2014 November

Friday, November 21, 2014

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The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Anonymous Letters to the Editor with pictures. Published Monday through Friday by Noon.

bike path lane
[“Bicycle law”] We keep hearing that it is the law. It allows cyclists to use the highway as if they were a car if they follow the same rules. We need to remember the rules of physics and remember that a bike will never win. The bottom line is that we need to change the law . I think that if a bike lane is available the law should be chanced so that the bike lane must be used.
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wires21Last month I had a palm rat problem with my car. The engine light went on and I immediately took my car to the mechanic. I told them my engine light went on and I smelled gas in my car. They said the problem was a cracked gas cap and charged me $100. The next day while I was in KW my car would not start. My AAA had just expired a week earlier so I had to pay $80 to get a new membership. AAA finally started the car and told me I probably needed a new battery. I drove straight to an auto parts store and had them check my battery. They said “Yep, you need a new battery”. So I bought a new battery and had it installed for $85. I went home and in the morning my car would not start and I still smelled gas fumes. I then started researching what could be wrong and self diagnosed the problem as a fuel pump problem. I went back to the first mechanic and told them I didn’t think it was my “cracked” gas cap as that would not cause the light to go on. They said they would have to charge me again to diagnose the problem again and it would take a few hours because they had to take the gas tank out to reach the part. That meant another $300 just to tell me what the problem was! I then went to another mechanic, D&R, and within three minutes the owner told me that rats had been chewing around the fuel lines. He fixed the problem and it cost me a lot less then anticipated. If I would have gone to D&R in the first place I would have saved $300. D&R is the most honest and best mechanic on BPK. They provide full automotive service and will be servicing my car from now on. Thanks D&R for being honest and capable.
[The Movies] It used to be that professionals would point their weapons up. That’s how that taught us way back when we were using flintlocks. Now they always point their weapons down. When was it deemed to be safer pointing a weapon down?
eye hole
‘Peeping Tom’ Russian hackers
streaming stolen webcam scenes. They are peeping at people’s private stuff who didn’t change their passwords when they bought their devices. Link
[Crooks] The lead FDLE investigator who investigated the KWPD for killing Eimers is on the front page of the Citizen for possible mortgage fraud. Basically lying, thinking she is above the law. Her case involves her ex who is a Key West cop! How is it that the FDLE appoints a woman to investigate the very agency that her husband is employed by?
I was at a sentencing recently where the judge said just before sentencing the criminal, “Character is as character does.” Cops lie, especially for each other, it’s that thin Blue Line club, “walking in the gray” they call it.
As of late, KWPD is making the pitch that they need body cameras to protect their officers. I think every civilian needs a body cam to protect themselves from law enforcement! especially KWPD. Especially since cops routinely take cell phones from people who are legally filming them.
Keystone Pipeline Propaganda:  Are you saying Gruber was right about the American people?
girl on toilet
My toilet
– stories from women and girls. Link
[Immigration Reform] Kudos to the President for saving 5 million American children from having their illegal parents deported. It’s not the solution we all want, but it solves one of the immigration problems. Finally something was done!
model t
For anyone who thought the early automobiles were wimpy, this might change your mind (alternate title:  the perfect Keys vehicle). Video
[Casitas] The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission (FWC) board agreed Thursday to abandon efforts to legalize now-illegal spiny lobster habitat — casitas — as allowable fishing gear, despite the pleas of commercial divers to continue the process.
[Redux] Gazillion Bubble Show. Video
back pain
[“Back pain weather”] As a person who suffers from chronic back pain (degenerative disc disease, stenosis, arthritis etc) I find in my experience that as a storm approaches the barometric pressure drops, which is a problem for me. They have also done experiments in hyperbaric chambers and most people will experience more chronic pain with a decrease in pressure vs. rising pressure. Even though it is microscopic, tissues will expand under lower pressure and press on nerves. A few people, in the minority, will notice increased pain levels with high pressure. Needless to say all this early cold and damp isn’t making me happy. I have read that moving to a warmer, drier climate is not a cure all either — so much for Arizona!
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All in favor of Deer Ed taking a well deserved four day weekend for Thanksgiving, say, Aye! (Ed: That’s most kind of you, but since I’ve recently had weekends off I’m actually enjoying editing the Coconut Telegraph again. I’d forgotten how much fun the editing part of this job can be.)
Considering a conch is a slug in a shell I have no aspirations to be labeled as such. Good grief, You act like that title is the badge of honor or something.
[Immigration Reform] There will be 5 million more taxpayers now that Obama passed the first step of immigration reform. He did it because nobody else would!
Boating fails. Video
skeleton's hand email
[Reply or Die
] Two Florida Keys residents have reported receiving an email that purports to be from a professional hit man hired to kill the recipient unless a reply is made, according to the Monroe County Sheriff’s Office.
[“Moth balls”] When I was a kid I would hold moth balls over the Bunsen burner from my chemistry set because they would fill the kitchen with thousands and thousands of small narrow black things that would stay suspended in the air. Damn, did my mother get pissed!
Well trained dog.
[iPhone 6] This past weekend, my wife and I went down to Key West to get our new Apple iPhone 6 phones. Upon walking into the AT&T store, I found out that they had no iPhone 6s in stock. After I got home, I gave the Big Pine RadioShack a call, and they told me they had the phones in stock. We ran over there, and got new iPhone 6 phones in less then 15 minutes. Quick service, and very knowledgeable. I for one think we are very lucky to have a well stocked, and staffed Radio Shack on our little Island — Christmas music or not!
Hey look! I think I’m following the one and only “Respectfully submitted FTR guy”.
[“Everybody likes Christmas music except the lonely”] Many people don’t like Christmas music because it constantly reminds them that they have to buy presents or feel even worse for not buying those presents. It may remind them they they’ll have to go deeper in debt and feel bad because their kid can’t get the present he so desperately wants as only a child can want.
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bunny on bicycle
Please drive the speed limit
in residential areas, please don’t text and drive, please don’t talk on the phone and drive, please keep your eyes on the road. The speed limit on Wilder Rd is 25mph not 40 or 50. A lot of us who live here walk or ride our bikes, so next time you see a person out and about do the speed limit. As for the person complaining about bike riders on the road, they have rights to. Are you one of the inconsiderate drivers who pass a bicyclist on a double yellow line and think you own the road? Everyday someone passes on a double yellow line and think that is okay. I see more cars with drivers who have no regard for bike riders’ lives
[Situation Wanted] Mature woman with two small well behaved dogs looking for reasonable rental for Jan thru March. I just need a nice room and comfortable bed with bathroom and cable tv. I am quiet, non smoking, sober, drug free and responsible. I am from Cape Cod and have spent last 10 winters in Big Pine Key, chef by trade, excellent references and I mind my own business. Thank you for your consideration. Classified Ads > Situation Wanted
[“Tesla assembly plant”] There’s got to be a lot of other people making those robots and another lot maintaining them. But I fear those extra people are very smart and make a lot of money unlike the usual blue collar factory worker of old. Video
old lady party beer
Grandmas smoking weed
for the first time. Video
[“Back pain myth”] “Painful back episodes were not associated with factors such as temperature and precipitation.” It’s not the change of temperature or precipitation, rather it’s the change in barometric pressure. Next time please include a link so we can verify the source of your information.

Does weather affect joint pain? Link

[“Chewed wires“] How about fixing a mouse trap under your hood.
[“Bicycles on US 1”] There is confusion for bicyclists and motorists alike as to what constitutes their presence being legally allowed on US 1 and where. I’m led to believe it has to do with the speed limit. For instance, where it’s 40-55 mph, bicycles and other slow moving vehicles, like golf carts and mopeds, have to use the shoulder and stay on the right of the white line. If it’s 30mph or lower, then, and only then, can they legally share the road with faster vehicles because they should be obeying the speed limit, but often don’t. With all the brake dust, pollution and killing tonnage of vehicles, only a fool rides their bicycle on US 1 with them. It only takes one mistake to be crippled for life or worse.
[Joke Friday] There are only ten times in history where the F word has been considered acceptable for use. They are as follows:
10. “What the f**k do you mean, we’re sinking?” — Capt. E.J. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912
9 . “What the f**k was that?” — Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945
8. “Where did all those f**king Indians come from?” — Custer, 1877
7. “Any f**king idiot could understand that.” — Einstein, 1938
6. “It does so f**king look like her!” — Picasso, 1926
5. “How the f**k did you work that out?” — Pythagoras, 126 BC
4. “You want WHAT on the f**king ceiling? — Michelangelo, 1566
3. “Where the f**k are we?” — Amelia Earhart, 1937
2. “Scattered f**king showers, my ass!” — Noah, 4314 BC
1. “Aw c’mon. Who the f**k is going to find out?” — Bill Clinton, 1998
santa chair kid
Ho, ho, ho!
It’s that time of year again. Santa will be arriving at the Coldwell Banker Schmitt office on Big Pine Key on Saturday, November 29th at 6:30pm by way of the BPK Volunteer Fire Company. Children will receive a goody bag, ice cream and get their picture taken with Santa. This is a free event and all are welcome! It’s first come, first serve and the line starts forming early. Events
[“Pipeline”] What’s likely to happen is that the new imports from Canada will allow the companies on the Gulf to back out some of the oil deals they are now processing from Venezuela and Saudi Arabia. In other words, America gets increased oil independence from the Middle East and Venezuela oil barons!
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[3-D Printers at Home Depot] Dremel is well-known among the modding community for its high-speed rotary tools that make it easy to cut, grind, sand, and otherwise shape cases. Now the power tool company has branched out into a new market with a consumer 3D printer. The Dremel 3D Idea Builder uses PLA filament (see thumbnail of coiled filament and an extruded vase) to print in resolutions as fine as 100 microns and in 10 colors. The filament is plant-based and eco-friendly, and materials can be recycled. Dremel says its new printer is the most user-friendly 3D printer on the market, with a touchscreen interface and on-board software that allows for standalone printing. The company is partnering with AutoDesk to provide a portfolio of print-ready templates on its website at The printers will initially be available online, but should be in some Home Depot retail stores later this month. MSRP for the Dremel 3D Idea Builder is $999.
All my experiences dealing with Radio Shack on BPK have been great. They are most helpful answering my questions. I buy all my tech stuff there.
[“Security cams”] Somebody who worked at Home Depot for a long time told me that the only security cameras that worked were the ones at checkout and they were there to keep an eye on the employees handling money.
welding burning
[“Pipeline temporary jobs”] All kinds. There is the building of the pipeline, trucks, welders, service folks for all the equipment, eateries of all kinds, the folks that service those places from clean-up to kitchen and wait staff. There will be building of homes, apartments, warehouses, etc, lawn service to pest control will all need to hire folks. The spin off from Keystone will bring many jobs. Some will say those are just temporary jobs, just like the President’s job. Job’s are Jobs. Lets not forget that the Middle East & South America are not stable. When and if we need oil we should get if from our friends to the north. There is no down side to being part of the Keystone Pipeline.
These illegal aliens that Obama just gave amnesty to are willing to do the work that Americans will no longer do and they’ll also pay taxes.
Obama has used his power of Executive Privilege less than any modern president. And still his critics complain.
dick21[Two-way Browser] Mozilla lets Firefox beta users say hello to the folks they know. Mozilla, the organization in charge of the Firefox browser, has a real-time communications product called Hello. Hello is now being made available to users who download the latest Firefox beta. Firefox Hello lets Firefox users make audio or video calls with anyone who has a WebRTC­ enabled browser (such as Chrome, Opera, and Firefox) without the person on the other end of the call needing to join any service or download any additional software. Firefox Hello offers the equivalent of being able to Skype with people who don’t know what Skype is–and they won’t need to know. The software, like the beta, is free to use.

Internet Explorer and Safari don’t support WebRTC natively, so people with those browsers will have to install plug-ins that enable WebRTC in order to communicate with people using Hello. Link

[The Days of Cocaine and Roses] The free snow removal printed on the garbage trucks had nothing to do with cold. It was different kind of snow! The only thing cold about it was your date’s reaction when you ran out!
Now, this is Christmas music!
Weird Al Yankovic – The Night Santa Went Crazy
The Boston Molasses Flood of 1919 was not as good as the London Beer Flood, but the molasses flood claimed 21 lives, and another 150 people suffered injuries — and the cleanup must have been horrendous. Molasses was used to make booze. Link
[“Everybody likes Christmas music except the lonely”]  No so.  Many who don’t like the music grew up in alcoholic, abusive homes when the holidays were yet another excuse for excessive boozing resulting in emotional and/or physical abuse.  The music is another reminder about their uncomfortable childhood.  You don’t have to be lonely to remember the bad old days. My favorite is — I Saw Mommy Beating Santa Claus.
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garbage truck
[“The Old Days”] We Cater Weddings — was another sign on Key West garbage trucks. Full Menu > Big Pine Museum > The Good Ole Days
[Joke Friday] Q: Why did the belt get arrested? A: He held up a pair of pants.
That son-of-a-bitch moment when you’re walking around the house with socks on and step in a random wet spot!
The next time you use a Sani-Wipe remember not to flush it, especially if you have a grinder pump! Link
[“RadioShack stock down”] I can not control the stock market but, I do make sure our store is well stocked in the latest technology. The iPhone 6 has a 28 day waiting time online and in other Keys stores. Not here, we have them in stock ready to sell. We also have the hard to find, best selling Samsung Galaxy S5 in stock unlike a lot of other retailers that can not get them. I will agree with you about the decaying shopping center here in Big Pine. It’s too bad someone couldn’t build a nice new one somewhere on the highway.
Webcam website spying inside homes because people don’t change their passwords. Link
space ship and mother ship[Size Matters] If you’re into spaceships (and what respectable geek isn’t?) you’re going to love browsing through this chart on the DeviantArt website that shows the comparative sizes of scads of fictional spacefaring vessels. There’s even a real one thrown into the mix: the International Space Station. The chart includes details on the size, name, and class of each vessel, as well as where it came from (Star Wars; Bartlestar Galactica; Warhammei- 40,000, Dr. Who, Starship Troopers, Babylon 5, Wing Commander. . . you get the idea). Artist Dirk Loechel began compiling the images more than a year ago and recently updated the poster with dozens of additional spacecraft. You can view his work here Link. Hold down the ctrl key while moving the scroll wheel on the mouse forward to enlarge the poster.
[Engrish Spoke Here] It’s “yeah” (meaning yes), not “yea”. It’s “chick”(the slang term for a girl), not “chic”. Chic means hip or stylish and is pronounced “sheek”. Thank you.
Does anybody have Sammy’ Sam’s phone number? I’ve had DISH since 1998 and right now I am so upset with DISH that I’m ready for a change and DirecTV is my probable choice. Help. Business Directory > Utilities > Fl Keys Satellite
hotdog soda ketchup
[“Who has the best Hot Dogs in the Keys”] Murray’s Market, Summerland. I gave up trying to find a good street dog down here. Murray’s has quarter pound all beef hot dogs that are way to good to be good for you! They don’t shrink no matter how you cook them and they are always full of flavor.
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rat poison21
[“Rats in da hood”] I had a mechanic tell me to secure a regular box of rat poison somewhere under my hood. It’s been about 6 years since I had chewed wires
[Total Geek Dept] The top of the line Intel processor is the most expensive yet. The small Intel Core i7-5960x Eight-Core sells for $1,049.99. Few can imagine what an eight core processor can do! Video
[Fugitive] I’ve always liked Judge Ruth Becker and thought she was pretty good at her job, but I have to seriously question her recent judgment. She just sentenced a guy to 15 years in prison on weapons charges, but gave him a “furlough” to go home for a week before reporting for incarceration. Big surprise, he didn’t show up and is now a fugitive.
turd smell farmer wafting
[All aboard the ‘number two’
!] Bio-Bus powered by human waste takes maiden journey from Bath to Bristol. The Bio-Bus is fuelled by biomethane gas from sewage and food waste. A single tank of ‘gas’ is the equivalent annual waste from five people. The bus produces less emissions than those from a diesel engine. It’s hoped the bus could herald more sustainable fuels for travel. The bus also clearly shows that human poo and our wasted food are valuable resources. Link
[People at Fantasy Fest have been hurt by nudity] Uh, it’s how many miles from Florida City to Key West? at the end of the road? for only a week per year? to see ugly naked people? (and hopefully some nice ones?) Shesh, if your offended that it is a good reminder why we should all wear clothes. Don’t come if you’re offended. It’s not like Key West is Disney World. Fantasy Fest is an adult celebration where people act out their fantasies. Get it: Fantasy Fest! If some drop dead gorgeous babe wants to turn on every straight guy up and down Duval Street please, god, let her. Now what there could be is a nudity license to weed out those ugly old broads.
Republican response; or why there’s no immigration bill.
Dammit, Manson’s getting married. She was probably the only person I would have had a chance with. I hope the marriage doesn’t work out, or I’ll never get laid. Oh, wait, my buddy said not to worry so much. There’s always Coca Sluts[?]. He said just check to make sure it’s a girl. He said most of them it’s hard to tell. Even when they are naked.
Immigration. President Obama got off his ass and passed reform that will save 5 million kids from having their parents deported. Republicans are against the measure because it gives Obama another feather in his hat and they are sworn to ruin his presidency. That is why there is gridlock. Republicans are opposed to anything that helps the average American or anything that deals with our huge illegal immigrant problem
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Since the Republicans have blocked everything Obama has tried to do for the American people for the last 6 years and, from the start have openly vowed to ruin his Presidency,  what choice does he have but to take matters into his own hands in order to get anything done for us.  I am rooting for him to succeed
A History Lesson
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals; and
2. Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q’s and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girliemen.
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn’t fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing
“These illegal aliens that Obama just gave amnesty are willing to do the work that Americans will no longer do — namely, vote Democrat.”
The Obama administration in conjunction with Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid announced today that it is changing our national symbol to a condom because it more accurately reflects this government’s political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of wieners and gives you a sense of security while you’re actually being screwed.
from the right
Part 1) Yesterday I posted on the aging of America and the likely political consequences. In the interest of space I did not include much of the data. Today I’ll include more info.

dem and repub runningGallup recently released a poll that shows that the percentage of Americans who are registered or lean toward the Republican Party rose six points to 45 percent, versus 46 percent Democrat, in a poll that was taken from January through March 2010. That is the narrowest margin since 2005, when the two parties were tied at 46 percent. The six-point rise in Republican support since the first quarter of 2009 is due entirely to a growing proportion of independents who lean to the Republican Party, rather than an increase in the percentage of Americans who identify as Republicans outright.

It is becoming more and more obvious that the radical left governance we have endured for the last 7 years is eroding the credibility and support for the left.

For the third consecutive year, a majority of Americans believe that it is not the federal government’s responsibility to ensure that all Americans have healthcare coverage. Prior to the start of Barack Obama’s presidency in 2009, a majority of Americans consistently took the opposite view. That is evidenced by the fact that as the latest enrollment period for Democare commences, only 37% of us have a favorable opinion of it.

The liberals tend to focus on “social issues” above all others. But a majority of us see the economy in general and the government are the most important issues facing us.

Gallup has just reported that the favorable rating of the Democrat party has fallen to a new low, a record-low 36% of Americans say they have a favorable opinion of the party, down six percentage points from before the elections. That same survey shows that the Republican Party is now viewed favorably by 42%, up from 40%. That’s why the majority of Americans want the Republicans in Congress — rather than President Barack Obama — to have more influence over the direction the country takes in the coming year. This is a switch from early 2012 when a slim plurality, 46%, wanted Obama to prevail in steering the nation. Link

A POSTER WROTE: “Refineries will not see new jobs with the pipeline because the volume of oil they receive will still be the same. The pipeline will deliver the same amount of oil as is now delivered by rail. It will create only fifty new permanent jobs and will not lower gas prices at the tank any appreciable amount. Look who is behind the people that are pushing this pipeline and you’ll find big oil with it’s bottomless pockets and its massive propaganda machine in full swing. The sheeple are being led.”

train wreck head-onFTR’S RESPONSE: The poster is absolutely correct in his/her belief that the crude will be delivered by rail if Keystone is not built. Unfortunately delivery by rail is more hazardous by several magnitudes than is delivery by pipeline. Over the past six months, there have been at least 10 large crude oil spills in the United States and Canada because of railroad accidents. One of those accidents in Quebec last year killed 47 people and destroyed half of the town of Lac-Megantic.. Even Warren Buffett, whale Democrat donor, pal of Obama, and owner of the involved rail systems that would deliver the oil, supports Keystone.

There is absolutely no doubt but that the project would generate tens of thousands of new jobs, direct and indirect, during the construction phase which would last at least two years. After that, estimates of new permanent jobs vary widely from less than a hundred to thousands. Frankly, the number of permanent new jobs created is not the most important factor in the whole equation.

The single most important factor is the absolute fact that Keystone will be vital in reaching total emergency independence. Because of our feckless foreign policy, the world is in a state of melt down. Our prime current energy suppliers, the mid east and Venezuela, are no longer our allies, they are rapidly becoming our enemy. We need the energy that Keystone will deliver to ensure our national economy and security.

Have a great weekend CT’ers!