2018 March

Friday, March 2, 2018

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsLetters to the editor with pictures since 0202. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.​​

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[Companion Wanted] I an in need of a companion to talk with. I am a 71-year-old man living on Big Pine, disabled with MS. I am now using a cane due to vertigo. I have a difficulty getting through Winn Dixie, CVS etc., particularly bringing groceries into the house. I literally spend all my days alone.
I am looking for someone who is interested in visiting with me, some very light housework and an occasional journey to Winn Dixie, CVS, etc. I am willing to pay by the hour for this. I mean it. I can afford it. If you are retired or have time off during the day and are looking for conversation I would love to get together and see if you would be interested. I am most interested in just having conversation and solving world problems. You can reach me at
[Prankster] I removed the toilet seat and paper at 1 am. At 3 am, that’s when I could not stop laughing. Mean but true. That’s when the fight started.
The Big Pine Key Flea Market is up and running and we are having a great season with new vendors and everything that vacationers want, and our locals need, as they are working on their homes. Our prices are great and the selection of dresses, shirts, fishing gear, antiques, crafts, toys and household supplies are better priced and more convenient to get to than anywhere else.

Come in and say hello to all your old friends and neighbors. They will be there and you can make a few new ones.

Our food is served by a local charitable organization and is so good that they are so busy we are now asking for anyone who wants to set up with new and different foods to sell. We had a kettle corn girl on Sunday and she was busy with everyone enjoining her Carmel corn.

We would love to have more vendors that sell food products that offer tasting as our customers really enjoy buying their products.

See you Saturday. Be there or be square!

[Easter Concerts] The Lower Keys Community Choir and Keys Chamber Orchestra invite you to attend their annual Easter concerts on Monday, March 19, 2018 at Big Pine United Methodist Church, 280 Key Deer Blvd Big Pine Key, and Wednesday, March 21 at Venture Out Pavilion, 701 Spanish Main Drive Cudjoe Key.  Both concerts begin at 7:30 p.m.  The final concert will be held Palm Sunday, March 25th, at the Key West United Methodist Church 600 Eaton Street at 4:00 p.m.  There is no admission fee, but a free-will offering will be taken.

The choir and orchestra are comprised of local volunteers who live from Key West to Marathon.  They represent over a dozen churches in the area and have been offering Christmas and Easter concerts in the Lower Keys for over 25 years.  They are directed by Wayne Hulting and accompanied by Jim Fogle.  For more information, visit our Facebook page Keys Chamber Orchestra

[$2700 / 3br – House with Pond in Key Deer RefugeLocated in the center of the National Key Deer Refuge on Big Pine Key, this secluded, large 3-bedroom house with two full bathrooms and central air conditioning it ready to move in now. Tile floors, stainless steel appliances. Large elevated deck outside the living room. Newly painted interior. House is on stilts with a concrete ground floor where the laundry room and storage rooms are located. The laundry room has washer and dryer hookups. The house sits on two wooded acres that includes a lovely pond. No smokers please. Yard maintenance is the responsibility of tenant. Utilities are not included. $2700 a month, plus first, last and $1000 deposit. ($6,400 is needed to move in). For more photos see Craigslist Link
[Passing the Time] What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet? I asked my 26 brothers and sisters and they didn’t know either.
Tuesdays CT gave great insight – as usual – to the state of the Keys. First whine was about a yapping dog crapping under a table at a restaurant. Dogs have always been a part of the Keys outdoor scene, they even used to be allowed off-leash. Yapping, crapping lappers are new, and have come with those from New Somewhere Else. Thanks TDC.
Then I must have read three whines about “illegals” or “aliens” or the combo of both. Apparently made by folks who don’t know Keys history nor believe in the Keys moniker: One Human Family. Of course, they don’t have illegals in their white bread primary place of residence up in New Somewhere Else. Nope, all their slave labor has green cards.The ultimate whine was a rip on the Keys themselves, saying if the waters were deeper the yachters would come. Uh, there’s dockage for yachts. They don’t come. They go to places like the Bahamas, the Caribbean, etc. Why? Cuz there’s no road to get there! That’s right, no road. No road means no day trippers, no whiners who feel because they can drive someplace they should migrate to it.Give me a bar with a bunch of dogs and people with foreign accents over any place full of the New Somewhere Elsers any day. The Keys have become a bastion for the rich from somewhere else like a good majority of Florida. Thankfully, my realtor sold my house in the Keys before I left for greener pastures and acreage up-state; where I’m told to have a blessed day everyday, all day by people who are from–Florida

[Ban Knives] For this poster who wants to outlaw modern semiautomatic rifles: according to FBI in 2016 -1604 people were killed, murdered, with knives and 374 with rifles. So knives do cut it. They do a lot of cutting. Where is your call for their ban? I am simply illustrating your flawed logic here to make the point.

[If HAL-9000 was Alexia] Sci-fi fans will get this. Video



We definitely have an affordable housing problem here in the Keys.

[“Bright lights”] Ok, that’s it, I have had my fill of snowbirds. Hopefully they soon will going back to their wonderful northern homes where they have to keep the lights on all night to keep the dregs of society out.  I wonder where those dregs live up there?
[Friday Joke] A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. “Why so little?” she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, “Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.”The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird’s cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, “New house, new madam.” The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought, “that’s really not so bad.”When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, “New house, new madam, new girls.” The girls and the woman were a bit offended, but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman’s husband Keith came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, “Hi, Keith!”

[Guns] A well-armed society is one with many senseless murders.



Friday Joke



These cats are just trying to help out by keeping your tissue close at hand! Video

[Yard Sale] Saturday March 3rd the annual March Madness whole neighborhood yard sale. Cudjoe Gardens MM21
[North Korea] Trump is courting a major crisis with North Korea with no advisers left who’ve had experience at dealing with North Koreans.

The latest casualty is Joseph Yun, a 30-year veteran of the foreign service and the State Department’s point of contact for back-channel talks with North Korea. Yun has been the main advocate for solving the problem through diplomacy, not military action.

His departure follows, by just one month, the scuttling of Victor Cha as the prospective ambassador to South Korea. Cha, who was President George W. Bush’s top adviser on North Korea, had raised objections to the growing support within Trump’s White House for pre-emptive military strikes against Kim’s regime.


Armed teachers? Are you kidding? Just think, if there were no machine guns, there’d be no mass killings. duh!

[Assault Rifles] The AR 15 or any “assault rifle” has no business being sold to any United States citizen or being on our streets. These are mostly military weapons that belong on the battlefield, in a war.  If you have one, you should be forced to turn it in.

The only reason we have them is that gun manufacturers bribe politicians mostly via the NRA.

Hey stupid Americans, quit being led like sheep. Try reading the 2nd amendment and adding a little common sense if you have any, instead of listening to the mantra of gun manufacturers.

Things get a little blurry when a drunk neuroscientist explains what alcohol does to your brain. Video
[Assault Rifles] Gun nuts want assault weapons in case they have to protect their country (so they say). I don’t have an automatic weapon, but I do have a hunting rifle with a scope that I could use to snipe at an enemy soldier and take his automatic weapon. That’s been done all through history since the Revolutionary War when the subjugated have rebelled. The old people want more guns, but the kids got it right. They always do. Listen to them.
[Guns] “As for private citizens, the only time they needed guns was during the Revolutionary War.”  Wrong. You need to read the 2nd amendment. It was adopted in 1791, after the Revolutionary War ended.  The wording is pretty clear and easy to understand: “A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”

A “Militia” is not the same as the US military.


[Stopped on the old 7 Mile Bridge 1979] It was real tough; enjoying the sunset.

[Bad Guys] I’m just sitting here waiting for someone to explain how more laws are going to stop someone who has already decided to break all of the existing laws.
[Immigration] If you see someone illegal, say something. To turn in illegal aliens, use this link to ICE: Link


[Assault Rifles] Daring Florida to oust them, city commissioners pursue their own ban on assault rifles. Link

With the rise of self driving vehicles these days, it’s only a matter of time before there’s a country song where the guy’s truck leaves him.



Gun control means hitting your intended target with the first shot.

Winn Dixie’s weekly ad. Link

[Bible] Myth and allegory based on historical events.

[Guns] It really scars me to read the feedback from incompetents and dreamers about guns and our society. People live in their little worlds of make-believe and are brainwashed not to think logically, but to convey what they have been hypnotized to believe by the media and governments




Olga Manosalvas at Collections Key West.

I just found out, better late than never, that the Coconut Telegraph is up and running. Thanks for the advertising in your business directory. I really appreciate it, but if you want to correct the labelling it is actually: The Vetmobile for housecall appointments only. If you can’t change it that’s ok. Still appreciate it very much.  ~Dr. Edie Clark (Ed: Doc, I’d be glad to change it, but you omitted telling me what listing you’d like me to change? The free listing contains only the name and phone number of the licensed business.) Business Directory
[“Costly contractors”] You forgot the over-inflation mark-ups, the coffee breaks, the “hour stretcher”, the “I got to get parts chaser, the $50 per hour fools rates, the stick it to the snowbird rate, the up-yours rate, etc. When you bums work a 40 hour work week at $17.50 per hour like the rest of us did for the last 200 years, then you can declare yourself a man not a freakin’ pirate! Or go back to the brothel where you were born.


[Assault Rifles] The haters want assault rifles and other mass killing weapons just in case they have to kill a lot of people, or maybe out kids, in a short time. Now they want our teachers to carry guns.

[“Killing our children”] If we’re so concerned about the safety of school children, why don’t school buses have seat belts?  I know they say it’s because the people driving the buses are professional drivers, but that just means they have a CDL license.  It’s not that hard to get a CDL license.


Building Niles Channel Bridge

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