2013 May

Friday, May 24, 2013

The Coconut Telegraph

Anonyomous letters to the editor with pictures

The Original Unsocial Media

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(Saturday, May 25, 2013. The Coconut Telegraph is not published on Saturdays)

[Wind Demonstration Scam] The wind turbines were installed half-heartedly by Keys Energy with never a thought to their practical use. They installed them incorrectly knowing the results would be nil. They just did it so their efforts looked good on paper and to get the free grant money. It was designed to fail.


At the last meeting of the Iguana Kills Club it was voted that peacocks be added to the extermination list.

an ant carrying

Regarding the post from the past half-owner of Seaside Dawgs & Beef in Marathon. If what happen to you is even half true you have my sympathies. No one should have to endure that from anyone, but what I don’t understand is you stated that you paid for 98% of everything in the business. So why are you just the half-owner?

[The Nuclear Option] A poster yesterday talked about all the wind turbines in the waters off the countries of Scandinavia and how they produce most of the electrical needs of the countries they serve.  it seems the countries they serve, have a hell of a lot of large nuclear power plants.  And, yes, all the nuclear plants are up and running at full speed, with four more currently being built. So much for wind power!



This image of the storm system that generated the F-4 tornado in Moore, Oklahoma was taken by NASA’s Moderate Resolution Imaging Spectroradiometer instrument aboard one of the Earth Observing System satellites. The image was captured on May 20, 2013, at 2:40 p.m. CDT as the tornado began its deadly swath.

[Cool Things About Having A Beer Belly]
No more being pestered by annoying sorority girls.
You have a built-in TV tray for nachos and beer.
Great way to meet cute female cardiologists.
Extra mass means you’re much less likely to be thrown free of Earth into deep space.
Your bellybutton can store quarters for the parking meter.
You learn not to miss the ‘Little Guy’.

[Wind Generators]  Wisconsin has thousands of wind generators that I have been within 200′ of while they were generating. There is no loud air movement heard. All what you hear is the low humming of the gears that turn the generator. They are a marvelous work of art in motion. It would be an affordable pollution free device to light up the Keys.

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cuckoo blue big an[Joke] Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married: The other night I was invited out for a night with the girls. I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, “I promise!” Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos, equals midnight)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him midnight. He didn’t seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one!

Then he said, “We need a new cuckoo clock.” When I asked him why, he said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, “Oh shit”, cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table.

Fanci Seafood will be closed on Sundays until August. Everyone have a great summer!


Is Marvin Key in the National Key Deer Refuge or the Florida Keys National Marine Sanctuary or the Great White Heron National Wildlife Refuge? The NOAA chart shows it in all three. 


Correction: Springers Pig Roast is tomorrow, Saturday not on Monday

Springers is having their first annual Memorial Day Pig Roast this Saturday may 25th, starting at 3 pm. Live Entertainment by Dawn & Tim from 7 pm – 10 pm with a special appearance by Charley Possum.

Pig Roast Platters are $12.95 and come with Miss Virginia’s Potato Salad and Baked Beans.

[Old Seven Mile Bridge] They are not restoring the bridge just for the empty Pigeon Key, it is being done as a tourist attraction in itself.



[Compact Car] How strong is a garbage truck’s compactor? Video

I only drink on two occasions. When it’s my birthday, and when it’s not my birthday.


cupcake badge

The Boy Scouts of America’s National Council has voted to ease a long-standing ban and allow openly gay boys to be accepted as Scouts. They will even have a new merit badge, the Martha Stewart Cupcake.

[Pigeon Key Bridge] A fully independent extended audit sponsored by a non-interested party representing all of us tax payers should be conducted on all phases of the Pigeon Key Bridge daily operation before anymore money is handed over to the Pigeon Key people.  It looks like most people park,  walk out a few steps, look over the side at the water, take a photo of themselves, get back in the car and continue on to Key West.  So why does the entire bridge need to be re-built?  Just do the first couple of 100 feet.

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line dance an

Did you know line dancing was started by woman waiting to use the ladies room?

[“Wind Turbine noise will drive you crazy”] Good. Then Key West is the ideal location for them because it’s so noisy and crazy there it won’t matter one bit to them. More power and less blackouts for the rest of us.

More Nauseating Peacock Poetry 
Peacocks, peacocks everywhere
Peacocks here, peacocks there,
Peacocks wild, peacocks free,
Peacocks ala fricassee!   

Could they be boiled?
Could they be grilled?
How ’bout herbed,
How ’bout dilled?   

Yummy peacocks roasted tender,
No matter age, no matter gender.
Majestic fowl that rule Blue Hole,
Could be scrumptious casserole.   

Beautiful birds one and all,
They fan their tails, they strut and call.
In artist’s dreams their hues abide,
I think I’ll try mine Kentucky Fried!


How do you kill noseeums? They are killing me!


[Conspiracy] Just like Sandy Hook Elementary shooting was an obvious False Flag operation, well so was the Boston Marathon Bombing! It is quite evident that after the alleged bombing, the whole city was on an illegal lock down, without Martial Law being declared. All for what? For one  teenager and his brother? We are being played people. Soon there will be more and more false flag operations conducted throughout this country believe me.

Just like the citizens of Boston, who completely gave in to the illegal invasion of their rights and private property by local and federal law enforcement, so will you. There is so much misinformation being thrown at all of you by the government, law enforcement and the media, and the result is scared sheeple. Don’t be a sheeple! Link



[Open For Business] This 4th of July promises to be even more magnificent with the reopening of the Statue of Liberty. Good try, Sandy, but you can’t defeat Lady Liberty, who stands tall and defiant in spite of your wrath. The island grounds have been refurbished and docks rebuilt. Visitors will be able to climb up to the torch, visit the pedestal museum, have a bite to eat or simply walk around Liberty Island and take in the view of New York Harbor and its surrounding skylines. Museum highlights include exhibits on the history and symbolism of the Statue, the original 1886 torch and a plaque engraved with The New Colossus. Visitors can enjoy the self-guided audio tour which comes with the purchase of a ferry ticket or also join a free ranger tour.

Cat owners on Big Pine keep your cats inside.  Someone driving the friendly Marathon animal shelter truck has been cruising the streets of our lovely island with large cages in the back. What they are for, I cannot say. I will tell you he stopped the truck and was eyeballing the neighbor’s cat.  Fortunately the cat got spooked and ran off.  He waited a moment and then left.  This isn’t the first time that someone’s been on my block or in my neighborhood with the same truck, same cages, same vehicle – slowly moving down the streets.  If you value your pets I suggest you keep them inside or confined to your property.  You never know what might be happening and would hate for anyone to lose one of their cherished family members.  Just be on alert and check it out for yourself. Amen


[Springers] Today’s Specials: Blackened Prime Rib Sandwich $12.95 with French Fries & Slaw
Cuban Wrap – lightly toasted $10.95
Pork Loin, Ham, Turkey, Lettuce, Tomato, Pickle With French Fries

an_happy_hr_liquorHappy Hour at the Bar 3 pm – 6 pm
Appetizers served with French Fries Two Little Pizza Rolls $ 4
Two Stuffed Potato Spring Rolls  $4
Two Little Cheddar Cheese Biscuit Burgers $4
Two Beef Taquitos $4
Domestic Draft Beer $1.50
Domestic Bottles $2
Well Drinks $2.50
House Wine/Glass $2.50

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The two brightest planets, Venus and Jupiter, will help you find a fainter one, Mercury, as all three shine together in the western twilight about half an hour after sunset this Saturday and for a few days after.

[“Old 7 Mile Bridge rehab would be a financial boon”] More proof that if you put something in print people will buy it. What a bunch of suckers. Cay Club Kool Aid anyone? Yummy, drink up.

[Wind Demonstration Project] The Keys Energy site says it was originally planned to have one wind turbine at the Cudjoe station and another at the Stock Island station, but in order to determine height affect on the turbines efficiency, both were placed at the same location so all other factors would be the same.

If you didn’t catch my comment yesterday, I talked to the guys installing them and the county permit only allowed one at 57′ and the other at 30′. So as a result, the 30 foot one is below the wind turbine manufacturers recommendation to be at least 20 feet above the tree/roof lines, so no wonder it’s not turning as well as the one at 57 feet.

Obviously if the wind is faster and there is less obstructions from buildings and trees, the turbines are going to spin faster, it doesn’t take a genius to figure that out. The purpose was designed to see if height played a factor or not, which the manufacturer of the turbines already determined that fact to a certain extent.

A better solution would have pulled a permit for each station and place both at 57 feet and placed wind meters on each pole in 12 foot increments above the 20 foot level to the 57 foot level and cross referenced the data for analysis. With two locations and a lot more data being collected, it would have provided the necessary data to determine height and other geographic factors rather than having both at one location and one not operating as optimal as it should.

In my opinion, placing both turbines at the Cudjoe station was not a real scientific fact generating decision as it’s been horribly implemented.

Since the funding came from the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act and the Department of Energy, with the Democrats being in power in Washington at the time. Keys Energy generating their power via nuclear means, the location along US 1 and method chosen for the turbines, it’s obvious this is all for show and tell folks.



Redneck toilet.

Going for the title of worlds worse drink is the TGI Friday’s Guinness chocolate & vanilla ice-cream mike shake. Yes, Guinness Beer with chocolate and vanilla ice cream with whipped cream on top! (this topic will continue after I return from the bathroom).

[Legalize Pot] If you think spending billions on prohibiting a plant is the definition of insanity.

[FIRM] Last week, we contacted you to ask that you send a note to Governor Rick Scott asking that he sign next year’s budget, including authorization of $4 million for Florida International University (FIU) to update the Florida Public Hurricane Model (FPHM) with storm surge data.  We’re happy to report that your efforts made a difference:  the Governor signed the budget to support this update.  

For eight years, FIRM has been arguing that much of the damage from a hurricane is caused by storm surge and paid for by flood insurance, not windstorm insurance.  Certainly those of us who lived through Wilma in the Keys understand that dynamic.  But the models used to predict windstorm risk don’t currently make that distinction.  In at least some territories, this may lead to an over-estimation of wind losses and, ultimately, wind premiums that are too high.  Because we’re already paying for flood insurance, it’s like paying twice for the same coverage.

That’s why this project is so important.  New data could help distinguish between flood and wind damage from hurricanes, which could lead to greater stability in windstorm coverage.  And since this is being done by FIU in the Public Model, the results can be analyzed and understood without the restrictions of “proprietary” or “black box” models.

Some have asked if this will lead to even higher flood rates.  That’s highly doubtful, because those rates are based on things like flood elevation and a history of prior flood losses, and because they are spread across the entire nation, not just Florida.

So FIRM thanks the Governor for his support of this effort to bring greater accuracy, transparency and ultimately stability to the property insurance market — and FIRM thanks you for being part of this process and helping to make a difference.



[“Why does it usually rain in the afternoons?”] The Sun gets up and takes all the AM time to boil the surface of the ocean to make it’s morning tea, then takes all afternoon to pour it all over your head.

They’ll be protests against Monsanto this weekend in Marathon and Key West by those against Monsanto’s genetically modified food experiments to change the structure of food. Monsanto also makes saccharin and the weed killer RoundUp.



NOAA now has free BookletCharts you can download. They are smaller versions of NOAA charts that you can print and make your own handy chart booklet. Link

 I have a beautiful house for sale in Eden Pines. Please watch this Video. ~Nira Tocco

nira tocco realtor 9.12

[Graph of all EF-5 Tornadoes 1950 to Present] Unfortunately, EF-5 tornadoes occur only too frequently. This latest is the 59th recorded since 1950, so on average about one every year.  From 1953-1982 we saw 38 EF-5 tornadoes.  From 1983-2013  there were 20. Yes, that’s a decrease.

There have been 27 tornadoes since 1970 that have caused more than 20 fatalities.  So on average, it is unfortunately the sort of tragedy we can expect to see nearly every year. Link



I was wondering how much time the FTR guy spends every day concocting his posts?

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[Captain Doom and Gloom] This what you want in the Keys? it’s what’s coming if you don’t fight the greedy politicos.

“old 7 Mile Bridge repairs would be financial boon” Why don’t you carnival trash just buy out all us locals and make the Keys the shit hole amusement park you want and add the cheap hotels and junk food joints as well?  Rename all the Keys the Lowest Keys or the Florida Straight Show Keys! I think I’ll sell out the Haitian R/S company while I can!

Homage to the Peacock and All Wildlife on Big Pine Key
A great beacon light shone down from the sky
And what did it leave the creatures of Big Pine?
Some brave souls to protect them from people that hate.  
You live on a wildlife refuge for heaven’s sake.
The animals were here first but they let us stay.
So I guess if you don’t like them then just move away.

religion politics zone

If 10% of Muslims are willing (determined) to kill you and you line up 100 Muslims at random, can you pick out the killers? No.  So you must treat all Muslims as killers.


[Islam and Muslims] I read an article this morning that said Islam is the religion of peace.  Yeah, sure.  I could almost believe that if Muslims weren’t running all over the world killing people everyday and every place of importance around the world is barricaded against them.

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“I don’t care about Bin laden” ~G.W.Bush (Osama Bin Laden wishes Bush was back in the big chair also.)


Obama mentioned Muslim-Americans in his speech yesterday. That proves he’s a Muslim. I knew it! 


right only grey

tal24Boy, oh boy, I sure feel better after watching Obama’s speech yesterday. When he was done I looked out of a window and saw blue birds, puffy clouds, bright sun and butterflies. The neighborhood was redolent with odor of roses and a pale rosy color was evident.  Obama, the magnificent, has now declared that the global war on terror is over. Thank the Lord Obama. We can only guess why just 4 days ago in Kabul, large number of Taliban insurgents, aided by foreign fighters, tried to overrun the district of Sangin in Afghanistan’s southern Helmand province, triggering a two-day battle. The Taliban must have missed the coverage of a separate attack on Tuesday, wherein a roadside bombing killed seven Afghan policemen in the western province of Herat  

By fiat, Mr. Obama has declared all of that as being non events. He has declared that there have been no successful organized jihadist attacks on American soil in years. Certainly the victims of the Fort Hood attack, the Boston Marathon a attack and sundry other attacks both successful and unsuccessful such as the incredibly lucky failure of a bomb in Times Square recently, in the US take great comfort in his velvet words. According to one source there have been at least 36 incidents wherein violence or death was delivered by Muslim fundamentalism since 9/11/01. Link

It is so comforting knowing that Mr. Obama has put all of that behind us.  Perhaps now we should all jump in and support gun control…….NAH!

Our troops in Afghanistan are experiencing a theater wide group hug in knowing that the AQI and it’s clones and affiliates are on the “path to defeat”. I’m sure that news will be of great comfort the families of the 66 coalition fatalities so far this year.  That news will come as a genuine surprise to the AQI and it’s minions who are now ramping-up for the fighting season with a substantial increase in violence.

an_islamHopefully you are wondering if Obama expects the emergent power of Muslim fundamentalism to be good neighbors to the USA? Please recall that since Obama has been our President, many nations have fallen under the control of Muslim fundamentalism. Please recall that contrary to all of Obama’s assurances, Iran is now closer than ever to having weaponized nukes. Please recall that since Obama took office, Muslim fundamentalism is sweeping North Africa like a scourge of locust. Link 


It’s time to stop commenting on the No Name Key issue.  They got what they wanted.  Deep pockets usually win and they certainly did this time.  I wonder how most of those folk are going to pay for all the expenses incurred to install electricity?  Could the deep pocket person over there be lending the monies to them, using their property as collateral?  Inquiring minds want to know.  I hope they all get what they deserve.