2019 October

Friday, October 4, 2019

Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.

[Key Deer Swimming Speed] Interesting fact from Save Our Key Deer Inc. It’s indeed a lucky occasion to see a Key deer swim, but we have found a place where they do so regularly to reach an island with lush mangroves and other vegetation that they love to eat. Depending on the path they take, it’s a 200-300 yard swim to reach the island. We have timed the crossings of many deer over the past year, ranging from mothers with fawns to big bucks. Turns out their swimming speed is in the 1.5 to 2.5 miles per hour range. As can be expected, the big, experienced bucks tend to be the fastest, but some does can rev it up to a steady 2 mph as well. Considering top competition open water human swimmers clock in around the 3 mph range, Key deer can likely outswim the average Joe!
Would the owner of the “dead dear sign” located at 1621 Avenue B, BPK please take it down.  It is offensive, unnecessary and downright gross.  If you haven’t seen this disgusting sign (you’re lucky), it is a 3 ft. poster of a deceased deer lying on the road.  I suggest the owner put in a nice frame, place it on their family room wall, and enjoy hours of art history conversation when the grandchildren visit.



[New Recipe] From NY Times Food section. Vinegar Chicken With Crushed Olive Dressing. Recipes

[Friday Joke] A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all. After a long life together, Harry was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact, “Kris, Kris, can you hear me?” “Is that you, Harry?” “Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.” “That’s wonderful! What’s it like?” “Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex I have breakfast and then it’s off to the golf course” I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (and Kris, you’d be proud — lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it’s back to the golf course again. Then it’s more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again”
“Oh, Harry! Are you in Heaven?” “No. I’m a rabbit somewhere in Florida.”



[Crooks] Why would a bartender leave the cash register open if she wasn’t trying to steal from the bar? I saw her doing his repeatedly. The other bartender always shut the drawer. I’ll bet the owners don’t know she does that.

Conspiracy theorists are frightened by the force of their imaginations; and that knocks them right out of the reality game. Note to them: There is not a sinister plot behind every event.


[NOAA] I understand that NOAA has to validate their worth, to protect their jobs, to keep their funding, and to show they are needed.  To keep recruiting the bright eyed, the idealistic, the romantic new students fresh out of college and just starting out in life with visions of really making a difference, to save the reef. The reality is quite a different matter.

I want us Keys locals to submit a report card on what NOAA/Marine Sanctuary has achieved since their founding in 1990.  Personally, I think they are destroying the Keys.

Snow Balls is the scientifically backed cooling underwear designed to naturally improve male fertility and testosterone, as well as to relieve scrotal pain. If global warming isn’t real, then why do these exist? Link
[“Plasma gasification plants”] Those plants required highly skilled people to operate otherwise they can self-destruct. Do you really want our Keys folks operating that?




17′ Boston Whaler, bully net, GPS, hydraulic steering, 100 gallon live well, 4000 gallon pump, 140 hp Suzuki 4 stroke. Not pretty, but it’ll make a lot of money for you. Located in Marathon, Florida Keys. 352-207-6492,

[Racial Discrimination] For more than 150 years, this law has been a bedrock protection from racial discrimination in employment, housing, banking, and consumer and business transactions. Now, Comcast is petitioning the Supreme Court to allow racial discrimination in business transactions as long as racism is not the only reason for denying someone a service.[1][2] If the Supreme Court sides with Comcast and the Trump administration, it will strike down one of the most important tools we have for protecting our communities from discrimination. Such a decision has the potential to fundamentally change how racial discrimination claims are decided for decades to come.

We cannot allow Comcast’s board and executive leadership to quietly dismantle civil rights laws so that it can pad its bottom line by discriminating against Black people. We still have time to force Comcast to withdraw its petition from the Supreme Court. But we need to act fast to turn up the pressure on its board of directors before it’s too late! Link


[House For Rent] 31071 Ave E. Big Pine Key. 3 bedrooms. 2 full bathrooms. House on stilts over full concrete slab. Bay window in Kitchen plus a pantry. Newly remodeled. All new stainless steel appliances. New cabinets and granite counter tops. New floors. Dining area/living room. Big front porch. Large, locked storage room downstairs. Covered parking for two vehicles. Central air conditioning plus heat. Very bright and clean. Laundry area in hallway. Electric bill is about $165 a month. No smokers or dogs. 1100 square feet. $2400 a month. First, last and $1000 security ($5800 total to move in, utilities not included).  Link

[New Tower] They are going to build a new tower at Sunshine Key Campground.
Applicant: RowStar, LLC
Consultant: The Lotis Engineering Group P.C.
Positive Train Control Filing Subject to Expedited Treatment Under Program Comment: No
Site Name: Ohio Key
Site Address: Right-of-way of Overseas Highway
Detailed Description of Project: A proposed 77/87′ monopole telecommunication tower in the right of way of Overseas Highway
Site Coordinates: 24-40-20.7 N, 81-14-45.3 W
City: Big Pine Key
County: MONROE
Lead SHPO/THPO: Florida Division of Historical Resources


Dear Rotarians, Our meeting location this week Friday, October 4, will be at the Chamber of Commerce building on Big Pine Key from 12-1:30. We look forward to seeing you there.

If there was a barnyard election the pigs would always vote for the person that feeds them even though he is the same person that is going to slaughter them some day.



[Movies] How come they always put their finger in the blood at a murder scene? That’s the last thing anyone would do unless they were perverted.

[Friday Joke] I was ready for Hurricane Irma, but my wife was not. The wind reached a screaming freight-train pitch with the trees thrashing and snapping, the horizontal streaming rain, the flying roof shingles & tiles that destroyed fences everywhere you looked. My wife stared and stared through the window. Immovable, with her nose pressed to the glass, the stark fear in her eyes will stay with me forever. Fortunately, as the eye of the storm arrived and the winds temporarily lessened, I was able to grab a beer, open the door and let her in.
[Underwear] what happened to Fruit of the Loom? Every underwear is Hanes now. It use to be all Fruit of the Loom. How could a major company lose so much market share as they did? I do agree that Hanes makes better men’s underwear.
When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. ~Socrates
[Movie Stars] After reading the daily “Whose Birthday Today”, online, I get the idea that Hollywood’s idea of marriage is nothing but legalized wife swapping and pimping.



[Movies] I saw a movie where the cop put a loaf of white bread in a cellophane bag under the victim’s head as he was laying, shot, on the kitchen floor.

[#manass] I can’t wait for some bimbo (hopefully a rich one) to grab my butt in a bar so I can sue for sexual embarrassment or worse. Ten million sounds good!