2016 January

Wednesday, January 13, 2016


Since 2002. Published Wednesdays and Saturdays

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snake-Contents 2016


[Rattlesnake Alert] On the larger western island, north shore beach of the Content Keys. This guy seems pretty entrenched there on the beach in a range of about 10-15 feet from water. Beware!

[Typhoid Fever] Half of typhoid patients give off the bacteria in their feces, and occasionally in their urine, for a month after recovering from symptoms. The bacteria usually settle in the gallbladder, where bile is stored. They may also be found in the bile ducts, liver, or kidneys. In some carriers, they remain there for decades, ready to infect others. Typhoid carriers live, on average, as long as anyone else. But they are more likely to have gallstones and may be more susceptible to cancer of the gallbladder, bile duct, and pancreas. One carrier lived to be 101 years old, carrying the bacteria in her body for eighty years without becoming sick.

The most effective way to prevent the spread of the disease for carriers like Typhoid Mary, was to simply wash their hands after crapping. Typhoid Mary refused to admit she was a carrier and would not wash her hands after pooping and continued to kill those who she worked for as a cook–until they locked her up for the rest of her life.

ziggy-stardust[David Bowie dies of cancer at the age of 69] “Ziggy Stardust” was a concept album that imagined a rock star from outer space trying to make his way in the music world. The persona — the red-headed, eyeliner wearing Stardust — would become an enduring part of Bowie’s legacy, and a touchstone for the way entertainers packaged themselves for years to come. Without Bowie we wouldn’t have a Madonna or Lady Gagga or Freddie Mercury. Video
[Fort Sumter Surrendered] Steamship Baltic Off Sandy Hook April 10, 1861, 10.30 a. m. via New York Honorable S. Cameron, Secretary of War, Washington.

Having defended Fort Sumter for thirty-four hours, until the quarters were entirely burned, the main gates destroyed by fire, the gorge-walls seriously injured the magazine surrounded by flames, and its door closed from the effect of heat, four barrels and three cartridges of powder only being available, and no provisions remaining but pork, I accepted terms of evacuation offered by General Beauregard being the same offered by him on the 11th inst., prior to the commencement of hostilities, and marched out of the fort, Sunday afternoon, the 14th inst, with colors flying and drums beating, bringing away the flag.



What happened to the Lower Keys Property Owner’s Association? Did they sell the building? What happened to the proceeds of the sale? Who go the money? Who bought it and what are they going to do with it?

[Motorcycle Hits Jet Plane] Late partier Fred Cabanas Jr was riding a 2016 Indian motorcycle on the tarmac at the airport at 1:34 am on New Year’s morning when he lost control of his bike and struck the side of a jet in Key West. Cabanas was ejected in the crash, but he was not wearing a helmet. The crash caused $200,000 damage to the small, parked jet and a bunch of damage to Cabanas who is now out of the hospital.



The summer home of the old woman who lived in a shoe.

We have all these great pedestrian bridges here in the lower keys and many stay closed year after year mostly because of politics. These bridges greatly contribute to the quality of life in the keys and should be a priority. Please, please contact these politicians so we can get these bridges opened!
Carruthers, Heather District Three/Mayor Pro Tem (305) 292-3430
Murphy, Sylvia District Five (305) 453-8787
Neugent, George District Two (305) 872-1678
Rice, David District Four (305) 289-6000
Kolhage, Danny District One/Mayor (305) 292-3440
an_fisherman_tiny_fish[Snowbirds] They’re here!  I was watching the five obese occupants of a twin engine boat snorkeling for lobster in Cudjoe Bay. There have been many boats doing this for a few weeks so I doubt if there are any legal lobsters left. One of the hefty divers held up a pole spear with what looked like a large shrimp hanging on it. It was a very undersized lobster. These people were close to shore so I wrote down the boat ID numbers. Is it worth it to report it to someone? I have no doubt they will return.
[Guns] The only organization talking about taking our guns is the NRA saying it as a scare tactic. They’re the ones who said we would not be able to buy ammo which sure helped the manufactures of ammo.
lottery mega[Lottery] If one winner of the lottery wins 1 billion dollars that is fine, but would it not be more citizenry to have a lottery that only goes to $100,000 per winner and if the jackpot reached highs of a billion then 10,000 people would win enough money to live decent for the rest of their lives. Ask Bill Gates what it is like to have billions. He has to give it away and probably makes more interest on his money than some countries have value. When is enough, enough? For those of you who answered this with a “never enough” — get help!
I wish the Marathon’s Bank of America on US1 and Sombrero Beach Road would hire some more people.
5-dolphins-kemp-ch fin-dolphin-kemp-ch[Dolphin Pod]  My new 250 hp Suzuki has a O2 sensor defect that didn’t effect the operation of the motor. While I was waiting for the part I went out in the backcountry and it seems this pod of dolphins were attracted to the high pitched beeping of the O2 alarm. They swam under and around the boat in about 6 feet of water for quite a while. I’ve never seen or heard of anything like this. It was so exciting and wonderful.
[Guns] “Take away our guns” I’ve never heard or read of anyone without an agenda and common sense say that. Where do they get that notion? Oh, the NRA. They’re the ones who started and perpetuate it.
sangriaYour lips taste like Sangria. Video
1 Chilled pitcher in the freezer + 3 handfuls ice
2 Chilled pretty glasses with a little ice also from freezer
1 Bottle of cheap Cabernet Sauvignon chilled in the fridge
2 Tablespoons sugar
2 Shots of brandy
1 Orange cut in wedges
1 Lemon cut in wedges
2 Cups club sodaPut it all in the pitcher, stir and pour into pretty glasses. Garnish with the fruit. Make him wear his cowboys boots and play Blake Shelton and other fun Country ‘n Western tunes. Mixes well with Key West pinks and cocktail sauce (1 cup ketchup and 2 -3 tablespoons horseradish sauce and a big squeeze of lemon juice).
The No Name Bar is a prime example of a tourist trap. Prices are up, food quality is down. Locals already know this. That’s why it’s a good place for locals to “hide”–you’ll seldom see another local in there.


This sea monster was sighted outside Newfound harbor.

Q: What is the national language of the United States?
A: Third grade English.


[Canal Sarcasm] The Monroe county government has just received a federal grant for dredging the canals in the Keys. Dredging will begin as soon as equipment arrives on site. Here is a short video of the company that was hired. Video

[Sheeple] Here’s an interesting little dissertation about Harleys and their followers. Link
nature-trail-(2)The Jack C. Watson Wildlife Trail near the Blue Hole is creepy. It’s like going into the enchanted forest. They have these neat signs on posts facing the woods with things for you to look for, but these signs are in the wrong places as those things won’t be found there. One sign says that the pine rockland habitat is 9’ above sea level. I got news for the sign painter, my ankles were wet because the area was under water the day I went. There’s no place along the trail that is higher than two feet.
Public records requests can be made through the city’s website. Visit http://www.cityofkeywest-fl. gov and click on the drop-down link from the “How Do I?” navigation tab. Hover the mouse over the tab and you’ll see two options: “Submit a Police Records Request” and “Submit a Public Records Request.”
valentine be mineJoin United Way of the Florida Keys for a Valentine’s Day Brunch!  Saturday, February 14th from 11:30-2:00pm at Lobster Crawl Bar and Grill MM 70, Bayside, Fiesta Key RV Resort. Brunch includes:  Seasonal Fresh Fruit Display and Greek Yogurt Baked Brie with Raspberry Sauce Assorted Fresh Baked Muffins, Croissants, Breads, and Pastries Cinnamon Roll French Toast with Hot Syrup Fresh Local Hogfish Oscar with Lobster Sauce Smoked Salmon Platter with Bagels and Cream Cheese Scrambled Eggs, Sausage Links, and Honey Glazed Bacon Homestyle Breakfast Potatoes and Cheesy Grits Tickets are $65/person or $25/child under 10. To buy tickets or to sponsor this event, please contact United Way of the Florida Keys at 305-735-1929 or
[Glue] A problem no one ever complains about in such humid climates as ours is that when you get your bills, the envelope is always stuck together.


[Speed Limits] What’s wrong with this picture? Do speed limits change every few feet on Big Pine Key?

[Filth] In 1870 crowded cities, like New York were grimy, stinking, unsanitary places. Raw sewage fouled the water. Mountains of spoiled food and garbage lined the sidewalks, rotting in the sun. Horses dropped 2,000 tons of manure on streets every day. The city was littered with dead and decomposing animals, including cattle, donkeys, dogs, rats, and more than 10,000 horses a year. Too many people lived crammed together in filthy, poorly built tenement buildings that had overflowing outhouses. Horses dropped 2,000 tons of manure on streets every day. The city was littered with dead and decomposing animals, including cattle, donkeys, dogs, rats, and more than 10,000 horses a year. Too many people lived crammed together in filthy, poorly built tenement buildings that had overflowing outhouses.

A white male born in a major American city was likely to die ten years sooner than one born in a rural area.



What are those fragrant puff balls that are in bloom now all over Big Pine? This is their second bloom in the last 6 months. This bush is at the V where Wilder Rd meets Key Deer Blvd.

[Surrender in Sight] No further destruction of railroads, mills, cotton, and produce, will be made without the specific orders of an army commander, and the inhabitants will be dealt with kindly, looking to an early reconciliation. The troops will be permitted however, to gather forage and provisions as heretofore; only more care should be taken not to strip the poorer classes too closely. By order of General W T Sherman.

Thus matters stood, when on the morning of the 14th General Kilpatrick reported from Durham’s Station, twenty-six miles up the railroad toward Hillsboro’, that a flag of truce had come in from the enemy with a package from General Johnston addressed to me. Taking it for granted that this was preliminary to a surrender, I ordered the message to be sent me at Raleigh, and on the 14th received from General Johnston a letter dated April 13, 1865, in these words: The results of the recent campaign in Virginia have changed the relative military condition of the belligerents. I am, therefore, induced to address you in this form the inquiry whether, to stop the further effusion of blood and devastation of proper y, you are willing to make a temporary suspension of active operations, and to communicate to Lieutenant-General Grant, commanding the armies of the United States, the request that he will take like action in regard to other armies, the object being to permit the civil authorities to enter into the needful arrangements to terminate the existing war. ~General W. T. Sherman

xmas tree 374h

[National Holiday Tree] I sent this letter to the President Monday: Dear President Obama, Add to your positive legacy by planting a holiday tree on the front lawn and let the nation watch it grow. Every year someone scours the nation looking for the biggest, most beautiful conifer to be dressed up and displayed at the Capitol. Many don’t think killing the great trees is a good idea.

I’ll pay for everything, design and host the “” website, pick out the tree, arrange its delivery, dig the hole—all you have to do is plant it! What a great legacy.

P.S. There’s no need to spend a million dollars to plant a tree.

[This Wednesday and Friday] The National Key Deer Refuge offers free nature walks, bike rides and kayak excursions designed for outdoor enthusiasts of all ages and skill levels. The centralized meeting point for the events will be the refuge Visitor’s Center, located in the Winn Dixie shopping plaza on Big Pine Key. From there, participants will be given maps to the starting site. Departure to the trail locations is 9 a.m. On Wednesday, there will be a guided walk around No Name Key that will last two hours; on Friday, there will be a guided bike ride through National Key Deer Refuge lands on Big Torch Key, lasting between two and three hours. Participants are encouraged to bring a hat, sunscreen, comfortable walking shoes, water, binoculars, field guides, and dress appropriately for the weather. For information, call Kristie Killam at the National Key Deer Visitor Center at 305-304-9625 or email


A great drama unfolds in the predawn sky throughout January, 2016. By the month’s end, all five visible planets will appear simultaneously before dawn.

[Looking Good] Last year was the best year for American car makers. We’ve also had 7 straight quarters of job increases.


What kind of bird is this? It’s large, about four feet tall and has a black wing tip and dark legs.

[KW Orchid Society] Welcome to 2016. KWOS is starting the year with the return of a wonderful speaker: Vern Bloch. The meeting is next Sunday, Jan. 17 at 1pm, program starts at 1:30, at the West Martello Fort, Atlantic Ave., foot of White St., Key West. All memberships are renewable on January 1. There is a form for your convenience in the Newsletter. There is also a form for selling ads for our show booklet.  Full Menu > Ongoing Events
rainbow flag[Historic Key West Artifact Traveling to Sydney Australia] The 25 ft section of Key West historic Sea to Sea rainbow flag (#93) will be traveling to Sydney Australia to participate in the world largest LGBT celebration the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardis Gras 2016. This is the same section that has traveled quite extensively this last year to include the  US Supreme Court in Washington DC, New Orleans Louisiana, Louisville and Rowan County KY representing Key West, Monroe County in the national campaign for marriage equality.

This same section, dubbed “The Sacred Cloth” by the Supreme Court plaintiffs in the Obergefell landmark case, has also currently been submitted for installation into the National Archives, Smithsonian Institute. It will be hand carried to Australia departing Key West on 29 Feb and will be in the Mardi Gras Parade on 5 March. Anyone wishing to accompany it is more than welcome and encouraged for this historic international mission. Contact email:

Just like Jeff Beck made Rod Stewart, M. Dobson made David Bowie. (Ed: Who’s M. Dobson? Mick Ronson played guitar on Ziggy Stardust.)
laptop spy

[Spies Like Us] I was told that my cell phone is always on not matter if I power off or not; somebody is always listening or watching. Is this true?

[“Tax cheats”] Let me see if I understand your post. If you owe over $50k in back taxes the IRS can confiscate the scofflaw’s passport so they can’t flee the country and leave their debt to your fellow citizens of our great Nation. Confiscation of a deadbeat’s passport works for me.
posion revolve[“Poisoning dogs”] I have to say that if you know who this individual is that has been spreading the rat poison in Coral Shores, please call the police. To lose an animal to this is beyond appalling and to the individual that is doing this, I hope you die of a slow, painful death. Just because you don’t like animals, does not put you in charge of getting rid of them. You are one sick puppy. Please call the authorities on this individual. He deserves to be prosecuted for animal abuse.
What is Martial Law and how bad could it be?
sympathy i miss you

[Memorial Service for Pop Rockett]  Many of you know Pop Rockett who passed away at 106 last year. There is a memorial service this Saturday, January 16th at 10:30 am at St. Pete’s Catholic Church on Big Pine.

David Bowie‘s 1967 letter to first ever U.S. fan unearthed. Link


Stunning underwater photos of some of the world’s most fragile sea creatures. I thought you might like this story from The Washington Post. Link

[“Murray’s Market”] “Shame on you,” to whomever is bashing Murray’s Market.  This is a family owned business that does a very good job stocking upscale gourmet items for those of us with discerning tastes.  Their deli is outstanding, with meats and cheeses you can’t get without driving to Key West; their baked goods are enticing and their meat dept. is top notch.  The staff is friendly and courteous, as well.  I’ve never been anything but 100% pleased with this local market.
accident vans long[Dangerous Drivers] Beware!  There is a whole new strain of bad drivers out there this season.  On the way back to Big Pine from Key West, last night in the rain, two different cars passed us with oncoming traffic in a no-passing zone! One of them even using the “suicide lane” to zip around us.  Honestly, you are taking your life in your hands driving on US 1.  I think I’ll just stay home until sometime in April.
[Correction] United Way FK is so excited about the food and music at our upcoming Valentine’s Brunch, we forgot to check our dates! Please join us on for a Valentine’s Brunch on Sunday, February 14th from 11:30-2:00pm at Lobster Crawl Bar and Grill MM 70, Bayside, Fiesta Key RV Resort. For more information please contact United Way of the Florida Keys at 305-735-1929
cupid arrow

The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from the moment of your birth until you fall in love.

David Bowie in concert in 2002. Audio
murdoch-hallMedia mogul Rupert Murdoch has announced his engagement to Jerry Hall, the American actress and former supermodel who had a long-time relationship with Mick Jagger. Murdoch, 84, and Hall, 59. Ever the optimist, Murdoch and Hall are looking for a home close to a school and daycare.
After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, I woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman.   That’s when I realized that I had made it home safely.



If your child can use a smartphone, they can easily operate any of these.

I have been around Big Pine for several years now and have been told numerous times that only 2 new building permits are issued for Big Pine per year. This is either a “wives-tale” or it should be rephrased. Perhaps the correct statement would be “only 2 new building permits are allowed per year for the working man; the W-2 stiff.”
Rick_Heiser Kurt_Joseph






[Awards] Three of our employees receiving awards at the Florida Mosquito Control Association Annual Meeting. (Ed: The 3d person’s photo was removed at her request.)

[The Origin of Keys Disease] There is a very rare condition, known as auto-brewery syndrome, wherein the afflicted patient’s body has large enough quantities of a specific type of yeast in their digestive systems that their food is fermented into intoxicating levels of alcohol (ethanol) right within their body.
footsteps in sand lgI needed to move so I kept going south until I found a place where I didn’t need shoes, and I’ve been here since.
I own a house in Ramrod Key and I would like to sell it. How do you go by listing it on Coconut Telegraph? Thank you very much! (Ed: We no longer support Classified Ads, but send us the info and I’ll post it on Saturday or Wednesday for free. Send a picture too.)


Sacred places are being desecrated.

[Parking Lot] The WD parking lot is a disgusting mess and should be scrapped off and resurfaced without all the chicken weeds and stupid landscaping so we can see and park safely. That place is a disgrace to the Keys.
old biker w dog


[“Old, fat bikers”] Being a biker when you are older, or any age, is one of the most enjoyable things you can do in life.

It is a fact and a shame that as restaurants in the Keys become less and less “mom and pops”, the food keeps going downhill.
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