2014 January

Friday, January 24, 2014

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target turkey[“What is the law on shooting roosters?”] No-can-do in the Keys. Supposedly it’s fine to trap and relocate them alive to non-populated areas with water and natural food sources. Catching chickens is easy with the right sort of trap. Chickens will chose to run first and fly as a last resort. They will choose to run under objects instead of fly over ones. They will choose known escape routes like under wooden fences, houses and brush to place a barrier between you and them.

What works well for this type of behavior is elongated open ended corral type traps behind a wooden fence. Let them get used to going through during their normal routines and with occasional bait and one day close one end with a plexiglass door and slowly shoo them into it. Once they realize they hit the glass, you already have the other end closed. Design the cage portion so it’s removable to place in the back of the pickup truck, cover to prevent fright damage and release them humanely.

When it’s colder outside than my beer I come to the Keys.

deer abby glasses bow 200h

[Old Love] Deer Abby, I’ve been married for more than a quarter of a century and every day when I look at my wife it’s as if it’s the last time I’ll ever see her. Her little idiosyncrasies that used to cause fights between us now seem touching. When she leaves the house I stop what I’m doing and make sure I look at her and send her on her way with all my love. I feel like I’m in some kind of si-fi movie and it doesn’t feel right. I haven’t told her about my movie, I don’t want to because it seems so unnatural like I’m goofier than usual. I tend to focus too much. I don’t like it. How can I stop this fear of losing her. We’re both healthy so that’s not a problem causing my fear. I am living in the moment, but it seems not to be the right. Can’t I hope for more than the moment or is that how it is when you’re old. I’ve never been this old before. 

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[Windows 8] Our house has been having a very difficult time with Windows new platform “8”. It’s, at best, a nightmare. I would say to anyone who’s thinking about upgrading: Do not use the new Microsoft Windows 8 operating system unless you’re ready to do some homework. You have been warned.

[“Since iguanas multiply so fast, killing them is really not an effective strategy”] Bull shit! My property was infested and since I got my Gamo from Newman Outfitters I have zero! The occasional iguana trespasser gets the same treatment.

old woman drinks martini


[More bar wisdom] Any woman can have the body of a 21 year old, as long as she buys him a few drinks first.

In FTR’s “humble” opinions his opinions are the best.


[Federally subsidized flood insurance] I listened to Bill Becker’s interview with Congressman Joe Garcia concerning this issue the other day. The emphasis was put on the need for the federal government to provide financial support to the program. What I didn’t hear and still needs clarifying is the issue of banks mandating that a property be insured across the board before they would provide a mortgage to the homeowner. Would it not be simpler if the government simply provided that coverage directly to the banks instead of the individual homeowner? After all, banks have been bailed out, so why not the homeowner? It would appear that such sundry details are marginalized or not even being addressed by the media or our representatives.



Justin Bieber was arrested in Miami for DUI and drag racing (Have your grand-kids explain who he is).

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[Sewer Fiasco] It all started with the personal affront of a forced easement, heavy electrical cost burden, and unreliable service of individual grinder pumps in a forced central sewer system. If it was all about the money, the decision to go with grinders instead of cheaper, more reliable, and vastly more environmentally safe vacuum sewers as an alternative to gravity made no sense.

As we looked deeper, we came to realize that the engineers responsible had virtually no experience in LPS sewer design or operation, and were being “educated” by the E-1 grinder pump salesman, who had no experience in LPS sewers of such size and complexity because none existed! Here was an obvious recipe for disaster, and it has come to near fruition.

We focused first on the evils of grinder pumps in general and the E-1 brand in particular, which led us to discover that the pump is individually incapable of pumping fast enough to keep grease and solids from gumming up the top or settling out on the bottom of the sewer force main pipe. Because they only pump for less than a minute in normal operation, the very common short streets will seldom see more than one pump working at a time. The flow rate is also not fast enough to push the inevitable sewer gas pockets through the pipe which will result is air locks (air binding).

As we looked deeper, we found that the same residential E-1 grinder pumps were being used in area lift stations. They are not explosion-proof and are entirely illegal and a public safety hazard in such an application.

We looked deeper still and found that many of the trunk sewer force mains throughout the system are also in danger of catastrophic blockage due to lack of sufficient flow velocity. In intermittent operation, they need at least 3.5 ft/sec to re-suspend settlements which they will never see. The same applies to the forcemain under Niles Channel and others, which has no containment casing. In case of a blockage, what is the first thing the emergency service crew is going to do? Apply higher pressure! We checked and discovered that the force mains are not even tested to the maximum pressure developed by the little E-1 residential grinder pumps. The pipes are bedded in gravel, like a French drain or your septic tank drainfield, and will accept an amazing amount of finely ground raw sewage slurry before distributing it into the shallow tidal water along the trench and hence to the nearshore waters.

This environmental disaster sewer system must be stopped. Visit to sign the petition and learn more. If you can, donate something there to further the legal action.

The problem I have with roosters is that the ones living at Dolphin Research Center have to be the nosiest in all of Grassy Key. As with all roosters, these are some of the noisiest, dirtiest birds going. A castrated male chicken is called a capon. I would like all of those to be capons with laryngectomies.



Adult tricycle.Trailmate Desoto Classic adult tricycle, red, slightly used, good condition, asking $200 OBO. Dave 305-747-0200 Classified Ads > Miscellaneous

A friend in need, is a pain in the ass.

[Friday Joke] An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. “So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have ya been?”
“Why, I’ve been to the pub of course,” Slurs the drunk.
 Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few to drink this evening.”
“I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile.
“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest,”that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”
“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”

confederate officer flag horse


[“Bigger deer up north”] Who said Virginia is up north? 

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[Homeless] There has been a lot of chatter lately about our homeless problem.  Monies support the food pantries, and local churches provide free meals – some even opened their doors during the recent cold snap, so the homeless had a place to sleep.  These efforts are all well and good, however, they enable these people to continue a lifestyle that negatively impacts our general population.

I think KOTS has the right idea in screening the homeless to ascertain their sobriety before they’re allowed to stay there. This practice provides an incentive for them to sober up at least long enough to get a night’s rest.  I would encourage those who help the homeless to do just that: help them change, rather than just giving them a hand-out no matter in what condition they are.  Some rules, some counseling, a little light work in return for their fare certainly wouldn’t hurt.

Long ago, a wise carpenter, rather than giving a man a fish, instead gave him a pole and fishing lessons.  ‘Nough said.

[“Shoot ‘em up Wednesdays”] “eyes aren’t that great” and “shooting guns” aren’t two things I like to hear from the same person. Maybe you should join IKC.

fish food chain


Gateway computers became Acer and Compaq became HP and IBM became Lenovo.

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The song Baby It’s Cold Outside is playing over and over in my head. For a warm place in the sun, the Big Pine Flea Market is open Saturday and Sunday from 8 am until 3 pm. Come on in and find a picnic table in the sun for a fish platter or pizza lunch.

Thank you to the many, many people who came to our local events and flea market last weekend. It was a wild weekend. I think a lot of people in town planned their rummage sales for the time that our island would be at its busiest. We appreciate all of you.

It’s too cold to swim or snorkel so I will see you at the flea market. Come in for the great deals and fresh produce. The market is full of vendors with everything that you can imagine from marbles to jewelry and tropical clothes. Be there and be warm.

Baby It’s Cold Outside



Gulf opened up the first gas station in Pittsburgh in 1913. 

New Zealand is the most expensive country in the world to buy a home.



TGIF from Springers Bar and Grill! The weekend is on the horizon and we have some great specials for you. Today we have an appetizer of crab stuffed shrimp or an entree of mahi with white wine, garlic, lemon and tomato butter. On Saturday we have a chicken stir fry. These are sure to tempt the tummy and please the palate.



Superbowl trivia time: What team won the most Superbowls? If you guessed the Pittsburgh Steelers, you would be correct. They hold the record with 6 wins. They are followed by the Dallas Cowboys and the San Francisco 49ers with 5 wins then the Green Bay Packers and the New York Giants with 4. Who’s going to take home that Vince Lombardi trophy this year? The Denver Broncos winning their 3rd Superbowl or the Seattle Seahawks getting their first ever Superbowl win. Come join us at Springers to watch all the action on the field, have fun and enjoy some great food. See you there! 

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golf bend club angry lady

[Attention All Golfers] Golf Tournament, Sunday, January 26, 7 am. Sponsored by Big Pine & Lower Keys Rotary. The 23rd Annual Al Mueller Memorial Classic Scholarship Golf Tournament to benefit the Take Stock in Children Scholarship Fund at the Key West Golf Course. $75 entry fee includes golf, lunch and goody bag and snacks at the turn. Contact Sheila Cantler … Events


[Friday Joke] An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.
‘Fred,’ he replies.
‘Fred what?’ the officer asks.
‘Just Fred,’ the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.

The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. ‘Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?’

The biker replies, ‘It’s a long story, so stay with me.’ I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.

Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.’

The officer walked away in tears, laughing.

weatherman high

[Forecast] Its going to be Thursday all day, changing to Friday during the night.

[“Is Gateway still in business?”] They were sold in 2007 to the 4th largest computer maker in the world, the Taiwan based Acer Inc. Their website is still up and they offer a small line of products, but no online sales directly from them. You have to go to third party retailers. No Windows 7 machines, only Windows 8, so they totally blow. Go to Dell, HP, Toshiba or Sager Notebooks, they all carry Windows 7 machines now since Windows 8 is declared a failure by Microsoft (like Vista). Windows 9 to come next year with the return of the desktop user interface like it’s supposed to be, and metro apps will than be gadgets. In fact a Windows 8 update coming will progress slightly more back to the desktop user interface we all know and love with docking metro apps in the taskbar. Windows 7 gets support until 2020, so one can wait out the whole Metro abortion to subside and go right to Windows 9. 
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[Injustice] Halliburton supervisor avoids jail time for Gulf oil spill and gets 1 year probation, 100 hours of community service, and a $1,000 fine. Link
nira tocco realtor 9.12
[Perception] John Boehner wants to be President. I would not vote for him or Romney for the simple fact that if either of them saw me on the street they wouldn’t give me the time of day. I think, they think, they are above the common man. Now, Bush on the other hand, would probably stop and shoot the breeze and make me feel that I mattered.



Room with a view. 

2014 is the year the pro choice crowd fights back.  Link
isaksen-flood-roof 4.23.13 
Has anyone else noticed the lack of Jersey girls down here this year? Usually during the season they are all over the place. Now don’t get me wrong, I really don’t want more down here, but they are good for keeping you warm on a 55 degree windy night, and since my dog stopped sleeping with me I am a little concerned. I wonder if they are taking their wares elsewhere.
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Sunrise-Rotary-2014-DonationKey West Sunrise Rotary in the Conch Republic President Scott Duszynski presents a check for $18,000 to Take Stock in Children Program Coordinator Leslie Holmes at the annual Take Stock in Children meeting at the Tennessee Williams Theatre Jan. 21. Also pictured, from left, John Padgett, president, Monroe County Education Foundation, and Sunrise Rotarians Denny Howley and Stephanie Griffiths.  Sunrise Rotarians raised the funds at their annual Key West events Bike Week, Brewfest and the Golf Classic.  Photo courtesy of Take Stock in Children.
[Sewers] As a homeowner (paid for all by myself) I am intending to install the lateral sewer line from my house out to the main sewer line to the street all by myself for about $80 in material cost.  If all you local rip off artists think you can milk the helpless families to fund you,  then go for it.
from the right

While some politicos busy themselves with huffing and puffing with the media, our Governor Rick Scott, takes care of the business of Florida and Floridians. For example, last week Governor Scott announced a proposed 10-day back-to-school sales tax holiday, as part of the 2014-2015 “It’s Your Money Tax Cut Budget.” The proposal is estimated to save Florida households almost $60 million during the 10-day holiday.

Governor Scott is dedicated to bringing new businesses to Florida, only businesses can create jobs and boost our economy.  Last Friday, Governor Rick Scott attended the grand opening of O’Reilly Auto Parts’ new distribution center and warehouse in Lakeland that will create 400 new jobs and generate $40 million in capital investment into the community.

scott24Governor Rick Scott and the Florida Cabinet just approved a 2-acre transfer of land from the state to the University of South Florida and All Children’s Hospital in St. Petersburg. This land transfer will enable the hospital to construct a 300,000 square-foot facility, generating 400 jobs and creating a research, training and educational center to better care for pediatric patients.

The other day Governor Scott announced that Frontier Communications Corporation will expand their presence in DeLand. The expansion of Frontier Communications’ customer contact center will create 139 new jobs in technical support positions with a capital investment of $2.3 million.

This week Governor Rick Scott announced that Frontier Communications Corporation will expand their presence in DeLand. The expansion of Frontier Communications’ customer contact center will create 139 jobs in technical support positions with a capital investment of $2.3 million.

You might think that Scott is only interested in building businesses and creating jobs for Floridians, but he also is very deeply devoted to the protection of Florida’s ecosystem.

Governor Scott has just announced $55 million in funding for restoration and protection of Florida’s springs in the 2014-2015 “It’s Your Money Tax Cut Budget.” Governor Scott said, “This investment will enable state and local partners to protect the quality and quantity of water that flows from our springs. These springs are important not only to animal and plant life, but also add to Florida’s ever-expanding tourism industry.” The $55 million recommendation dedicates $25 million in funding for water quantity and quality protection and restoration projects. These projects will have tangible benefits to reduce and eliminate nutrient impacts and ensure the proper flow to our springs.

Governor Scott this week has announced a $130 million investment to continue work on restoring the Everglades and South Florida’s ecosystem as part of the “It’s Your Money Tax Cut Budget.” Governor Scott said, “These dollars will go towards improving water quality, mitigating impacts of Lake Okeechobee’s discharges on our estuaries, and diverting more fresh water south to help restore the Everglades. Improving the Everglades sheet flow will be a major boon to the Keys ecosystem.

Governor Scott may not be photogenic, but he damn sure works hard for Florida. His policies and his efforts get results.

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