2018 May

Friday, May 4, 2018

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsLetters to the editor with pictures since 0202. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.​​​

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[“Bedroom community for low wage workers”] You’re funny. A low wage worker can’t make it in the Keys, any of them. Trailers are being rented for 1500 bucks a month, plus 1st, last & security deposit. They’re  the ones who made it through the storm. What low wage earner can swing that? It takes several folks sharing a place together to make enough to live on Big Pine Key. As for the tourist being a issue, that’s BS. How long have you been here? The tourist buck is the cleanest dollar you’re going to get. The Keys, as they used to be, have been lost for a very long time. How long? maybe 50 years or so. The Keys are still very special and Big Pine Key is at the top of the very special list. Is it just me? or do you sound like one of those “I got Mine” folks?
[“Why are advertisers making it look like racial intermingling is a good thing”] Because that is the agenda. From the times television was invented, it’s been a way to deliver other people’s ideals into our homes and lives. Think about it. We’ve gone from Father Knows Best to NCIS – from learning about family values to murder and death. Look at the difference between cop shows like Adam 12 and Dragnet to COPS. Speaking of today, you no longer have to wait for TV hour at night. Nowadays, everyone is subject to the brainwashing 24/7 by the devices you can use to watch on. Phones, iPads, TV, all for the brainwashing of society with cross race, cross gender, cross religion, cross political lines. The way to own a society is to dumb it down; and they have. Just try talking to most millennials. They all seem to have opinions on changes they want made, but none seem to know how to go about making them. It’s the generation that stands in the street, yells slogans and stamps their feet like sheep–cue the camera. A line of people of the world standing on a mountain top– cue the music. “I’d like to buy the world a Coke and live in harmony.” Why can’t we all get along? Go to Pakistan, Iran, Libya, Egypt, Sudan, Somalia, or any of the other over populated, broke-ass nations and try “getting along” without offering them US aid


See a place where channel markers are down and need to be replaced? See something that FWC needs to fix/replace/repair/alter? See garbage that FWC ought to work on getting out of the water? Then use this link, fill out a form and let’s see what happens. If it isn’t fixed/replaced/repaired/altered in the amount of time you think it ought to be, fill it out again.  What can it hurt to be redundant?  Link

[“How can I stop big business from bullying my small local company”] By doing your job better than them. By answering your phone. By charging the same price they do. By showing up when you say. By not bitching. Always being positive and cheerful. By not talking about yourself or your history. By doing a little something extra for your customers. Focus on making your customers or clients happy.
[“Kudos to Winn Dixie”] Deer Ed, Thank you for adding to my post about Winn Dixie being open during the fire! Kenny Lowe really does deserve some credit for the job he does. I am on a register daily from 11am till 7pm. Mike Tolbert’s wife and I drive 35 miles each way to work for a store with management that really cares about the community and the people in it.



[Burglar] This is security camera shot of the guy who burglarized our house on Date Palm St on 4/30/18 from exactly 11:09-11:29am. He took money and jewelry and a Yeti cooler. If anyone saw anything unusual at that time please call the MCSO. He worked with a getaway car and accomplice, which were not on camera. I am working with Deputy Michelle Swilley of the sheriffs office at this time.   Date Palm st off Kyle blvd.   Lots of walkers in the daytime.  Please think.  He broke in and stole all my wife’s jewelry.  I’d love to ID this guy.  ~David Fappiano

[Editor Sucks a Big One] Deer Ed, Why on earth would you feel the need to completely change what I sent?  And why make it so childish?  This site is “”, is it not?  This convoluted version was obviously written by someone that does not live in or care about Big Pine and it’s residents.  If that’s the case, you need to change the name of this website to something more appropriate. This is what I sent:

“If the residents of Big Pine were still wondering how they rate with the rest of the county after the abysmal treatment they received when recovering from hurricane Irma, this fire, which is still burning, should be a clue. From what I’ve been reading, more people are worried about the Key Deer than the people whose home was destroyed by the fire. I even saw someone on Facebook post concern about “The butterflies”.  Really?  Big Pine is becoming nothing more than a tourist attraction and soon to be bedroom community for low wage workers for the rest of the Keys.  The current residents are apparently just a distraction and nuisance.  How sad.”

And this is what was posted: “[Hates Deer & Facebook] From what I’ve been reading, more people are worried about the Key Deer than the people whose home was destroyed by the fire. Yes, Big Pine has always been ruled by the deer. Even when the sign used to say there’s only 2 left. I even saw someone on Facebook post concern about the butterflies. Really? For starters, about Facebook, you’re really still using that site after Zuckerberg stole and sold your personal data.”

“[Tourism is Bad] Big Pine is becoming nothing more than a tourist attraction and soon to be a bedroom community for low wage workers for the rest of the Keys. They’ve lost their uniqueness. Full-time residents are the island monkeys the tourists come to see. Some lay around, others do comical things to get laughs and tips. Hopefully, they’ll start throwing their s**t at the visitors just like at the zoo”

(Ed: It’s because I can’t control myself. It’s why I am an editor and not a writer.)

Hi, can you post that Seacamp on Big Pine is open and will be having summer camp? I saw someone post asking, but I can’t reply to them. Thank you!  ~Joy E


I’m looking for a mobile car wash/detail service on Big Pine Key.  It needs to be self-contained.

I drive for Uber and Lyft and I already knew about drivers who charge cash to riders, which is a no-no under the Uber and Lyft rules.  And guess what, those are the Miami drivers who come down to the Keys, mostly Key West, to drive and keep the local drivers from earning better incomes.  Hotels beware:  dozens of Uber and Lyft drivers come from Miami and rent one hotel room and they take turns sleeping.  They are robbing you silly while paying for one room as they share sleeping accommodations. Wise up!
Where’s FTR? Did he run out of words?



Irma recovery workshop. Saturday. May 5th, 11 am to 1 pm. Link

[Missing Man] The family of a Boot Key Harbor man missing for almost two years remains hopeful that someone in the Florida Keys has information that may resolve the mystery of their loved one’s disappearance.

Paul “Paulie” Thomas Murray, 49, who has been missing since June 2016, reportedly was last seen at Robbie’s Marina on Stock Island. Link


[Don’t Harass The Manatees] He splashed at a bunch of manatees, police said. Then he went to jail. Link

[“Paki-train”] There is a train that hauls people from Central America through Mexico to our southern border that is packed just like the Paki-train. It is called La Beastia. And in answer to your question, yes, Pakistan is a shit hole, I’ve been there!
[Rubber Tracks Sex Life] The i.Con Smart Condom, which markets itself as the “world’s first smart condom,” is actually a ring that fits over a boring, dumb condom and claims to track the ‘exercise’ of your man.

I guess this is science’s way of telling us they’re done trying to cure cancer. This “smart condom” tracks thrust speed and velocity and lets you share the data. But hey, no pressure! Video

[Stupid Ads] Does anyone else out there find the Liberty Mutual Insurance ad irritating? It’s the one of the mommy so proud of her son, the idiot, who does not know how to change a tire? I am not the handiest guy but give me a break. I remember back in late 50’s or early 60’s when mastodons still roamed the earth and we still had steam power, my dad would not let my sister use the car till she could change a tire all by herself. I remember a lot of farmers’ daughters were taught the same so men could make up jokes. Damn, I miss those days when common sense ruled. Remember having to wait for the radio to warm up before you could hear it? How about a clutch and a “three on the tree”? I read article a while back how some fools called a pizza guy so they could rob him and steal his car. The car turned out to be one with a clutch and the idjits couldn’t drive it.  Needless to say, they got busted. Remember the nut does not fall far from the tree.
[Power] When did it become okay to be more offended by what someone with no power says than by what someone with power does?

The human brain is one of the most complex objects in the universe. Is it any wonder that so many people never learn to use it.

[How does United Way of the Florida Keys support our community] Helping obtain an ID for a person seeking employment, purchasing a grill for a live-aboard boater with Irma damage so she can cook meals, assisting 2 families moving into rentals after their homes were destroyed by Irma, paying for one night at a motel for two women and their granddaughter who were living in their car while seeking other housing options for this family, and giving out food to 45 clients is just a fraction of what the team at KAIR (Keys Area Interdenominational Resources) does in 1 day, changing lives for Middle Keys residents. Their work, and that of more than 15 other local non-profits, is made possible in part by support from United Way of the Florida Keys.

United Way of the Florida Keys recently received a $76,800 donation from Publix Super Markets Charities, matching donations that their employees make throughout the year. As the largest annual matching donation, this support will go a long way towards making possible UWFK’s life-changing work of providing access to nutritious food, childcare support and safety net services

[“Your reef is already dead”] that sounds like developer hype to me. May as well bring in the fly-by-night crapsters and let them have their way–not! The reef is stressed but not dead. The whole post-Irma area is stressed but the scavengers have another guess coming if they think most of us are on the verge of giving up. Our county commission has another guess coming as well if they are thinking the same way. And by the way, feeling fleeced snowbird? your home town called. I hear they are eagerly anticipating your return. Fly away little bird, fly, fly away!
While Ed has been great isolating derogatory comments over the years, The final post on Tuesday’s Coconut Telegraph must slipped thru by accident. The post “The Master Race” does not belong on this site. (Ed: You’re right. I hoped when I titled it The Master Race, visitors would see that I knew it was absurd. The same poster sends in his hate every day. I don’t block him like I have others, because sometimes he’ll submit a thoughtful post about one of the few things he doesn’t hate. There are many like him. Another poster sends in hate-Jews posts, tying everything he doesn’t like somehow to Jews. I really can’t understand his hate. Like my mother used to say, “He must have been frightened by a -insert whatever here- when he was a baby.”)
[Reef Damage] A 55-foot motor yacht that grounded on Rock Key reef will remain there until at least Saturday, as the seas will be too rough until then to safely remove the vessel.  The owner, Salvatore Celia of Italy, has been cited with damaging a protected area in the Florida Keys National Marine Sanctuary.


[First Horse] 1019. Solomon Reigns and is supplied with horses from Egypt. His merchants also bring horses from Egypt for all the Kings of the Hittites and Syrians. Horses came originally from Libya

White Sox rehire wrongly convicted man after spending 23 years in prison for a crime he did not commit. Video
[Hurricane Irma] Could you give me an update on the recovery in Big Pine Key?



Save $20 bucks at Winn Dixie. Link

Why the driver in a crash that killed four Keys tourists has not been charged. Link
[“Strawberry Pizza”] That’s for those types who have oral sex with a weird pizza. They swallow it too!


One shit story that’s good for the planet. Farmers and small businesses in rural Indonesia are thriving, one pile of poop at a time. Video

One thing about country music is, what country does it come from?
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