2020 January

Friday, January 24, 2020

Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.

[Stupid Parking Permit] This smiley face is the permit now offered to Monroe County from Key West up to Big Pine. It’s not the residential or city permit. This is the one that allows Truman Waterpark and now the Courthouse. They have been talking about this on the radio for weeks if not months. From the City of Key West Site: Monroe County Truman Waterfront Park Parking Permit Full time residents who reside south of Mile Marker 11 are eligible for a permit that allows parking for up to 4 hours per day at Truman Waterfront Park. Applicant must present a valid Driver’s License showing their address in Monroe County anywhere south of Mile Marker 11 (up to Shark Key). Apply at the City of Key West Parking Division Office in City Hall at 1300 White Street. The annual fee is $25.00 The City Manager may suspend or restrict permit parking during emergencies or festival events. It can be used at two locations only, the Truman waterfront and behind the court house; and that’s just for now.


[Injustice] If I had a vacant lot and I let it get overgrown I would suffer the wrath of Code Enforcement and innumerable fines and fees and penalties. The overgrown lot at the old road prison is overgrown with weeds and they can get away with it.

[Friday Joke] A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, “I’ve had enough and have left you, don’t bother coming after me” Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.

After a short while the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom, she could see him walking towards the dresser and pick up the note. After a few minutes he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone, “She’s finally gone … yeah I know, about bloody time, I’m coming to see you, put on that sexy French nightie. I love you…can’t wait to see you…we’ll do all the naughty things you like”. He hung up, grabbed his keys and left.

She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed, seething with rage and with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he wrote, “I can see your feet. We’re out of bread. Back in 5 min.




This is more like it. 53⸰ is crazy! I had so many blankets on that the weight made it hard to turn over.

[Crook] Federal regulators have slapped former Wells Fargo Chief Executive John Stumpf with a $17.5 million fine for his role in the bank’s sales practices scandal.  Stumpf also accepted a lifetime ban from the banking industry. Link
[House For Rent] On 2 acres in the center of the National Key Deer Refuge on Big Pine Key, this secluded, large 3-bedroom house has two full bathrooms and central air conditioning. Tile floors, stainless steel appliances. Large elevated deck outside the living room. House is on stilts with a full concrete ground floor where the laundry room and the storage/workshop are located. The laundry room has washer and dryer hookups. Impact windows all around mean no hurricane shutters are needed. The house sits on two wooded acres that includes a lovely natural pond. Two minutes from shopping center. No smokers please. Utilities are not included. $2,700 a month, plus first, last and a $1000 deposit. $6,400 is required at lease signing.
For more photos see Craigslist Link
[Friday Joke] At Friday night services, Morris went to his friend Irving and said, “Irving, I need a favor,  I’m sleeping with the rabbi’s wife. Can you hold him in the temple for an hour after services for me?”

Irving not very fond of the idea, but being Morris’ lifelong friend, he reluctantly agreed. After services, he struck up a conversation with the rabbi asking him all sorts of stupid questions in an effort to keep him occupied. After some time, the wise rabbi became suspicious and asked, “Irving, what are you really up to with all this?”

Irving, filled with feelings of guilt and remorse, confessed to the Rabbi, “I’m sorry Rabbi, my friend Morris is sleeping with your wife right now and asked me to keep you occupied.”

The wise rabbi smiled and, putting a brotherly hand on Irving’s shoulder, said, “Irving, I think you’d better hurry home, my wife died two years ago!”

[Free Presentation] “Slightly Unfocused: Photographing Birds, Houses, People, and Other Wildlife” by Mark Hedden. Doors open at 6 pm, presentation starts at 6:30 pm. Location- new Nature Center, 30587 Overseas Highway, Big Pine Key

Mark Hedden is a photographer, writer, and semi-professional birdwatcher. He has lived in Key West for more than 25 years and may no longer be employable in the real world. He is currently the Executive Director of the Florida Keys Audubon Society.
His work tends to focus on nightscapes, wildlife documentation, and street photography. He did shoot a wedding once and has almost recovered. His photos have appeared in the Miami Herald, Roads & Kingdoms, Solares Hill, Birder’s World, BirdWatching Magazine, Birding, the Bone Island Sun, on the website of WLRN, and other places. His work has also been included in a number of group shows as well as three solo shows at the Studios of Key West. He has been awarded to Knight Arts Challenge grants, the first for a project called “On The Hook,” which documented Key West’s liveaboard boat community, and the second for “South of Southernmost,” which he is currently shooting, focused on the Florida Keys backcountry islands. Series Photo credit: Nick Doll


Here’s what to eat and avoid at Chinese New Year dinner. Order dishes in pairs, don’t cut the head off your chicken and stay away from squid. Link


Flood Plan meeting.

The next meeting of the Big Pine Computer Club is coming up this Saturday, January 25, 10 am at the senior center.  Open to all. Full Menu > Ongoing Events


[Mooring] I found the perfect anchor tender ball, not only marking your anchor location but keeping your anchorage almost clear of others that may want to anchor too close.

Gas in Marathon is 30 cents less than it is on Big Pine. Changes in the weather and the price of gasoline are God’s way of giving old people something to talk about.



[Free Hospital Bed] Electric hospital bed goes up and down at both ends with trapeze mattress and silicone topper mattress for extra comfort. No charge. Located in Marathon Coco Plum area of Marathon (352) 207-6492.

[Friday Joke] Last year for her birthday I got my mother-in-law a plot in the local cemetery.  My wife asked me why I hadn’t bought her mother a gift this year.  I said, “Because she hasn’t had the courtesy to use the gift I got her last year.” That’s when the fight started.


[Yard Sale] Saturday & Sunday January 25-26. Ave C & Sands Road, 8a-12p. Marine items, household items. Big or small, something for all!

When I don’t have facts, I play to the media.  ~Alan Dershowitz
Jim Lehrer, a longtime anchorman for PBS who appeared on the air for more than 30 years until his retirement in 2011, died Thursday at 85. Before working for PBS, he also reported for Dallas public television station KERA, the National Public Affairs Center for Television, the Dallas Morning News and the Dallas Times-Herald. He attended Victoria College in Texas before studying journalism at the University of Missouri. He served three years as an infantry officer in the U.S. Marine Corps. Video
[Global Flooding] A “secondary” effect of Global Warming is a major rise in sea level as the glaciers in Greenland  , East and West Antarctica, and the permafrost plus polar ice melt. The question is only how much of the water now stored in those glaciers will melt and how much will remain as permanent ice. Here are a series of maps showing the extent of flooding at both 60 Meters and 100 Meters sea level rise. (To the left the 60 M set is reached sub-level to the 100 M maps).  Other authors have done (on net) 15 meters and in book on warming/ flooding there is a rough world 50 meter map.  Below is a 75 meter estimate. Link


[Iguanas Froze] The night the iguanas fell: Cold snap chills Florida. Iguana meat is up for sale. Video

[Wisdom Department] Anything you can’t control is teaching you to say good-bye.  ~Philosopher Jackson Kiddard
I think plastic and fossil fuels are the planet’s biggest worry.






Plastic pollution found inside a Pacific mahi mahi. Video
[Don’t Get Screwed] The Super Bowl is coming to Miami. Football fans from all over will be heading to the bright lights and balmy beaches of Miami to see their favorite teams play for the championship. Unfortunately, events like the Super Bowl provide happy hunting grounds for scammers of all sorts but particularly for ticket scammers.

Fans have many options for buying tickets (online marketplaces, ticket sellers, resellers, etc.), most of which are honest, legitimate sellers. The Better Business Bureau (BBB) and the National Association of Ticket Brokers (NATB) have urged ticket buyers to be cautious and do the following to be sure they are buying from a trustworthy source.

Purchase from the venue whenever possible. Consider your source. Check out the seller/broker. Buy only from trusted vendors. Know the refund policy. Use payment methods that come with protection. Be wary of advertisements. If you’re unsure, verify your tickets.

[Doctors] How come after you get a total physical and blood work, the doctor never tells you how to fix what’s wrong, or sometimes never even tells you what’s wrong!





[Mailbox] I’d like to see the expression on the face of the baseball bat wielder when they hit this thing!

[Sleep Tight] Early beds were made with a wooden frame. Ropes were tied across the frame in a criss-cross pattern. A straw mattress was then put on top of the ropes. Over time the ropes stretched, causing the bed to sag. The owner would then tighten the ropes to get a better night’s sleep.



[Plastic] Photographer hopes award-winning image of trapped sea turtle inspires change. Link