2013 January

Monday, January 21, 2013


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So you think you are having a crappy Monday! Link

an squirt gun

[Guns] There was some suspicious behavior outside my house around six in the evening. It got more suspicious so I went for my gun. I keep that one under my mattress, but my wife put a skirt around the bed and when I went for the gun it got tangled in the skirt. It was a quick lesson learned. I’d grabbed the gun previously without any trouble from the bed skirt, but when it got serious I must have panicked when I grabbed it and that’s how it got tangled–just when I thought I need it the most (Murphy’s Law in action).

The suspicious event went away so I didn’t shoot anybody. A also moved the gun to a different hiding place.

Iguana canon that’s legal? This is great to watch to the end – even if you never liked physics. School was never this interesting when I went. Link 

[Lance Armstrong] You knew it was coming, “I apologize, but not much.” According to the CDC, over 128 million flu vaccines have been administered this year. That’s almost as many injections as Lance Armstrong has gotten in his entire career. Armstrong’s confession came as a shock to as many as a dozen people.

On Armstrong’s interview with Winfrey, Jimmy Fallon quipped, “Lasted close to three hours. So it’s sort of like a regular interview, but, you know, on steroids.”

Jon Stewart feigned outrage, “I believed in you Lance Armstrong. I shelled out a dollar for a rubber bracelet I have somewhere in my house. Well, I think we all owe cancer an apology.”

David Letterman dedicated his entire Top Ten List to the joke with other revelations from Armstrong’s Winfrey interview:

10. Artificially enhanced his cycling shorts

9. Still never leaves the house without several vials of clean urine

8. Owns Texas real estate known as ‘Rancho Decepto’

7. Took steroids to work up the strength to admit taking steroids

6. Once had an inappropriate relationship with an air hose

5. Also has tattoo of Rex Ryan’s wife

4. Has given up on making the baseball Hall of Fame

3. United States Postal Service paid him in stamps

2. Started erotic website, ‘Tour-De-Pants’

1. Admitted to doping just to get on Oprah.

Colbert,  “Rumors have been swirling for years. But when times got tough for this man, I did not get off the tandem bike of admiration. No, I saddled up, rang the bell of loyalty, put down the kickstand of support and stayed in it to Schwinn it … and I’ve run out of bike metaphors. Point is, this man is a hero. He beat cancer, then he went on to beat something even less popular — the French.”

an_unicycle2Lauren Ashley, “It’s okay lance armstrong i took lots of performing enhancing drugs in my 20s too I used to say it takes a lot of balls to publicly admit you cheated, but Lance Armstrong proved it only takes one I bet the best part about breaking up with Lance Armstrong is being able to take off that tacky, yellow rubber bracelet. Armstrongs Little League homeruns will be asterisked. Lance Armstrong should be allowed to race again, but only on one of these.  If anything the Lance Armstrong confession confirms my belief that exercise leads to deceitful behavior.  It’d be nice if Lance Armstrong also apologized for persuading so many gross people to wear spandex in public. Lance Armstrong sends a powerful message to the kids of America: don’t do drugs and cheat unless you want to be rich and go on Oprah. After this admission by Lance Armstrong, I honestly don’t see how I can ever use the US Postal Service again… I’ll forgive Lance Armstrong for doping, but only if he rides the entire Tour De France on a unicycle in full clown makeup. If only there was such a thing as lying-enhancement drugs, Lance Armstrong would not be in this mess. Lance Armstrong is a real dope. AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT?!?”

And Finally the worst: The worst thing about Lance Armstrong is that now the French can say “We told you so” for the rest of recorded time.


If a neighbor dumps yard waste and other household stuff in front of his house on the Right Of Way, will the county clean it up or do they have to be notified?

an_hooker_lampostWhy is it that a women can give her “love” away but she can’t sell it. I could not think of another commodity were this holds true. It is legal to give the merchandise away but illegal to sell it. If this is the case can a women register her body as a 501-c nonprofit and solicit donations? So I ask “were is the pussy permit”.

Anita O’Day. Love For Sale

Bahia Honda offers Winter programs. Link

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[Marathon Journal] The Keynoter has recently improved their coverage of events small and large and countywide. Reasonable gun regs are not the end of the world. I believe all non-military weapons are purchasable. Gun ownership is not the problem. Enforce gun laws already passed. Setup a traceable program for each and every gun, just like a car registration. From manufactured to destroyed, you should be able to follow ownership.

~The members of St. Paul AME Church in Marathon are once again sponsoring the Martin Luther King, Jr. Celebration. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. events. Upon the 50th year since that “I have a dream” speech, go, see, and hear that speech. Link

~How many Seafood Festivals are there? The original is hosted by Marathon. Then you got a Key Largo one as well Key West. I wonder if Islamorada has one or will soon. The Original Seafood Festival has them all beat hands down.

~Marathon’s improved local economy is marked by long-awaited developments starting again. Existing businesses are planning on major redevelopments. The real estate market is heating up. Events new and old are attracting more tourists and residents. 

~City Council is ready to tackle the capital infrastructure list. City Hall is the biggest risk and therefore should be first. One major construction project at a time is wise. There are a number of minor ones that really are just life cycle management projects. 

~What is the next project after city hall? That is something to consider after the completion on of city hall. City hall must be multi-purpose with first level parking, enhancements to the property, and building the future into our city hall.

~Monroe County still bends common sense. Who was in control while the change orders piled up?

~Elections early voting changing back to the way it was and should have remained.

~Key Colony Beach candidates are Ryan Schraffenberger, Patrick Farritor, Jeff Vorick, Jerry Ellis, and Rob Sutton. The top three in votes are elected. Key Colony Beach March 2013 elections. The Journal will try to interview each candidate.

~Marathon’s porkers ordinance gets additional attention. While necessary, the laugh factor is quite high. Come on, pigs already! We need a special fenced off section for pig pets at the Rotary Children’s Park right alongside the dog park.

an_tape_measure[Crooks] Manhattan Subway franchise owner confirms Subway shops have sliced their cold-cut sizes by 25 percent in the past few months. Link 

It appears that auto correct has become my worst enema.

I wouldn’t be wearing my python skin shirt in the Everglades right about now if I were you.



A feathered pal at White Street Pier.

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[Boca Chica Bar] Iconic, deadly bar lives on in law enforcement lore. I remember it well, several times I walked out of there only to find the sun was shining and the birds were singing. Link

an_quick-draw[Guns] Years ago I was part of a group camping trip in a remote area of Arizona.  I was armed with a .38 revolver in a belt holster.  One woman took offense at my weapon and made a big deal of letting me know she didn’t approve of a firearm in camp or firearms in general.  I assured her that the firearm was secure in its holster and would not be un-holstered, displayed, fired or used for any reason other than self defense.  She was relentless the entire day and evening busting my chops non-stop about the firearm.

Fast forward four years.  She and her husband were camping alone in the desert when two men raided their campsite and beat her husband near to death, raped her numerous times and then beat her savagely as well.  Her husband was beaten so severely that he required numerous surgeries for facial and internal injuries. Today they still enjoy the outdoors, camping and seeing remote areas.  The difference is that now they both go well armed.  Self defense is just that.  Defense against someone who will willingly do you bodily harm.  The so-called assault weapon is a buzz word used by the rabid media and the current politicos to further their agenda of disarming law abiding citizens and the right to own arms. 

The answer to our domestic violence problem is not more gun laws or gun bans.  There are countless laws pertaining to the illegal use of firearms.  The answer is to address the constant exposure of our children to senseless violence form the time they are old enough to sit up and watch a TV or play the countless video games that display and glorify the use of guns for killing.  Video games award points for killing.  Few TV programs today are without gun violence and fewer still show any consequence for gun use or killing.  Rap music is full of references to using guns to kill.  We have been raising children for a generation that have no concept of right and wrong.  To them, guns are cool and a way to fix the problems they perceive in their life.  Good parenting is mostly absent in these cases and kids are left to be handled by teachers at school who have little or no time to mentor each and every kid with a dysfunctional home life.  

There is no quick answer and no quick fix, but banning certain types of guns, clips and ammunition is just a knee jerk, government and media, popular reaction that will solve nothing. 


Corals seem closer to greater protection. Link



[Fun with Bulls] Olé el toro!  How dumb can people be? Link

At her age she no longer believed in free love, but was hoping for a senior citizen discount.

fine-woodworking-ad 1.7.13

[White on White] Since when has the Florida Keys been affected by the bull crap that occurs at the mainland’s inner cities? Why do you believe that on your way to Winn-Dixie to buy a loaf of bread, you’ll need a gun?

You demand to be safe. Well, aren’t we all pretty safe here in the Keys? I have no problem walking safely to any destination here in the Keys. This is the whole purpose why we moved down here. Isn’t it?

What all of you need to understand is, that this nation was born with a great birth defect!

When the European settlers came to this country, they wiped out the native Americans who used bow and arrows, with their guns. Then the European settlers captured free Africans and shipped them here to be their slaves, and if those kidnapped Africans refused to submit to slavery what would they do to them? Violence has always been a great American tradition.

Every day on the local news I see endless reports on the shootings that occur in Dade and Broward Counties, but that doesn’t matter because it’s minorities killing each other on a daily basis. Yet, when a white kid goes berserk and starts killing white people, all of a sudden there’s an uproar. Lucky for the minorities, it’s not them killing white kids. Otherwise you’ll put them in concentration camps. Focus on the gun violence suffered throughout all Americans first. Stop making yourselves the victims. You’re not the only ones. If you think like a victim, you’ll be a victim.

It’s the whites who use automatic rifles against whites. The minority kids use smaller caliber weapons on their daily shootings. Which is another thing. You don’t hear about minority kids entering schools and shooting innocent people. It’s always white kids doing this. 

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Proposed listing of several species of coral on the Endangered Species List. Divers and anglers ask if listing’s enough? Link

Supreme Court: Not all houseboats are boats. Link

an complaint dept



County complaint form. Link 

[Fat Albert] We are not dead yet, send your representatives an e-mail we need all the help we can get. I believe there is a web page that was sent out to you looking for signature for the White House, that helps if we can get as many people to send it in.

Springers-Prime-Rib00     Doerfels-at-Springers

Prime Rib Dinner    Live Music


[Subway] I, how do I say this, love Subway! I especially love the Eastern European women who make them for me. I crave their love and their sexy bodies. If you feel you have been stiffed on the product, you must be going to the joint in Marathon. The girls on north Roosevelt are so hot, I almost just give them my money and leave.  
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In 1793 King Louis XVI of France went to the guillotine in Paris and lost his head. 

Readers observations” on the Keys was right on, especially about the ho-hum restaurants here. Still, not one restaurant knows how to make a real hamburger.

Maybe you’ll start feeling better if you stop reading WebMD.

an rat dance


Any rat under my roof is endangered.  No, make that any rat on my property.

[The Dick Act of 1902]I get the impression that whoever wrote the post has no idea what either a bill of attainder or an ex post facto law is. 


Brinks guard defends himself after robbery, Link 


[“For a really good sub visit NJ Mikes in Bonita Springs, FL”] Why in the hell would I support a NJ owned franchise on the west coast (the trailer coast) of Florida when we have Murray’s Market on Summerland? They’ve got great subs and pile on the meat and cheese by weight!
Joisey subs in Florida, fagedaboutit!


[Subway subs] Personally I like the subs from my Publix store better.


[Capt Doom and Gloom] “Gun Death and DUI Death the Same” Oh come on, now you are going to scream and yell about DUI (a BS law) and Gun deaths being the same. There is no such thing as an accident. The so called accident is just a cover up word for incompetence and stupidly. If a DUI and a Gun are deadly, so are Texting Blonde’s, 20 Foot High Pick-up trucks, and anything that creates a misjudgment that harms. When are you sheep going to take responsibility for your own actions?

 “Le Blimp be Gone” It is useless because Cuba will open to US traffic shortly and the drugs will come in by UPS or FedEx or luggage, sort of like they do now, but faster. Also there’s nothing to listen to from the Commie radios anymore. Link


‘Immigration” This is America now. You Sheep have destroyed the US in one stinking birth cycle. Link  

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an crime scene[The Latest Murder Statistics for the World from the World Health Organization] Murders per 100,000 citizens Honduras 91.6 El Salvador 69.2 Cote d’lvoire 56.9 Jamaica 52.Venezuela 45.1 Belize 41.4 US Virgin Islands 39.2 Guatemala 38.5 Saint Kits and Nevis 38.2 Zambia 38.0 Uganda 36.3 Malawi 36.0 Lesotho 35.2 Trinidad and Tobago 35.2 Colombia 33.4 South Africa 31.8 Congo 30.8 Central African Republic 29.3 Bahamas 27.4 Puerto Rico 26.2 Saint Lucia 25.2 Dominican Republic 25.0 Tanzania 24.5 Sudan 24.2 Saint Vincent and the Grenadines 22.9 Ethiopia 22.5 Guinea 22.5 Dominica 22.1 Burundi 21.7 Democratic Republic of the Congo 21.7 Panama 21.6 Brazil 21.0 Equatorial Guinea 20.7 Guinea-Bissau 20.2 Kenya 20.1 Kyrgyzstan 20.1 Cameroon 19.7 Montserrat 19.7 Greenland 19.2 Burkina Faso 18.0 Eritrea 17.8 Namibia 17.2 Rwanda 17.1 Mexico 16.9 Chad 15.8 Ghana 15.7 Ecuador 15.2 North Korea 15.2 Benin 15.1 Sierra Leone 14.9 Mauritania 14.7 Botswana 14.5 Zimbabwe 14.3 Gabon 13.8 Nicaragua 13.6 French Guiana 13.3 Papua New Guinea 13.0 Swaziland 12.9 Bermuda 12.3 Comoros 12.2 Nigeria 12.2 Cape Verde 11.6 Grenada 11.5 Paraguay 11.5 Barbados 11.3 Gambia 10.8 Peru 10.8 Myanmar 10.2 Russia 10.2 Liberia 10.1 Costa Rica 10.0 Nauru 9.8 Bolivia 8.9 Mozambique 8.8 Kazakhstan 8.8 Senegal 8.7 Turks and Caicos Islands 8.7 Mongolia 8.7 British Virgin Islands 8.6 Cayman Islands 8.4 Seychelles 8.3 Madagascar 8.1 Indonesia 8.1 Mali 8.0 Pakistan 7.8 Moldova 7.5 Kiribati 7.3 Guadeloupe 7.0 Haiti 6.9 Timor-Leste 6.9 Anguilla 6.8 Antigua and Barbuda 6.8 Lithuania 6.6 Uruguay 5.9 Philippines 5.4 Ukraine 5.2 Estonia 5.2 Cuba 5.0 Belarus 4.9 Thailand 4.8 Suriname 4.6 Laos 4.6 Georgia 4.3 Martinique 4.2 And The United States 4.2


With weed on the fast track to legalization and more and more folks realizing the illegal war on drugs is a big waste of money, it’s great to see baby Huey [Fat Albert] gone. I wonder if its because the money used to fund it is buying Obamaphones and food stamps? Gotta pay them voters!

[Immigration] This is England.  Also the direction we’re headed. Link

Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him; better take a closer look at the American Indian.  ~Henry Ford

Sunday Mr FTR cried that the major media ignored former New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin’s indictment on a slew of corruption and related charges. Then he goes on to name all the networks. Now I’m really sure MR FTR is out of it, because I watched many of those news’ and Nagen’s arrest and charges were all over the place. That’s how I found out. How did Mr FTR find out if it wasn’t on the news?



The government is coming to take your guns. Yes, the same government that can’t even pass a budget without shutting down government operations.

1. I have read many times on here that a few believe that a person owning a business has a right to serve anyone they want and have the right to bar anyone they want. Whats to keep business owners from posting a sign on the door that says if you are carrying a concealed weapon you must check your gun at the door or you will not be served? Its within their rights as a business owner to bar certain elements from their establishment. If you don’t want guns in your business ban them.

2. Comparing guns to auto accidents and hammers is simply ridiculous.

3. If Romney was such a great candidate why isn’t he coming forth with his ideas to create those millions and millions of jobs? Go on a national stage Mitt and let us hear the plan. Do whats right for the country Mitt lets hear it.(I don’t need anyone on here to speak for Mitt).

4. A recent survey was taken by an international polling institute about what country has the highest marks for being the happiest and the most prosperous. They looked at wages, health care, taxes to benefits ratios, education,  cost of living and political moderation, housing,etc.  America does’nt list in the top 10. The leading countries were the Scandinavian countries and most had national health care which translated to healthier citizens. No wonder posters on here have to leave the Keys to get decent health care. Why is it we are disagreeing about the benefits of everyone being healthier? Is America only about money? I think we can do better. We need to quit the whining and bitch fighting first. Including me.

5. The President is adding 4 more words to his oath when he swears into office this time around. ” So help me GOD”. Those words are not in the official oath. I think its a nice addition.

6. A poster on the C.T. the other day was bragging about how his party was wise enough to kick out someone out of office who was less then qualified. I have a feeling thats why Mitt Romney lost also.

7. Im trying to stop with the Clint Eastwood jokes but I dont have the ability. Somewhere Clint Eastwood is talking to an empty car telling it to start. The car said put the key in sparky. 


[Separation of Church and State] The Constitution specifies an oath of office only for the President (US Constitution, Article II, Section 1): “I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States.”

The vice president’s oath dates from 1884 and is the same as that taken by Congressmen: I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter: So help me God.

right only grey

Another-Comedian2Huzza Huzza, Today is the second inauguration of President Barak Hussein Obama. It is right and proper to compare today with where we when he took office 4 long years ago. After 4 years of Obama and 6 years of Democrat governance there are more folks who are unemployed than when Obama took office in January 2009.Today the employment rate is higher is than when Obama took office. It is staggering, but there are nearly 8 million more people who have quit the labor force than when Obama first took office.

Perhaps that explains why food stamp participation is at record highs, perhaps that is why the number of persons on SS disability has grown to record highs. Perhaps that is why the number of long term unemployed is at near record highs.  

Mr. Obama appointed a blue ribbon commission to make recommendations. The panel has not met in a year. Mr. Obama and the Democrats claim to be working to create jobs, but they road block business progress by taxation, and regulation.

Obama convinced himself and the nation that by accumulating trillions of national debt that we could spend and borrow ourselves into prosperity.  It didn’t work, it can’t work. When Obama took office our national debt was about $10.6 trillion. Today that debt has ballooned to nearly $16.6 trillion.  Obama has burdened us with more debt than any time in our history. By then end of his second term we will have accumulated about $20 trillion in debt.

Obama promised to be a unifying President; he billed himself as being post partisan. Today, 4 years later, the nation is now very nearly as divided as it was during our Civil War. Never in living memory has the political dialogue been so rancorous.

The list of his unfulfilled promises is long and shameful.  He promised: “My first priority will be to close GITMO, I’ll close it in a year”.  He didn’t. He said: ”I will create a cap and trade system to reduce “global warming”. He didn’t.  He promised to allow the importation of prescription drugs to drive down their costs: he didn’t.  He promised to sign a “Freedom of Choice Act” : he didn’t. He promised to act in a fiscally responsible manner: he doesn’t, we haven’t had a federal budget in over 3 years. That is a violation of law. He promised to introduce a comprehensive immigration reform act: He didn’t.  He promised to bring Democrats and Republicans together to pass an agenda: He didn’t. National politics have never been as toxic and divisive today since the lead up to our Civil War.  The list goes on and on.  Obama has proven himself to unworthy of the trust of his liberal base.


Part 2) By golly the posting on pubic lice was a real eye-opener. The idea of any species going extinct is horrible. We must be deeply concerned that the pubic louse is becoming an endangered species. We must champion progressive thought and take immediate steps to outlaw the removal of pubic hair. Of course we will have to put in place enforcement measures such as the PHP (Pubic Hair Police) to routinely search out and punish those who flaunt the law. We must not permit any specie to go extinct by tampering with their home environment.