2016 January

Saturday, January 9, 2016


Since 2002. Published Wednesdays and Saturdays

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Where on Big Pine Key is the biggest pine?

[Traffic] There were some horrendous accidents last weekend including fatalities.  I’m not sure what caused them, but I have a feeling it’s texting and following the other car too closely. I followed someone over the Niles Bridge and they tapped their brakes 4 times just to slow down. This is a pet peeve of mine as the one time they are really braking to slow down to avoid something I will think they are tapping the brake yet another time. I would hate to have to replace their brakes.

Let’s drive the speed limit, look ahead, take your foot off the gas pedal if you need to slow down slightly, watch for bicyclist and bikers, don’t text, don’t speed, watch for turning cars & bikes.  Remember that a certain percent of the population is either drunk or old or both.  The best offense is a good defense.




An efficient way of putting beer back into its original container.

[“Thank you notes”] I think the lack of a graduation present’s thank you notes are the worse. I divide what I’m giving and sent the first half. If I get a thank you, I send the second half.


[Computer Power User] The free January digital edition is now available. Link

[Tax Cheats] In December Congress passed a bill that allows the IRS to confiscate your American passport. If you owe the Gov. over $50K including fines & penalty the IRS can have your passport confiscated so you won’t be able to flee the country. Sounds like debtors’ prison to me. One way to beat them is get a second passport from another country. There’s lots of third world countries that would be happy to help you out for a price. What happened to the America I was born into? How about overturning the 16th Amendment?



Age and gravity, no escaping it.

[Parking] Seems to me it would be a lot easier to get a parking spot at Winn Dixie if they made the employees park farther out in the lot instead of in the ones right up front!
old-fat-biker[“Old, fat bikers”] Life is too short to waste any amount of time on wondering what other people think about you. In the first place, if they had better things going on in their lives, they wouldn’t have the time to sit around and talk about you. What’s important to me is not others’ opinions of me, but what’s important to me is my opinion of myself. Maybe, just maybe the joke is on you.
The next meeting of our Big Pine Computer Club is coming up today, Saturday, January 9, 10 am at the senior center.  We will be sharing space with the annual Health Fair pre-registration group.  It may be necessary to park out on Key Deer Blvd.
tequila worm

Bartenders be on the look-out! Snowbirds Tom & Lola will be returning for the winter. They are known over- tippers when over served, and they are hell-bent on spending their child’s inheritance. They are known to drink scotch and tequila; sometimes at the same time. See you at Happy Hour on Monday.

[Crap Food] I stopped in Marathon at Porky’s for lunch with 2 friends this week. Big mistake. The food was awful. All of it.
target hippie

[“Backyard gun range”] How about a personal indoor gun range set up properly and sound proofed? I have seen this in large cities that have homes with 50 foot basements or homes with under-house enclosure’s. What is the law on this?

[“Dating sites”] Dial 1-900-pim-pusa for great prices and imported bimbos looking for green cards.
chili maraichiChili, chili con carne, bowl of red, what is it and where did it come from? Chili is a low grade stew involving meat, chili peppers, tomatoes, onions, herbs, spices, and other ingredients (sometimes beans). It is plainly obvious that it was created in Mexico by indigenous peoples back thousands of years ago as the ingredients originated in Mexico by looking at their ingredients, meat, wild game, fowl, seafood, domesticated animals (dogs). Tomatoes, chilies, dry field beans all came from Mexico and Central America. Onions and Mexican oregano grew wild. These indigenous folks were eating chili con carne and didn’t even know it.
Then in the 1700 & 1800’s some of those upstart Texan cowboys came along and saw a good thing and copied it. But that wasn’t good enough for them so they decided to put restrictions on the name. “Thou Shall Not call it Chili if it has Beans in it”. Get serious. If you want authentic chili do like the indigenous creators did; get a goat (can’t use dogs in the USA- but you can in Mexico) and make sure to put in beans because the creators did.
[Generosity] While on a tour in a South American country, my wife bought a large bag of fresh fruit and walked down the street to where a bunch of kids were playing. She then offered all the fruit to the kids who immediately took all of it. She was so happy until I pointed out to her that all the kids took the fruit back to the vendor for cash. Never again!
Have Gun Will Travel

[Have Gun Will Travel] If we have to turn in our weapons, we are asking for it. The rags and the commies will laugh all the way to their banks.

[“Old, fat bikers”] Also, they all ride Harleys and haven’t had an original thought since “The Wild One”. Sheeple is an appropriate description of them.
[Coast Guard Cutters–Free Public Talk] United States Coast Guard Secretary Class 80 Years of History and Service. Indiana University’s Director of Underwater Science, Dr. Charlie Beeker January 21, 2016, 6:00 pm – 7:00 at the Murray Nelson Government Center, 102050 Overseas Highway, Key Largo

Celebrate the 80th anniversary of the launching of the “Secretary” class U.S. Coast Guard cutters and learn about their role in history and in the Florida Keys. Of the seven cutters, three now call the Florida Keys home. The Duane and Bibb were sunk as artificial reefs off Key Largo in 1987 and the Ingham’s home port is at the  Key West Maritime Museum.

Dr. Charlie Beeker has worked closely with the Sanctuary for more than 25 years and is responsible for assisting in the development of the Sanctuary’s Shipwreck Trail, San Pedro Underwater Archaeological Preserve as well as the National Register Nomination of the artificial reef Duane. For more information, call: 305-852-7717 x22

[Snowbirds] I remember when we had 3 months of tourists. Now we have nine months of nonstop stress.



Each of the dots in this image is an entire galaxy containing billions of stars. So in the scheme of things, you’re not as important as you think you are.

Remember Dawn! Let’s get her back on the stage. Call her. Email her. Protest at her workplace. We want her back. Miss you. Video
cold shiver monkey

[Ice Age] Are you prepared? Al Gore predicted, when his film “An Inconvenient Truth” was first released at the Sundance Film Festival, that the earth would be in “a true planetary emergency” within the next ten years unless drastic action was taken to reduce greenhouse gases. CBS News reported at the time that Gore’s film predicted the worst-case scenarios would be a new ice age in Europe, and massive floods in China and India. The ten year date is January 27, 2016 so stock up on milk and bread and hand warmers.

[Poisoning Dogs] Somebody, we know who, is spreading rat poison on properties at Coral Shores. My friend asked him, “Please don’t, because my dog might get it.” Well, lo and behold, this beautiful dog (Buzzy) died horribly from the poison. What are the remedies for this? Florida, being backward as hell, leaves no recourse. Please help!
PPHPOA logo[Christmas Party] The holidays are over, but you have one more party to attend!  The Poirt Pine Heights Property Owner’s Association’s Christmas party is this Sunday, January 10th from 6-10 pm at the Moose Club on Wilder Road.  If you are planning to attend please let us know by January 9th so we can set up enough tables and chairs. Everyone in Port Pine Heights is welcome even if you are an non-member of PPHPOA.  If you have visitors or family visiting that weekend they are also welcome.  This is a great time to socialize with your neighbors and also meet new ones so please sign up now! You are welcome to renew (or join) PPHPOA membership for 2016 at the party. The dues are still $25 a year, so bring a check made out to PPHPOA or you can also pay cash.
[Diabetes Support Group] Next meeting: Wednesday, January 27, 2016 place: Fishermen’s Hospital – Education Room time: 5:30 pm No charge Guest speaker Dr. Gerald Ginsberg (Metabolism and Endocrinology) Topic: open forum for general diabetes questions and  Insulin : Facts and Myths RSVP: Dana Hartley (305) 743-5533 ext: 5524 or


[Parking] Here you go, just in time for snow bird season. Print and practice.

[Crazy People] Is anyone besides me concerned about the part of President Obama’s Executive Action on gun control that calls for physicians and others to report the mentally ill to the FBI? I find that way more scary than background checks.
sheriff shows badge


[The Continuing Adventures of Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid] It’s 1904. New Mexico. Legendary lawman Pat Garrett has grown weary and old. An altercation with President Roosevelt has left his future looking bleak. New Series. Audio

It sure would be great if the owner of Marathon’s Town Square Mall would patch the potholes in their parking lot.
discovery-eco-center-logo[Kids] Discovery Saturday — Coral: The Amazing Reef Builders. Florida Keys Eco-Discovery Center, Saturday, January 16, 2016, 10:00 a.m. – 11:00 a.m.
Kids in kindergarten through fifth grade are invited to join the free, fun-filled Discovery Saturday at the Florida Keys Eco-Discovery Center (35 East Quay Road, Key West) on Saturday, January 16th from 10:00 am to 11:00 am. Make your own coral animal to take home. Play a game of “Build A Reef.” Take an “Ocean Pledge.” Full Menu > Ongoing Events
“The real reason Deer Ed stopped the political section” That is no excuse because a simple software filter can delete such trash or change the F word to ****. What probably happened is the CT had to cut the politically incorrect stuff to kiss butt of the local bubbas with the big money!
lottery-check[Capt Doom and Gloom] Winning a Lottery
How will you collect the money?
How will you choose Cash or Payments?
How will you keep the Mafia from sharing your winnings?
How will you start a not-for-profit Church and keep it all?
How will the IRS screw you?
How will you dispose of all the junk mail advertising?
How will the blood sucking leaches share your winnings?
How will you give money to your relatives?
How will you split it into the banks for X interest?
How will you stay incognito?
How will you avoid the publicity?
How will your stupid kids keep their mouths shut?
How will you divorce big mouth?
How will you move to a place you are unknown?
How will you make a Will that does not kill you?
How will you live happily ever after?
…and the 100+ other headaches you will get!
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