2020 June

Friday, June 5, 2020

Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.


[Rabbits, Playboy and the Keys] Interesting animal fact from Save Our Key Deer Inc. The second most talked-about endangered animal in the Keys (after our Key Deer) is likely the Lower Keys Marsh Rabbit. Its scientific name is Sylvilagus palustris hefneri, named in honor of Hugh Hefner – the founder of Playboy magazine. The subspecies was first recognized in 1984 and Hefner provided generous financial support for field research to learn more about the Keys Playboy Bunny. It has been classified as endangered since 1990.

[Protests] Congress shall make no law … abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble.” I’m proud of the protesters for what they are doing, but I’m ashamed of the rioters and TV thieves who just want free stuff and to destroy.
Black lives matter—more? I guess black lives do matter more. Several white KW cops can tase and shove an innocent, unresisting, retired tourist, senior’s face in the sand until he dies, and the only protest comes from The Blue Paper. But if a white cop suffocates a black guy, it is national news for many days and inciting riots. Link
[Body Cameras] They should make it a crime for police to turn off their body cameras, because the only time they turn them off is when they are going to do something awful.


Now you can go into a liquor store wearing a mask and no one thinks anything of it.  How times have changed.

[Friday Joke] A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, “Crushed nuts?”
“No” he replied, “Arthritis.”



Hard to believe it’s riot season already.  The virus decorations are still up.

[Looters] What has been done throughout history has become a natural law in dealing with looters.  You kill them. There’s no reason for anyone to loot. I can’t imagine why any rational person doesn’t understand that sooner or later looters get the message that if you loot, chances are more than likely you might die. I can’t, for the life of me, understand why some politicians don’t get it. Dead people don’t loot.
To the person who questioned our “democracy” the other day.  You need to review your civics textbook.  We do not live in a democracy, we live in a constitutional republic.



[Name That Mushroom] The mystery mushroom is Stinkhorn. It is usually full of flies because of the smell.

[“America not a Democracy”] We do not live in a democracy; we live and vote in a democratic republic. You do not understand the Electoral College. Without it any national vote would become incredibly skewed and biased for highly populated areas and cities. This is an old analogy but it is a great way to illustrate this: A democracy is two wolves and a sheep voting on what’s for dinner.
For those of you who put your faith in the CDC, you may want to reconsider. The New York Times said they blew it big time. Your government at work. Link



Virginia Governor plans to order Robert E. Lee statue removed. Protesters of the death of George Floyd chanted “Tear it down” on Tuesday as they gathered around a statue of Robert E. Lee, a Confederate general, in Richmond, Va. Link

[Friday Joke] After living in the remote countryside of Ireland all his life, an old Irishman decided it was time to visit Dublin. In one of the stores, he picks up a mirror and looks into it. Not ever having seen a mirror before, he remarked at the image staring back at him. “How ’bout that! he exclaims, ‘Here’s a picture of my Fadder.” He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his dad, but on the way home he remembered his wife didn’t like his father, so he hung it in the shed, and every morning before leaving to go fishing, he would go there and look at it. His wife began to get suspicious of his many trips to the shed.  So, one day after her husband left, she went to the shed and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, “So that’s the ugly bitch he’s running around with!”





If you see this bin floating, you have been inside for too long. It’s just a wet spot on the bricks.

[TropRock] Don’t forget why we live here. Some new Jimmy Buffett lyrics to remind you. Video
[Heroism] According to the FBI, the incredible acts of heroism by the NASCC Military Policewoman guarding entrance to the Navy Base at NAS Corpus Christi saved many lives yesterday. The active duty U.S. Navy military police woman at the Ocean Drive gate has probably checked thousands of IDs and allowed access to thousands of authorized people at NAS Corpus Christi. But yesterday morning, at barely the first light of day, a terrorist tried to get past her. That terrorist, Adam Salem Alsahli (a Syrian born U.S. citizen), picked the wrong gate guard to try to get past. He must’ve thought that all he would have to do is lift the pistol off of his lap, point it at the gate guard (while she looked him in the face) shoot her point blank in the chest and then be able to drive on to the base and use his assault rifle and shotgun to kill as many people as he could. He sure was wrong! Link


[Opossums] Those big rat-like critters with 50 big sharp teeth that will eat anything, but pass out and play dead if threatened. Did you know that the tail is prehensile and can grab and carry stuff? That his rear feet have opposable thumbs? That the male’s penis is forked, and the female’s vagina likewise for a lock and key fit that prevents cross breeding between species? Me neither, but these critters were shuffling about eating dinosaur eggs, virtually unchanged over the eons.

The Right is against demonstrators exercising their First Amendment rights because of the Floyd murder. If this was a protest about guns every Conservative citizen in the land would be out there smashing heads and shooting their guns at the cops. But cops murdering black men is different to them then it is for us. Black lives don’t matter as much as guns do to them.




Remember safety vest are very important for children now that the Keys are open for business again.

[Friday Joke] Little Johnnie was learning to add.  His dad asked him how much is three plus two.  Johnnie counted on his fingers add said five.  His dad told him he shouldn’t use his fingers to count and to put his hands in his pockets.  His dad asked him how much five plus five is.  Johnnie’s hands moved around in his pockets and said, eleven.


[For Rent] 2 bedrooms. One bath. Unfurnished Duplex on clean boating canal w/seawall going to Pine Channel and coral reef. Tiled floors throughout. Stainless steel appliances. Ceiling fans in living room, kitchen and bath. Laundry room. Small screened porch. Very clean. A/C., large brick patio. Parking for 2 vehicles. Ground level. Port Pine heights subdivision. Quiet neighborhood. 750 square feet. No smokers or dogs. $1800 a month. First, last and $1000 security ($4600 total to move in) Utilities not included. 3970 No Name Road. Email for further info. More pictures on Craigslist. Link

[Too Much Information] If there was ever a doubt that the internet is giving us way too much information, check out this headline from one of the items on the Yahoo home screen. “Spanish porn star held by police after man dies at his house from inhaling poisonous toad fumes”


I was watching an old Star Trek show from 1966-69 and learned some history that I somehow missed. Like the Eugenics Wars of the early 1990s and the earth’s spaceship stolen by an engineered superhuman in 1996 where he traveled with 72 other bio-engineered “super-people” in suspended animation for about 200 years . There is so much not reported by the fake news media.

[?] [Needed] Furloughed due to COVID-19 custodial/janitorial cleaners to work in Marathon and the Lower Keys while you are furloughed. Will need transportation. Call/text (305) 395-0588 Lee Lapid housekeeping.www.leelapidhousekeeping
If the rioters come to the Keys is there a bag limit?
[Friday Joke] A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?”
“I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That will be $9.40, please”
The man reaches into his pocket and Pulls out the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man Says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke.” The ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.”
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until the two enter again.
“The usual?” Asks the waitress.
“No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,” says the man.
“Same,” says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, “That will be $32.62.”
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. “Excuse me, Sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?”
“Well,” says the man, “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”
“That’s brilliant!” says the waitress. “Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”
“That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the man.
The waitress asks, “What’s with the ostrich?”
The man sighs, pauses and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say.”
(Ed: I’ll bet you guys didn’t think I could find an animation for that one! hhha!)
[Killing Black People] This country has gone to Hell. Instead of “making it great again” as promised, the bad guys are taking over. I no longer respect the police. Who’s the bad guys in this George Floyd video? Two cops kneel alongside a fourth cop while he kills Floyd. A fourth cop just stands by and watches the murder while blood comes from Floyd’s mouth and nose. Look at those two cops’ record and you’ll find that they’re the real criminals. It wasn’t until the cop was satisfied Floyd was dead that he got off his neck.  (Another Black man got neck-killed Thursday) If it wasn’t for videos these murders would go on forever. Video



[Anchoring] A short video showing how not to stop your boat with the anchor. Always make sure you pull the anchor before driving away. Video

[Friday Joke] My wife asked me why I always put her picture in my shirt pocket when I went to the local tavern.  I told her, “Because I look at it often.  When you start looking good, I know I’ve had enough.” That’s when the fight started.