2023 May

Friday, May 26, 2023

The un-social media since 2002 with 60,000 followers.
Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days,
Tuesdays and Fridays.

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[Unusual Fact] No human society exists without religion or booze.
[Memorial Day Ceremony] Please join us Monday, May 29th at 11AM in the auditorium of the Upper Keys Government Center to Honor our Nation’s Veterans Killed in Action. A United States Coast Guard Color Guard, along with our celebrated Community Band will open this ceremony. A “Gold Star” family member will be presented with the flag that draped this Soldier’s casket before he was buried overseas. Powerful videos will be shared with the audience Honoring our Nation’s Fallen. A medley of songs from our amazing Community Band, under the direction of Mr. Robert Sax, will be played in remembrance of the Veterans we Honor. A Keynote address will be delivered by the “Gold Star” recipient. Please share with us in commemorating the Finality of their Sacrifices. Thank you
It’s so sad to see M&M Auto close its garage. I’ve been going there since Jaime owned it. Another Big Pine Key landmark gone.

Wetstock 18, This Sunday, May 28 at Picnic Island around noon. Three bands! Free! Fun in the Sun!

[Friday Joke] The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went.  Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, “If he gets loose, will he hurt us?”

Everyone is talking about the great dead Tina Turner and her great talent, but no one’s talking about her great legs!
Rock and soul icon Tina Turner dead at age 83. Video

[Friday Joke] After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.  At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard her three year old say with a trembling voice, “Who was that?”

Native grasses that will revitalize your sad, water-wasting lawn. Turn your yard into a living fireworks show while saving money, time, and nature. Link

[How To Stay Young] Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. Keep learning! Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever, even ham radio. Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s  family name is  Alzheimer’s. Enjoy the simple things. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves. Be alive while you are alive. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever! Your home is your refuge. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help. Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but not to where the guilt is.
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
This weekend as always, we remember the brave men and women who have served in our nation’s armed forces and made the ultimate sacrifice to protect our freedoms. As we enjoy time with friends and family, let us not let their memories fade from our thoughts.
[“Exotic Flax lily”] I wouldn’t buy any plants from Home Depot or anywhere else until I made sure that they were not invasive. Just because deer won’t eat them, it shouldn’t be enough. If there’s money to be made, Home Depot will sell you anything. They were actually passing off exotic necklace pod and exotic Blue Porter weed as natives. Those plants threaten our natives and could eventually hybridize them into extinction.
[Conservative Cancel Culture] And now a few words of wisdom from Trae Crowder about Cancel Culture and thin-skinned snowflakes. Video
Four years of weekend dumpster diving construction sites paid off. Just in time for the rainy season.
[Friday Joke] Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions. ‘How old are you?’ ‘I’m four and a half!’ You’re never thirty-six and a half. You’re four and a half, going on five! That’s the key. You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. ‘How old are you?’ ‘I’m gonna be 16’ You could be 13, but hey, you’re gonna be 16. And then the greatest day of your life. You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. You become 21. Yessss!
[Battery Fires] A Norwegian shipping company is the first to ban electric cars on ferries. The Norwegian shipping company, Havila Kystruten, has banned electric, hybrid, and hydrogen cars from its ferries. After a risk analysis, it was concluded that the risk to the safety of the shipping fleet was too significant. If a vehicle catches fire, the fire can no longer be extinguished.
The risks for ships from the transport of Electric cars (EV) have been discussed since the “Felicity Ace” sank off the Azores, Portugal, last February. E-vehicles on board had caught fire. The fire could not be extinguished. Finally, the colossal ship sank with thousands of electric cars, including Porsche and Bentley “green” vehicles.
[Fashion Police] Sweat pants are not fashionable. They are for exercise or going to the gym.

The undisputed boogie woogie queen. Eat your heart out, Jerry Lee! Video

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[Horror] When you try to pronounce the names of your prescriptions, but accidentally summon the devil instead.

[Friday Joke] I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking. My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, “Nothing.” The reason I said “nothing” instead of saying, “just thinking” is because she then would have asked, “About what?” At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.
Finally, I pondered an age-old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know? Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn’t really know, here is the reason for my conclusion: A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, “It might be nice to have another child.” But you never hear a guy say, “You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts.”
I rest my case. Time for another beer. Then maybe a nap.


[Diagonal Cutting Pliers] I used “dykes” pliers back before they were newsworthy.

The new billion-dollar water system in Florida Keys sent raw sewage into ocean, state says. A Florida Department of Environmental Protection investigation found that between June 2020 and February 2021, 90,749 gallons of raw sewage leaked from the Lower Keys portion of the utility’s wastewater facilities, according to the documents. “The consent orders require that FKAA takes steps to eliminate unauthorized sanitary sewer discharges and failures to meet effluent limitations at the Big Coppitt and Cudjoe Wastewater Treatment Facilities,” David Hackworth, FKAA’s director of engineering told the utility’s executive director, Greg Veliz, in an April memo. The facilities named by Hackworth as needing repairing are on Cudjoe, Big Coppitt, Ramrod and Summerland keys, according to the memo. Link

And they replaced working septic tanks and other approved systems is order to do this.  The grinder pump system is under pressure, so you know there are undetected underground leaks right at about sealevel.
In addition to investigating the FKAA, an investigation of the county commissioners who forced the FKAA into the positioin it is in would be interesting. ~Dump the Pumps, Inc

[Sports] A very good reason to choose golf. Ooow!

[Profiteering] Inflation is about 5% so how come foot prices increased by 100%? Once prices go up, they never go down.
[Art Is Love] Research shows that engaging with art can activate the brain’s reward system, releasing chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin. Aesthetic experiences, like museum visits, are also associated with decreased loneliness, improved mood, and stress reduction. Some neuroscientists have even compared viewing art to the feeling of romantic love.
[Politics: Deliberate Ignorance] As modern humans, we have access to more knowledge than anyone, ever. Even the poorest, most uneducated person has more quality information available to them today—in public libraries and on the internet—-than the richest scholar with packed mahogany bookshelves from bygone eras. And yet, paradoxically, deliberate ignorance has become one of the biggest threats to our fragile democracies. ln the past, we needed to worry about uninformed voters, those who didn’t know much about politics. These days, we need to worry about the much more dangerous misinformed voters who are often wrong, but never uncertain.
[Snake Oil Salesman] Healy wave device, which cures illnesses at all levels – energy, mental and physical. Based on the principles of quantum physics, using progressive knowledge and developments in the field of psychology and physiotherapy. Mobile home doctor who painlessly effectively treats and counteracts onset of diseases – very diverse spectrum, more than 5 thousand, and index is growing. Partial list of treatment programs – digital su-Jock, digital homeopathy, digital herbal medicine, digital flower therapy, digital health nutrition and diet, aging, Schuessler salts, Alaskan gem elixirs, Australian bush flowers, macrobiotics, manual therapy elements, to in -depth meditation and relaxation programs.
[Florida Senate] This bill expands the types of flags that a homeowner may display as a portable, removable flag display, notwithstanding any covenant, restriction, bylaw, or requirement of a homeowners’ association. Under the bill, a homeowner may display up to two of:
The United States flag;
The official flag of the State of Florida;
A flag that represents the United States Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps, Space Force, or Coast Guard;
A POW-MIA flag; or
A first responder flag that may incorporate the design of any other allowed flag permitted to form a combined flag. Link

[Skeleton Flower] Whose petals turn from white to translucent when it rains.

Listening to talking head news shows on tv. Flip from one channel to the next, the talking heads take the same headline story and twist it all ways to appease their audience. Sad.
[Toothpaste] A review of studies, published in the journal Clinical Oral Investigations, found products containing carbamide peroxide worked only slightly better at whitening than products containing hydrogen peroxide. See what our experts say about whitening toothpastes. Link
[Trolls] Believe Facebook posts if you want to but remember there are people who get off making waves and spinning BS to the gullible!  I automatically doubt the validity of any site that looks like a Hollywood production, with music, weird graphics and useless BS to “sell” their topic.
[Chinese Hard Workers] One of my best friends is smart. Very smart. He went for his MBA in business after bachelor’s in mechanical engineering. His grades were always 3.8, 3.9 out of 4.0. He told me his fellow students, all Chinese, would leave class, go home and study, never go out and party. He was at one time in his life struggling to keep up. Any reason USA is indebted to the Chinese?
[Censorship] Does anyone really think transgender people will go away if they are not talked about in schools? I remember when if a movie star was found out to be gay, their career would be over. Now we just assume they are gay. How about the other stuff being bannd? Will they go away too? Not talking about sex, slavery, or the holocaust will not make them go away. The worst is the banning of books. What’s next, book burning? Sieg Heil!
[Plastic]  I go to the grocery store and buy a pound of sliced ham wrapped in plastic, a loaf of bread in a plastic bag, a gallon of milk in a plastic jug, a pack of napkins wrapped in plastic, a Greek salad in a plastic container, a plastic bottle of mustard and a plastic bottle of ketchup, and they won’t give me a plastic bag to carry it home because the plastic bag is bad for the environment?

A super pressure balloon built by students is cruising Earth’s skies to find dark matter. SuperBIT belongs to a new class of budget space telescopes, ferried by high-altitude balloons rather than rockets. Link

[Friday Joke] I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
I’ve been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife ever finds out, she’ll kill me!
What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she’s making love? “Honey, I’m home!”
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
The current Coconut Telegraph was published on 5/26/23 at 9:12 am.