2018 January

Friday, January 12, 2018

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsPublished Tuesdays and Fridays. Letters to the editor with pictures.​ Since 0202.​

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[Debris] Both the Key West Citizen and the Keynoter published today “Debris Removal Requirements”.  Since both published the item on the same day, I can only conclude that you must have issued a press release.  My question of you is:  Why did you wait so long to inform the public?

Debris removal has been an issue, as you well know, since Irma.  There has been considerable confusion on the subject.  I assume that you thought the public knew all of the rules, regulations and procedures regarding debris removal.  Obviously, that has not been the case.

You could have saved yourself and the community a lot of trouble, not to mention thousands of dollars, had you informed everyone months ago as to how best to dispose of their hurricane debris.  Ideally, those instructions could have been repeated periodically.

The one item that grieves me deeply are the number of refrigerators on the roadsides, at least on Big Pine Key, that remain full of food.  Whenever you see a refrigerator sealed with duct tape, you can be pretty certain that it is full of food, at least that is what my dog tells me when we walk by one of them.  That is potentially a major health hazard and you have already had one crisis on Cudjoe Key with refrigerators full of food.

It never hurts to inform the public and you have numerous resources at your disposal.  The print media and news radio has repeatedly demonstrated its willingness to work with you, but they look to you for leadership and direction.

When the “white goods” are collected, it will be most interesting to see how the haulers deal with the full refrigerators.  They certainly will not be able to just pile them on the trucks with the stoves, washing machines, dryers and the like.  I hope that the county works with the haulers to assist in that process.  The last thing we need is to have refrigerators lifted with doors bursting open and rotting food falling to the ground.  Talk about a health hazard!

[Disaster Houses] Can residents expect demolition and total removal of Monroe County’s condemned houses to be finished before 2018’s hurricane season begins?
[FTR On Leaving the Keys] I’m almost ashamed to admit it, but hurricane Irma was just one too many hurricanes for me.  I started dealing with the damned things when I moved to SoFla full time in ’61.  Prior to that we had spent the summers in the Adirondacks and winters in SoFla.  In ’62 I became a cop in SoFla and worked many many hurricanes, many stories to tell.  Our move to the Keys in the early ’90’s opened a whole new album of memories of hurricanes.  It’s really not so much the work attendant to preparing for them, or the cleaning up and fixing up afterward–it’s the worry, the tension, and the huge aggravation of evacuating.  Enough.

So, we’ve decided to become snow birds.  We’ll hurricane prep and close up our home in mid spring and head north.  At the end of the hurricane season we’ll come back to our beloved Keys.  We’ll try this for a while, and then, maybe simply bail from the Keys.

This is written in a small town in NE Tennessee — Rogersville.  It is beautiful country, a historic small town.  Real estate prices are cheap, cheap, cheap.  Value is huge, phenomenal.  The people are friendly and outgoing, welcoming.  We’re dealing with a realtor In Rogersville, Tennessee, Tonya Estevez, who is a champ, a real champ.  We are astonished at how far a dollar goes here as compared to the Keys.   Tonya is a young woman who was born and raised in SoFla, and was a frequent Keys visitor, she’s been a huge help.  423-754-0752

[Debris] Monroe County government officials have made Sunday the last day to place Hurricane Irma debris on county and private roads from Lower Sugarloaf Key through Middle Torch Key. You can still dump on Littler Torch and Big Pine Keys.


[Rafter Discolored] It looks like my new place has a problem. This is in the wash area above the dryer. It is leaking a bit from the upstairs bathroom. I emailed my landlord with this picture and she said she is going to send out a plumber ASAP. What can I do about it? Is this wood cleanable?

[“Michelle Caldiron for commissioner“] It sounds like Michelle is a well qualified candidate for County Commission.  That is except for one problem and that is the problem that we are currently having.  She lives on the wrong side of the Seven Mile Bridge to be in touch with the vast majority of the districts constituents.  Some how the southern tip of Marathon was gerrymandered into district two.  It is the law, but it is so wrong on so many fronts.  The Lower Keys deserves a commissioner who lives here and at least understands the needs of the location.
[Illegal Dumping] I understand your dilemma. I moved from Big Pine to Tennessee and had old gas tanks from cars dumped at the start of the lane I live on. Also I had mules appear in our yard out of nowhere, and a hog in my drive way. Oh yeah, don’t forget the stray goat that showed up on our porch around Christmas years back. Never a dull moment. Still not Big Pine, but it is home!

[Marijuana] Those against legalization are probably old people who have never tried it; and if they did, smoked too much of it and got paranoid or too hungry and ate everything in the house. Old people still think pot leads to heroin or something equal to heroin.

[The Wall] I laugh at how stupid Americans are. You want to build a 15 billion dollar wall to keep out Mexicans, but cannot realize we can just take a boat around the wall or fly over it or tunnel under it. Somebody in DC is going to make a lot of money with this con. You fools will not keep out the bad people or free riders.
I killed a beagle-looking dog Monday on the deer overpass coming back onto the island from the east. It was 15 minutes after sunset and the dog just came out of nowhere. I was aware of a deer on the north side of the road, but the dog just appeared from the south side. I stopped and the woman behind me stopped too. There was nothing we could do. I’m writing this to let the owner know what happened to their dog. I’m sorry. It was an unavoidable accident.
Let me control the media and I will turn any nation into a herd of pigs.  ~Joseph Goebbels, Nazi Propaganda Minister
[Economic Stimulus Payment] Sometime next year, we taxpayers will again receive another Economic Stimulus payment. This is indeed a very exciting program, and I’ll explain it by using a Q & A format:
Q: What is an ‘Economic Stimulus’ payment?
A: It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q:Where will the government get this money?
A: From taxpayers.
Q: So the government is giving me back my own money?
A: Only a smidgen of it.
Q: What is the purpose of this payment?
A: The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q: But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?
A:Shut up.Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. Economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will; go to China or Sri Lanka.
If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China.
If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.
If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.
If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.Instead, keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, or going to ball games, or spending it on prostitutes, or beer or tattoos. These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.Conclusion: Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day
My wife was so angry with me that she told me to pack a bag and get out.  As I was leaving she said, “And I hope you die a slow miserable death.”  I said, “So, now you want me to stay?”  That’s when the fight started.



[Custom Boat Ladder] Here’s a first! This guy had a boat ladder fabricated and welded to the front of his trailer. I’ll bet it wasn’t cheap.

Why are they allowing the bike ride next week to travel our roads and bridges when they are not cleaned? Bike paths have been washed out! Heavy traffic and road cleaning crews don’t need bikers from Miami up their butts. Who allowed this permit. We need to know. There is no room for cyclists, especially on the bridges. Help. Please
[Friday Joke] A woman walked in to a pharmacy and asked the pharmacist for some cyanide.  He asked what she wanted it for.  She said, “I’m want to poison my husband.  He’s having an affair with another woman.”  The pharmacist said,” I can’t sell you cyanide to kill your husband.”  The woman said, “He is having an affair with your wife.”  The pharmacist said, “Well, why didn’t you tell me you had a prescription.”



[Handyman Wanted] I’m disabled and looking for a handyman to do a variety of small projects around my property. I would like to find someone who would be interested short term and future additional work. My phone is 305-240-3332

[Monroe County Education Foundation] Is there a particular reason for why MCSD has not informed the public of you and your operation, particularly your appointment as RMLO, and the procedures for making Public Records Requests?  I should think a press release would serve a good purpose.  The Citizen, for example, routinely publishes how to process Public Records Requests with the City of Key West. I expect they would do the same for you.
Winn Dixie’s weekly ad. Link
[“Michelle Caldiron for commissioner”] It’s about time we get some new blood around here. The existing commissioner is never in his Big Pine Office, doesn’t return calls and generally ignores constituents. He’s the best argument I can find for term limits.
[For Sale Old World Doors / Mid-Modern Teak Desk] The doors are a heavy mahogany, 26” x76” each, they were used in a California king size bed, 4” shorter than the standard king though they could be used architecturally as a table, garden doors … The color is that of a rich Moroccan blue, mixed with varying earth tones. The desk is 28” x 61” and 29” and made of clear finished teak. It has the nice lines that the Scandinavians are so well known for, it has one file drawer. Asking price $900 doors, $900 desk.
The insurance adjuster just left. He acted like it’s no big deal. There’s no major damage like a hole in the roof so they won’t cover remediation. I asked him about the loss of furniture and he said they are totally fine because there’s no visual mold. He said this kind of mold usually doesn’t cause people any problems unless you’re really allergic to it. He said they will cover the water damages to the walls and told me to run a dehumidifier and air purifiers in our bedrooms. I’m so sick, food intolerance, histamine intolerance, chemical intolerance, heart palpitations, vertigo, lung issues, active Lyme disease, and on and on. Good grief!
[Mold] There will not be a meeting of our computer club this coming Saturday.  The Big Pine Library is currently closed because of mold issues.
There’s a world of difference between truth & facts. Facts can obscure the truth.
[Hurricane’s Hidden Damages] I thought I threw out all my flooded tools and equipment, but the stuff I thought I placed high enough to escape Irma’s wrath is crap too. Either tools work for a bit or don’t work when I try them the next time. I tried to use my 7″ angle grinder this week and it’s went kaput. Yesterday I went to plane a board and my Delta bench planer whirred and started smoking. Damn!
[The Internal Clay Cure] Has anyone here had any luck removing mold from their bodies using internal clay? I was watching a video series by M. D. Michael Gray in Benson Arizona explaining how consistent use of clay can remove the toxins from the blood, and once it’s gone out of there, remove it from the tissues eventually removing everything. Link
[1522 Brazil] These Guaranis speak a language common to all the tribes of this province. They eat the flesh of their enemies whom they take captive in war, bringing them to their settlements and making great merriment and rejoicing with them, dancing and singing till the captive grows fat. They give him their wives and daughters, in order that he may have every pleasure. It is these wives who take the trouble to fatten him. Those held in the greatest honor among them admit him to their couches, adorn him in various ways according to their custom. When he begins to grow fat they redouble their efforts; the dancing, singing, and pleasures of all kinds increase.

Then the men come; they adorn and make ready three boys of the age of six or seven, placing a little hatchet in their hands. The captive is made to dance for one hour; the Indian then advances, and with both hands deals him a blow in the loins, and another on the spine to knock him down. When they have knocked him down the three boys come with their hatchets, and the eldest of them, usually the son of the chief, begins striking blows on his head, the others do the same till the blood flows. As soon as he is dead the one that gave him the first blow takes the name of the dead man and keeps it henceforward in token of his bravery. Then the old women cut the body in pieces and cook it in their earthenware pots, distributing the flesh among themselves. They eat it and consider it excellent food. Afterwards they resume their dancing and pleasures, which last several days. Oh, what fun!

Here is a news release about the assistance FEMA can consider providing to eligible local and state governments plus federally recognized Indian tribes and some private, non-profit organizations. FEMAs Public Assistance
[Free Money] United Way of the Florida Keys is pleased to announce the impending release of their 2018-19 application for funding. Grant applications will be available online from January 17th to March 9th on UWFK’s website. Our funding supports programs that meet a critical need for working families in Monroe County by providing services in one of our community impact areas:
Access to nutritious food for people in critical need
School-aged, early childhood, or after-care support with an educational or positive behavioral component
Safety net services providing referral and emergency assistance to residents of Monroe County. Link

CheapShots’ low cost veterinary service will be back in the Keys January 19-21st. We will be helping every 2 weeks rather than once a month as the need and the support have been unbelievable. Dr. Kury Marks from Big Pine has joined our staff and brought his expertise and we are so happy to have him. Call 305-390-0325 or visit our website for more info. Link

[Debris] The County has issued many releases about how to properly put debris on right of ways, beginning with this release issued on Sept. 14, just four days after the storm. We also provided this information on many Facebook posts on the official County Facebook page. We posted this information many times on our Keysrecovery,org website. Many county officials also have mentioned this many times when guests on radio programs, myself included. And other news outlets reported it as well.  ~Cammy Clark, Monroe County Public Information Officer Debris Removal Free in Unincorporated Monroe County

(Whatever the county did apparently had little impact on public behavior.)

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