2019 February January

Friday February 1, 2019

Letters to the editor with pictures since 0202. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.


[Home Wanted] I am trying to find a home for a 12-year-old CockaPoodle. He is blind in one eye and has difficulty hearing. The owner is unable to take care of this gentle, male dog any longer.

[Pot Stock] Okay, it’s time to buy these pot stocks and watch your money grow bigger everyday.  Don’t sell them.  Keep them, but BOLO for news and happenings in case you want to sell high (get it?). CGC, CNTTF, CRON, ACB. I will be even nicer and share one which is doing fabulous: LRCX
You don’t need no stinkin’ stock broker. Just sign up for an online account, fund it and do your homework.
[Marathon Republican Club] Deer Friends,  Last Friday I asked you to give serious thought to joining the Marathon Republican Club.  My sincere thanks to those of you who did.  I’m confident that your efforts will make our little slice of paradise an even better place to live.  There is much that needs the attention of our County Commission here on The Rock. Our streets and roads are in horrible shape, Key Deer Blvd has become a washboard.  But you folks know the problems.

The single best way to get the problems attended to is to influence our County Commissioner.  In our case, It’s Michelle Coldiron.  But she doesn’t live on Big Pine, she doesn’t live on the Torches, or even Cudjoe, she lives in Marathon.  The best way to get to know her, to influence her and the other elected officials here in Monroe is to become involved with local politics.  The very best way to do that is to join the Marathon Republican Club.

Phil Goodman is the new President of the Club.  He is also the Chair of Mosquito control.  Phil is a good guy, easy to meet and to talk to.  He nearly single-handedly pushed through term limits on the Board of Mosquito Control.  He has saved us Monroe taxpayers long tons of money with new eficiencies.   Anyway…..if you think that we need good, responsive and efficient government here in Monroe, you can be a big help in “getting ‘er done”….and at the same time get to know a fine group of friendly like minded local people who have the best interests of our lower Keys in mind.  Please give Phil a call at 305-600-8441 or email him at   middlekeysrepublicanclub@  Thanks!  ~FTR



I saw this solar powered boat competition and thought someone here might want to talk it up as it would really fit in with Key West’s image (whatever that is these days). Link

[Alzheimer’s] The husband of lifestyle guru B. Smith is dating a woman as his wife fights Alzheimer’s. How do you ensure your wishes are met when incapacitated? Move in your girlfriend to take care of your wife? Call her your life partner? B. Smith’s Alzheimer’s raises question: How to protect your wishes when incapacitated. Link





[For Sale] Boat for sale: Runs good, slight vibration problem.

[Gambling] Cuban bolita is popular form of gambling, but where does the winning number come from? Up north I think ‘Numbers’ betting is based on the last digits of the treasury balance for that day.

I was just reading news from NASA (Never A Straight Answer). They are researching a project to send cattle into space to help with the food supply for the ISS and the ongoing Mars Mission. It’s going to be called “The Herd Shot Round The World”

[Dogs Were Welcomed in the Old Days] It’s how it was when the Keys were cool. Equally to your reply, if you don’t want to eat with dogs at your feet – stay home. So glad I got out of the Keys. Hanging with old guys wearing gold bracelets, Tommy Bahama and Rolex’s was never my style. Living in the Keys is your adventure. The fact that most newbies are too old to dive says it all – and yes, diving in the Keys is not what it was. To the guy from Jersey who bought my property post Irma – tanks a bunch, I hope you’se enjoy your view.
[Friday joke] What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?  EL-IF-I-NO
[Horrible Phishing Scams]  Supposedly this one is from eBay & Gmail. In my junk mail was a fake eBay “Your request has successfully received” notice, along with “Your order is awaiting confirmation to track your shipment to see the delivery status.”  I hadn’t ordered the item shown.

There were 2 choices: Confirm My Order or Ignore Order.  Supposedly this was for a Jumper EZbook3 Plus Laptop 14.0 inch times two.  The order total was $1034,44. Note there was a comma, not a decimal point. This order was for over a million dollars. $1 million, thirty four thousand, four hundred and forty dollars to be precise.

Don’t click on anything you don’t know! Where do we report this?  I cannot “send” it anywhere, because the recipient might click on something to test it, and that’s the end of me. I can only imagine what might happen if I clicked anywhere in any of these messages.

Another scam that’s appeared multiple times, supposedly from Gmail: “You submitted a request to terminate your Gmail account and the process has started by the Gmail Team.  Please give us 3 working days to close your mail account. To cancel the termination request, reply to this mail.(Oh, sure!)

All files on your Gmail mail including (Inbox, Sent, Spam, Trash, Draft) will be deleted and access to your Gmail mail account will be Denied. If you wish to Terminate your Email Address, you can Sign Up for a new Gmail account. For further help please contact by replying to this mail. (Not!)

The “Dear Beneficiary” scams occur weekly. They are becoming more believable, now with a Western Union Gmail address. Unfortunately, there are many who would click to have the first $5,000 payment of $2,400,000,00 deposited to their account. How do we stop these phishing thieves?



Lately I’ve been checking the weather more because normally it is hot or windy and sometimes it rains and sometimes it doesn’t, but lately it’s been so damned cold I keep checking to see when it will end.

Farmington Hills fake university set up by ICE to nab foreign students. Eight people are indicted in what the feds say was a scheme to allow foreign students to illegally stay and work in the U.S. Link



White House press secretary Sarah Sanders said in an interview on Wednesday that she believes God wanted Donald Trump to be president.

I wish the Free Box was back. I throw away so much good stuff that I would prefer to recycle. The Salvation Army thrift store on Big Pine isn’t an option because of their terrible parking situation. It’s not worth the hassle of that chaotic parking lot just to drop off one item.




[Winn Dixie] Super Bowl special. Link



What is this wood paddle or mixing paddle from? How old it it?

[Friday Joke] His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons, are with him for his last wishes. He asks for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record. When all is ready he begins to speak.
“My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Ocean Reef houses.”
“My daughter, Sybil, you take the apartments between mile markers 100 and Tavernier.”
“My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the Marathon Government Center.”
“Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the bay side on Blackwater Sound.”
The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says, “Mrs. Pender, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property.
The wife replies, “The asshole just had a paper route.”
Well, at least it was in the Keys!


[“Loose dogs”] The laws state all animals will be on a maximum 4-foot leash and restricted from entering certain businesses and public areas. And if you’re walking your dog on a leash and you are attacked by a loose dog in the 15′ right-of-way from the road edge or on the asphalt road, you may legally defend yourself – the cops do it all the time. You don’t have to be bit to make the dog quit.



Ex-NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick‘s house.

Have you tried CBD oil?  Heavens to Betsy!  I drank some last night and went down all night without a potty break. Didn’t have to pee once.





[Makeup Transformation] From the basics to advanced, you’ll find everything makeup transformation here.  house painters have a saying that may apply here, “Putty and paint, makes it what it ain’t.” Link

[“Dogs in public places”] They people are the same as the “flood lighted yard” people. They don’t really give a damn about others.



[“Mechanical doll”] Deer Ed, You used a terrible picture of a knife-wielding creature doll [Chucky], rather than the actual photo of Pierre Jaquet-Droz’s amazing creation. Video

Car plummets 9 stories from parking garage and bursts into flames. Link
[“Seinfeld on awards”] All that fame and fortune (and awards) for people who pretend to be someone else.  This video is 12 years old, but never truer! Video
[Le Tour de Keys] On Friday, April 5, 2019, cyclists will “ride for the kids” the entire 125 miles from North Key Largo to Mile Marker Zero in Key West. The sixth annual event honors the work of the Florida Keys Children’s Shelter, which serves over 500 youth per year across the entire 125 miles of the Florida Keys. The event is limited to experienced cyclists who are fit to ride from Ocean Reef to Key West in one day. There is no cost to participate but riders are encouraged to raise awareness and/or funds for the Children’s Shelter. To become a participant or make a charitable contribution to the Children’s Shelter, visit To inquire about sponsorship opportunities, contact Jennifer McComb at 305-852-4246 x222 or
United Way of the Florida Keys is pleased to announce the release of the 2019‑20 application for the annual Community Investment funding of local nonprofits. Grant applications will be available online from January 18th to March 8th. Link