2017 June

Friday, June 16, 2017

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays
Letters to the Editor with pictures



[Bambi] Here’s a new addition to our neighborhood herd.

[Shark Catch Trend Analysis] Peter J. Barile, Ph.D. Has submitted a report which backs up my assertion that the shark populations are exploding. The reports show that there are over 300% more sharks of the major species now than in 2000 and some reports show 60 times more. Link
Our fishing day went well for about hour or so, then sea sickness hit my crew. We had 5 dolphin. One was undersized & released, one was lost at the side of the boat & 3 nice fish were invited home for dinner. After running to 850 feet, that’s about 17 miles off Looe Key. Looe Key is 5 miles off US 1, so that’s a good run. They asked to stop fishing & be taken back to Munson Island. They were done. I have had 5 crews out of the past 15 days that wanted to be done “Now!”. Well, when you’re in 850 feet of water off Big Pine Key, you have a long run ahead of you to set foot on land. I was looking forward to spending some time on & around the “Wall” That’s where we were. The Wall drops for 900 feet to 1900 feet–now!
Stuff happens. Let’s see what tomorrow brings. ~ Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store
[“Vigilante landscaper”] How bout trim up your place and trim whatever is rubbing you the wrong way, and put it in the trash with no BS? In the old days, the neighbor would come and thank you, bring you some fresh fish and a beer.

Don’t start trouble where there is none, I know the Keys have lost their cool, you don’t have to lose yours!


[Beer] Baltika makes a dark lager that is one of the finest lagers I’ve had. I understand that a fine lager is very hard to make and that’s the reason there are so many porters, ales, and IPAs. Baltika Number 4 Dark Lager is brewed in St. Petersburg, Russia and contains 5.6% alcohol. It has a full, clean larger taste. Many European and Russian beers are numbered. Why, I don’t know. Everyone I ask when traveling seems to come up with a different reason for the numbers. I buy this beer when I go to KW. It’s sold at the little Russian grocery store on Kennedy Drive by the bottle. $3 to go.

[Friday Joke] Robot for sale. A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, “I did some schoolwork.”
The robot slaps the son.
The son says, “Ok, Ok. I was at a friend’s house watching movies.”
Dad asks, “What movie did you watch?”
Son says, “Toy Story.”
The robot slaps the son.
Son says, “Ok, Ok, we were watching porn.”
Dad says, “What? At your age, I didn’t even know what porn was.”
The robot slaps the father.
Mom laughs and says, “Well, he certainly is your son.”
The robot slaps the mother.
If sea level rise is going to influence the resale value of waterfront and even inland low elevation houses, why are record prices still being paid for resorts up and down US1, especially Key West? I’m not sure any trend can be drawn from individual home sales, as there are always special houses in great locations that will be desirable and continue to get top dollar.
Likewise, a street known for flooding consistently may cause homeowners to bail and sell off cheaply, so I’m not sure anecdotal statistics here and there prove anything.
In the meantime, prime resorts are being bought for $50-100 million dollars by investment corporations who presumably know what they’re doing, as do the banks that finance them. If you ask me, I’m more worried about the threat of iguanas taking over than sea level rise


The end of an era, the Road Prison sign comes down! My concern now is that they are going to put up some cheap buildings and call them “affordable”. If you think traffic is bad now wait until these buildings go up and the Publix complex is built.

[Bridge Fishing] They are making a new bridge to fish from before the 7 Mile Bridge on the old one. A lot of people drive down to the Keys just to fish from the bridges (although I’ve never seen anyone catch anything of note). It’s good that they are making more fishing bridges. At least there ‘s something to do here that is free and fun.
[Mako Shark and Swimmer] This photo is from one of our Captains. He had just allowed a crew member to get into the water, the kid needed to go potty, aka, aqua dump. The Mako shark zipped in from nowhere. The young man was unaware & the captain remained cool & calm, told the young man to hurry up, do your business & get in the boat–he did. The Mako followed him up to the boat, stuck his head out of the water to check everyone out. He wouldn’t eat a bait; you can see him refusing the fish carcass. He tasted the outboard once or twice. Stuck his Mako face out of the water a few more times, then just like he zipped in the picture, he zipped out. The young man realized he had been in the water, with his pants down with a Mako checking out his snow white butt. It’s all fun and games until some one gets hurt, then it’s an adventure.
[Poet Alert] We are looking for the next famous poet(s). Apply now! Money, paid residency, and sponsored 3 cities venues & engagement tours for selected poet(s). Poetry in parks at Gettysburg. Link
Thanks, Deer Ed, for Tuesday’s “Sounds of Big Pine Key” by Laura Knight – it was a nice change from the usual ranting and raving
[Little Torch Key Coin Thrower] Gabrielle Lynn Tognieri, 36, of Little Torch Key, was charged with felony throwing objects into a dwelling, vehicle, building or aircraft and misdemeanor battery causing bodily harm. The 25-year-old motorist told responding deputies at 11:53 p.m. Sunday that he was driving southbound on the Bahia Honda Bridge with his windows down when another motorist, later identified as Tognieri, came up behind him with her high beams on before passing him on the left shoulder of the bridge, reports say. While passing him, she reportedly threw coins out the passenger side window at him, striking him in the face and cutting his cheek. The man stopped and told deputies she called him a sexual slur, before he got back in his car and continued southbound and Tognieri stopped at one point and waited for him to pass, reports say. She then threw more coins at him causing him to run off the road, reports say. He then called 911.

Another deputy stopped Tognieri’s vehicle on Sands Road on Big Pine Key and arrested her

[Democracy] When even an idiot has a say.

Every year we get an invasion of the Brown-neck Ceiling Bug (does anyone know their real name?). They usually cover the ceilings and screens on the North side of our stilt house any time from April to June. This year they arrived on June 16 & 17th. I used one whole 17.5 ounce can of bug killer on them so far. Our new Ryobi hand vacuum is getting a through workout picking up the corpses. (Deer Ryobi, please make the tip smaller in order to get into smaller places).

[Soon Come] The closed Wharf restaurant on Summerland Key is going to be called Seafood Shack when it reopens. I wish them the best of luck in this new venture. They are currently working on employee housing which will be provided to all employees that can show up on time and be willing and able to work, and number one requirement, be sober!
I have a phobia of German sausages. Yes, I fear the wurst!


[Ten Commandments] Whether you’re religious or not, you have to admit that the 10 commandments are the clearest, most complete set of laws ever written for society.  They are concise, easy to understand and are without loopholes.  It’s obvious they weren’t written with the intent to provide job security for lawyers. Although many find it difficult to do so, if these laws were followed, we would have a perfect society.

[Friday Joke] There was a small rural town in Texas.  One day a tourist came into the hotel, dropped a one-hundred dollar bill on the desk and said he wanted to see the room before he checked in.  As soon as the tourist went upstairs the hotel owner grabbed the bill and ran down to the butcher shop to pay his bill.  The butcher grabbed the bill and ran down to the pig farmer and paid his bill.  The farmer took the bill to the feed store and paid his bill.  The feed store guy took the bill and paid off his hooker.  She ran to the hotel and paid off her room bill.  The tourist came back down stairs, picked up the hundred dollar bill, told the hotel owner he didn’t like the room and left.  No one produced anything and no one owed anything.  However, the whole town was out of debt and the future looked rosy.  This is how our government works too.

[Commercials] I don’t know how you people can watch commercial TV with so many commercial interruptions. I was watching one on the many judges’ shows and timed how long between commercials. There were just four minutes and fourteen seconds of programming between commercials.

[Tacky] For the past couple days, driving through Summerland Key, I’ve seen a variety of multi colored beach towels and swimsuits hanging on Mote Marine’s railing facing US 1.  Do you mean to tell me that a washer and dryer was not included in the $7 million price tag? Does the place need to look like a slum?
[Good Ol’ Days of the Florida Keys] I moved to the Keys in 1964 after graduating from King High in Tampa. My parents had moved down just a few months before. My father, one nephew, and my son were all born there. My father worked at Molina’s Bakery on White St. for a while. We lived around the corner from there on Varela St. I remember:
Tony’s Bakery on Duck Avenue where you could get the best Cuban bread and glazed donuts fresh and hot every morning.
Walking anywhere at any time, without fear. No police, but lots of MP’s patrolling.
Roosters crowing and small mom and pop restaurants everywhere.
I remember Marines going for morning runs along Duval Street as they sang cadence.
Searching for conchs that had washed up on shore after a hurricane.
Walking everyplace.
Hunting for the No Name Bar on Big Pine
Conch Chowder
A handful of tourists now and then riding ugly pink scooters down Duval Street.
Tony’s (my father) Bakery on Duck Avenue
The Junkanoos playing marimba island music from the back of a pick up truck.
Swimming in Caribbean blue water.
No anxiety or time constraints other than work and even that was fun.

Work at the Naval Station on Big Pine was incidental to living and playing in the Keys back then. It was heaven for an 18 year old girl fresh out of high school. Fantastic old days!

[Helicopters] I see Sheriff Ramsay has acquired more helicopters, an old worn out Bell helicopter with no air-worthness certificate, which mean he can’t legally fly it over a populated area like he did on the bridge run recently. Ramsay’s Air Force has more aircraft than the Syrian air force.


A Flag Day history of the stars and stripes. If you forgot it, like everyone else, Flag Day is on June 14. Link

Why should I pay for a psychiatrist when my wife will gladly say what’s wrong with me for free?
[From the Right on Art] On Tuesday I posted an item discussing my very deep concerns about the state of political dialog.  I pointed out the current NYC production of Caesar wherein Caesar is mockingly depicted as Trump…and then glorifies the murder of Trump/Caesar in a deluge of knives and blood.  It was, and is, my conviction that this was yet another example of the left’s conscious decision to stir bloodlust in today’s political dialog.  I closed the posting with one word –Worry!

Our Deer Ed noted in his rebuttal that “For the record, I think the current production is in poor taste, but that is art. Art’s purpose is to elicit emotion.” On that point Deer Ed and I agree.  I believe that the purpose of the play is to elicit emotion.  Emotion is the most potent weapon in the political arsenal. 

The left has been using social media to gin up emotion. (continued on the National Politics page …)

[Science] There are seashells in some of the highest mountains in the world. In twenty to thirty thousand years there will be seashells in new mountains. Earths normal cycle for millions of years. Poles shift, oceans move, mountains rise and fall. Scientific fact. There’s nothing a human being can do to influence it all. There are maps in our national archives showing waterways north of Canada.

Yes it is true, Billy’s Stone Crab on Summerland Key is going to reopen. I heard it’s going to be Tony’s Seafood Shack. I want to wish them the best of luck. With the lousy, lazy, and drunken work force in the Keys they are going to need all the luck they can find, from shamrocks to horseshoes. I have witnessed many businesses fail simply because of the lack of good help.

The pot holes are once again growing on Littons Way between Key Deer Blvd and Wilder Rd. In addition to the bone jarring pot holes the jungle has grown out over the roadway in three places effectively reducing the road to a single lane.  I know many people who use this section of Littons to avoid the painfully long traffic light at the highway and also use the road to access the park at the corner of Littons and Wilder.  There is often talk of reducing traffic on the highway, especially during high season.  Improving Littons Way would take away some of the congestion at the left turn lane at U.S. 1 for BPK residents who don’t need to get on the highway to get to where they need to go.

I called the County and was told that the road is a private road and the adjacent property owners would have to agree to any improvements and pay the cost of same.  I can’t imagine that the property owners who need to use this road would object to an improvement [and increased traffic].  There is no reason that I can think of why the County should not adopt and improve this stretch of roadway that would benefit the many people who transverse the road every day.  Just dumping a bit of gravel in the pot holes doesn’t work.  It just crushes down and the hole re-emerges. I called and left a message with our County Commissioner to discuss the subject, but so far no response.  Perhaps a petition from the people who want this roadway improved and maintained would get some attention.

[“Sounds of Big Pine Key”] That was great. You really have to have lived here for a long time to get some of the sounds. They were right on. I especially liked “The thud of an iguana falling from a tree”.
[Keys Moths Blitz] Want to help discover a new species?  In the past 10 years there have been almost 600 species of moths identified in the Florida Keys and through an ongoing survey, new species are being discovered all the time. The month of June is the best time of year to witness biodiversity in moths, so if you would like to be part of the first annual Keys Moths Bio Blitz, come join us and help play a part in further understanding the moth fauna in the Florida Keys.  David Fine (the “Moth Guy”) will guide the group in cataloging as many species of moths as possible. We have set a goal to identify 250 species in two nights. Make sure you bring your camera (cell phone cameras work too), a flashlight and some insect repellent.  The event is family-friendly and free.  Come on out, we guarantee you’ll be amazed at what you’ll see!

National Key Deer Refuge Thursday June 22nd, 7:30-9:30 pm. Meet at the Refuge Visitor Center in the Big Pine Key Shopping Plaza (across from Winn Dixie, we’ll be driving to a site on No Name Key

Since there is a request for money, I ask if Billy Causey is the cause (excuse the pun) of the hostile work environment at the Florida Keys National Marine Sanctuary. Is he still Ex-Officio/Advisory at the Sanctuary Friends Foundation of the Fl. Keys as posted on the website?
[Sewers] There are some corrections to the Tuesday discussion of the Cudjoe sewage plant deep well pump operation as described in the Operations and Maintenance Manual for the wells as sent to DEP. It is even worse. There is a drawing on page 110 of the 2,296 page manual that shows that FKAA intends to have a range of water level in the effluent wetwell of 5″ above the minimum water level allowable by the pump manufacturer to 1 foot ABOVE the overflow to the shallow wells! They conveniently did not show the overflow pipe to the shallow wells on the drawing, but the effluent starts running out of it at elevation 11.51 and they show a normal high water elevation of 12.50. Based on that drawing, FKAA intends to routinely discharge to the shallow wells! Maybe they don’t, but it shows a real lack of concern and/or generally reckless engineering. The narrative explaining operation on page 30 says that the target water level to be maintained in the wetwell is 7.50. If that is an elevation, then the target is about where the pumps should shut off normally. If it is a water depth, then the target elevation is 10.59′, or just 11″ below the overflow pipe. Both are an inappropriate target with very little “fudge factor” for lack of perfection in control.
On page 814 instrumentation drawings, there is an indication that FKAA intends to set the pace of the deep well pumps based on the speed of the pumps that feed the treatment tanks at the head of the plant. Those pumps draw from the Equalization tanks that buffer incoming sewage to better stabilize the flow rate. That scheme is unlikely to work because of the long and variable lag time of flow through the plant and the very limited speed range of the deep well pumps combined with very limited depth range within which to operate.
There are two VFDs shown on the instrumentation drawings, so maybe they really can manually run two pumps at once on normal power, just not on generator power when a storm may be adding to the flow. The electrical drawings that should show the automatic transfer switch to generator power appear to be missing in that 2300 page manual. It also appears that FKAA lied about having adequate fuel available to the well pump generator to run the hours required.
I got a laugh out of the statement that if the main plant generator does not run, there will be no discharge from the plant. Sure there will… raw sewage over the wall and out to the ocean! That does not happen with septic tanks. FKAA accepted a Mexican generator instead of the specified US-made Caterpillar “or equal”, with no contract credit for the substitution. And the generator will not even power the entire plant.
[Red Snapper] Friday, June 16, begins the first weekend of an additional 39-day season for recreational red snapper fishing in Gulf federal waters and changes to the state season. The U.S. Department of Commerce announced these expanded fishing opportunities today, and the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission (FWC) followed with an executive order setting the updated season in state waters.

The 39-day season is open Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays from Friday, June 16, through Monday, Sept. 4. Also included are Monday and Tuesday, July 3 and 4, and Monday, Sept. 4

[New Music] The Revivalists – Wish I Knew You. The lead singer very hot!


[Mechanical Thinning] The upcoming start of the National Key Deer Refuge upcoming prescribed burn season.

[“Tattooed women are broken”] I know tats are the craze right now, but I can’t help but feel sorry for people who don’t love themselves or are insecure. That’s what tats represent to me–insecurity. Tats are also addictive, if you want to be in pain to show how tough you are, I would be willing to beat you with a 2×4, then we could both be happy.
[Soon Come] These paper-thin solar panels are cheap and can be printed! Video



[Tortoise Eggs] The giant Galapagos tortoises rely on sand temperature during egg incubation to determine sex. Warmer sand means more females.

[Carysfort Reef] “After passing ten days pleasantly enough between Constantinople and Therapia, and being entertained by the ambassadors, we embarked on board the Carysfort, which bore the Admiral’s flag, and, in tow of a steamer, left Therapia, and shortly after anchored abreast of the Sultan’s Asiatic palace. A royal salute was then fired, and returned by the batteries in the vicinity of the Imperial residence. Nothing can be more beautiful than the passage down the Bosphorus, and nothing more magnificent than the Sultan’s palaces and the country-houses situated on its banks. The following day the Carysfort was dispatched to Cyprus with more provisions.”

Is this the same “Carysfort” that wrecked on the reef in the Keys after which it was named?



[Mourning Doves] I’ve got about 30 doves that seem to have gone crazy this week. They’re swarming the feeders, running into each other, and trying to get in the windows. Anyone have a clue as to why they would act this way?

The mainstream media reminds me of a bored, obnoxious kid poking an anthill with a stick just to watch them panic and scramble.  To the ants, it seems like a major natural disaster is threatening their home and lives, but it’s just a kid with a stick.  If only they knew.
[Loch Ness Lie] In the 1930s, big-game hunter Marmaduke Wetherell went to Loch Ness to look for the monster. Wetherell claimed to have found footprints, but when casts of the footprints were sent to scientists for analysis they turned out to be from a hippopotamus; a prankster had used a hippopotamus-foot umbrella stand. He and his stepson built the Loch Ness monster out of a toy submarine, using wood-plastic composite for the head, which appeared in the infamous faked 1934 photograph.
Everyone should do a selfie with front, both sides and back pictures to see what they really look like then just maybe they would wake up to reality and act like a mature person.
[United States Holocaust Memorial Museum Budget] The reduction, which would return the museum’s budget to its 2016 level of $54 million, is roughly a 5 percent decrease. Why should federal funding always be increased for every thing? Fifty-four million dollars is not enough?  Look at their finances (last posted Sept 30, 2014). Link




Who ever said, money can’t buy happiness, obviously didn’t consider beer, boats and babes!

[Key West Orchid Society] June Newsletter. As usual our last meeting of the season is a Pizza Party. No speaker, no program, but we’ll still have Show & Tell. And you can bring in any orchids you want to sell.

The next three months will be home visits. We’ll let you know the exact dates & locations. These are always exciting and fun events because you get to see how other people grow their orchids. Full Menu > Ongoing Events

[Crooks] Statistical analysis of criminals and their relation on the zodiac. Based on the information from the Federal Bureau of Investigations, Cancer are the most arrested criminals, which shows they are one of the more dangerous signs in the zodiac circle.

Libras tend to have more of the criminal element in them. They’re general armed and can be considered dangerous.
Gemini folk are often linked to cases of fraud while Aquarius tends to commit revenge-like crimes.

Taurus is seen as the temperamental and risky sign.
Virgos are typically armed while Capricorns are habitually versatile criminals.

Cancer has the most criminals of all zodiac signs and can be extremely violent.
Both Pisces and Scorpio have out of control tempers.

I wonder what sign the Zodiac Killer was? Link

Wowee, the new Harry Styles record is a masterpiece! Video


My wife bought a new pair of jeans and was trying them on and asked me, “Do these jeans make my butt look fat?”  I said, “No, it’s not the jeans.”  And that’s when the fight started.

[Parkinson’s Disease] According to an article by the American Academy of Neurology in ScienceDaily, a Harvard research team analyzed 25 years of data on over 128,000 people and discovered that people who had just over one serving per day of low-fat dairy had a whopping 40% higher risk of Parkinson’s disease compared to those who had none or stuck to whole milk or full fat dairy products. There was “no association” at all with Parkinson’s for the full-fat folks. None!

The researchers were unsure how low-fat dairy products could increase your risk of the disabling Parkinson’s disease where whole milk had no effect, but some guesses have been made:
Low-fat dairy decreases your levels of urate (derived from uric acid) more than whole versions do. High urates can up your risk of gout, but researchers believe lower levels of urate help protect against Parkinson’s.
Pesticide and other chemical residues become more concentrated in low-fat products. (They don’t just skim off the cream now to get low fat milk. They use a centrifuge followed by other industrial processes, then fortify the result with milk solids and synthetic vitamins, so you could say it’s a manufactured product.)
The small amount of cholesterol left behind in skim milk is the unhealthy oxidized kind.
Whole milk’s healthy compounds are largely lost with the milk fat, including oleic acid (as in olive oil!), and “conjugated linoleic acid” or CLA that appears to lower your risk of cancer and heart disease.

Once again, the mainstream diet advice has been proven dead wrong. Enjoy the full fat dairy flavor, knowing that research has shown that it will not plump you up like the low fat will. (Weight gain is not all about calories. For example, digesting a hard boiled egg reportedly takes more calories than are in the egg, yet you will probably not starve on a diet of hard boiled eggs. Go figure, huh?)


[Irony] When you’re so anti-government that you pay extra money to the government to show the government you don’t support them.

I think our government should butt out of any business and be the country’s maintenance department we hire these people for. Why do they have the right to tell me how much money I can make? and who I can like and dislike? where I can and can’t go? and allow or not allow me to defend myself? You’d think this was Russia or worse!
[Exposed] FDEP- rubber stamp for the FKAA. Ever since The GOV. gave big sugar and big agriculture a get home free pass, blamed the Florida Keys the polluter of South Florida, and issued a mandate–every parcel of property shall be connected to a public sewer system it started. Every time the FKAA issued a permit to do anything with the mandated public sewer system the FDEP broke out their rubber stamp. It didn’t make any difference whatsoever, a forged Army Corps of Engineers analysis, a permit to use existing plastic water pipes lying on top of the flats supplying water to Little Palm Resort (big money), a sewer processing plant incapable of processing the actual amount of raw sewerage during the tourist season, using fabricated numbers dreamed up by their licensed engineers, using those imaginary numbers to not have to dig the deep well, allowing the FKAA to not use the casing required underneath the 5000+ feet Niles Channel crossing for protection and pulling this flexible plastic pipe through a rough jagged bore hole(that pipe is now leaking), using inferior materials in their collection system from a single source (that’s illegal). And on and on. Out comes the FDOT’s rubber stamp. Of course, they deny, as our environment continues to go down the toilet (pun intended). So when, not if, the pristine waters of Florida Keys turn into a gigantic cesspit and the reef is totally dead all the bosses will be standing like Pontius Pilot, washing their hands claiming they had nothing to do with it; and us taxpayers and voters just sit in our collective hands engaged in social networking. wasn’t it some Chinese philosopher who said be careful what you wish for…
~Eugene E. Nanay Jr.
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