2013 December

Friday, December 27, 2013

CT-Banner7.3.13No Saturday Edition

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door27Every year at the holidays a strange phenomenon happens in the Keys. Your kids and grand kids visit. You warn the little ones to be careful of the glass patio and screen door. They see it, no problem. Your grownup daughter enters the house to refill wine glasses or beer or margaritas, poof she walks into the glass door or right thru the screen. This is not a one time accurance, it happens to many people.

After every holiday grandma and grandpa come to the flea market looking for screen magnets, decals or stickers so the strange phenomenon does not happen again.

Get yours soon. The next holiday when more family visits this will repeat itself until you resort to caution tape or toss out the doors. Be prepared.

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Now that I can’t whine about politics I will just have to post fish pictures. Great day on the reef this afternoon with Funyet Charters. Landed several mutton snapper and had a Snapper slam.

[Big Pine Post Office] I deal with the ladies at the post office several times a week, every week, and they have never been anything but kind, happy, helpful, and patient.  So during this hectic holiday season it’s even more important that we as customers realize they have been absolutely slammed, and return the consideration.  Anyone (customer) with a negative attitude brought it in the door with them, and perhaps should have stayed at home.  If you can’t be nice, don’t come out of your house, nobody needs your bad attitude. 

Thank you ladies for the great job you do !  I most sincerely appreciate it.  You’re the best!


devil cute sm


For once I would like to see an obituary that said so and so passed on to be with the devil. It seems like everybody went to heaven. It must be lonely down there.

You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks what you do for fun. 

resolution27This year I resolve to…

First Initial
A – Cross Dress B – Get Fit C – Wrestle Naked D – Quit Facebook E – Fart F – Learn to Tap Dance G – Make Love H – Drink Less I Control My Urges J Dance Naked K -Masturbate L – Be Spanked M – Drink More N – Make Cocktails 0- Be Bad P – Drink Beer Q – Masturbate Less R – Touch a Stranger S – Get Kinky I – Touch Myself U – Wear a Gimp Suit V – Stay in Bed W – Swear Less X – Eat Only Bacon Y- Tell it Like it is Z -Wear Fancy Dress

Birth Month
Jan – Only on Tuesdays Feb – In Public Mar – At Work Apr – At the Weekends May – For Charity Jun – At Weddings Jul -In Front of my Boss Aug -For Christmas Sep – On Fridays Oct- On my Birthday Nov- For a Whole Month Dec – Every Sunday 

nira tocco realtor 9.12

The Navy cruise ship berth is the Outer Mole, while Pier B belongs to the Walsh brothers (Hilton/Westin). The Conch Train shuttle, security,  (etc.) are expenses to the city at the Outer Mole. The City Manager recently admitted, in private, that the city does not make any money on the Outer Mole and may actually lose money. The Navy has not yet approved the city’s bid to renew its lease on the Outer Mole.

One wrinkle is that the Navy now insists that any gross proceeds (there are no net proceeds) from the Mole must be used to fund the Truman Waterfront Park. One concern is that if the Navy were to lease the Outer Mole to another bidder (Carnival Corp. for example), they may have even less concerns about the impacts of cruise ships on the city than the City Staff has. 

palm decoratedPalm trees wave, are you listenin?
In the pool, waters glistenin,
A beautiful sight, were happy tonight
Livin in a Florida Wonderland.

Gone away is the blizzard,
Here to stay is the lizard,
A warm sunny day, we like it that way,
Livin in a Florida Wonderland.

On the beach we will have a picnic,
Turtles, sand and seagulls and sun.
Christmas dinner is an old tradition,
Its Grouper and Stone Crabs by the ton.

Later on, well perspire,
As temperatures rise, even higher,
A warm sunny day, we like it that way,
Livin in a Florida Wonderland!

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isaksen-flood-roof 4.23.13

father time jumping hourglass

[Bearded Ones] I always wondered why lots of dudes in the Keys and in the south wear beards with it being so hot. Masks is what they are. Who knows what they look like under all that hair? Good way to hide in plain sight! 

[Grammar] The difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit. 


Will this bilge pump pump the bilge at the upcoming grinder pump County/ FKAA meetings?

[Hurricane Power] My question is how did people manage to get through the cleanup without electricity? Not to mention no air continuing or fans to dry things out, no stove or microwave to cook food and no refrigerator to keep it fresh. No lights at night, no internet, computers, not even electricity to charge cell phones. How about gas? Were gas stations open? How on earth did people get through it, or did the majority leave for a hotel? 

The original Floridians and Keys residents had none of the above. Those of us who stayed did so prepared, at least on my block. Generators, food, water, hurricane preparedness kits go a long way in pulling us out of the receding waters.

If you’re living here unprepared for post hurricane paradise and epecting to stay, you’re a fool



[The only way to win] In 1992, an Australian gambling ring purchased 5 million dollars worth of tickets in the Virginia State Lottery in a bid to secure almost every possible winning combination; their gamble paid off and they walked away with 27 million dollars, a 540% return on their investment.

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[Commissioners’ Pay Raise] These Commissioners that paid over the appraised price for the Marina should be made to pay the difference — not the taxpayers. Take their pay. What increase in pay? Are they serious?
buggy amishMy wife wants to buy a new car, but after we looked at everything out there we decided to buy a good used car. Why? Because the new cars are so ugly you cannot tell if they have been in a wreck or just look that way. What the hell are the car designers doing, designing for geeks and ding-bats? 

Join us for a Charity Expo Event on Saturday, Jan 4 6 pm at the Key Largo Civic Club. Buffet dinner by the Sons of Italy and the American Legion Post #333. Entertainment by Knotts & Schinella Blue Grass Band, Classical pianist Giana from “Out of the Darkness”, and a Michael Jackson Impersonation by Jason. Participating not for profits are American Legion Post #333, Cub Scout Troup # 999, FL Keys Children’s Shelter, FL Keys Down’s Syndrome, FL Keys Wild Bird Sanctuary, Keys Life Line Ministry, Keys Players, Keys to Peace, Marvelous Pet Rescue, Sons of Italy, St. James the Fisherman, St. Justin Men’s Club, Upper Keys Humane Soc, The Long Walk Home, and the Vietnam Wall Florida Keys. Hourly 50/50 raffles benefiting all the participating local non profit charities. Cash bar benefiting The Long Walk Home Gym for veterans. Tickets are $10. Free gift bag for the first 50 attendees. Tickets available at any of the participating non-profits above plus Betty’s Health Food Store at MM 103, PostNet at MM 88, and Ron Zaleski at 305-453-6789 Events 


vet27[Home for the Holidays] Thanks in part to Visiting Nurse Association & Hospice of the Florida Keys (VNA/Hospice), retired veteran and local carpenter, David Kiese, made it home for the holidays.

Living a modest lifestyle in his motorhome parked at a friend’s house, Kiese looks forward to heading to Tennessee in his RV every Christmas holiday to visit with his daughter and beloved grandchildren.  Unfortunately that was not to be this year.

Earlier this month, Kiese was evacuated to the VA Hospital in Miami after experiencing chest pains and underwent emergency open heart surgery.  After the life-saving coronary artery double bypass surgery, Kiese’s only wish was to be released from the hospital in time to spend the holidays at his home with friends.  VNA/Hospice enabled that wish to come true.

“If it weren’t for the wonderful home health care that VNA/Hospice provides,” expressed Kiese, “I wouldn’t have been able to come home.  My nurse Jennifer and my therapist Sandy are just wonderful.  It’s because of them that I’ve been given a second lease on life – thanks to my cardiac rehabilitation and having them teach me about heart disease and how best to manage a better lifestyle, like quitting smoking.” 

Yet another area with a grinder pump controversy, this one from Oak Harbor. The ladies’ last comment is compelling, applies here, and deserves more than abject apathy by elected officials.

“Like others in the neighborhood, she argued that a gravity system should have been installed to cover a larger area to reduce costs for each home.”

There are still a lot of unanswered questions and the biggest one is, Why? she asked. Why make us work so hard just to protect the biggest investment of our lives?”  Link

snowman snowing

Deer Ed; Just a quick note to say how much we enjoyed your holiday graphics these past weeks. It must take time to find them and thought you’d appreciate knowing you’re appreciated. So thanks! 


[Hurricane Power Outage] The majority of those who stay are real Piners and can easily live without electricity for the short time we have to do without. Humans lived without electricity for millions of years. Sure, it’s an inconvenience, but I’m not leaving my precious home to the elements or to looters. My house is strong and elevated. I have a small generator to keep the computer running, power a floor fan and a good reading light. I have many fish coolers that I can fill with ice at the highway when help arrives with ice. I also have two batteries I can remove from my boat and clip to an inverter for more electricity, but I’ve never had to do that.  The only thing I miss when the juice goes out is the icemaker in the fridge–big deal.
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Women are like bacon. They look good, smell good, taste good and slowly kill men.

From what I hear the $2.4 million Key West gets from the Navy’s Pier B cruise dock every year all goes back into maintenance, security, Conch Train, shuttle, etc for that pier  with no money coming in to reduce taxes. Why not let someone else have that headache? The ships will still come and the new operator can deal with the Navy the next time it changes its mind.
[Citizen Of The Day Says] For the endless skies and the wonderful fishing and snorkeling but stayed for the sense of community and the willingness to help each other when in need. 

snowman shoppingThe Big Pine Flea Market is open Saturday and Sunday from 8am till 2pm. With a long sigh of relief, Christmas is over. All the stress is gone and it’s time to shop for yourself again. I am way up north in Cape Coral, Florida. After going slightly into shock over seeing just how many electrical devices the grand kids got from Santa, I can hardly wait to get back to the Keys. For some crazy reason all the adult girls here were looking forward to going to Walmart and Target. Somehow, parking a mile from the store, double locking the car, waiting in long return lines makes them happy.

I am looking forward to Saturday when all the smiling faces shopping at the flea market are new or regular friends that come to shop and socialize. No long lines, no pushing and shoving and no guarding your cart for safety.

For a nice relaxing weekend show your friends and family in the Keys how we locals shop. Have a nice relaxing outdoor breakfast, fish fry or pizza lunch, then a leisurely walk through our many shops. Most of our shops take credit cards now, so buying unique things is even easier.

This week we have a lot of new craft and antique vendors. Some of them are only here for a few weeks. All your long time favorite vendors are here for the winter and have many new styles of your favorite things. Florida City fresh produce is waiting for you. See you this weekend! 

[Hurricane Wilma] If you live in the Keys, you have a hurricane preparation plan. You might have a camper staged on the mainland or like us you cook and store food, have a generator capable of powering your frig, fans, fill bath tub with potable water, make sure you have hurricane shutters, store your car/s on a bridge, have a propane grill, and so forth.
Also heed recommendations of authorities, cat 3 or higher directly hitting the keys will take out most of the approaches to the bridges.

Stargazing with the Fla. Keys Astronomy Club at Crane Point tomorrow, Saturday.  Also mosquito spraying schedules online. Link 

psychatrist woman


[Beer] Because therapy is expensive.

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[Friday Joke] Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker were having a long drawn out duel on Christmas Eve. Lightsabers drawn and sparks flying Vader pinned Luke against a bulkhead and glared at him.

“I know what you’re getting for Christmas, Luke,” he said, “Ohhh, yes! I know!” Luke fought himself free and jumped to a higher platform just out of Vader’s reach.

“How do you know!?” Luke yelled at him, “How do you know what I’m getting for Christmas!?”

Darth Vader snarled, “The force is strong with me… I felt your presents.”


I hate to ask about a very emotional topic, but I really don’t understand the grinder debate. There seem to be. 2 key points, but both seem to be non-issues
1) the concern over power failures – won’t it all ‘not work’? The gravity needs lift pumps between houses and the treatment plant, so if the power is out neither grinder nor gravity would work – right? I don’t see generators next to the lift pump locations on the streets…
2) maintenance costs – once installed, didn’t FKAA say they do all the maintenance and replacements? If so, they are in the right position to determine the long term cost trade-offs of grinder vs gravity (since they cover maintenance for each)?

If these are true, the only remaining concern appears to be installation costs – maybe FKAA could subsidize the grinder installation to avoid spending money to convert grinders to gravity which may make the long term costs higher? 

Seems like the debate is high on emotion and personal cost perspective and not focused on overall cost to is taxpayers/fee payers



Garbagemen must hate the days after Christmas. I know I put out twice as much garbage as usual.

Room for rent on Big Pine. $600 per month, f/L, clean house, call … Classified Ads > Houses for Rent



I was on the highway and I swear I saw a jet ski with a tuna tower going by on a trailer. 

[Earthly Remains] The EPA requires the use of biodegradable Urns, wreaths and flowers when burial at sea of cremains and much more. Link

Cremated remains shall be buried in or on ocean waters without regard to the depth limitations specified for non-cremated remains in the above paragraph provided that such burial takes place at least three nautical miles from land.

I make my green bean casserole the way you do but cover with some shredded sharp cheddar and stir in some sliced almonds. 

baby wine hat

Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to and old age is when you can’t.

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[Hurricane Preparedness] From now on I’m leaving my vehicles at the lowest place on my property I can find with the hope that the water will destroy them again. I could use new vehicles and after the large payments I got from my insurance company from the last two hurricanes when my vehicles were destroyed I know for a few thousand dollars more I’ll be able to buy brand new ones. I think the additional coverage was only about $18 a year.
December 27, 1831 Charles Darwin began his voyage aboard the HMS Beagle.



Merry Krishna. 

[Captain Doom and Gloom] Don’t you just love it when people finally do something to cut down pollution, cut down traffic, cut down insurance costs and get the exercise they desperately need by riding bicycles instead of pushing a gas peddle and burning fuel? But hold on, there is a new shyster in town and he is called the tax man. Yes that horrible inept blood sucker who wants to tax cyclists in cities that cut down the sales of fuels and the profits of the oil companies, that makes the slice of the profit pie smaller for the politico’s coffers, and let’s not forget the Parking Meter follies that produce the needed monies for whatever nightmares the juntas have up their…er…sleeves. Nothing is sacred in America and just wait until the bike manufactures start raising prices on those most efficient mechanisms so a bike will cost as much as a Caddy and need an official inspection. Walk!

from the right

christmas turkey dinnerSorry about not posting yesterday, but Christmas Eve and Christmas itself were a blur of really fine fellowship with our friends in PPH. There are no better people on the face of this earth. We had the great and good fortune to have a feast with dear friends on Christmas Eve and another on Christmas day. It could not have been better. We have a lot to be thankful for.  If you haven’t tried the smoked kingfish from Fanci Fish on Cudjoe, make sure that you do, it is absolutely delicious, and is an excellent accompaniment for Rob Roys. It gets even better, tomorrow one of our daughters and her family will arrive to spend some time with us.  Life if good.

Part 1) With all of those good times, it’s difficult to get back to reality. We’re hearing joy and clapping of hands because of the most recent unemployment report for the week ending December 21, the advance figure for seasonally adjusted initial claims was 338,000, a decrease of 42,000 from the previous week’s revised figure of 380,000. TV talking heads tell us that is great news, that we’ve finally “turned the corner”.  But there is more to the story than that. The fact is that the current “moving average” actually increased from the previous week.

That same report tells us that the 4 week moving average number of unemployment claims actually increased. None of that is good news.

Please consider the fact that today there are 4 million more people unemployed than there were when the Democrats took control of Congress in January of 2007. There is no good news there.

Part 2) About 10 days ago the Obama admin sold the last stock that we held in General Motors.  You and I took a loss of about $10.5 billion.  GM has announced that it will not repay any of that loss.  Nor will there be any effort on the part of the Obama administration to recover our loss.  $10.5 billion would pay for a new Zumwalt class stealth destroyer. $10.5 billion dollars is roughly 20% of the total spent on veteran’s benefits.  GM is now making money hand over fist.

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