2016 September

Friday, September 2, 2016

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays
Letters to the Editor with pictures

wetstock-12Ladies & Gentlemen, Boys & Girls, Children of all ages, Wetstock 12 Music Festival is Sunday. I found out during the week some more friends are coming down from Ft Myers. People are coming from all over! Great times on a day of peace & music. It just doesn’t get any better than that.

It looks like the weather is going to be okay as well, so let all your family and friends know and come on out for a fun time. You can copy and paste from this post including the logo to your social media contacts. Please do.

The Rockin’ Bob’s – 1ish (All times are in Key’s time)
Karen Weber, Jam Band Tony & The Funkin’ Conchs – 2:30ish
Jon North & Raisin Cane – 4ish
The Bubba System 5:30ish
The Coconut Ukulele Orchestra will be performing on & off throughout the day and may hang out late playing.

See you there
Your friend

Flip Flop Bob

coverboard[Crawley Things] Residents of the Lower Florida Keys- If you live near National Key Deer Refuge lands you may see plywood squares in the woods around your neighborhood on federal or state lands. These are called “coverboards” and they are being placed by refuge biologist, Adam Emerick, to assist in surveying reptiles and amphibians. They are approximately 24 x 24″ in size, and most are labelled USFWS and a number. With little soil in the Keys, some species of snakes, lizards, and frogs/toads will seek out the protection offered by the coverboards. Biologists will check underneath periodically to see who lives there.
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It is a triple water bill! Sewage is billed at twice the metered water, plus you still have the water bill, so the bill has tripled. Yet in design, they assumed that up to 40% of water through the meter was used outside all of inner islands. Most of the outer islands is presumed 25% used outside.

At 40% used outside, 60% of metered water is returned as sewer. You get billed at 2 times the metered water rate, but really your sewage cost you 3.3 times as much as the water!

dna3[FTR] Deer Friends, there is now no question about it; South Beach now has a population of Zika infected mosquitoes.  The Florida Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services reported on Thursday that their traps have captured Zika infected mosquitoes on South Beach. They also reported that there are now two more locally acquired cases of Zika in Dade.

And still we dither about using Genetically Modified Mosquito to keep Zika the hell away from our community. Dade is spraying the hell out of them.  But, the Aedes Aegypti Zika infected mosquitoes are indoor bugs, spraying is ineffectual. But the spraying does kill bugs.  South Carolina is in Zika’s cross hairs, and SC has been aggressively spraying.  They’ve managed to kill millions of bees.  That will be devastating to SC’s agriculture.

And still we here in Monroe County dither, under the thrall of real estate developers who worry more about their property values than the health of the unborn.

Let’s demand that our Mosquito Control Board get to work and begin using all the resources available.  Especially the safe and effective GMM attack on the mosquitoes that spread Zika.

[Affordable Housing] Regulation restricts the supply of housing and alters the housing cost structure making it more profitable for housing entrepreneurs such as Signh, Schmidts, Swift, and Spottswood to supply more expensive, rather than less expensive, housing.
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[Observation] From the posts I’ve read I’d say that the Coconut Telegraph is mostly for old people. (Ed: That sounds awful. How about: The Coconut Telegraph audience is one who think about mature topics. I do agree that there is no Justin Bieber stuff here.)

[Tiny Bottles] Winn Dixie had what seemed like a great deal on imported Belgian made Stella Artois beer, $20 for 20 bottles. I bought a few cases! You never know when a bridge will collapse, and you always want a stockpile of quality beer on hand for such events. I should have looked more closely (put my glasses on). These are piddling 9.6 oz bottles instead of the traditional 12 oz. At an equivalent cost of $1.25 per 12 oz bottle, it’s still a fairly good deal, equivalent to $15 per dozen traditional size, but at that price, I would wait for Torpedo IPA to go on sale at 7.2% alcohol and that wonderfully bitter taste instead of the smooth-reassuringly-expensive-5% alcohol-wife-beater-Stella lager. Pay attention, chumps. Caveat emptor.


Pretty much every kind of commercially made plastic leeches synthetic estrogen. This is not good. Estrogen plays a key role in all sorts of developmental growth—from bone growth to heart function. And when levels are too high or too low, very strange things happen. Here’s how humanity has changed since the dawn of the Plastic Age. Would you like a smaller penis with that plastic bag, sir?

[Friday Joke] From Genesis: “And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth.” Then he made the earth round and He laughed and laughed and laughed!
[Affordable Housing] We need a politician with cajones grande to try again to take on FEMA to let us rent our downstairs enclosures. There is no condition that FEMA can raise that can’t be accommodated. They are just being stubborn and exercising power; and our leadership is just being lazy and weak.

Key West on the short list for new Navy drone base. Key West is on the U.S. Navy’s short list to become its East Coast home base for a drone system, a project requiring up to 400 military personnel, and locals have a 30-day period starting Sept. 1 to weigh in. Link

[Affordable Housing] The wages of the tourism workers and community residents are such that they cannot afford or demand the housing that is being supplied here in the Keys.

If the problem is not market failure but wages or the relationship between wage levels and the cost of housing, then one of the solutions would be to increase wages.  But how likely is that?

spray bottle spraying[Spray Bottles] Why can’t someone make an industrial strength spray bottle? I have a lot of mildew and keep several spray bottles filled with mildew remover spread around my places. None of them last more than a couple of months. I’ve bought them from Home Depot, Ace, True Value, Winn Dixie, Publix and online and no matter the cost, none of them last. Read the reviews online and most complain about the spray heads breaking too soon. If I was a mechanical guy I’d make a stainless steel spray head for a quart bottle that I could buy replacement parts for and repair myself. I don’t care about the cost. I’d pay it. The spray bottle situation is serious. Congress should get a special prosecutor.
[Women Drivers (Captains)] Sailing under bridges is not for the faint of heart. Time to call TowBoat. Video
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[Sloan For Mayor] It began yesterday and increased last night and into the early hours of today, a sense of living in a  parallel universe, right next door to the universe where people live and think very differently, into which I keep trying to move, and keep trying, and keep trying. Key West for example. ~Sloan
an_mosquito-girl[Zika] The question of riding our country of the Zika disease and mosquitos in general, which kill more humans than anything else, is easily fixed. Just allow all the anti-GMM people to put on their bikinis and Speedos and protest in the Everglades or on any key in the Keys for 24 hours. I think they will get the point!
[My Random Morning Thought] When phones were first invented, how did people call to get phones installed in their house?
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[Government Spending] Nearly $3 million in costs have been added to City Hall construction costs.

If the Devil was running for President and said all the things Americans wanted to hear would we elect him anyway?
Millions of honey bees are dead after South Carolina sprays for Zika mosquitoes. Video
fish-chips3Springer’s Bar & Grill‘s Friday Special: Fish n Chips in a crispy batter. Do you like yours with malt vinegar?

31251 Avenue A, Big Pine Key

Check out our full menu at Like us on Facebook.

Open Today 11 am – Y’all come down and see us!

[Drone Base] The Navy’s opinion about the proposed drone base at Boca Chica. Navy: Basing drones on Eastern Shore or Florida would have no significant environmental impacts. Link


[“Super bright street lights”] Big Pine isn’t a high crime area. I too shot out a nearby crime light a few years ago and it was never replaced. I can now see the nighttime sky.

[Friday Joke] Question: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2.If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

Answer: If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct — leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’



Alcohol may intensify the effects of this medication”. I never know if this is a warning or a suggestion

[FKAA] Curt Zelch’s interview Friday morning on AM 1300 said it all. Apart from saying “uhh” 106 times, FKAA has reduced your poop bill by 15%. What that means is you’ve been over-charged for so long you think you’re getting a deal, or they want you to think that
Lowering Sewer rates is easy if you bill those people who are not hooked up to sewer yet for water when it’s not going to the plant on Cudjoe to be treated. Right! Great idea.
Okay, I can accept a system “base charge” in the meantime as reasonable even though hookups are not ready, deep well maybe “not til December” or there are no available contractors, but not a double water bill for nothing. Then Zuelch says they’ll look at rates again after the first of the year. Bet rates go up as more water is treated and the system starts to have problems. What I’m seeing here is a cash windfall for FKAA at the expense of many people getting nothing but a doubling of the water bill until they hook up. It seems unfair and almost punitive to those well-intentioned folks who are already burdened with the various costs of hook up. Maybe that money should be put in escrow to be returned at hookup or not charged at all for water not being treated. Money for nothing. Nice spin, FKAA
The AARP activity calendars for September and October are now online at: Full Menu > Ongoing Events



[Pool Tables] Coconuts Bar spends a lot of money on the best cloth (Simonis), but allows customers to put their drinks on the rails, invariably resulting in spilled drinks. Costly foolishness to say the least. Link

[Cheaper Solar] Florida removed its “tangible personal property tax,” which taxes solar equipment installed. That removal will make leasing solar to home owners more profitable. Because of the initial cost, Floridians are reluctant to go solar. Leasing the array removes that direct cost, also removing that tax will further bring down the price of solar use.
tourist fat ice cream

[Cuba] I’ll bet Americans going to Cuba on the commercial flights and cruises are getting a jolt when they realize Cuba isn’t ready for commercial tourism. It’s still fine for adventure tourism, but the soap opera-jelly-donut-eating crowd had better still go to the Bahamas

[Wrecking Industry Attorney William Hackley’s 1855 Key West Diary] Capt. Gage of the bark Rainbow of Warren and wife came down in a turtler. The bark loaded with coal struck on Collins Patches on the night of the 29th of August and bilged. The weather was heavy
[Affordable Housing] The chief problem identified with housing in tourism communities is that tourism workers and community residents cannot afford it.  So what are you going to do about it County Commissioners? What have you done; this is an old problem?



Hurray for science! The forecast model from Aug 17th predicted pretty much exactly what is happening today.  I wish the weather service was always this accurate.

[“Coconut-removal Cubans from Homestead”] Felix 786-486-1515. They take what they want and leave the small ones on the tree.
martin house

Has anyone else noticed the very talented and acrobatic birds (martins?) flying around catching mosquitoes the last few weeks?  I don’t know how they can eat enough to fuel their energy expenditure swooping and diving, but it sure is fun to watch. And more natural and safer than GMO engineered Oxitec mosquitoes.

[The Hillary Effect] I got this email today from a friend working in government about a non-government thing and this was prominently displayed in a rectangular box:

*** WARNING ***
EXTERNAL EMAIL — This message originates from outside our organization

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[Boring Bands] Ever wonder why the locals have slowly emigrated from the Tiki bar on the weekends? Possibly the mediocre bar food or perhaps drink prices, although for a destination resort they’re very reasonable-not cheap. But the overwhelming reason is the same rotation of 6 or 7 C-list  bands. Over and over and over again. Boring, boring, boring. There’s probably a very limited supply of B-list bands that are willing to come down to Ramrod Key and play a one-niter for what those local bands get paid, however, maybe once every few months the management could surprise everyone and bring in a B-list band for a 2 night gig and advertise it on the Coconut Telegraph. That electronic sign board is only good for people who drive by.
sloan-for-mayor2[Sloan For Mayor] I talked yesterday with Joyce Griffin, our Supervisor of Elections, about how write-in voting actually works in her office. She said on the mayor part of the November 8 ballot will be an oval and a blank space beside it for a write-in candidate. Anyone who wants to vote for the write in candidate, that’s me, should color in the oval and write Sloan Bashinsky into the blank space. Her computer voting program will pick up the colored-in oval and shunt that ballot into a different place than other ballots end up. Then, the write-in ballots will be tallied. I told Joyce I was glad to hear they have a computer program for that, because I was concerned they would have to manually examine each ballot, to see if there was a write-in vote on it.  ~Sloan
This month at United Way of the Florida Keys. Link
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[100 Inventions That Changed The World] The History Channel says the rivet is number 87. Number 69 is the arc welder.

Is it true that you should not wash Depends? Eating baked beans is supposed to be good for the heart, unless you forgot to ware you Depends!


[Pot Smokers Are Dangerous] A federal appeals court has upheld the government’s ban on the sale of guns to medical marijuana card holders.

[Hormone Therapy] There was a great to the point cartoon in the New Yorker showing a bunch of prostitutes on a street corner and one girl was making all the money because she dressed like a nurse and held up a sign saying, “Free Whore Moan Shots”.
[Dumb and Dumber] “Modern Americans behave as if intelligence were some sort of hideous deformity.” Frank Zappa’s statement is right on the mark and makes me wonder what chemicals we are consuming to make us dumb-down like we have been doing for the last 10 generations?



Don’t believe everything you read on the web.

I watched the gibbon and tiger video and realized that athletic gibbon was in Rio and won a gold medal! Video
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[Movies] I don’t like movies from the 70s because of my aversion to bad hair and bell bottoms and the 80s movies with the big hair and shoulder pads.

[Zika] If I go out to get my mail and am bitten by a Zika mosquito, can I shoot the anti-GMO protester who made the County stop trying to save my dumb ass? or take them “fishing”?
Garage sales suck because the people who come always try to knock your price down. Same goes for yards sales. eBay is terrible with all the fees they charge. Local blog sales are worse than yard and garage because they make the deal and not show[?]. Donating anything to any charity has become useless, tax wise. The Habitats are nothing but junk shops to the seasonal rental owners. Best is to just put an old table out and a sign saying Free Stuff, but donations are welcome. That is if they don’t take your table too!


And now a toilet seat scale. So you can finally prove to your friends that you took a monster dump.

The AARP activity calendars for September and October are now online at: Full Menu > Ongoing Events
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[One Year in Tent] But the biggest challenge was staving off boredom, with the team having to devise ways of keeping themselves entertained, such as learning salsa dancing and playing the ukulele. Link

[Friday Funny] This guy is leaving a voicemail for his boss when he witnesses a minor traffic accident in Athens, Texas, while he  was working as a construction manager for Jack in the Box. The visual picture this guy paints and his laugh are contagious. Laughing is so good for us and this is guaranteed to give you a really good laugh. Audio
just 10 dollarsThe Florida Keys Aqueduct Authority board has agreed to lower wastewater rates by roughly 15 percent starting Oct. 1. The reduction will result in the average customer seeing a savings of roughly $10 a month, with the average bill going from about $75 a month to $65 a month.
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