The Coconut Telegraph is not published on Saturdays. May 4, 2013

Ponce de Leon didn’t discover Florida or the fountain of youth. In fact he was never in St Augustine. His only distinction was that on his second voyage to Florida he fired the first shots against a native Floridian and was in turn shot by an arrow, the wound infected and Ponce died of fever in Havana, having discovered nothing, founded nothing and achieved nothing. 

The Ponce de Leon myth was invented in a book by Walt Whitman 300 years latter.

[Electric] The state Public Service Commission’s staff recommended Thursday that commercial power be brought to No Name Key. It also said the agency had  jurisdiction in the case.

[Art Show] Every so often there comes a local – or formerly local – artist whose fine work appears unexpectedly, often through no self-publicizing of their own. Pam Eden, whose debut show, “Reflections of Eden,” opens at Frangipani Gallery on May 3rd, is one such artist. Discovered during the recent, acclaimed photographic narrative about local homelessness, “Hidden in Plain View,” at the Studios of Key West, Eden is testament to the truism that art can heal, enrich and even sustain life. Frangipani Gallery owner/artist Fran Decker, was impressed by the quality of the paintings and touched by Pam Eden’s soulful portrayals of animals in beautiful natural settings. The Gallery, at 1102A Duval, is pleased to present a solo show of Pam Eden’s paintings May 3-17, with a reception on Friday May 3, 6-9 PM.Pam Eden is no longer living in Key West and, when she lived here on Olivia Street, she wasn’t an artist. Neighbor and creator/curator of the TSKW show Erika Biddle describes Eden as a rescuer of animals, mother to a menagerie of wounded dogs, cats, birds, snakes who were too damaged to be candidates for rehabilitation, even by the local no-kill animal shelter. Eden and her animals, evicted, left the island in a U-Haul to live on free land offered upstate. It was totally undeveloped land, and living was hard. To keep her sanity, Eden began to create art. That she is now an artist is evidenced by her collection of paintings in the upcoming Frangipani show.Erika Biddle describes Eden’s work eloquently: Life. Color. Movement. Nature. The joy of those are expressed so visibly in the work of Pam Eden. Who can explain how we come to live out our names? Just like her work, her name reminds us of a garden fraught with meaning, filled with life. She has created watercolors that seem to come from that mythical garden itself. She existed and worked closer to nature than most people ever will, on the edge of the wild and she made the transition from being “one who is artistic” to one who is “a fine artist.”

Eden takes us to a world few have ever seen. There is a stillness in her work, a sense that you had to walk for miles into overgrown silence to reach the places which she shows us and the inhabitants who call such places home. Even at times when the artist herself had no home of her own, she lived like – but never in the same way -as those animals who were her subjects.

[Sewers] I guess the $36,000 we spent on lobbyist would have been better put in the ground (sewers). Do we get a refund for work not performed?

[Medical Marijuana and Obamacare] Florida lawmakers see the writing on the wall and they are all in favor of patients having access to medical marijuana.

You can have all the pharmaceutical versions of cannabis you want lawfully prescribed by a participating doctor – you know “real medicine”, approved by the FDA and packaged by companies who hire lobbyists to work the Florida House and Senate.

It’s true, we can have access to medical marijuana right now– just recently Sativex announced it is in stage 3 clinical trials and has received a US patient for its cannabis spray formula . But that is not all, the pill form of THC Dronabinol, was proven to be more effective for pain control than smoked cannabis in a recent study. (They forget to mention the price tag for this drug).

So there you have it folks. Medical marijuana – brought to you by your favorite drug company, through your insurance provider or perhaps the Affordable Care Act.

[Take my wife — please!] Missing wife found living in Key Largo. Link

[Joke] Herman and Martha were happily married for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband’s habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would always wake up Martha and the smell would cause her eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air. Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one in the morning. Herman told her that he couldn’t help it.

She begged him to visit a doctor to see if anything could be done, but the husband wouldn’t hear of it. He told her that it was just a natural bodily function, and then he would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her hands. She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he didn’t stop, he was one day going to “fart his guts out.”

The years went by and Martha continued to suffer and Herman continued to ignore her warnings about “farting his guts out” until one Christmas morning.

Before dawn, Martha went downstairs to prepare the family feast. She fixed Christmas pudding, mashed potatoes, gravy and of course a turkey. While she was taking out the turkeys innards, a thought occurred to the wife as to how she might solve her husband’s problem.

With a devilish grin on her face, she placed the turkey guts into a bowl and quietly walked upstairs hours before her flatulent husband would awake. While he was still soundly asleep, she pulled back the covers and then gently pulled back her husband’s jockey shorts. She then placed all of the turkey guts into her husband’s underwear, pulled them up, replaced the covers and tiptoed back downstairs to finish preparing the family meal.

Several hours later she heard Herman awake with his normal loud ass trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the upstairs bathroom. Martha could not control herself and her eyes began to tear up as she rolled on the floor laughing. After years of putting up with him she had finally gotten even.

About twenty minutes later, Herman came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror in his eyes. She bit her lip to keep from laughing and she asked him what was the matter.

“Honey,” he said. “You were right – all those years you warned me and I didn’t listen to you.”

“What do you mean?” asked Martha.

“Well, you always told me that I would end up farting my guts out one of these days and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God and these two fingers, I think I got them all back in. 

[Taxes] The only thing that ever stops a businessman from hiring is that not enough people are buying his stuff.

Statement on USDA honey bee report. Link

Sugarloaf School Kindergarten Round-Up for any child who will be 5 on or before September 1. Registration begins May 17 and continues through the summer. Bulletin Board

The tree commission rules in Key West protect the trees and canopy in key west from shoddy tree people with no training like that crazy woman who ran for sheriff. If the state adopted an arbor rule with real teeth the city would not need the tree commission.

[Earth The Operators Manual] Kudos for posting this fair appraisal for the layman. Support Mother Earth! Coincidentally, if not ironic, is the degree to which our military is massively aboard renewable energy to not only support our troops but to support our planet as well. Kind of weird to look at it that way, you think? This presentation goes into the military aspects in Chapters 2 and 3. Our troops’ lives saved in Afghanistan by being solar is considerable. Off the grid no less. Although not mentioned in this video, our Air Force won’t ever shut down due to lack of gas or electrification. Support our troops. Video

Study links insecticide to invertebrate die-offs. Link

[Joke] After living in the remote backwoods of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores he picked up a mirror and looked in it. Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him, “How about that! Here’s a picture of my daddy.”

He bought the mirror, thinking it was a picture of his daddy, but on the way home he remembered his wife didn’t like his father so he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it. His wife began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, “So that’s the ugly hag he’s been runnin’ around with!” 

First website restored for 20th anniversary of open web. Link

Future world population.

[Advanced Sober Deficiency Disorder]  The cure can be found at any establishment with a grass roof!

Lost keys. Chevy key with black remote, has 2 key chain pictures of my nieces and a silver belt loop clip and possibly a store rewards card. Lost between Port Pine Heights and the Blue Hole on May 1st. Please call 872-1467 if found. Its the only set of keys for my car I have. Classified Ads > Lost and Found

Watching the Fox News talking heads reminds me that some people will do or say anything for money

Naked man orchid.

[May is National Masturbation Month] Really? because it shouldn’t take that long?

I don’t get why weed is still considered criminal. When I smoke it the only thing I’m a threat to is a cake

[Florida Yards] Great info. Know before you grow. Right plant — right place. Link

[Missing woman Found in Key Largo] Amazing what the keys can do to you after just 11 years of fun in the sun and a little crack.

[Developers] With Balfour Beatty and the Navy refusing to release records that show exactly how many non-active duty military live in Sigsbee Park and Truman Annex, they should simply be taxed for all the housing in Monroe County.  When I was employed by the Department of Defense, they encouraged to fill openings as units were vacated by military personnel. Active duty military moved off base utilizing their housing allowance while at the same time getting away from the locations they were employed.  The units were often filled with people that do not and have never worked on any military base. It was simply a decision based on financial advantages, for non-active duty military to move on base.  It was Balfour Beatty’s goal to keep housing units filled, instead of having vacancies.  It was and remains to be a very profitable opportunity for this company across the pond.

[Benghazi] Thank heavens the Republicans didn’t have their way and cut millions and millions more from Embassy security. We may have had 5 more Benghazis. Look it up, folks. After all the spinning and excuse making is over, facts are the pachyderms wanted more cuts to security then were already done. That’s a fact they cannot deny no matter how many ribbons and bows they tie around it.

Aspirin will be heavily taxed under Obamacare. The only explanation given was that they are white and they work. No other reason was given, but I thought you’d want to know about it.

From what I’ve seen it is the Republicans who have been the masters of hubris.  I realized that after I looked it up.

How FTR and the other RWNJ see Benghazi.

On Thursday, President Obama leaves on a three day trip to Mexico and Costa Rica, where he will meet with key leaders to discuss a range of issues.

[Benghazi] We will stop asking about that crime when direct responses are given. It can be investigated and re-hashed, for the next 10 years, and we will still want to see a printed report as to who screwed up (as if we don’t know). The investigation you allude to is about as successful as the infamous “cash for clunkers” was.

[Benghazi, A few salient points]

– Adequate security was denied by Hillary Clinton (whistle blowers will finally prevail on that score after lawyers get a Congressional OK).

– Rapid reinforcement/rescue was available and could have been tasked. Instead, an order to stand down was given to even those who wanted to jump into the frey on their own.

– To put the ambassador in harms way, as the State Department did in Benghazi, suggests his mission there was important enough for him to leave his post in Tripoli, this main office.

– Some suggest that an arms deal was being negotiated there in support of Syrian rebels.

– If/when the findings are revealed, Hillary’s chances of becoming a presidential candidate are/will be nill. 

FROM THE RIGHT

The popular notion that Obama is the champion of those of us who are low on the socio-economic ladder is without merit. Now we are seeing more and more evidence that that proves how deeply flawed that notion is.

We now know that the Democrat/Obama’s economy has punished the poor and rewarded the rich. We now know that unemployment is significantly higher for minorities.

The March unemployment percentage for whites was about 6.6%, but unemployment for blacks is creeping up on double that, it was 13.3%. It’s interesting that the rate for Asians is only 5%.

We also now know that the minority population has suffered disproportionately from the Obama/Democrat economy. A recent study by the Urban institute has revealed that the economic gap between minorities and whites has actually substantially expanded under Democrat/Obama governance. The rich have gotten richer and the poor have gotten poorer thanks to Democrat governance.

While we know that all employed Americans have recently suffered a tax increase, not all of us know that the glitterati and the uber wealthy are enjoying tax relief. We recall that GE, whose CEO is an Obama functionary, has avoided billions in taxes. Just yesterday we learned that Apple has managed to dodge the bullet on about $9 billion in taxes. The film industry is blessed with more tax loopholes than all of the cheese in Switzerland.

That sort of shenanigans, to quote Obama’s pastor/mentor, Rev. Wright, seems to be causing the chickens to come home to roost.

The poor and the middle class are jumping ship on Obama. According to a new Economist/YouGov poll, it’s the rich — not the poor or middle class who are the more fervent supporters of Obama. That is occurring despite Obama’s 2012 campaign attacking the rich. The poll found that fewer than half of those with incomes less than $100,000 per year approve of Obama’s performance, while he enjoys a 54 percent approval rating among those with incomes higher than that. Those earning less than $40,000 a year disapprove of the president’s performance, 51 percent to 45 percent. Those earning $40,000 to $100,000 disapprove by a rate of 50 percent to 48 percent. Deer Friends, that is astonishing and fascinating.

Part 2) ADP (American Data Processing) is a proprietary firm that handles payrolls for hundreds of thousands of employers.  Every month they publish their own report on unemployment. It is nearly always published prior to the governments Bureau of Labor Statistics report.

ADP has just reported that we gained only 119,000 private sector jobs for April 2013. ADP revised their March job figures down by 27,000 to 131 thousand.  February’s tally was revised down by 39,000 to a total of 198 thousand private sector jobs gained for the month.  This is the weakest monthly ADP reported private sector job growth since August 2012.  This report does not include government, or public jobs. Americas strongest asset has always been manufacturing, but ADP reports that last month manufacturing was a disaster, with a loss of 10,000 jobs, the worst losses since September 2012 as well as the first decline for manufacturing jobs in three months.  If you have an interest in this data, the Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) report will have been released by the time you read this on Friday. I suggest that you read the article that I quoted above: Link

You can find the BLS report at: Link

Respectfully submitted:  FTR@Reagan.com