2014 September

Friday, September 12, 2014

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The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsThe Original Unsocial Media. Anonymous Letters to the Editor with Pictures. Published Daily by Noon Since 2002. No Saturday Edition

[Heads and Tails] A dog wags its tail to express emotion. Now researchers have begun to interpret certain tail move­ments. When viewed in slow motion, wagging back and forth-commonly thought to signal happiness-actu­ally leans more to one side or the other. A recent study found that wags to the right imply that a dog is excited, such as when viewing an owner or a friendly dog. Wags to the left reveal nervousness, often around perceived threats. The movements are a result of cognitive asymmetry, where one hemisphere of the brain controls the opposite side of the body. By watching closely, some dogs can recognize each other’s moods based on subtle flicks of the tail.
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How to determine if the new iPhones will fit in your pocket. Trying to decide which of the new iPhones will fit into your hands, purse, or pocket? Here’s an easy way to find out. Link
Where do vampires shop? They have these great floor-length leather coats and patent leather pants and other cool stuff. Do you think Bealls has that?
A reporter asked Ray Rice what all battered woman have in common? Rice replied, “They just wouldn’t listen!”
exercise treadmill girl
[“Getting in shape”] Thanks for helping me get off my “lard” ass. I am a vegan and do not eat processed foods. But you guys were right, I have to start exercising! I signed up for a exercise class today and will start slowly back to walking. Thanks for the motivation.
[Gun Nuts] Texas’ solution to school shootings is to arm the teachers. Is this a country gone crazy? Link
[Islamic State] My crummy solution to the Muslim problem is to bomb anyone seen with a weapon in the Mideast. A lot of innocents will die and that will fester more hate and retaliation, but I’d rather Muslims die than us. This is just as bad a solution as any other I’ve heard.
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My only complaint in life is Winn Dixie’s thin water bottles. They are barely able to stand up any more. Why not just bottle it in a Ziploc bag?
[“Termites”] I wrote the post about structural damage. I said not one building has ever fallen down due to Keys termites. I still stand by that statement.
lower keys boat rental7.11.14
[Joke Friday] The nuns at the local convent had their daily announcement session. The mother superior walked out in front of the 100 nuns with a very serious frown on her face. She began to speak.
Mother Superior: There had been a sinful deed committed here, yesterday.
99 nuns: Oh, no!
1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.
Mother Superior: Today I found a pair a men’s underwear.
99 nuns: Oh, no!
1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.
Mother Superior: And I also found a condom.
99 nuns: Oh, no!
1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.
Mother Superior: And it has been used!
99 nuns: Oh, no!
1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.
Mother Superior: And there was a hole in it!
1 nun: Oh, No!
99 nuns: Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee!
baseball hit head
With all the technology out there, why doesn’t someone design a new baseball helmet to protect the batter’s face? I know the players didn’t like the idea in the past, but with faster pitches and more balls getting away (especially to the batters face), I think they will be more receptive to a new design. Look at the wide receivers in the NFL, they have face guards and still manage to catch the ball
Gee, with the CT not being available on Saturdays and Sunday anymore, I guess I’ll have to kill time banging the old lady again
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[Bike Lane] The latest example for my argument that the human species made it this far by accident, not design. Shared Lanes, the new painted pavement marking telling a god, guts & glory truck driver driving a 20 ton semi, that the little twerp on the fat wheeled bicycle, taking the whole right lane at 5 mph is there because your government is thinking about bicycle safety?
[Joke Friday] Q: Why did the ant fall off the toilet bowl? A: He got pissed off.
[“Our termites do no structural damage”] Structural damage in no way means the same thing as structural collapse. A door frame is indeed a structural component. I seriously hope and pray you are not an architect, a contractor, building inspector, insurance inspector or handyman of any ilk. I also pray that you are indeed joking. It’s not funny.
Unrepaired structural damage will indeed fail during the first good hurricane we get and guarantee an insurance refusal if they can prove unrepaired or negligent owner maintenance.
Homes where you can live under the sea. Link
[“Captain who settled with BP”] Sorry to say that since you took the settlement you are excluded from refiling for additional funds. I too was lied to by the people who said that they were working in my interest and tricked me into settling for about 1/10 of what I was owed for my losses. I have spoken to several Attorneys since then and none of them will touch my claim with a ten foot pole
[Islamic State] Many are comparing the rise of ISIS to Hitler and Nazi Germany, but they lack a charismatic leader. All of a sudden they are now deemed more dangerous than Al Qaeda or the Taliban. Says who? There is no central organizational structure to ISIS and the whole threat has been overblown, mostly due to two YouTube beheading videos. I seem to recall similar, if not worse, videos created by Al Qaeda during the height of the Iraq war. They are luring us into war just as they planned all along because they know we cannot wipe them out and our efforts will eventually backfire and further their cause. Worse, it’s only a matter of time before the grand plan of US air strikes starts hitting civilians, further undermining this fruitless effort to chase “shadow people”. We got played, big time and once again, have no exit strategy.
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I sometimes get so angry at FTR twisting facts around to suit his fanaticism. He’ll take a simple fact like the Sun is shining and pick it apart and search every extremist website until he finds someone who agrees with his distorted view of the Sun and then quote it, “The Sun is not shining.” FTR should have been a lawyer with his ability to distort and pick apart minor aspects of facts.

FTR’s response to this will be, “Show me a real example, not the Sun is shining, but a real example.” I could, but he’d pick apart my argument, conveniently ignoring the facts I offered, and come up with his own distorted opinion–no matter what I wrote. His hatred and narrow view overwhelms most of us.

[“Misdirection is what magicians use to make their tricks believable. They get the audience focused on the wrong thing so as not to notice what’s really taking place.“] I got to thinking the other day and it occurred to me that the American public has been the victim of one of the greatest misdirections ever. How often do we hear people in government and the media rail on about the evils of lobbyists and that their influence needs to be diminished? Then I thought, lobbyists are not the issue. The legislators and bureaucrats who allow themselves to be influenced are the problem.
[“Our termites don’t cause structural damage“] I do mean structural damage. There was not one bit of water damage. Does the term drywood termite not ring a bell? I held in my hand a section of 3′ 2×4 that weighed ounces instead of pounds. I crushed it in my hand, there was nothing left that could not be concealed in my cupped hand. I only wish that I had video of the crushing of the board. By the way the home was less than 22 years old.
Marine debris cleanup efforts highlighted in recent “Waterways” episode. Seabirds ingesting balloons, marine mammals entangled in discarded fishing gear, and sea turtles abandoning plans to nest are among the issues caused by marine debris. Video
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tumbstone are waving
I want my tombstone to read: Making Poor Life Decisions Since 1956.
To the poster with the trouble-free grinder pump at his Virginia home. I’m happy that it has worked out so well for you. I have a few questions about where you live in Virginia. How often does the power go out and for how long? Are there ever months-long periods where you are away from your home and the grinder sits idle? How many salt water storm surges have you experienced? Do you live on a porous limestone rock that abuts a shallow water National Marine Sanctuary? These are local (as in Big Pine Key) factors that you may not have taken into account. “Our results may vary.”
[Joke Friday] Children in the backseat can cause accidents. Accidents in the backseat can cause children.
[Bacon Loaf] Bacon explosion! Recipe
Here’s the proof needed to finally expose old FTR. Yesterday he slammed me, the poster who registered to vote, with his purposefully omitted bull. Voter registration can not be done over the phone, nor can transferring a registration from one county to another be done over the phone. Proof of identity and current address is mandatory. FTR, log onto the Monroe County Supervisor of Elections website. Find the voter registration form and then read it, then get back to me.
I’ve now exposed your typical omission of information you do to make yourself look right. Misinforming on voter registration is not fun and games
Sons of Guns star Stephanie Hayden Ford: My father sexually abused me and others. Link
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bartender shake drink
[Happy Minute] I’ve been reading about no free drinks in the Keys. JJ’s Doghouse in Marathon gives a free drink at five o’clock Monday thru Friday. Whatever you’re drinking prior to five you get that same drink free. It’s called Happy Minute.
[“Vehicle inspections”] Florida residents tolerated that unnecessary interference for far too many years until it was finally abolished. All it did was create more government jobs and generate more revenue from it’s Citizens. It did not remove any “junkers” from the road!
[Parking] That’s crazy about the residential parking in KW.  I want to go shopping there every once in a while or go visit a friend down there but the parking issue is already a hassle.  If you want to just pop into a shop really quick, you have to circle the block quite a few times. I have to batch my trips and decide to go to one or two businesses at the same time so I can economize.
habitat-logo12Mangia Mangia and Habitat for Humanity – food and shelter – two necessities of life!  Mark your calendar and make your reservations! In honor of their 25th Anniversary Mangia Mangia is donating 25% of total sales (food, alcohol, and take-out orders) to Habitat for Humanity of Key West & Lower Florida Keys on Wednesday, September 17th from 5:30 pm -10:00 pm, Habitat staff and board members will be present to answer any questions you might have about our mission and programs.  This will also be the first opportunity to donate for a chance to win a newly painted bike by local renowned artist Rick Worth!  For more information, make reservations or call in your take-out order contact Mangia Mangia (305) 294-2469 Link
Real women can take care of themselves. I was married to a man who started to verbally and physically abuse me. I got a divorce and I take care of myself and my children just like I used to. I don’t need a man and I don’t need to be married. I am educated and have been working for the past 30+ years. I don’t have to depend on anyone but myself and that is what I have taught my children also. I agree it is nice to be happily married, but I have never put myself in a position where my ex-husband had to defend me. I can do that myself!
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[September 11]  More than three thousand innocent lives lost including 343 firefighters who gave their lives to save others.
[Joke Friday] Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and nephews. However, she had relatives all over the country. The problem was that no matter how much she enjoyed seeing them, she hated flying. No matter how safe people told her it was, she was always worried that someone would have a bomb on the plane. She read books about how safe it was and listened to the stewardess demonstrate all the safety features. But she still worried herself silly every time a visit was coming up. Finally, the family decided that maybe if she saw the statistics she’d be convinced. So they sent her to a friend of the family who was an actuary. “Tell me,” she said suspiciously, “what are the chances that someone will have a bomb on a plane?”
The actuary looked through his tables and said, “A very small chance. Maybe one in five hundred thousand.”
She nodded, then thought for a moment. “So what are the odds of two people having a bomb on the same plane?”
Again he went through his tables. “Extremely remote,” he said. “About one in a billion.”
Aunt Bessie nodded and left his office. And from that day on, every time she flew, she took a bomb with her.
[“Voting”] In primaries you vote only for your specific Party to decide who would best represent you and your Party on the general election ballot. During the upcoming general election you vote for anyone you decide to vote for, hopefully with some research done before you get to your polling place. It is also perfectly all right to not vote on one or more of the issues or candidates. So if you have an opinion on one candidate or issue, but not on others, you can skip them. It’s better than voting for an issue or candidate you don’t know anything about
ass family12
Possibly some relation to the Schitt family.
Thank you to the person who submitted “The Great Boat lift of 9/11”. I never knew the role the boat people played. What a day of humility.
U.S. budget gap for 11 months shrinks 22% as economy grows. To FTR with love. Link
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So strippers like “bad boys” who beat the hell out of other guys. You have confirmed what everyone always suspected of the type of woman who goes for those losers. Same type that gets married and pregnant from death row inmates. Old strippers…yuck!
[Teachers Getting Certified to Carry Guns to School] Guns in school? No way! Teachers allowed to have guns in school? No way!
The Marathon Music Fest is January 16-17, 2015 The entire Fest will be Broadcast Live on Marathon TV Channel 88. The fest will feature Linda Lee Byars, Jean Dowdle, Ray West Band, Doerfels, Billy Washburn, Fiddle Rock, Sultans of Twang, Stormwatch with John Bartus, Hope Remains, Blues Brothers, Dani Hoy, Paul Chantey, Ed Kingsley, Dustin Sedlak, Shastina Chiles, Harry Teasford, Joe Mama, Eric Stone Band, Dan Sullivan, Gary Bush Trio, Jesse Jett, Dana Collins Band, Billy Brown Band, Adrienne, Mojo Scoundrels, Solid Ground, Buffalo Conch with Victor, Moon Dogs, Phoenix, Abstract Radio fka Misery Loves Company, Roxcelia, Cat Daddies, Colbert The Band, and more.
crazy straight jacket
[“I see shadow people, but I know for a fact that I am not mentally disturbed”
] You see things that are not there, but you know are not crazy? Spoken like a true lunatic.
[Joke Friday] “Who’s on first?” This is the story of four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it. Consequently, it wound up that Nobody told Anybody, so Everybody blamed Somebody.
[“Shadow people”] When I was a little boy I saw a ghost once, in my dark closet. And one time there was a Monster under my bed! My mommy told me there was no such thing. But I was ascared anyway. Did your mommy tell you not to be ascared of ghosts?
richard pryor12
Richard Pryor
was the best most funniest comedian ever. Thanks for the clip.
[Between Seasons] It’s nice to get a post tourist, pre snow bird spell, but the arrest page sure gets slow. Oh well, can’t have it both ways, I guess.
I have the answer how to defeat ISIS without putting Americans on the ground. What you do is round up all the illegal aliens and the people who want to become American citizens. Take them to a camp, give them a 30 training boot camp, give then a gun and a uniform and have them parachute into Syria . Tell them after a 2 year tour of duty they will be eligible to citizenship. Drones will monitor they activity. (I can’t believe I wrote this, I’m bad)
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ice12There is global warming, but the forecasts of when sea level rise will occur are ridiculously off. The reason is that on certain years there is net ice deposition and enlargement of the ice caps and some years there is net loss of ice cap. The people doing the predictions never ever account for ice deposition they like to take the worst loss year and interpolate that for every year going forward and they come up with the 10-20 year loss of Keys low lands. No one knows if or when we will experience sea level rise. I have a very low property on Summerland Key and for twenty six years my high tides are exactly where they always have been.
Trails are happening everywhere (not contrails).  Across the country old rail corridors, once abandoned, are now being revived by pedestrian- and bicycle-friendly trails.  Civic leaders are discovering the power of these paved, non-motorized paths to dramatically improve the economic vitality of their urban areas. Link
Editor, just for the hell of it, post everything you receive in a day to show the CT readers how screwed up most of the input is before you edit it. Should be very enlightening if not down right scary!
A special thanks is due Allison Defoor and Ron Saunders, for initiating the fight against this type of criminal activity many years ago. Because of their courage, brilliance, dedicated commitment and sustained effort, the life of an innocent man was spared.

Without Dennis Ward’s integrity and extraordinary determination to remedy the wrong that had been done to this wrongfully accused man, he would have been returned to those who had injured him and attempted to kill him.

The attempted execution of this man[?] was initially put into play, when officers constructed a fraudulent case against him, charging him with crimes that they knew he did not commit. When that failed, these officers contracted a ‘hit’ on him. Another inmate, sentenced to life without the possibility of parole, suffering from hepatitis C and other ailments, was promised medical treatment and commissary privileges if he killed the man they wanted destroyed.  As the process unfolds, more will be revealed.

Six Florida prison guards arrested on brutality charges. Link

Three of the ISIS terrorists were from Minnesota.  I think we should bomb Minnesota immediately.  I bet Senator McCain and Fox News would back me on this action.
[Friday Joke] Where I work we have started a Wines on Wednesday celebration to help people get through the week. We meet in the handicap stall of the women’s restroom. Right now, I’m the only person who attends.
Burlington Northern Santa Fe Railroad (BNSF) owns all of the rail lines in the US that connect to western Canada, and they haul 80% of the crude from Canada to the Midwest and Texas or charge other short line railroads a fee to use their tracks. BNSF charges $30 per barrel to haul the oil while the Keystone Pipeline would cost $10 per barrel by the State Department’s own estimates. BNSF is owned by Berkshire Hathaway whose chairman is Warren Buffet. In the last 2 election cycles, Buffet gave extensively to Democrat causes and candidates. He also bundled and hosted numerous fund raisers for Obama. If anyone believes the Keystone Pipeline isn’t being blocked by Obama on Buffet’s behalf, I’ve got a bridge to sell you. Buffet could stand to lose $2 billion a year if the pipeline is constructed. He makes the same amount every year that the pipeline is delayed. Note: All the oil coming to the US from Canada is sold overseas and not for American consumption.
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You think Obamas approval ratings are bad? Check out the Congress that for the very first time has Tea Party candidates. 7%……..yep, its not a misprint 7%.

The lowest rated Congress in American history. Well done Tea Party you’ve come in and left your mark.

O.K. FTR turn on the ole spin cycle. Turn chitt into champagne

Obama care rates have not fallen. Like so many other things from the left this just another example of thier crooked three card monti schemes.

The new 2015 Silver baseline plan may have a lower premium than the 2014 Silver baseline plan. But that is almost always because the insurance company that held that slot in 2014, and almost always got the largest share of business, significantly increased their rates for 2015.

Then another insurance company, who didn’t write much business and likely now eager to increase market share, decreased their rates and has become the 2015 baseline plan. The second company was able to decrease their rates without much fear because the Obamacare “3Rs” reinsurance scheme virtually protects them from any material losses.

So, this headline about the baseline plans decreasing their rates in so many markets is more about the carriers who sold the most in the first year increasing their rates while the plans that sold very little business, and able to fall back on the Obamacare reinsurance scheme, cut their rates in a no lose attempt to gain business.

Like all the idealogical fantasies of the left you will never be able to put lipstick on the pig that is sociialism.

If you put Obama in a room and played a 1950’s – 1960’s Western movie and made him watch it all the way through,at the end he would not know who was the bad guys and who was the good guys.
from the right
vote republican12A POSTER WROTE: “A friend of mine who is registered as Republican asked me if he can simply vote against a Republican candidate in the November election? or if he must register as a Democrat in order to do so. I told him that I thought he can probably remain as a Republican, but I wasn’t 100% sure. Was I correct?”

FTR’S RESPONSE: Yep, you were right. In the November election a Republican can vote for a Democrat or an Independent or a write in, and visa versa. Or the Republican/Democrat/Independent can choose not to vote for anyone in that particular race. Of course I urge your friend to reconsider and to vote for the Republican.

bad congress12Part  2) A favorite mantra of our friends from left field accuses the Republicans of either doing nothing in the legislature, or of simply blocking everything that Obama wants. That mantra is false, totally false.

Even House Democrats are urging their Senate counterparts to move their bills in the upper chamber this year.

Earlier this year the House DEMOCRATS wrote a letter to Harry Reid complaining that out of the 195 House-passed bills that are now stalled in the Senate, 31 were written by Democrats, and many have been awaiting Senate approval for close to a year. Most of these Democratic bills are non-controversial. House Democrats are stressing the importance of passing them. Reid stonewalls them.

Since then the number of Reid stalled bills has exploded. As of this writing there are 370 bills on a broad array of subjects that have passed the House of Representatives, many, if not most, with bi partisan support, that are stalled, dead in the Senate. Only Reid has the power to move the bills, to bring them to the Senate floor, but he refuses.

It is the Democrat Senate Leader, Harry Reid that is obstructionist, not the Republicans