2013 June

Monday, June 24, 2013

The Coconut Telegraph

Anonyomous letters to the editor with pictures

The Original Unsocial Media – Daily Since 2002

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slim24When I heard that Slim Whitman recently passed away and that he was a resident of Marathon at one time, I just had to share this story.  

I lived in Colorado in the 1970’s when a judge in a neighboring small town got his 15 minutes of fame.  The Fort Lupton judge was applauded for his ingenious approach to sentencing offenders of the town’s nuisance noise ordinance.  The problem stemmed from teenagers cruising the town’s main drag on Friday and Saturday nights with their stereos blasting.  The kids’ parents usually just paid the ticket and the problem continued.   After numerous tickets were written and re-written and complaints continued from the residents the judge had an idea.  He told the offenders that since they imposed their loud music on the town that he would impose his music on the offenders.  No more paying tickets, they would have to sit in the judge’s courtroom for two hours early on a Saturday morning listening attentively to music of the judge’s choosing, no reading books, no earplugs, no headphones.  The noisy cruising problem was solved almost overnight and the judge was hailed as a local hero.   

When asked by reporters what music the kids had to listen to, the judge replied, “mostly Slim Whitman”.

Slim Whitman — Indian Love Call


[“Crane Point zipline will be a loser”] Au contraire! That zipline will be a boon to Marathon ecotourism. There is not one land based thing tourist can do there, excluding golf that they can play at home. Ecotourism is the thing. Even though the zipline will ruin the pristine character of Crane Point, the multitudes will think they are eco tourists and support it.

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Madonna-Gun-622Madonna, Queen of pop a vocal opponent of conservative ideology and visceral misandrist commenting on the use of guns in her shows: “That would be like asking people to not have guns in action movies,” she said. “I mean the thing is, guns don’t kill people, people kill people. That whole first section of the show is like an action movie, and I was playing a super vixen who wanted revenge.”

Madonna even gave a statement that she does not condone violence, and that her work is art and nothing more. “But I know there was several movies that delayed release because of the shootings, for example, at Sandy Hook Elementary school,” Vargas said.

“Well that’s not going to change the situation,” Madonna replied. “This all comes from fear and ignorance, and people not really raising their children, or not paying attention to what’s going on.” Video interview

Bruce Sonnenfeld of Big Pine Key faces child cruelty charges.  Detectives allege that Sonnenfeld forced a small child, from the time she was an infant until she was 3 years old, to sleep on the floor. 
Wanted (badly). Queen size box spring & mattress. Classified Ads


[Old Folks Home] Lots of questions about the proposed “Assisted Living Facility” in Key West. It sure is beginning to look like a shell game giveaway of the Key West waterfront that will not really benefit the people who most need the help. Wrong place , wrong people for the project. I hope the City Commission shoots this one down.Then there’s the cost of what really are just more condos, 30 million seems like way too high a cost for the construction, but the proposed developer gets more tax credits the more the project costs.


A schedule of planned times, dates and  locations of mosquito spraying is available  online at, says the  Florida Keys Mosquito Control District. Helicopter, plane or truck spraying is covered. 

[“Cleaning R/Vs Carpet”] Are you sure the dog did it?

[Marine Sanctuary Closures] Closing off some sandbars  to partying, expanding coral  restoration programs and  creating user fees for charter boats are among a series  of recommendations set  to go before the Sanctuary  Advisory Council.

When the formation of the Marine Sanctuary debate was going on one of the concerns was that if it was created, over time, they would prohibit boaters from accessing all our favorite places. We see that continue to happen.





Non-profits such as Goodwill pay many workers pennies per hour and outrageous salaries for their officers. And it is legal! Link

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[Sewers] Despite residents push, County keeps Lower Keys sewer plan. Link


Free. Small Keys lilies aka beach spider-lily (Hymenocallis latifolia) in pots. Grown from seeds. Take one or all eight. Classified Ads

[Sewers] The remaining hybrid sewer lines are a result of the poor engineers at FKAA coming up with a system in a short period of time that will save the county $30,000,000 in the short time frame.  This had to be done with little experience in sewer designs and it really did not matter what the long term costs were going to be, because the customers were going to pay that anyways, meaning more money for FKAA.


On this date in 1842, Ambrose Bierce was born in Ohio, and left home at 15 to work as a “printer’s devil” for a newspaper. At 17, he was enrolled at Kentucky Military Institute, and enlisted in the Civil War at age 19 in 1861. His experiences in that bloody war resulted in his Edgar Allen Poe-like “western gothic” supernatural stories, numbering more than 90, most set in the Civil War, which he wrote in middle age. Link 

[Sewer:  How much does the grinder pump and all the parts cost, compared to the simple gravity system”] Dear Cudjoe Key resident, Initial cost of parts is not the right question. What you really want to know is the perpetual expense. Here’s the answer. Grinders will cost you forever.

Signed, A Key Largo Wastewater victim.


nira tocco realtor 9.12



[Asteroids] That the sudden wave of near miss asteroids is only that more are being reported. Could this be the softening up in preparation for getting government funding to “study the problem” of protecting us from asteroids.

I believe that we are not having enough live grenades thrown at us if we have time to worry about something we can’t change.

[Restaurant Review] A&B Lobster in Key West. Take away their butter and heavy cream and you’d have nothing on the menu but beer. One of us ordered fish with lobster medallions. The fish was good, but the lobster medallions were missing. I asked the waiter if we’d ordered wrong and he pointed to some little specks in the heavy sauce and claimed they were he lobster medallions. The decor was real nice.

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For an easy homemade firestarter, simply soak some corks in a jar of rubbing alcohol. When you need to start a fire, just light a couple of the corks under some kindling for a trouble-free start.

[Sewer Fee Increase] ] With the dumb grinder pump system our sewer fees will continue to increase year after year as the grinder pumps breakdown and need replacing. Someone’s making a bundle on this rip-off.


[Pot] U.S. Mayors demand change to Federal Policy, end to crackdown on Medical Marijuana in their cities. Link

moon24[June Moon] Names from different cultures.

Leaves Moon (Cree). Horses†Moon (Celtic). Ripe Berries (Dakota). Hoer moon (Abernaki). Lotus Moon (Chinese). Windy Moon (Choctaw). Summer moon (Kiowa). Buffalo Moon (Omaha). Leaf Moon (Assiniboine). Corn Tassel Moon(Taos). Blackberry moon (Greek). Green grass Moon(Sioux). Ripening Moon (Mohawk). Turtle Moon (Potawatomi). Making fat Moon (Lakota). Hot weather moon (Ponca). Leaf Dark Moon (San Juan). Major Planting Moon (Hopi). Planting Moon (Neo Pagan). Fish Spoils Moon (Wishram). Water melon Moon (Natchez). Hot Weather moon (Arapaho). Dyad Moon (Medieval English). Strawberry Moon (Anishnaabe). Dark green leaves Moon (Pueblo). Summer Moon (Passamaquoddy). Green Corn Moon, Flower Moon (Cherokee). Mead Moon (Full Janic),  Strawberry moon (Dark Janic). Honey Moon, Hot Moon, Strawberry Moon, Rose Moon (Algonquin). Other Moon names : Hay Moon, Aerra Litha Moon, Strong Sun Moon, Lovers Moon

[“keep you non-profit blood suckers off our steps”] What a hateful response. I belong (volunteer) to 3 non-profit organizations: USCG Auxiliary, fire department, state emergency response team.  Not a blood-sucker in the bunch.



[Cats] This Thursday, June 27th, Richie Moretti will be matching donations made to Forgotten Felines up to $5,000. This is a chance to some good locally.

[State Highway Commission] Why donate to a cause that accomplishes nothing but keeps the print shops in business? It is called the State Highway Commission!


Our Commissioners suffer from a great disconnect from voters/taxpayers.  They are  busy taking extended lunches and vacations, figuring out how to squeeze the last penny from the taxpayers.  Yes, we are getting screwed with the sewer deal, we will get  screwed with the Seven Mile Bridge and Rowell Marina deal.  It is up to us to stop the painful screwing!  It is fine to vent on the Coconut Telegraph, but we must show up at the BOCC meetings. They do not back off unless we show up in numbers.  I was there on Wednesday, there were only a handful of taxpayers there and the majority did not speak.  We have to speak at the meetings.  You don’t have to be a professional speaker, just tell them how you feel about the issue at hand.  We must also follow up by showing up at the polls and voting.  There is no reason why our current mayor should be elected to any position again in this county.  He needs to go and so does the  Commissioner for the Key Largo area.  The Florida Keys have changed and we need new leadership with a fresh vision.



[Mars Attack] Rumors have it that a large celestial body is following Comet ISON, and following the same trajectory towards our solar system, but NASA has neither confirmed, or denied any information concerning these reports.  Does that ‘celestial body’ have antenna and lights?

What sewer system is best? Link

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[Beer] Woman: Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

Man: Do you drink beer?

Woman: No

Man: Where’s your Ferrari?

[“Old 7 Mile Bridge rehab money”] That is already spent for some other kick-back project.

an dinosaur

I have just turned my father onto the Coconut  Telegraph. He wants a place to bitch about how poorly run and corrupt Monroe County government is. He asked who it seems mostly to be writing in to the website. I informed him it seems like every pothead to everyone with a PHD seems to write in. Mostly informed concerned locals who don’t like the shit that’s going on here.

Until he can figure out how to navigate the web I will share his take on Monroe County putting up tolls in the Keys. He said he loves the idea of a toll in Homestead. It should cost $50 dollars a car to enter the Keys. This money will keep all the assholes and degenerates out, and the county can steal the money any way they feel fit.

Fanci Seafood will be closed on Sundays until August. Everyone have a great summer!


Environmentalism, in the form of climate change is a religion. Note the structural and behavioral similarities:

Monk = Climate “Scientist” (Climatist)- They provide the articles of the faith

Priest = Journalist – They spread the faith and convert the faithless

Sin = Carbon Emissions – How an individual’s acts hurt the community

Salvation = Energy Reduction – How an individual can redeem oneself

Indulgences = Carbon Credits – Buying forgiveness

Church = IPCC – UN Organisation in charge of the faith

Bible = IPCC Reports – the official guidebook to the faith

Evangelists = Activists (believers) – aggressive promoters of the faith

God = Gaia – the “superhuman” who will “judge” us

Climate Fail = Judas – the betrayer of the faith, the apostate

Hell = 2 degree temperature rise – hot/cold/dry/wet whatever is bad will be worse

Signs from God = Any Storm or Drought, heat or cold, famine, plague, snow, ice, rain, clouds, hurricane, tornado, …

Tithes = Carbon Taxes – every religion needs money 



Super moon over Big Pine Key at 9:25 pm.

[“Abortion parts confusion”] How about you just stay out of my wife’s life! Is that better? You go play in your own. Have a ball!

“Thrift ShopMusic



The company’s website bills the bullets as “Peace Through Pork” and a “peaceful and natural deterrent to radical Islam.” There’s a related line of apparel that feature slogans like “Put Some Ham in MoHAMed” and a target poster that says “Give Em a Spankin with some Bacon.”

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[Captain Doom and Gloom] “Climate Fail Guy” A guy who never completed a college degree. Typical of a snob mentality. To think 90% of all the billionaires and millionaires and true thinkers on this rock never went to college and the people who brag about their ‘sheep skin’ have to work for them, makes your point quite stupid. College only teaches a person to follow the rulers rules!

“Mosquitoes” It is probably too late to bitch and moan about indigenous foliage in the Keys, but if you look at all the islands that do not have humanity screwing them up, I dare you to find one lawn, one patch of green grass (no not that stuff!) or even one blade of natural occurring mosquito cultivating birthing stations (the water drops they hold). No grass means no mosquitoes . Save the Keys, spread that pea rock thicker!

“Sewer Systems”  It is not up to you to pick the system, it is up to the “expert engineer” and the “expert installer” and the “expert investors” to pick your system. Wake up, your wallets in pain! 

religion politics zone

[Socialized medicine] Is a very good idea and the only way to control a corrupt industry that takes advantage of everyone when they are most in need.

Have you ever tried to read a hospital bill? They are written to fool and confuse you. That’s just one example. How about doctors getting a cut (pardon the pun) of every test they order?

[“Climate Fail Guy”] Typical Republicanthink.

[Obama is no Harry Truman] One is a community organizing, Chicago political mob linked,lying, spying, Muslim from Kenya who preaches programs for those who do nothing, like he does. The other had a play written about him because of his profane diatribes. Google “Give’em Hell, Harry”. Harry Truman was one of our last real elected Presidents as opposed to the last seven or eight agenda based, NWO, corporately appointed figureheads.

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[Climate Fail Guy] To the reader who responded to my Climate Fail graphs: Thank you, thank you, thank you. Please do not ever stop speaking your mind. The point of my posts is drag the anti-science left out into the sun light for all to see. And you have made my point so much better than I could have.

1. Readers note he did not dispute the veracity of the graph (nor any of the others) only the website it was posted on. This is how the senior members of the cult have instructed. For the graphs part it was created by a climatologist for NASA whose academic credentials include not just a PhD and can easily be verified with a simple google search.

2. As I stated there will be a full force as well as ad-homen assult on reason. They attack the people because they cannot attack the science. They are frightened ” believers”. And they are not just attacking people like me. They are also attacking our children in our schools. Denying science and demanding a cult adherence to anti-science leftist orthodoxy.

3. There is no such thing as “consensus science”. This is manufacture of a frustrated left. The actual science doesn’t create the necessary fear so they manufacture a “consensus” and pretend this is the same as science. For the record there has never been anything that that even cloesly resembles a “consensus” on Catastropfic Anthropogenic Climate Change. This is an imaginary figment existing only within the wall of the leftist cult mind and propagated by a willing press.

4. There is not nor has there ever been a 97% “consensus” of peer reviewed literature on made made global warming. For the interested reader please google Cook et al 2013. You will find many of the authors of these papers accusing Mr Cook of deception and fraud

Folks here is the truth: Climate change is not a scientific movement and it never has been. It is an idealogical movement. It’s goals are to create fear and generate doubt. The good decent people of our communities are fighting back. The goals of the movement that at one time seemed so nearly in reach are now crumbling. Carbon dioxide is not a pollutant nor at one thirty eight thousandths of one percent of the atmosphere does it have any significant impact on heat transfer or the lack of it.

Science is a difficult concept for most reasoned people. That the left has so thoroughly corrupted it’s integrity is a crime that should not go unpunished. 

[Socialized Medicine] How can republicans not understand that America has had socialized medicine for decades? Ask anyone on Medicade or Medicare. Many Americans couldn’t wait till they got old enough to join Americas socialized medical care. Many passed up the opportunity to choose any other plan. You have every right to select your own insurance so feel free to make your own choice.

So when the poster asked if we still approve of Obamacare I can honestly say hell yeah. Thanks for asking. Im glad that illegal aliens and other people wont be given free coverage anymore. Most but not all will pay something. I like that.

Don’t waste your time trying to convince me otherwise Ive done the research and you wont change my mind.


right only grey

It was a pleasure to read so many political comments yesterday, hopefully it will be the start of a trend. Please keep sending those digital cards and letters, advocate for your point of view. It’s the American way. Please keep thinking.

liar24Part1) Deer friends, Obama is an inveterate liar. He simply can’t help himself.  Yesterday we thought about his upcoming private meeting with the “”Privacy and Civil Liberties Oversight Board”, and his plans to meet secretly with them. Now that in itself is incredible, simply because he promised us “transparency”, there is no transparency in a private meeting. As always there is much more to the sorry story.

On the Charlie Rose Show, June 17th, Obama used language that was specifically designed to make you believe that he had invented the board. He said: “”I’ve stood up a privacy and civil liberties oversight board…”. Deer Friends that is crap. The board was created in 2004 on the Bush watch by a Republican Senate and Republican House of Reps.

Here’s what the White House archives says about it: “Recommended by the July 22, 2004, report of the  National Commission on Terrorist Attacks Upon the United States (the 9/11 Commission), the Privacy and Civil Liberties Oversight Board was established by the Intelligence Reform and Terrorism Prevention Act of 2004. It consists of five members appointed by and serving at the pleasure of the President. The Chairman and Vice Chairman are confirmed by the Senate. Board members are selected from among trustworthy and distinguished citizens outside the Federal Government who are qualified on the basis of achievement, experience, and independence. The Board is part of the White House Office within the Executive Office of the President and supported by an Executive Director and staff.”

In 2007, Congress enacted legislation to strengthen the five-member body by making it independent of the executive branch and providing it with subpoena power

Translation, the board has been in existence since 2004, Obama’s claim that he created it is yet another of his absurdly long list of lies.

The kicker is that until very recently, there is little  record of the Board holding hearings, interviews, or any other constructive work. The board has a million dollar budget, but no staff. The board published nothing from 2007 until late in 2012.

In the interest of transparency and truth, I admit that I initially was going to label Obama as being a lying sack of fecal matter, but in the interests of civility, respect for the Office of the President, and good taste, I did not.



Part 2) While the IRS is very good at harassing Obama’s political enemies, they suck at doing the job that they’re paid to perform. We’ve heard a slew of reports about the ineptitude of the IRS ranging from their agents accidentally firing their issued guns (why in hell do they need guns?), to their latest feat of ineptitude. Incredibly, the IRS sent $46,378,040 in refunds to 23,994 ‘Unauthorized’ aliens to a single Atlanta address. Yep, they sent 23,994 tax refunds worth a combined $46,378,040 to “unauthorized” alien workers who all used the same address in Atlanta, Ga., in 2011. Read all about it at Link





Part 3) “Obama tripled the number of troops in Afghanistan”. Just for the record, and to clue in a critic, the Chicago Sun Times, published an Associated Press report  dated June 21st 2011; wherein they reported “Obama has tripled the number of U.S. forces in Afghanistan since taking office, bringing the total there to about 100,000.” Any way you slice it, Obama and the Democrats now owns this war. If he wins it, he gets the credit. If he loses it, he gets the blame.