

[Cost of Going Out] The crowd is small for this time of year in most of the local watering holes. The consensus seems to be that it is because of the increasingly higher drink prices. I went for the great Tuesday night Taco Tuesday Jam Band music and $1 tacos at the Looe Key Tiki Bar again this week. By the time I got a few tacos, a few beers, and tipped the server & band, I was out $40 of my bucks. I was surprised to have no problem finding a seat there so far. Several people have told me they rarely go out anymore because they just can’t afford the high prices- even for draft beer in a plastic cup. With tip, you can buy a six-pack or whole bottle of wine for less than a single drink. I hear good reports about Coconuts, but just can’t tolerate the smoke in there, same with the Moose. I hate to see good places close just because the owner is greedy or imagined that people would pay steep prices just to sit under a bigger tiki roof. I’m sure that central sewers fees jacked up the price of drinks too. What difference does it make to the accumulated wastewater quantity if you flush at home or at a bar? This is double-dipping. FKAA taxed homeowners as if they were each using 167 gals per day at home then built a system that only handles a fraction of that, and then taxed commercial places based on actual water use


The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you. Coconuts Bar & Package Store, Downtown Big Pine Key.

[Crooks] I hear FKAA is weaseling out of their Settlement Agreement with the two groups that fought for deep well disposal of wastewater effluent at the Cudjoe treatment plant. FKAA’s own studies proved that everything that goes down the shallow wells comes up in nearshore waters. Although FKAA crowed about falsified conclusions on the second testing (and the news media simply accepted the lie), the actual testing results confirmed the failures of the first testing that was stopped short because it was obvious from muddy water boils near the disposal wells that there are no “confining layers” that supposedly would keep wastewater effluent underground. The rock voids underground in the Keys are already full of water, so any simpleton knows you can’t put more water in without water coming out somewhere! It’s just like trying to fit two beers in a one beer mug. So it looks like more litigation will be needed to force the consistently dishonorable FKAA to abide by their agreement not to use shallow wells except when the deep well is out of service for unavoidable reasons. The FKAA Board needs to start firing management that betrays the public trust. And that signs agreements that they have no intention of honoring. There needs to be some personal accountability.
[Castro] I don’t understand why so many people are so very angry that Fidel Castro brought education and medical care to all the people of Cuba, not the rich as it was before the revolution. I don’t understand people’s hate these days.



Well, I think it’s up to code, but there is something fishy about this junction box!

[Crooks] Carnival/Princess Cruise Line Ships have been fined $40 million for by-passing sewage treatment systems and dumping raw sewage into the ocean since 2001. Since the ships transit the Keys and make port in Key West regularly, they have contributed much pollution to the Keys waters that I’m sure that has been blamed unjustly by septic systems of the Keys residents.
amazon-prime[“Shop locally”] That must be some kind of joke. I am still laughing. Why would you shop locally? Poor customer service, way over priced products. I now shop with Amazon Prime 100% of the time. Great service, great price, no tax on much of the stuff, free 2-day shipping, plus free streaming videos. I generally like to get kissed when I get screwed. Not anymore, shop via the Internet. I’m laughing all the way to the bank with the money I saved by not shopping locally.
Does anyone rent jet skis by the weekend here in the lower Keys? Business or personal rental is okay. Please email me with info. Thanks!
FKAA says they need my power to run their equipment. How do all these AT&T boxes attached to utility poles get electricity? And how are the Christmas decorations powered?

[Springers’ Jungle Beat] Tuesday. Not only is it Steak Night, we also have live music.
The Bluegrass Jam Circle starts this Tuesday

Wednesday. Reggae Drum Circle. Bring your own drum and join in

Saturday. Reggae Band is playing tonight. Let’s dance!

[Crooks] I was looking through old County files today that have been removed from their web pages to better conceal their malfeasance, and came across an old letter of legal opinion addressed to previous FKAA Executive Director Jim Reynolds. It said that Courts have determined it is illegal to charge a fee for a service not actually provided, and provided in an equitable manner to all who are charged. You know that business of FKAA charging (under color of law) for sewer collection, pumping and treating before people are actually connected? Case in point …it’s illegal.
Some writer, possibly from FKAA, claimed that people are charged for sewer treatment before they connect in places all over the country. Bull hockey! Name some places outside of Moron County, you bullslinger. I know exactly how and when the FKAA decision was made to charge on use before connection, and it has nothing to do with the law and everything to do with a gravy train. Money for nothing.

[“Shop online”] Online does not live on your island, online does not spend their profits in your community, online is not your neighbor.

You can of course save some money by purchasing all of your needs online but your local provider needs to pay for their rent, electrical and staff. As one who grew up on BPK, moved to a large, impersonal city (San Diego) and now lives in a small town of 2000 folks, supporting your neighbor and community is something to think about. We all need to pay attention to our expenses, but also need to pay attention to our community and support each other.

You feel like you are getting ripped off and maybe you are, but consider the overhead of your local businessman or woman, don’t screw them prematurely.  Turn your frown upside down, buddy.



[Conundrum] Why do so many Americans hate people from the Middle East, yet worship someone from the Middle East?

What happened at Billy’s Crab Shack on Summerland Key? Seems people are saying the place is not per what the Keys locals want to spend their money on. Why? Because most of the locals have moved here from somewhere else and they are all cheap, cheap, cheap. Ever go by Boondocks, Kiki’s or the Looe Key Tiki at Happy Hour? It’s a bunch of overweight, pasty white, socks wearing, happy hour priced, light beer drinkers, eating fried pigeon wings, imported fish tacos, and boom boom Sysco shrimp so small they don’t make good bait.

We got bought out by the bottom feeders of NY MI WI IL OH PA who have turned this place into God’s waiting room. Don’t believe me? Go back to Boondocks on Bingo Night and watch the Q-tips shuffle in, or go by the Grouper at 4:30 pm and watch the early birds line up downstairs. Thankfully, the Grouper model is working. Upstairs with no tourist or kids is my new haunt. I’ve gotten to enjoy watching Grouper staff telling tourists they are not welcome with their screaming bundles.

People who never knew good seafood in their lives won’t miss it. People who were brought up cheap will be cheap no matter how much they have and that is what the rust belt, the manufacturing belt, the factory belt created; penny savers who came to live their dream and be warm in Florida on a budget.

Billy’s mainland restaurant is going gangbusters with a reputation for being high end. That isn’t the Keys. His place is between Jimmy Buffett’s new hotel, Golden Beach, North Miami Beach and of course the Lauderdale Yacht Basin. They get a different breed of tourist for sure – the type that are willing to pay for what they want – and a much different local, those that earn a real living.

Fresh Florida seafood was and is the only reason to live in the Keys because you can get warm weather elsewhere. And our loss is, as was already mentioned, our Keys seafood is now going up the Keys to Billy’s other spot and all the places his wholesale operation serves. Yep, I live on an island full of northern refugees and am forced to eat cheap crap because that’s what the masses have become

loveWith my wife having been diagnosed with cancer recently, it seems like living in paradise has been hell. We drive to this doctor and that one. I get pissed at the slow driving tourists and hate their smiling faces. I think the most terrible thoughts on my way to Miami because we can’t trust local doctors. Yet with all this, the warmth of friends, the sunny days, and the beautiful sunsets help me to remember why we are here in the first place. Be satisfied with every day because sometimes things get hard. In the end I believe it’s worth it. Treat others with kindness and respect. You never know what they are going through. Maybe they are driving slow because it’s one of the last few times they can enjoy the beauty we take for granted living here. Peace to all during this holiday season.
Guns appeal to the sinister nature of man.
sidesaddle[U.S. Grant’s Biography 1846 circa] General Taylor never made any great show or parade, either of uniform or retinue. In dress he was possibly too plain, rarely wearing anything in the field to indicate his rank, or even that he was an officer; but he was known to every soldier in his army, and was respected by all. I can call to mind only one instance when I saw him in uniform, and one other when I heard of his wearing it.

General Taylor never wore uniform, but dressed himself entirely for comfort. He moved about the field in which he was operating to see through his own eyes the situation. Often he would be without staff officers, and when he was accompanied by them there was no prescribed order in which they followed. He was very much given to sit his horse side-ways—with both feet on one side—particularly on the battlefield.

[Friday Joke] Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided that in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel.
Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist
They put up a sign reading: Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors.
The town council was livid and insisted they change it.
The docs changed it to read: Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.
This was also not acceptable so they again changed the sign to read Catatonics and High Colonics – no go.
Next they tried Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives – thumbs down again.
Then came Minds and Behinds – still no good.
Another attempt resulted in Lost Souls and Butt Holes – unacceptable again!
So they tried Nuts and Butts – no way.
Freaks and Cheeks – still no good.
Loons and Moons – forget it.
Almost at their wit’s end, the docs finally came up with:
Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones – Specializing in Odds and Ends. Everybody loved it.   ~Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store
(Ed: If the CT is late today it is because I am in a different time zone.)
nira-tocco 700x175
[Crooks] FKAA wants us to deed our land to access their equipment (grinder pumps) and then they want us to pay for repair of their grinder pumps on their newly stolen land.
fruits-and-nuts[“Insulting Sloan”] Poor Sloan, that guy really tells it like it is. But don’t tell Sloan to go somewhere else. Key West is the home to all the fruits and nuts no one else wants.  We want them. They’re welcome here and tolerated. I like living around characters. Go up north and the people are nice, but boring. Key West is a place where everyone is either wanted or unwanted.
[Officer Down Memorial] How about this? It would probably make them smile to see them on our vehicles; maybe save you a ticket if they see the bumper sticker; and realize your support. Perhaps remembering them will remind you and others, they are the help when you need it. Support the 1st responders — always! Link


Don’t forget that the religion of Islam has been at war with anyone who isn’t Muslim (that’s us) since 734 AD. If they’re not shown that it’s going to hurt them more than it’s hurting us, this will continue until they win.

As water pollution has resulted into the massive construction of the sewage treatment project that is taking place in the keys with much cost to homeowners and business, some part of those monies should be used to help relieve the cost burden to the property owners of the Keys.
How come ya’ll say ya’ll when ya’ll mean “Youse guys”?
The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.  ~Phyllis Diller
sewer-lid[Crooks] I attended the hearing on the FKAA/County “Motion to Dismiss” Thursday on the two ladies’ request for Declaratory Judgement saying that the grinder pumps need to be on the road shoulder like the Monroe County Ordinance promises (and like City of Marathon delivered!). Their “Dec Action” was not dismissed, but may have to be rephrased to appease the whining government entities who still refuse to do anything equitable or even legal. Zuelch was on “Morning Magazine” on US1 just before the hearing and he finally has changed his story to acknowledge that this Dec Action addresses a totally different issue than the Dump the Pumps’ Dept of Administrative Hearings case the end of 2014. Remember that before he was quoted, “We have been here before.” He still couldn’t be truthful, so he said the grinders pump stations couldn’t be driven over. Well, I suppose that’s a half truth, since the chintzy HDPE plastic garbage can grinder pit cover won’t stand the weight of a bicycle in a few years. (Perry Fl had to replace many of theirs due to warping even before they cracked. I have the Town Hall Minutes).
But that’s not what was actually in the contract before FKAA gave a big half million dollar gift to Water Resource Technologies and allowed a no-credit cheapo substitution, and not what is available, which is a DOT H-20 traffic-bearing lid. Someone should be jailed for the rather obvious corruption in the CRWS. And partial restitution made from their State Pension Fund and assets. But don’t count on it. This is Florida, where crime pays well.
[“Government protecting big business”] Police the county for illegal rentals. This is to support the hotel industry and locals are paying for it. Just wait until the sewer company gets their hooks into your wallet because they are not making enough mullah because of cisterns and rain collectors. Next will be a solar collection tax. But it is okay because fools pay what they are told. A libation tax? A sleep-over-8 hours tax? They will do it if you let them!
homeless-cardboard-box[Homeless Shelter] Lets see if I understand this? Charles Davis ran such A tight ship He allowed clients to leave contraband on the property for jail inmates to find and use? OK Great Job there! Shal Relocated 350 people? Now if those people were here in FKOC programs FKOC would be receiving money from them for using the programs they offer them disguised as help when in reality its a low rent flop house if you willing to not use. House meetings that interfere with any real Key West job that makes you enough money to be self-sufficient. Not be able to work clubs at night. Again, great job hindering people! Housing first has been accepted nationwide and on federal level as the best work model to actually afford somebody a real shot at ending the homeless cycle. As for you, Sloan, personally, a lawyer? Educated? How many times did you volunteer to clean the bathrooms you complain about? How many times have you in your infinite wisdom looked at the ads in other places that afford you a decent place to live on your meager income? And more importantly, if you’re such good friends with FKOC’s Steve Braddock why has he not offered a great man of such vast wisdom a job or bed at his organization? You ‘re just another spoiled rich kid who got old, made bad choices, hates himself and is peeved at the rest of the world for not giving him what he wants. At least FKOC has a financial motive for what they do. You, on the other hand, just want to feel important, like you’re making a difference. But you’re not. You’re just another of those mentally ill homeless people you constantly whine about. Get over yourself. Look at a map and you’ll notice US1 runs north as well as south?
Can we just cut out the Castro nonsense about how great he was because he provided free education and healthcare? Education sure. If you call Marxist indoctrination centers schools. And healthcare? What’s the point of free healthcare without medicine? He was a ruthless dictator who killed and jailed anyone who got in his way. And his feeling about gays was about on par with Mike Pence’s. What a loss.



My memory foam mattress is only about 12 years old, but it appears to have developed Alzheimer’s Disease. It’s got that CRS disease.

Everybody gets those junk emails saying you have just inherited or been given millions of dollars and to send us your ID, etc. I know of no one who followed up on these scams, but what if it was for real?
[“Complaining about Yankees“] You southerners have mindsets of anal noise makers with the intelligence to go along. The un-civil war is over, live with it. If it was not for the Yankees bringing culture to the southern states and the Keys, you would still be living on the beach smiling at manatees.
ghost coffin


[Russia 1807] She gave us to understand that she would stay by her husband’s body for three days where she was, waiting for the dead man to come to life again, believing, like all the Russian peasants, that the dead revive in three days.

[Uber Bad] I don’t claim to now anything about Uber, but I recall reading somewhere that you would be making about $9 an hour. Well whoop de do. I’d like to know how much Uber is making off the people driving for them while they do nothing but provide the framework. Create your own app, work for yourself.


There’s an empty weekend music calendar at the Tiki Bar website, so I called the resort to plan my weekend. I got a recording. I see it is slipping away already.

It would be great if all the HIV people volunteered to go to the Middle East and help the immigrants understand why they should fix their own countries instead of invading Europe and the America.
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