2023 January

Friday, January 27, 2023

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Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days,
Tuesdays and Fridays.

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Book Sale this Saturday, January 28 at the Big Pine Library. It starts after 8am. Good books cheap

The Three Stooges out of makeup and character.
[Keep On Keeping On] And so ends another week without me becoming unexpectedly rich.

Yardbirds guitarist Anthony ‘Top’ Topham dies aged 75 just two weeks after death of Jeff Beck who succeeded him in the pioneering blues band. Link.
The Yardbirds – Heart Full of Soul mix (Jimmy Page & Jeff Beck)

[Friday Joke] A guy goes into a bar where there is a robot bartender.  The robot says, “What will you have?
The guy replies: “Whiskey.”
The robot brings back his drink and asks, “What’s your IQ?”
The guy says, “168.”
The robot continues to talk about physics, space exploration, and medical technology.After the guy leaves and the more he thinks about it, the more curious he gets, so he decides to go back.
The robot asks, “What’s your drink?”
The guy answers: “Whiskey.”
The robot returns with his drink and asks, “What’s your IQ?”
The man replies, “100.” The robot talks about Nascar, Budweiser, and the NFL.
The man finishes his drink, and leaves, but is so interested in his “experiment” that he decides to try again.
He enters the bar and, as usual, the robot asks him what he wants to drink.
The man replies: “Whiskey.”
The robot brings the drink and asks, “What’s your IQ?”
The man answers, “54.”
The robot leans in real close and asks, “So . . .how’s… the… fishing… in… the… Keys?
[Roland the Farter] Medieval England’s celebrity flatulist. A manor in Suffolk and a whopping 30 acres (12 hectares) of land was given to a person who was renowned for his ability to gas, quite literally, at the behest of King Henry II. Roland le Petour, also known as Roulandus le Fartere, was granted land in the late 12th century, which was typical for favored entertainers who serviced the king. He was most probably a jester, who on special occasions like Christmas Day had to jump, whistle, and fart to entertain the assembled guests! Link
[Home Remedies] Effective earwax removal. Earwax is a helpful and natural part of your body’s defenses. It cleans, lubricates and protects your ear canal by trapping dirt and slowing the growth of bacteria. Earwax blockages commonly occur when people try to clean their ears on their own by placing cotton swabs or other items in their ears. This often just pushes wax deeper into the ear, which can damage the lining of your ear canal or eardrum. Link


[Holy Moments] A Handbook for the Rest of Your Life. Not to favor a certain Faith over another, but a most beautiful book is called “Holy Moments”. Basically, paying forward. Very quick read, powerful. Link

[Friday Joke] A woman ran a red traffic light and crashed into a man’s car. Both of their cars are demolished, but amazingly neither of them was hurt. After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said, “Wow, just look at our cars!
There’s nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt.  This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.”
The man replied, “I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!”
The woman continued, “And look at this, here’s another miracle.  My car is completely demolished, but my bottle of 75-year-old scotch didn’t break. Surely God meant for us to drink this vintage delicacy and celebrate our good fortune.”
Then she handed the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opened it, drank half the bottle and then handed it back to the woman. The woman took the bottle, immediately put the cap back on, and handed it back to the man.
The man asks, “Aren’t you having any?”
She replies, “Nah. I think I’ll just wait for the police.”
[Big Layoffs] Google, Microsoft, Amazon and other tech companies have laid off more than 70,000 employees in the last year. Link

3M announced Tuesday morning that the company will cut 2,500 manufacturing jobs worldwide.  This wave of layoffs represents about 2.6% of 3M’s 95,000-person global workforce. As demand for its products slows, 3M’s disposable respirator business and other consumer-facing markets have especially declined.

[“Key Deer Protection Alliance”] The Alliance is holding a virtual meeting, but for the link to this secret Zoom session you must email your request. Why don’t they just include the link in the post? I’d think they would want more participants not less?
[Cruise Ships] I thought about the logic of people saying cruise ships are very dangerous to get the Covid bug, but if you think about it, the ships have more outside air circulating throughout the ship than any office building or home. Sea air is as clean or cleaner than city/country air. People breath the sea air and flush out, while the city people rebreathe the same air over and over! Maybe my thinking is wrong, but logic tells me fresh air is better than building air.
The Keys are out in the open ocean and have the least count of infected people in the country. Why? Could well be the winds? The problem everywhere is the people who will not protect themselves or others from transferring any types of bugs, Covid 19 or whatever. I think there is a lot more to this Covid 19 than the Fed is telling us.

[Product For Old Folks] Listen up. A candy necklace like you used to get as a kid, but with Tums and Ibuprofen. Million dollar idea right there.

[Friday Joke] A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’
‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.”


[Raging Bull] Don’t wear red to a bullfight! video

4 Actors died Wednesday 25th Jan 2023. Video

[Born to Run] First annual Sugarloaf 5k 5K ENTRY FORM

[Vultures Float] Dozens of vultures got stranded in the waters of the Florida Keys. What happened? The reason isn’t clear, but the birds sometimes suffer blunt-force trauma from hitting the water, or simply are cold and waterlogged, without the ability to lift themselves out of the water,” she said. “These events may be caused by a strong down draft pushing them into water. Link

What exactly, is a shitload?

[Friday Joke] My neighbor lady was leaving this morning and asked if I wanted to go to her yoga class. Said it would make me feel relaxed, flexible, and loose. I told her vodka has the same effect and I don’t have to sweat or leave my porch.

[Zombie Tip] From Vandals to Martians to Zombies, if you shoot them in the head, they’re dead. Don’t waste ammo shooting them in the body.

I watched a Nigerian movie and a guest was offered a coffee choice, “…cold or room temperature?” I find that choice odd.

[Fashion Police] When did cowboys start wearing their pant legs over their boots instead of tucked inside? In the 1930s and 40s they were always tucked in. In the 50s, Hopalong Cassidy still tucked his in.

[Big Pine’s Long-Hair Ranch] Does long-haired hippie ranch in Big Pine Key still exist? Is it still a place where people can go camp? Thank you
Tax season is officially here, and the United Way of Collier and the Keys is prepared to help community members with their income tax preparation. UWCK’s VITA (Volunteer Income Tax Assistance) Program is a way for individuals making less than $66,000 a year to have their federal tax returns filed for free by IRS- certified volunteers.
[Friday Joke] A 70 year old man asked his wife, “Do you feel sad when you see me running after young girls?” Wife replied, “No, not at all. Even dogs chase cars they can’t drive.”
I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it.
[Friday Joke] My Wife: I just watched a guy your age on TV do 50 pushups. Can you do that?
Me: Are you kidding? Of course I can. Hell, I could probably watch someone do 100 pushups if I was really bored.
The current Coconut Telegraph was published on 1/27/23 at 9:01 am.