2016 June

Friday, June 3, 2016

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays
Letters to the Editor with pictures

burn-unit-a-b burn-unit-c[Burn, Baby, Burn] Your Florida Keys National Wildlife Refuge Complex is planning prescribed fire activities this summer and fall when weather conditions permit within the National Key Deer Refuge on Big Pine Key.  The Press Release and color and black-and-white maps are attached for your reference.

More information can be provided by Kristie Killam 305-872-0774, or Kate Watts 305-872-2239 x 227, and updates will be provided on our website homepage ( Hardcopies of the related information can also be found at our Visitor Center and Administrative Offices on Big Pine Key

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The Big Pine & Lower Keys Dolphin Tournament is this weekend:  June 3-5  headquartered at Sugarloaf KOA.  If you haven’t registered your boat yet, you can still do so – contact the Lower Keys Chamber at 305-872-2411 – only $500.  The first 50 boats are eligible for the $20K prize for the largest dolphin over 50 lbs.  Over $35K in cash and prizes plus a lot of fun.  Open or Youth Division plus prize for Top Lady Angler.  Captains meeting at 7pm at Sugarloaf KOA includes a delicious Mexican buffet.  Fish Saturday and Sunday and top off the weekend with the Awards Dinner at 6pm – a homemade Italian feast . . . everyone will be there, so we’ll see you this weekend.


[Island Pride] I have lived on Big Pine Key for thirty-five years and hate people who say this island is the slum of the Keys. That is not true. Stock Island is!

Need more ice? Check out this YouTube video for ice maker adjustments. Video


Marathon has a new used car lot. Sun Motors is across from the airport.

From the postings it seems that some Big Piners like to eat Muscovy ducks. I remember when I lived in Miami the restaurants tried serving them as an exotic dish, but since they taste like duck s**t the item soon came off the menu. Piners must be a different breed.
eating-fullGet ready for this week at Springer’s Bar & Grill starting with:

Tuesday: Hug your inside with a homemade Meatloaf Dinner or Sandwich

Wednesday: BBQ Day – Homemade BBQ – Homemade Rubs and Sauces – Delicious

Thursday: Siesta Day – The week is almost over. It’s Mexican Thursday at Springer’s Bar & Grill

Friday: Beer battered Fish n Chips – Malt Vinegar if you like it the traditional way

Last but not least, Happy Hour Every Day from 11 am – 7 pm

[Crabbing] Someone recently showed me a video of a crabber taking both claws from the crab. I thought that this was illegal. Can I get some in put please. This person is a local so I will be correcting them if I am right.
There’s a Polish market in Key West on White Street, go there. I’ll take Cuban food over sauces and sausages anytime.
duck scale farmer[Ducks] Ducks are easy to raise and are excellent eating when roasted.  All you need is a fenced yard, a kiddie pool kept with fresh water and corn, berries and duck chow available at any livestock supply store or on-line.  If they have water to drink and swim in and good food they will not fly off.  Most people today are so squeamish they will not harvest their animals for food but a fattened duck raised on a good diet is truly a gourmet meal. Or, of course, you can just go the store and buy an already prepared fowl ready for the kitchen.  It takes some special, easy preparation but a roasted duck or duck breast may be one of the best meals you’ll ever have.  Just be sure you have a great sauce to go with the duck.  Find recipes for roasted whole duck and roasted duck breasts on-line.
If you get a speeding ticket in a 35 MPH zone and the next day they up the speed limit to 45, do you have to pay the ticket or if you did, do you get your money back or do they keep it? Same goes for being incarcerated for smoking grass then they legalize it the next day!
re; Sewer billing explanation – thanks very much for the thorough and logical explanation.  I can see the experience and facts in your logic, it’s very refreshing even if it’s a bit boring (no conspiracy theory 🙂
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[“Name that grill”] Try a Chevy van from 1970.


Flying these days is tedious and a total rip-off.

[“Halal logo on food”] It is the same as the Kosher logo. All they do is pay the Rabbi or Iman to wave his un-blistered hand over food and it’s now Holy food and you go to Heaven if you eat it. This is all a con to make you scared of things you do not understand to better control the believers
Made in America – I wonder if China is going to name a city ‘America’ like Japan did many decades ago when they named a city ‘Usa’ (leading to ‘made in Usa’ labels)
The seven magic words that have tumbled planet Earth into becoming the insane asylum of the Universe. So what’s the latest example?? Members of the German Parliament(Former Nazis??) have labeled the Turks as having committed Geoncide of the Armenians in 1915. Now how’s that the pot calling the kettle black?? Don’t forget the 23MILLION exterminations by our Ally Uncle Jo Stalin. And, what about the Invasion of the Americas?? The Europeans Extermination of the native populations. And don’t forget the WMDs used by the White Devils?? What WMDs you ask?? How about BIOLOGICAL WARFARE?? Blankets laced with smallpox germs and other European Diseases. And the Useless Slaughtering of the indigenous people’s food sources(American Bison) leaving the carcasses rotting in the sun. Oh and the forced Christianizing of the natives. Believe or Die. Randy Neuman got it right with his blockbuster single hit– Short People. We laugh about it because we’re helpless to do anything about it. All this nonsense broadcasted to divert our attention from the real problems-greed/corruption of the people we’ve chosen to set the example. Brings to mind a satire by National Lampoon’s Deteriorata; “You are a fluke of the Universe, you have no right to be here, weather you believe it or not, the universe is laughing behind your back.••••Give Up”. What’s the possibilities of this situation getting better??? From 0 to the Sq. root of -1.
Johnsons-ad 4.12.2016
[“White House wall”] Better make that attack proof and 100 feet high, else drones will take care of things! Ever watch “Castle Keep”?


[Alligator] After the heavy rain last week, I saw this little critter in our swollen pond. He was gone the next day and hasn’t been back. That’s only the second time in twenty years that a gator has been seen in the little pond.

[“Lawyers make the best bait”] False! Everybody knows sharks won’t eat lawyers, something to do with professional courtesy
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What recourse do people have when your eye glass supplies doesn’t give you the right script and won’t honor the take-back?

Mass bleaching has killed more than a third of the coral in the northern and central parts of Australia’s Great Barrier Reef, though corals to the south have escaped with little damage, scientists said on Monday.

Researchers who conducted months of aerial and underwater surveys of the 2,300-kilometer (1,400-mile) reef off Australia’s east coast found that around 35 percent of the coral in the northern and central sections of the reef are dead or dying, said Terry Hughes, director of the ARC Centre of Excellence for Coral Reef Studies at James Cook University in Queensland state. And some parts of the reef had lost more than half of the coral to bleaching. Link

[Man Pooped On Self-Checkout Scanner At Market] Who hasn’t wanted to do this at the Winn Dixie when the machine keeps giving us s**t? Add bonus points because he is a Buckeye! Link
Willie Mosconi signed cue ball[“Coconuts old time pool room”] That picture took me back many years. I worked at a pool hall called Don’s place when I was in high school in Newark, DE. I brushed the tables, emptied the ashtrays, and swept the floor for a pack of smokes and one hour on one of the tables. I saw some greats. The only one I can remember is Willie Mosconi. He came in on a Saturday night, I was a jock and played sports, but I still have my signed cue ball Don let me have after Willie signed it for me. I considered myself a good pool player up through my days in the Marine Corps. I haven’t seen a table since 1994. We played on regulation nine foot tables, not the bar tables that are eight. I’ve played on both, but I’m nine-footer myself. We played 9 ball and straight. Eight ball on occasion. I miss those days, I learned a lot from those guys, not just only pool, but life as well.
Excavator Operator Saves Deer In Mud Field

A very interesting…and puzzling article in the Barometer.  The article chronicles the key deer habitat, it’s management, and it’s plan for expansion.
An article tells us that the the key deer population is very high…apparently dangerously high.  It seems that the number of animals tends to foster the spread of disease.  Disease that kills key deer.  Then the article speaks to the diminishing number of key deer fatalities in road mishaps. Perhaps if the authorities considered cars an apex predator the herd might thin, nah just kidding. The article suggests that an overabundance of tourists feeding the deer is problematic.  It suggests that the practice leads to the death of deer.  Perhaps by making them too healthy.
It also seems that mans modification of the neighborhoods by planting plant material that provides abundant nutrition for the deer is another reason for the growth of the herd.  So, Deer Friends…our government has decided that we have too many deer.  So we must do all that we can to make sure that we have more deer.
And so, because we have too many tourists stopping on the roads…feeding the deer….we’ve decided to build a new deer reception facility.  Apparently with the purpose of bringing more tourists to ogle the deer.  Do we suppose that these newbie tourists will stop on the road and feed the deer?  Off course all of this will cost you and I lotsa bucks (pun intended).  But they say that the influx of new tourists will more than pay for the new facility…a facility that will encourage the health and safety of a deer herd that has grown to the point that the natural surroundings cannot support it.
Your Tax Dollars At Work (?)
speaking of local restaurants – what’s up with ‘Fish’?  It looks closed (really, there’s no cars there ever), but there’s still a banner out front.  I still miss Kaya, but FIsh was decent.
there’s a lot of good lower Keys restaurants – yeah, sometimes they have a bad meal, but nobody’s perfect and any time I’ve had a problem, they make it right.  I think there’s too many angry old folks down here in the Keys – that’s so sad on a lot of levels….  Life’s too short, look for the good side of things and you’ll be amazed at what you find.
It be funny if it wasn’t so sad. For months FTR guy and his ilk have been lambasting the front runner of their party. Now that he’s the heir apparent they have been trampling people to kiss der Führer’s butt.
(Ed: I’m publishing today with a manual, hand-cranked computer from up in the great white north so the CT looks a little funny as my editing capacity is very limited. It’ll be back to its un-normal for Tuesday’s posting.)
not political just a real concern. if clinton wins it has been determined that social security and our veterans will see their benefits decline in an effort to save money. president obama stated in his first year that he will fix the va. it is now much worse today. very worried indeed.
diving hard hat shark



32nd annual Underwater Music Fest, Looe Key Reef Saturday, July 9, 2016 from 10am-2pm. Video

7 Great Reasons To Get The Recondition Battery Guide
 Are there any doctors in the Keys that take care of NPH patients?
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The Zika Control Act was passed by the US House last week. It’s supposed to “save babies” because that is a great Trojan Horse to disguise what’s really going on. After all, who is going to vote against saving babies? Political suicide, right?

The “Zika Control Act” used to be called the “Reducing Regulatory Burdens Act” in May. No babies in distress there = tough to pass.

You can see where this is going, I hope. Why does everything in government seem to always be clothed in deceit? Yes, the chemical pesticide companies have bamboozled or paid off enough Representatives to initiate legislation that would bypass EPA restrictions and notifications for heavy pesticide sprays and mistakes. The Senators can still vote against “saving babies”, and I hope they do, because pesticide is linked to more baby abnormalities than Zika ever aspired to. An Argentine doctors’ group say that Zika is not the root of Brazil’s microcephaly problem, it’s the heavy pesticide use- even in their drinking water reservoirs. So tell those US Senators to guard the environment by limiting pesticide spray and banning GMO mosquitoes and Mother Nature will protect the babies fine, just like usual. The Senators’ contact: Link

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Being a veteran, as well as a former State police officer. Memorial Day is for those who gave all, while serving in the military. It has nothing to do with those who died while doing their job as civilians. I do expect backlash, but hey, when the kettle says I know I’m black, you can’t argue. I have known six people over my tenure as a police officer, and I have known triple that and then some who died serving. Memorial Day is for those that died in direct action, as well as indirect action. If I need to explain that, then you just don’t get it

A poster compared a wall around the White House to being the same as a wall hundreds of miles across the Mexican border. I can’t wait to see that poster try to dock the SS Constitution in their canal because they park their pontoon boat there. Can you believe it?
Your description of the boat ramp on Big Pine Key “Kohen” is spelled wrong, and consequently not able to find on Google Maps.
An ex-worker from the Blimp Station told me that they have an emergency gondola ready for VIPS if the weather gets too bad or a tidal wave comes at the Keys. I bought him another round just to keep the conspiracy going!
whoever controls the parking lot to the towne square mall in marathon ought to fix the potholes in front of the little post office.
[“Ice maker tiny cubes”] If your ice maker is only making small cubes, I would suggest reading the owners manual first. When all else fails, try reading the owners’ manual. I once purchased a .357 revolver and every time I pulled the trigger nothing happened. I then read the owners manual and found out I had to put bullets in it first.


Johnsons Insurance Agency’s Hurricane Center. Link

[Keys-wide Underwater Clean-Up] Florida Keys National Marine Sanctuary and Blue Star certified charter operators are calling all divers to participate in underwater clean-ups throughout the Florida Keys on June 25th and 26th during the National Get into Your Sanctuary celebration.

The Florida Keys National Marine Sanctuary encompasses the most extensive coral reef ecosystem in the continental United States. The biological diversity of marine organisms found here is often breathtaking, beautiful, and fragile. It is not uncommon to spot over 75 species of reef fish on just one dive! Witnessing the majestic grace of a spotted eagle ray or the territorial behavior of a dusky damsel, are sights prized by many divers.

Take this opportunity to give back to the coral reef. Divers have the opportunity to apply their skills to cleaning up the marine environment and giving back to the resource. It also gives divers the opportunity to dive with operators dedicated to education and coral reef conservation. Blue Star operators are assisting in protecting the environment in which they work. Link




I’m a firm believer that every traffic jam begins with one dumbass.

Did you know that Bible Thumpers make that noise on the ‘bottom’ of the book?[?]
[Boating Course] A boating course that could save your life. The Key West Sail and Power Squadron offers the “America’s Boating Course’ at the Key West Sail and Power Squadron, 5205 College Rd., Stock Island. The course will be held on Saturday, June 4th from and Sunday, June 5th from 9:00 AM to 4:00 PM both days. The ABC Course will give the individual their Florida State Boater’s ID card which is required for anyone born after January 1st, 1988 to operate a boat 10 horse power or more. This means anyone who is 27 years old or younger is required to have the Boater’s ID card. The fee of $60.00 covers the cost of materials and an addition $16.00 for a family member who is willing to share materials. Students who pass the class are also offered an introductory 6 month Power Squadron membership. For information, call Vince Melendy at (305)296-1126. More information and registration Link


TBN’s Jan Crouch has passed away (1938 – 2016), a woman who tirelessly devoted her life to getting rich by testing the tensile strength of gullibility and inspiring drag queens everywhere.

[“Muslim halal logo on our food”] There’s been a symbol for Kosher on our foods for decades which basically says the same thing. Made or slaughtered according to religious laws. Ever see a K inside a circle on your bag of chips? Yep. Kosher!
condom with sunglasses

I noticed on all condom packaging, that are all tested! I wonder if they have any job openings?

Whoa…whao…wait just a flaming minute! Did we just hear Hillary railing about the danger of Trump foreign policy? How in the merry hell can she have the stones to knock anyone else given the maelstrom her and O have created for the US and it foreign relations? From jump street her performance was so substandard that it was almost comical. The international equivalent of a Hillary, the Clown, zooming around the world stage breaking things and looking incredibly foolish.
It started with her “Reset” with the Ruskies. She gave them a silly box with a big red button with a Russian word written on it. She gushed in front of the cameras that it said “reset” in Russian. It was supposed to be a symbol of a resetting of strained US Russian relations….the damn thing actually said “overcharge” in Russia.
Well true to her word…she did change our relationship with the Russians. She and O let them run roughshod over us and the world. We abandoned long standing defense compacts we had with out allies. We stood by silently while Russia invaded and overran neighboring free states.
Clinton’s failures as Secretary of State helped bring war to Europe, an arms race to Asia, and inferno to the Middle-East.  The U.S. and its international standing are weaker for Clinton’s tenure as Secretary of State.
The Clinton/Obama game plan was to surrender the interests of the USA and our allies to the Russians in the inane hope that out of some sort of gratitude they would “be nice”. It has been a disaster. Putin, no silly fool, interpreted this nonsense as weakness. Voila…Russian aggression intensifies…witness Crimea…Ukraine….Georgia.
Russia is now as aggressive and hungery for power and land as was the old USSR. Putin has told us it is his intention to reinvent the USSR.
Friends…that’s only a scratch on the surface of the wreckage that Clinton and Obama have wreaked on the world. We are on the cusp of global chaos….we must return to sanity.
Clinton must not take control of the White House.
Just how deep is Kim Kardashian‘s mental illness? The whole family must have saver[?] problems by the way they act!
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