2024 March

Friday, March 15, 2024

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[The Florida Keys] So many memories in such a small bit of time . My folks took me and my brother on vacation for 2 weeks to Key West. I was 17. That was 1972. I fell in love with the Keys. My dad rented a Toyota Corolla. I drove around town and got stoned– lol. I was at a red light in town and this tall black dude stuck his head in the passenger window. Scared the crap out of me–and he said in a deep Bahamian voice, “Toyota Corolla good car.” and went on his way .
5 years later I met the love of my life at a Grateful Dead show in Englishtown NJ . Kathy is a beach girl. We got married in 1980. We had a Dodge Tradesman van and for our honeymoon decided to drive the east coast. We camped in the Outer Banks when it was the Outer Banks. We almost stayed in Ocracoke but pushed on. We ended up in the Keys.
We were staying at the Faro Blanco in Marathon on our last night (the old one, in a small cabin). We had a last night in Key West and our heads were feeling it. I went to the small store to grab a couple of coffees. I stood on the porch sipping my coffee looking at 2 macaws on a perch. There was an older hippie on a bench swing and he asked me what I was up to. I told him our story and that we were headed back to Jersey. He said, “Why? Why leave paradise?” I looked at him and everything in me agreed. I grabbed a Key Noter looked through the want ads. Plumber! That’s what I do. Called the number and met Dave Ringeman. Met him at the soon-to-be Marathon Medical Center and he hired me. We went home and got our stuff. 1st we had rented an ocean front in Barnaget Light, NJ with friends for 2 weeks (which Dave was fine with). He found us a furnished rental in Coco Plum for $350 a month– on a canal. We lived in Marathon for 3 years. Our son Sean was born in Fisherman’s Hospital in ’82. We ate great and loved Paradise. Unfortunately, I loved a lot too much. This happens down there, the locals call it “Keys Disease”. I stumbled in the door on night and Kathy said, “I’m leaving with or without you.” My response was, “Why would you leave paradise?” We left. We went back to Jersey. We had a baby girl while I struggled with addictions and lived with friends and relatives. Soon after, in October of ‘85 I got sober and remain sober.
I can still taste the barbecue at Ernie’s Island Woman on Bimini bread with potato salad with smoked cobia in it. The great fish sandwiches at Herbies and the Grassy Key Dairy Bar (33 ounce frosted mugs) Mike Mount’s smoked fish behind Winn Dixie in Marathon. And the old 7 Mile Grill. Late nights at Captain Tonys and sunset at the old pier at Mallory Square .
We went back in 1998 to show our son where he was born. We stayed at Parmer’s Place. It’s on Little Torch. That felt like the old Keys, but the rest… we were truly disappointed. Malory Square was a zoo, the pavers blew our minds. The resorts, the cruise ships broke our hearts. We say every day almost that we lived in the best time this great country had to offer .
I stumbled on this site because a buddy of mine and his wife are in Key West now. I was on the phone with him talking about the old Keys. Of course I went down the rabbit hole and found this site.
Thanks, Mike
[Friday Joke] Two guys and a girl survive. Since they don’t have anything to do all day besides eating and sleeping, they just have sex. Eventually the girl gets sick and dies. The two men don’t know what to do with themselves anymore, so they keep having sex. After a few days of sex, they feel guilty about what they’ve been doing… so they bury her.
[Beware] When they tell you you can get a new $1,000 iPhone 12 for $100 they don’t tell you that it’ll cost at least $60 a month instead of $20/month from Consumer Cellular or that you can never switch carriers because the phone is locked to that carrier.
Voodu Sol, the Florida Keys based funk, blues rock band will play the Looe Key Tiki Bar, Friday March 15. Come on out and dance from 7 to 11:00 PM, and get your funk out. Remember what George Clinton of the Funkadelics said, “Free your mind and your ass will follow.”
Now that Congress has banned Tik Tok, where will I get all my medical advice? Does this mean that I have to go to a doctor?
[Ice Melt] Earth’s ice caps are in serious trouble. Three new studies reveal how bad the damage is. One study projects that the Arctic could see summer days without sea ice within the next decade. Link
[N Roosevelt Mini I95] Governing bastards want guard rails on N Roosevelt Blvd, Key West. It’s already a major artery. Years back, when DOT was redoing it, I pleaded with officials in KW, to make it one lane in, one lane out with a center median with beautiful shrubs, flowers, trees, etc. Nope.  Business won–get the tourists in and out as quickly as possible with a lighter wallet or purse. So much for beautification, trying to lower stress by 10 notches. These people suck.
[Wave Power] Huge 60-foot-tall buoy uses ocean waves to create clean energy. CorPower’s C4 prototype just completed a successful six-month test run off the coast of Portugal. Here are the results. Link
Wisdom doesn’t really come with age. A moron doesn’t become a wise man when he grows old, he just becomes an old moron.
[Wind Power] A cargo ship’s ‘WindWing’ sails saved it up to 12 tons of fuel per day. After six months sailing around the world, the numbers are in for the retrofitted ‘Pyxis Ocean.’
[‘Private’ Public Property] Much of England’s ‘national landscapes’ out of bounds, say campaigners. Right to Roam finds areas of outstanding natural beauty have on average poorer footpath access than the rest of England. Link
[Wrestling] Coastal Championship Wrestling is bringing live pro wrestling to the Florida Keys. Join us for this special fundraiser for Marathon High School Football.  Show your support and enjoy the best professional wrestling show in the state of Florida. “Trouble in the tropics” will feature: Cha Cha Charlie, Ariel Levy, NWA star Ruthie Jay, Chris Farrow, Jackal Stevens, and many more.  This family friendly event will be held May 3rd, 2024 at Marathon High School.  Doors open at 7:00 pm.  Get your tickets at Please come out and support the Marathon Dolphin Football team.
[“Lawyer in family”] The poster sure was upset over different opinions on employment. He called him a: “Bastard” “Takes benefits from” workers, “This knob”, “This screwball”. The poster should continue to take his blood pressure pills for the benefit of mankind.

[Big Pine Library Book Club] We will be meeting this Saturday, March 16th, at 10 am to discuss The Art Thief: a true story of love, crime, and a dangerous obsession by Michael Finkel. Full Menu > Ongoing Events > Book Club

[Friday Joke] One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to a family in Spain. They name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. He responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”
[Speed Trap] Two Texas Highway Patrol Officers were conducting speeding enforcement on Hwy 77, just south of Kingsville , TX. One of the officers was using a handheld radar device to check speeding vehicles approaching the town of Kingsville. The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun began reading 300 miles per hour and climbing. The officer attempted to reset the radar gun, but it would not reset and then it suddenly turned off! Just then a deafening roar over the Mesquite tree tops on Hwy 77 revealed that the radar had in fact, locked on to a USMC F/A-18 Hornet which was engaged in a low flying exercise near this, it’s Naval Air home base location in Kingsville, TX.

Back at the Texas Highway Patrol Headquarters in Corpus Christi the Patrol Captain fired off a complaint to the US Naval Base Commander in Kingsville for shutting down his equipment.

The reply came back in true USMC style: “Thank you for your letter. You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Hornet had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked on to, your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it, which is why it shut down.
Furthermore, an Air-to-Ground missile aboard the fully armed aircraft had also automatically locked on to your equipment’s location.
Fortunately, the Marine Pilot flying the Hornet recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile system alert status and was able to override the automated defense system before the missile was launched to destroy the hostile radar position on the side of Hwy 77, south. of Kingsville
The pilot suggests you cover your mouths when swearing at them, since the video systems on these jets are very high tech.
Sergeant Johnson, the officer holding the radar gun, should get his dentist to check his left rear molar. It appears the filling is loose. Also, the snap is broken on his holster.” ~Semper Fi

TikTok influencers say ban would be ‘devastating’. TikTok influencers are used to their voices being heard on the wildly popular social media app. Link

Indian motorcycles are being made again. I hope they are more reliable than the original Indians.

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With Haiti in disarray, DeSantis is to deploy hundreds of officers to patrol Florida shores. The residents of Haiti act like animals and always have and should be treated as such. Link
[Friday Joke] In World War I there was trench warfare, and neither the Americans nor the Germans could get the upper hand. They were reaching a stalemate. One day, an American came up with a plan that would win them the war. This private explained his plan to his trench mates, and they figured, “Why not? It’s not like we have any better ideas.” The next day, an American soldier called out, “Hans!?” A German popped up and shouted back, “Ja?!” Boom, the German was shot dead. The next day the Americans shouted again, “Hans?!” “Ja?!” Shot dead. This process continued over the next couple of days. The Germans were losing large numbers, and were now finally catching on.
The Germans had an emergency meeting. They thought they could come back from the heavy losses using the same tactics as the Americans. Thus, a German asked, “What is a popular American name?” “John!” replied another. The next day, the Germans decided to execute their plan. A German shouted, “John!?” An American called back, “Is that you Hans?!” “Ja!” And that is how the Americans won WWI.

Why Ski-Doo is the only snowmobile permitted in Yellowstone. The park’s rules protect wildlife–and keep things quiet. Link

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[Friday Joke] For the past 21 years my wife has been complaining about me not putting the cap back on the toothpaste. Last anniversary, I decided to change this bad habit and make my wife happy. So, for a full week, I was diligent, always capping the toothpaste. I was expecting my wife to thank me, but she never did it.
Finally last night, she turned and looked at me and said, “Why have you stopped brushing your teeth?”
[Asshole Cop] A Monroe County sheriff’s deputy was arrested early Monday morning after security staff at a Key West bar said a woman accused him of grabbing her and he refused to leave the establishment when they ordered him out, according to a police report. Jesus Abdiel Rojas Burgos, 28, was booked into county jail on a misdemeanor battery charge. As of Monday morning, he remained there on a bond of $1,000. Link
[“Eye Doctors Differ”] I feel bad for the patient who’s getting different opinions on something as important as eyesight.
An interesting eye fact is that the eye can only hold one drop at a time, be it eye drop or tear. If you put two drops in your eye one will overflow.
The current Coconut Telegraph was published on 3/15/24 at 8:42 am.