2019 July

Tuesday July 16, 2019

Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.


[Gordon’s On His Way Again] A bottle with a message in it. There is also some sand and 2 one dollar bills. Once we get it open and read the notes we find out that it is in fact not sand. It is the ashes of this woman’s husband of 70 years named Gordon. She writes that he loved to travel so she sent him traveling in a bottle with a note and money for someone to call home and tell her where he went.
He started at Big Pine Key in March of 2012 and then went to Islamorada where someone found him. They added a note and sent him traveling again and he landed on our beach in Key Colony. Judi called the wife in Tennessee who was excited to know of Gordon’s travels! Judi added her note and we put him in a rum bottle (you know, added a little fun to his trip) with the three notes. We added another dollar in case Gordon travels real far and a long distance call is needed. We will be having a memorial service or celebration of his life on our beach later today before sending him on his way again.

Publix lost their appeal to the County on the purchase of the Flea Market because of the square footage on commercial real estate.  Publix didn’t bow out, they lost.

Yes, the market was sold back to the brothers of the estate and they have leased the property to a new manager, who are renovating it with new bathrooms and clean property, back to what it was before Irma.  The canopy systems that each vendor owned before are going to all be uniform in their look.  They will not be stationary kiosk’s as someone stated.  They are not permanent, can be moved, changed, etc.  This is not a bait and switch to get more covered square footage.





[Top Heavy] It looks to be a little top heavy. I’m no car expert, but is this built on a Checkers Marathon taxi cab chassis? I hope he takes it easy around the corners and avoids the bridges on windy days.

[Live As If You’re Going To Die] ] Please, please if you hate where you live, if you are unhappy with our way of life, if you can’t stand the current politics (which may last 5 more years) and are very angry, then leave. Seek happiness, don’t be miserable, find another place to live that will suit you. It is a big world.




Coconuts mascot, Kevin.

[What Could Go Wrong] Your compensation fund is ready to be received to your would be nominated country and account which is $4,000,000 Our organization confirmed this update today. But we need the info as stated below from you to enable us submit it to the designated paying bank which will be revealed to you upon confirmation of the required information…
[Bleach] Hears a great article on bleach and why you should avoid it. Also avoid tap water that has not been through a carbon filter. Some excerpts:
-In chlorinated water, a person is significantly exposed to chloroform in just 10-15 minutes in the shower.
-Eight out of ten people in the US have noticeable chloroform levels in their body.
-The length and heat of your shower directly impact the amount of chloroform to which you are exposed.
-According to the CDC, chloroform is a probable carcinogen, which is the reason it was banned as a drug or for other common uses back in 1976. Link
[“Change subject line in Outlook Email”] Outlook 365. When I open an email there is no subject line. The subject line only appears in the Inbox > Current Mailbox and is not accessible to edit. The reading panel shows the subject line also, but that panel does not allow for any changes either. The poster must have an older copy of Outlook when it was easy to change the subject line. Now legal issues might be at play
Two types of houses work in the tropics. 1. A thick reinforced concrete walled building with a flat concrete roof to catch rain for your cistern under the house and small windows. A good AC system is a must have.
2. A no-see-em screened-in tiki hut without closets for the clothes you don’t need any more and hope the neighbors are cool people.





[Robot Stripper] SEE!!! Those darn robots are taking all our jobs! Video

[Sub-contracting] I too remember 25 or 30 years ago when a sub-contractor was in business for himself. The American dream. Now, years later I see the poor sub that’s working for so much less and the poor man has to also buy and equip 6-8 more trucks, plus pay the employees’ wages and benefits and workers comp insurance and social security and on and on. God help the poor subcontractors
[Architectural Police] There is fantastic technology out there, and a very limited market for it. If you can end up with 2500 Sq. ft with a 4/3 layout and a three-car garage, who cares if it’s a piece of crap? The place is in your budget, it impresses friends and family, and some other guy will own it ten years from now. It doesn’t matter that, for the same dollars, you could have a much more reasonably sized home with far less operating costs. For me to take serious issue with the fact that this whole charade is now further corrupted by a semi-competent, overbearing code enforcement bureaucracy, tends to miss the point.
[Time Warp] Deer Ed, Today’s Coconut Telegraph says Friday July 1 (Ed: Oops. I started to write 12 but lost interest after the 1. Thanks for letting me know.)
This media propaganda showing childish fights between the Left and the Right makes me sick to say I am an American voter. Where have all the dignified politicians gone that we hired to do our country’s maintenance and to protect us? Seems they all have turned into charity distributors and kick-back whores. “America is falling”, cried Chicken Little.


[“Conspiracy about Moon flag waving”] Go to and ask “Why were there wrinkles in the US Flag? It will explain it simply for you guys. Link

[Swimming Wounded] Man dies after being infected by flesh-eating bacteria in Florida. Good article about swimming with a wound or open sore. Be careful in these waters. Video
[Cisterns] During another hot summer I thought a big covered cistern would make a good swimming hole. Nice and cool. It was far creepier than I imagined. The only light came through the hatch and there were thin palm roots creeping in from the top and down into the rainwater. I was waiting every moment for some creepy crawler to bite me or crawl inside my orifices or for the 200-year old concrete lid to cave in.
[Paradise does Not come Easy] I’ve had it with these freakin’ iguanas, mosquitos, no-see-ums, palmetto bugs and super roaches. Welcome to Florida. Nasty things grow in wet, humid places. Don’t spray anything. Florida’s environment is in tatters thanks to people wanting green grass and no weeds. Quit spraying our nature. Kill all the iguanas though!




[“Free beer”] I need that magic at the bar but without the beer tab, ha.

[Friends Annoying Friends] It’s the old expression “Never talk politics or religion or you can lose a lifelong friend in a one minute argument!”
In my opinion, if your “friend” rejects you after your point of reason, they were just vague friends to start with.
Until you know exactly what another person is all about (tough to do most times), you should keep your back to the wall. People are very finicky and illogical most times. Even the smartest intellectuals go off the track a lot. Look at governments.
Get it all on record now – get the films – get the witnesses -because somewhere down the road of history some bastard will get up and say that this never happened.  ~Dwight D. Eisenhower 1945


[Permits for Profit] I bought a countertop from HD and they told me the county charged $250 for a permit to install it.  I cannot fathom how this could fall under the “safety” category, so I must conclude it is going into our honorable leaders’ coffers.  Also, the inspector only did a drive-by inspection.

[The Three Deadly Sins] Politics, Religions, and anything Nuclear! Without these three, earth might make it.
[Guns] New Zealand just passed a Gun Buy Back law. Wait until the bad guys start taking over just like it always happens in gun less counties.



[“If the Hubble can see stars billions of light years away, why can’t they see the planets”] Simple. The glare from the star washes out any chance of seeing the planets. Just go outside in the daytime and look up and try to see the planets in our own solar system. Here’s how they do it. How do astronomers actually find exoplanets. Link

[Power Abuse] It is typical when small poor countries get rich they want all the goodies that super powers have without knowing how to use or control those powers and wealth. Now India wants a moon base! France wants a Space Army! What is next, a Congo GOGO Moon base?


[“Wilted state flower”] I would suggest Viagra for this wilted state flower of Florida.

[Bliss] The worst thing that can happen to a person is to have their bubble world popped into reality. How many people do you know are for real today? Guess again!



[“Almost all of the homes on Bermuda have cisterns, their only potable water”] They cannot use well water as it is brackish.  They do clean the cisterns periodically as they can get kind of nasty inside. Link

[“Cisterns”] It’s a miracle my friends in the Virgin Islands and most of their neighbors too, manage to survive with only a cistern and no 100 mile umbilical cord from Homestead for drinking water. Bunch of babies…