2014 July

Friday, July 25, 2014

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The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsThe Original Unsocial Media. Anonymous Letters to the Editor with Pictures. Published Daily by Noon Since 2002. No Saturday Edition

glass of water25[Water] My name is John, and I own the Big Pine Restaurant with my wife. Recently, it has come to my attention that one of our guests has told other people that he is not coming back to dine with us because we charge for water. I want to set the record strait once and for all. We do not charge for water. If you want bottled water, there is a charge for that, but never a charge for tap water.To all guests everywhere. Please, when you are looking at your bill, pause before you start to complain about the price of a particular item on the menu. We have large overhead that comes with our businesses. All of us were recently charged a large assessment for the waste water project. It is going to cost us over six figures to de-commission our septic tanks, pay for plans, pay for permits, and pay for installation. Absorbing this kind of cost is akin to having a second mortgage on our businesses.We look at the cost of food when we decide what we have to charge for that particular item. However, that is not all we have to think about. I had a man come up to me recently, and yell at me for charging $7 for a hamburger. He told me he could go to Winn Dixie and buy his own hamburger meat, and have a lot more than one burger. I told him as gently as I could, that we have many things to consider when pricing out our menu. I told him, for example, we had to pay for the food. Then I began telling him about some other line item costs we have to keep the doors open. There is advertising, bank service charges, credit card settlement fees, building insurance, flood insurance, workers compensation insurance, liability insurance, windstorm insurance, licenses and fees, maintenance (for when things break down) office supplies, payroll, payroll taxes, federal unemployment, Medicare, State unemployment, postage, Social Security costs, mortgage, repairs, supplies, property tax, telephone, cable, electric, trash removal, propane costs and water costs. Just to name a few.

So I asked him, (and I kindly ask the person who was considering not coming back because you thought we charged for water) to please think about the larger picture, and huge overhead cost each business owner has before you confront them on what their pricing is. It’s not just the hamburger.

As for the water, I could probably make a case due to the amount of money we are being charged to convert to the waste water system, to charge .50 cents for water. But please take comfort in knowing we do not charge for it.

Thanks to all our locals who support us all year long. It is because of you that we can stay here and continue to provide you with the best possible food, for the best possible price. It’s our passion to do so. thank you, thank you. we just celebrated our 13th year in business. You are the best! We also want to thank our wonderful staff. It is all of them, and all of us, that make Big Pine Restaurant happen.

Thank you guys. We love you all!

[No Catching Goliath Grouper] It looks like the regulators will not open the Goliath Grouper to fishing and it they ever taken of the do not catch list, divers will not be able to spear them. They would only be caught on a fish hook, albeit a very big fish hook!
plane crash piperFlying is great right up until it isn’t!.
[Google Tip] If you want to know how to spell something, just type: define (and then the word). If you are close enough Google will correct your spelling and give you a simple definition.
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Joey Dee, of the Starliters wrote Hang On Sloopy that Rick Derringer, of the McCoys, made famous. Video
Lost. Sunglasses, Maui Jim, brown tortoise shell arms, amber lens. Lost in Eden Pines near Key Deed Blvd, Palm Dr, Bittersweet Dr. or Fern Dr. If found call Classified Ads > Lost and Found
 [“Eimers’ death”] Did anyone hear the brain dead chick from The Blue Paper going on an on about Eimers on 104FM? She should be slapped and put in dark corner. The cops may have handled the situation badly, but the guy was obviously a f**k up. Driving away from cops is never a good idea.
[Water Bag
] I’ve seen these plastic bags filled with water hanging in the old Cuban markets in KW years ago to ‘keep away flies’. They don’t work. It’s a myth. The only reason I noticed this bag in a Marathon restaurant was because a fly was going around it.To those of you who still believe the bags keep away flies, I suggest a simple test. Put a little old meat on two tables outside in a similar area and hang a plastic bag filled with water over one of them. When you return latter you will see the same number of flies on both pieces of meat.
[“Moving to BPK”] I appreciate the comments about building on BPK and welcome any and all stories (good and bad) especially if it can save us one headache.
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[Another Diver Dead] A 45-year-old New Jersey father died Wednesday while diving the Spiegel Grove with his two children, 15 and 18, with Blue Water Divers.
[What’s in your hamburger] Winn-Dixie says they do not carry any hamburger with pink slime in it. I am a skeptic and wouldn’t be surprised if there is other things we don’t know about in the factory made stuff. Having worked in a meat department for 4 years, the only hamburger most of us would buy was what we ourselves made in the store. As the butchers would trim steaks from the primal cuts (e.g. whole side of strip, whole side of ribeye, chuck, round, etc.) the offcuts would go in a large container from which the hamburger was made. This was by far the best hamburger I have had, and I knew what went into it.
[Joke Friday] A guy walked into a crowded bar, waving his Colt 45 and yelled, “Who in here has been screwing my wife?” A voice from the back of the crowd yelled back, “You’ll need more ammo.” Just another example of why you need to own high-capacity firearms.
[CD Tips] Most people take great care to not scratch the bottom of their CDs and DVDs, but in reality it’s the top you should protect; the actual data on an optical disc is stored on the extremely thin layer of aluminum under the label side and, if scratched, it cannot be polished back to a showroom shine like the plastic bottom layer. Only use a soft tip laundry marking pen to write on a disk, never a pencil or ball point pen! Keep your good data and movies out of kids hands too.
[“Post Office Website”] A poster commented “good luck navigating the website, you’ll need it” Ain’t that the truth! USPS has one of the most awful sites I’ve ever tried to use. Want to mail a first class package and wish to know the cost? Search on the USPS site for ‘first class postage rates.’ Over one thousand choices appear. Are the rates there? not that I can find. Search for USPS anything – it’s buried in thousands of choices. It’s no wonder they lose money.
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shoes accordian legs
[More bar wisdom] If you walk a mile in my shoes, you’ll end up at the bar.
[Meat] Do supermarkets even have meat cutters anymore? It looks like everything is already pre-cut and packaged when it arrives at the store.
[“I wonder how they make hot dogs and cheap hamburg“] Just imagine baby’s first summer diaper time!
What a beautiful “Filet Mignon” or all about meat glue. Another dirty trick meat processors practice is literally gluing up otherwise unsellable pieces of meat into beautiful “steaks”. Transglutaminase is an enzyme that has been used for years to join the tapered ends of the filet into seemingly prime cuts. The worst part of this is that the chances of getting salmonella are greater because surfaces that were once exposed are now trapped inside the steak. Thus, if you like rare filets, there is a greater chance of getting sick.
[Nation of Islam] You won’t believe what these people believe. Prepare to have your mind blown. Link
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1959 Hammond Organ
, M3. Works like new. Sounds great. Play all those old standards for grandma $200. Delivery negotiable. Classified Ads > Music.
I’m tired of welfare leeches. Feckless, lazy people who do nothing but mooch hardworking taxpayers’ money. And yes, I’m talking about our elected officials in Washington!
[“Gay Football Player”] Fox News reported that Coach Tony Dungy said that. Maybe it’s time for hearing aid.
chubby checker25
I thought Chubby Checker did the Twist. Dick Clark Video
[Friday Joke] A woman goes to her priest one day and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”
“What do they say?” the priest inquired. “They say ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'”
“That’s obscene!” the priest exclaimed. Then he thought for a moment. “You know,” he said, “I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the bible. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and we’ll put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying …that phrase… in no time.”

“Thank you,” the woman responded, “this may very well be the solution.” The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest’s house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: “Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?”

There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, “Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!”

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barber pole 200h
I just got a haircut at the new barber shop on 1st. St in Big Pine, excellent job. This guy can do old school cuts also. Pay him a visit, he’s very nice.
[Protests] What is really going on in France? We’re next. Video
For Sale. 1989 Seacraft Center Console 18′ SF. 2002 Mercury 150 Saltwater series. Deck and transom solid, no soft spots. Hull in great shape, Bimini top, dual batteries and selector switch, On-board charger, 35 gallon live well, spotlight and 2 Taco outriggers. $7,000 Randy Classified Ads > Boats
You may remember Gonzales Gonzales from John Wayne movies.  He provided comedy in Rio Bravo, Hellfighters, and several other Wayne movies.  This video shows where he got his start.He innocently appeared as a contestant on ‘You Bet Your Life’ with Groucho Marx. As the questioning continued, it got funnier & funnier  Groucho took advantage of the situation based upon audience laughter. It starts slow, but by the time Romero Gonzales Gonzales “Pedro” gives her “the look”, you’ll be laughing out loud.John Wayne happened to be watching the show and contacted him after the event.  John Wayne insisted he play himself in the movies. Gonzales became a popular character in John Wayne movies. Video
How hackers hid a money-mining botnet in the clouds of Amazon and others. So you think the Cloud is safe, huh? Link


For sale. One deluxe church pew. First $100 takes it. Delivery negotiable (lava lamp not for sale). Classified Ads > Household.

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Panko Crusted Mahi Mahi with a Wasabi Sauce
TGIF from Springer’s Bar and Grill.
Today’s special is Panko Crusted Mahi Mahi with a Wasabi Sauce and Mushroom Rice Pilaf. Lightly crunchy with just a touch of heat. Sure to fill the belly and please the palate.
Happy Hour 2-7 daily with great drink specials and happy hour menu.
There’s always something special at Springer’s.
[“3 month rental”] The last I checked November 1 to March 31 was 5 months. (Ed: That was entirely my time/space continuum fault.)
[Election] I just finished listening to this morning’s radio rebate between Commissioner George Neugent and challenger Danny Coll. What stood out the most was that during these last many years of the Comprehensive Plan update process (dating back to 2009) candidate Danny Coll has not attended any of these meetings, nor has he participated in this public process. When questioned about this, he answered that he watches the broadcast, or rebroadcast, from his home.

Watching to see what happened is a far cry from actively participating in the most important process this County will undertake for the next 20 years. This Comprehensive Plan is the document which guides our county government; county decisions which will be made over the next 20 years must adhere to the principles, policies, and goals of this new Comp Plan.

Mr. Coll, you’ve not participated at all, not offered a single suggestion, not raised a single concern, yet you feel that by having “watched some of the broadcasts” you are qualified to implement the policies you couldn’t be bothered helping to craft.

I then learned that although Mr. Coll’s platform is stated to be wind and flood insurance, he couldn’t be bothered to attend those recent FEMA meetings either. I (an average citizen, not an “activist” as he called some others who have attended meetings) have attended and participated in our local county government more than Mr. Coll has, which by his own admission, seems to be “not at all”.

power to the people25The Power Company is God! All they have to do is click off the electric and we are history in days. No electric, no lights, no refrigeration, no fuel delivery, no heat, no AC, no cars, no trucks, no shipping, no food, no water pumped, no sewers, no nothing. How long could you last without electric? Your generator will be useless when there is no more fuel for it. Is your garden growing veggies? Do you live in a winter wonderland up north? Do you have a fireplace? Pets to eat? Can you do your own medical treatments? Do you have spare shoes, boots, glasses, cloths, food, water, medicines, guns, clubs, etc? What will you do in a month or two? And don’t forget, the mortgage is still due every month!
Earth in the midst of it’s 6th mass extinction. BPK holds many rare and endangered creatures. Link
lower keys boat rental7.11.14
You should post the address and email of the County Commissioners so we could express our feelings on there actions. (Ed: Business Directory > Government).
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Display your dive flag like your life depends on it.  Learn and respect the rules about dive flags. It is a matter of life or death. Video
[“Key West is one of the six most overrated tourist destinations in the world”] Just wait until Cuba opens and the tourist businesses start marine transportation from KW to get there. Those systems will not work, but that type entrepreneur will get state and fed grant money to start them up and ruin more of our islands. It will be a circus worst then now. Tourist will believe they can hop a ferry to Cuba with their families and vehicles. Never happen!
[“One brave fellow”] Not only is Kerry brave flying into war zones, but so is the old news guy from CBS who was there examining shrapnel holes on the downed Malaysian plane right in the middle of the second most hostile square mile in the world (Gaza is #1). There were 3 other investigators there from Malaysian Airlines. A slew of other investigators are at home waiting for the area to be safe enough to do their work.
cudjoe-ramp25[Shameful Boat Ramp] The County Commissioners were quick to spend infrastructure sales tax acquiring and committing to the continued maintenance and development of new infrastructure, while they ignored existing infrastructure that is in shameful condition. A concrete slab was poured some years ago at the Cudjoe Blimp Road boat launch that turned a usable ramp for shallow draft boats into a trailer smasher. Citizens with concrete bags have made it usable with caution, but the point remains: Why are you buying new infrastructure commitments instead of building a sensible sewer system and then fixing what is broken? The new gang of three have to go!
[Sewers] Since there are certain to be back-ups and overflows if the new sewer system goes on line as designed, the following information from some mold prevention and remediation guidelines is good to remember. “These guidelines are for damage caused by clean water. If you know or suspect that the water source is contaminated with sewage, or chemical or biological pollutants, then Personal Protective Equipment and containment are required by the Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA). An experienced professional should be consulted if you and/or your remediators do not have expertise remediating in contaminated water situations. Do not use fans before determining that the water is clean or sanitary.” I think you would probably want SCBA supplied air anyway, just for the stench.
[Trolling the Web] I went out yesterday and got my limit of 24 lobsters. It was a very nice day and few boaters. Can’t wait for next year.
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[Wine Bottle Glass] No more whining about your glass being empty!  The ingenious wine bottle glass cuts out the middle man, and keeps you closer to your grapelicious spirits. Just the thing people need. It sure would be hot sellers in local bars!
[Sewers] The difference between “turn on” and “turn off” in an E-One grinder pump station is less than 10 gallons. The difference between “turn off” and “sound the high water alarm!” in an E-One is also is less than 10 gallons. Even a short power outage will have sewer alarms shrieking all over your LPS neighborhood. The pipes are sized to handle only a few pumps running at once, so pipe pressures will soar. The pipe in your yard is pressure tested to just over half of what the pump may produce. Do you see any problem there, “Savior of the environment Neugent”? These E-1 pumps are nothing like what was at Porky’s and they are all connected together instead of just individually pumping uphill a little ways to spill into a structure like grinder pumps were designed to do. These alarms are loud! Hear it here. Video
[Sewers] Reminder that if FKAA put a grinder pit on your property without an easement, it does NOT give them the right to come in and remove it. Just tell them to get the hell off your property and hope you don’t sue them for the damage.
[“Affordable housing”] Who the hell wants this low rent crap in the Keys. We locals don’t want more trash moving down here, we want the rich and famous to build mansions and gated communities like Cudjoe Gardens and Stock Island, not welfare shacks. If you cannot afford to live in a rich area don’t come here!
The original compiler is a man named Fritz Edmunds.1. If you can get arrested for hunting or fishing without a license, but not for being in the country illegally, you live in a country run by idiots.
2. If you have to get your parents’ permission to go on a field trip or take an aspirin in school, but not to get an abortion, you live in a country run by idiots.
3. If you have to show identification to board an airplane, cash a check, buy liquor or check out a library book, but not to vote on who runs the government, you live in a country run by idiots.
4. If the government wants to ban stable, law-abiding citizens from owning gun magazines with more than ten rounds, but gives 20 F-16 fighter jets to the crazy leaders in Egypt, you live in a country run by idiots.
5. If, in the largest city, you can buy two 16-ounce sodas, but not a 24-ounce soda because 24-ounces of a sugary drink might make you fat, you live in a country run by idiots.
6. If an 80-year-old woman can be stripped searched by the TSA but a woman in a hijab is only subject to having her neck and head searched, you live in a country run by idiots.
7. If your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend trillions more, you live in a country run by idiots.
8. If a seven year old boy can be thrown out of grade school for saying his teacher’s “cute,” but hosting a sexual exploration or diversity class in grade school is perfectly acceptable, you live in a country run by idiots.
9. If hard work and success are met with higher taxes and more government intrusion, while not working is rewarded with EBT cards, WIC checks, Medicaid, subsidized housing and free cell phones, you live in a country run by idiots.
10. If the government’s plan for getting people back to work is to incentivize NOT working, with 99 weeks of unemployment checks and no requirement to prove they applied but can’t find work, you live in a country run by idiots.
11. If being stripped of the ability to defend yourself makes you more “safe” according to the government, you live in a country run by idiots.
If you are offended by this article, you probably voted for the idiots who are running our country into the ground
Judge Jeanine: Mr. President you can’t have it both ways. OBAMA..TIME TO PUT ON YOUR BIG BOY PANTS. Video.
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The PlanLet’s stop the rhetoric BS and back off.
A. Allow those men who want to marry men, marry men.
B. Allow those women who want to marry women, marry women.
C. Allow those folks who want to abort their babies, abort their babies.
D. In three generations, there will be no DemocratsDon’t you just love it when a plan comes together!
from the right
A POSTER WROTE: “FTR guy, how about stating your opinion as to who is really ‘handling’ BO and running the country and the world. BO is too stupid like most Presidents are, to make the decisions he supposedly does! Your opinions count Sir, dispite the few screwballs that knock you!”FTR’S RESPONSE: I must respectfully disagree with the notion that BO or any other President is “stupid”. It takes a great deal of smarts to have the ability to capture the votes of millions of people. Every President that I can recall has been a success in his private life. And their decisions as President have deeply affected each one of us. The one exception was Harry Truman who was a failed business man, but was a very skillful and successful politician whose service as President is now highly regarded. Many Presidents have made decisions that history has proven to be really bone headed decisions. Kennedy was not stupid, but he very nearly kicked off nuclear Armageddon. Johnson was not stupid, but his name is inexorably tied to Vietnam. Nixon was not stupid, but he sure screwed up.evil25Obama is a very bright guy. But his political beliefs are in drastic opposition to those of our founders. He is determined to remake our nation into a quasi-socialist state. That’s not stupid, but, that’s wrong and it’s evil.

Personally I don’t believe that any single person is “handling” Obama. It is very common knowledge that he is strongly influenced by his closest advisor, Valerie Jarrett. Jarrett is a longtime friend and confidant of the Obama’s and she is considered to be the most “in” of Obama’s inner circle. She is very close to Michelle, and she basically is the door keeper to the Oval Office. She and the Obama’s have been attached at the hip since the earliest days in Chicago. She, like so many of Obama’s friends and mentors from Chicago are radical leftists. It’s very likely that Michelle is the single strongest influence on Obama, with Jarrett a very close second. Jarrett and Michelle are very close and seldom disagree about anything.

As to the question: “who is running the world”. Certainly not Obama, his and our nation’s international influence is in the toilet. That is precisely where Obama wants it to be.

A poster suggested that Putin is popular with the Right and with Fox News. That notion is preposterous. The Right is furious with Obama for permitting Putin to run roughshod over American interests. We weep that Putin routinely humiliates Obama and our nation. It is a deep tragedy that while Obama is tearing down our nation’s influence in world affairs, that Putin becomes stronger every day. We and the world will regret that. The U.S. and the world will pay dearly for Obama’s feckless foreign policy.

A POSTER WROTE: “Ftr’s answer to my asking why Obama’s intentions were to drag the U.S.further and further down is summed up in the first couple of sentances “I believe…I suspect”. It took 575 words for that? I told you us old white guys ,like yourself,have way too much time on our hands.”


FTR’S RESPONSE: It is highly probable that the world would be a much better place if more old white guys, old white women, old black men, old black women and people of all colors and ages used part of their time to acquaint themselves with the issues facing our community and our nation. And then used their knowledge and experience to make our community and our nation a better place. An example might be to simply voice your opinions in the CT rather than engaging in silly bitching about nothing of consequence. Or perhaps actually getting involved in the political process by supporting candidates who share your beliefs, or perhaps engaging in community service. But, unfortunately far too many of us are far too lazy to do anything except bitch. They let the political tides swamp them, and then do nothing except bitch about it