Friday, October 16, 2020

Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.

[Goldbricking Cops] A total of 10 Key West Police officers, including the chief, two captains and a lieutenant, received reprimands and, in some cases, suspensions because they helped Chief Sean Brandenburg move into his new home while on duty last year. The disciplinary actions went into effect Wednesday, Oct. 7. Chief Sean Brandenburg was suspended without pay for five days and each of the two captains, Capt. Juan Torres and Capt. Randall Smith, were suspended for three days. The lieutenant, David Black, and six officers — Alexandre Gaufillet, Tyler Getchel, Randall Hartle, Matthew Johnson, Michael Shouldice and an unidentified officer received a reprimand and will take remedial training classes. The sixth officer was out of town and must be notified upon return before the reprimand takes places.
[Public Speaking] If you can stir up emotions, things like facts, evidence, or even truth—suddenly matter much less. If you can get the audience riled up they can be made to believe whatever you want them to. In 40 B.C. Cicero said people are primarily ruled by their emotions. If you’re trying to persuade an audience, it’s not necessary to appeal to logic or reason. It’s essential to stimulate an audience’s emotions in order to bend their will.



[Bigger Stone Crabs] Stone Crab season opened yesterday. Stone crab claws are 1/8” larger than last years’ due to new regulations this year.

[“Plants at new firehouse”] Tuesday’s post complaining about landscaping the fire station was the first time I’d ever seen a person suggesting pavement over landscaping. There’s already a large parking lot there.


[Towing] Looks like Fat Albert even needs a lift sometime!

[Friday Joke] A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender asks, “Hey, what’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Argh, I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”


[Concealed Weapons] I paid for this CD years ago after getting my concealed carry and shared it with the kids, who also now carry a concealed weapon. This is perhaps one of the more ignored, less “sexy” aspects of CCW and gun culture. The internet is flooded with tacti-cool idiots promoting the latest and greatest gear and dressing the part of operators (many are not), but there is a very real and very serious component, that of our legal limitations, rights, and responsibilities as private citizens who choose to carry. Video

[Iguanas] From Key Largo to Key West, iguanas have been a growing problem. They are often referred to as the common, or green, iguana and have been deemed an invasive species. Customers contracted with Invasive Species Removal at a rate of $100 a month for residential properties and a bit more for commercial areas for his help in hunting down and removing these unwanted visitors. They shoot them with a pellet gun. It’s just like having a pool guy. The iguanas tend to move around a lot between 11 a.m. and 3 p.m., settle down before sunset, move around for another hour and then settle in for the night.
[Friday Joke] A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar… The Bartender says, “Get out!”



[Out Houses] We have miles and miles of fishing bridges that cost millions and millions of dollars. But in Monroe County we can’t spend shit on Porta Potties. Walking the bridges, it becomes obvious.

[Friday Joke] I got ripped off buying a tarantula from the pet shop. I should have just got one off the web.
[Friday Joke] A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife at all. After a long life together, Frank was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact: “Kris, Kris, can you hear me?” “Is that you, Frank?” “Yes, I’ve come back as we agreed.” “That’s wonderful! What’s it like?” “Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex I have breakfast and then it’s off to the golf course” I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (and Kris, you’d be proud — lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it’s back to the golf course again. Then it’s more sex until late at night. catch some much-needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again”
“Oh, Frank! Are you in Heaven?”
“No, I’m a rabbit somewhere in Arizona.



Our society just continues to create unrealistic body expectations.

[Junk Texts] I’m getting a lot of texts to my cellphone. Normally I block them and its done, but today I got one from a Dr Cobb’s office, whom I’ve never been a patient of. I called and asked the clerk why they were sending texts to my cellphone and how they got my number. After a heated discussion with this rude clerk, she told me, “Go to hell” and hung up. What the hell’s going on here? We have no privacy anymore, and obviously Dr Cobb needs new patients that either he, she or her abusive clerk have run off.


[Garbage] What Singapore does with its garbage is a lesson for the world in how to save the planet. (Most of the bars in town, especially the ones on Duval St do not recycle their aluminum beer cans and glass beer bottles because it is too much trouble. They throw it all in the garbage.) Link

[Time Warp] Hello! The last CT was Tuesday October 13th not the 12th. Yesterday was the 12th!
How do I prepare stone crab claws during Corona virus? should I clean them with Dawn before cracking?


The Florida Keys Southernmost Car Club is holding the first Show and Shine event of the season on Sunday, October 18, from noon to 3PM at the Sugarloaf Lodge, MM 17. This is a free event, and features classic, custom, sports and street rod automobiles of all years and makes.  This event features prizes and a plaque for the Peoples’ Choice Award. Join the club for $25, and receive a club T-shirt and stickers. Social distancing for members, bring a mask, bring a cooler, bring a chair and enjoy the shade in the grass. For more information, call Dick Moody 305-942-1758. Link

[Friday Joke] A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started discussing, then arguing, about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the waitress, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? My wife continues to mis-pronounce the name of this place. Would you please pronounce where we are very distinctly and very slowly for her?” The waitress leaned over the counter and carefully pronounced, “Burr—Gerr– King.”

[Free Dolphins] Thanks for the heads up on free Dolphin Research Center admission for Monroe County residents! Nice show, but their forever locked up in their pens. A truly “captive audience.” Kind of sad.
[1970s The Compass Rose] Damion cut off the top of his ear while dancing on the top of Curley’s Compass Rose bar on Margaret & Southard Streets. A ceiling fan with metal blades did it. During that same period Curley was messing with a pygmy rattler in a jar on the bar that someone brought in from Cudjoe Key and naturally it bit him. He had to go to the hospital. During that same period the beautiful Newffie bit his lower lip off while kissing him. She was a wild one. He had to go to the hospital again.
United Way of Collier and the Keys is excited to announce a successful ‘Stuff the Bus’ fundraising campaign. With the community’s support, UWCK’s ‘Stuff the Bus’ campaign raised $14,775, and an additional $8,460 was raised through the Publix ‘Tools for Back to School’ initiative in their checkout lines in Monroe County…that means $23,235 was raised to help students succeed! UWCK again distributed 100% of these funds directly to the schools so that they may purchase the exact supplies their students and classrooms need.



I’m working on pants for old guys. They combine the comfort of Dockers, with the protection of Depends. I call them “Dry Dockers.”

[Friday Joke] A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, “I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram to come pick us up.” She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word “comfortable.” Skeptical, the operator asks, “How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?” The redhead replies, “She’s a blonde so she reads very, very slowly: ‘Come for ta bull.’