2024 March

Friday, March 22, 2024

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Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days,
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[Obsolete Warfare] Warfare as we know it is coming to an end with AI. Today multiple drones could attack a warship and all be shot down because each drone needs a ‘pilot’. With the new AI, the enemy can launch thousands of drones at one time, and all be directed to their targets using AI. This will be the end of the aircraft carrier’s deterrent effect because they can easily be sunk when thousands of armed drones attack at one time. Presently, Iran has thousands of drones but very few ‘pilots’.
The Gerald Ford, the world’s largest and most expensive aircraft carrier, returned to Norfolk, Va., after being deployed to protect Israel. The carrier cost more than $13 billion and will soon be made obsolete by thousands of $1,000 drones.
[Bad Water] The rare sawfish have been dying in the lower Keys and scientist don’ t know why. The fish come into shallow water and keep swimming in tight circles, then they die. This behavior has been observed in other fish including the Goliath Grouper.  Something in the water is affecting them. Until they figure it out, I am eating nothing from local waters. Link
[Friday Joke] A man goes to a job interview and is asked, “What’s your biggest weakness?” The man replies, “I’m too honest in everything I do and say.” The interviewer says, “I really don’t think honesty is a weakness.” The man replies, “I don’t give a damn what you think.”
[Dead Eyeballs] Researchers just woke up the eyeballs of dead donors and that’s good, actually. This research could pave the way for new therapies to treat vision loss. Link
There’s a Blood Drive on Monday, March 25 at the Winn-Dixie Shopping Center 11-5. Donors receive an insulated tote and a $20 Winn-Dixie Gift Card.  Donors can get their Easter shopping or donate it to the Food Pantry.
[History Thwarted] Yesterday I stopped at the East Martello Museum to donate a two-hundred-year-old bung ream, a hundred-year-old v-groove hand plane — all from Key West; and a spike from Flagler’s railroad. It was a donation and I didn’t want anything but to see the items preserved. The old lady at the ticket window had a fit. She wouldn’t let me leave them. She said I had to drive downtown to donate them at the KW Historical Society’s headquarters at Mallory Square. I had called the Society about the donation the day before and the lady wasn’t there, then called again in the afternoon and she still wasn’t there. No one else would take my donation but her. The ticket taker at the museum wanted me to drive my big truck back down to Mallory Square, try to find parking for the monster, walk to the headquarters and hope the lady was there to accept my donation–a good hour wasted. Ha, no way.
I left the items on the counter while the lady was having a shit-fit about me not following procedure. I told her to be thankful I was donating them and not throwing them away. She was still blabbing as a left the museum. I didn’t tell her that I was one of the Society’s Founders over 50 years ago. My name was even on a brass plaque inside the museum. I was just asking her for a favor to take the historical items so I didn’t have to waste time going downtown.
Key West sure has changed for the worst. It’s too corporate now with too many rules.

[Apocalypse Tip] When the food shortages begin, remember that Vegans are the closest thing there is to a free range, antibiotic free, grass fed meat source.
[Full Moon Kayak Excursion] The Florida Keys Wildlife Society proudly announces our next excursion this coming Sunday, March 24. Big Pine Kayak Adventures is sponsoring this fundraising event with 100% of the proceeds benefiting the Refuges of the Florida Keys. Please meet at the Old Wooden Bridge Resort & Marina 1791 Bogie Dr, Big Pine Key at 5:30 p.m. so we can get you set up with a kayak and gear. We’ll be departing about 6:00 p.m. Call Bill with your questions 305-872-7474 and then sign up on the events page of Space is limited so reserve yours now.
[Can Up His Can] The strangest things men have shoved up their bottoms for pleasure: From a WW1 bomb to a FISH – and 20 McDonald’s Happy Meal toys. New book reveals history of extreme masturbation techniques. Common reason for doing it is sexual pleasure but mental illness could be why. Around 4k Americans annually go to the hospital with objects in their rectums. Man needs deodorant can removed after putting it up his bottom. Link
Keys labor staffing firm owner gets 4 years in prison, ordered to pay $3.5M in restitution. A federal judge on Monday sentenced the owner of several Key West labor staffing firms to four years in prison following charges that he and his co-conspirators defrauded the United States government out of millions of dollars. Link

[In Other Rectum News] Taiwanese man, 56, needs coconut removed from his rectum. The constipated 56-year-old waited two days before seeking medical attention. Link
Keys deputy kills 15-year-old girl after she pointed gun at cop. Three deputies responded to the scene and found the girl holding the loaded .9 millimeter to her head. He said they tried to talk her into putting the weapon down for several minutes before she pointed at one of the deputies. One of the deputies then opened fire, striking her. The officer fired to protect his fellow officer. Link


They are re-painting the southernmost buoy and the crowds are still lining up for photos. Video

[Sleeping in Public] Florida homeless to be banned from sleeping in public spaces under DeSantis-backed law. Florida’s homeless will be banned from sleeping in public spaces such as sidewalks and parks under a law signed Wednesday. Link

[Teenagers Stink] Puberty makes teenagers’ armpits smell of cheese, goat and urine, say scientists. (My mother always used to say I smelled like a horse). Research into children’s body odours also found babies smell of flowers and soap, eliciting parental affection. Link
Microsoft introduces Surface Pro 10 for business and Surface laptop 6 for business. AI-powered PCs built for a new era of work. Link

[Apple a Monopoly] They intentionally make Android videos and sound look bad, thus making people think the iPhone is better. Link

[Abortion] Asian Americans, Native Hawaiians and Pacific Islanders in the United States are highly supportive of legal abortion, even in situations where the pregnant person wants an abort, even in situations where the pregnant person wants an abortion for any reason. Link
[Spot Fake Websites] URL errors and issues: Look for misspellings or unusual domain extensions. A single letter out of place might mean you’re on a fake site.
Grammar and spelling mistakes: Legitimate sites take care to avoid errors. If you spot poor grammar, spelling, or formatting mistakes in content, that’s often your first clue it’s a fake site.
False security notification: Once you click on a site link, you’re presented with a screen notifying you of a login issue and directing you to a hotline number. Wording on these fake sites may mention “unauthorized activity” or other details designed to trigger anxiety and panic.
Request for personal information: Most will never ask you over the phone for your account login password. If someone is asking you for your account login password by phone, do not provide it.
NASA needs your smartphone during April’s solar eclipse. The free SunSketcher app will use your phone’s camera to record the event and help study the sun’s ‘oblateness.’ Link
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[Friday Joke] James is walking on a downtown street one day, and he happens to see his old high school friend, Harry. “Harry, Harry, how are you?” he greets his old buddy after getting his attention.
“Not so good,” says Harry.
“Why, what happened?” James queries.
“Well,” Harry says, “I just went bankrupt and I’ve still got to feed my family. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
“Could have been worse,” James replies calmly. “Could have been worse.”
A month or so later, James again encounters Harry, in a restaurant. “And how are things now?” he asks.
“Terrible!” says Harry. “Our house burned down last night.”
“Could have been worse,” says James, again with total aplomb, and goes about his business.
A month later, James runs into Harry a third time. “Well, how goes it?” he inquires.
“Oh!” says Harry. “Things just get worse and worse. It’s one tragedy after another! Now my wife has left me!”
Harry nods his head and gives his usual optimistic-seeming little smile, accompanied by his usual words: “Could’ve been worse.”
This time, Harry grabs James by the shoulders. “Wait a minute!” he says. “I’m not gonna let you off so easy this time. Three times in the past few months we’ve run into one another, and every time I’ve told you the latest disaster in my life. Every time you say the same thing: ‘Could have been worse.’ This time, for God’s sake, Harry, I want you to tell me: how in Heaven’s name could it have been any worse?”
James looks at Harry with the same little wisp of a smile. “Could have been worse,” he says. “Could have happened to me.”
The sweetest crow who waits every day for his favorite 2-year-old kid to get home from little kid school. Video
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The current Coconut Telegraph was published on 3/22/24 at 9:30 am.