2012 November

Thanksgiving, November 22, 2012


I worked nearly 20 years at an airport. Airports do not shut down for the holidays and people are there to work those flights. Once I had earned the seniority to get holidays off, I still traded the day with employees who had less seniority and young families, because it felt good to give them that time with their kids. It wasn’t a hardship; I got holiday pay for working, the company put out a meal for us “airport orphans” and my parents understood what I was doing. It was part of my enjoyment of the holiday.

 [“How many had hot oatmeal this morning”] We have hot oatmeal almost every morning with thawed blueberries and crushed walnuts and sometimes chopped dates. Saturday I make pizza with anchovies for breakfast. I used to make fried oysters on Saturdays, but after doing so for ten years they gave me kidney stones.

In 1963, President John F. Kennedy was assassinated and Vice President Lyndon B. Johnson was sworn in as his replacement 

How to cook a Keys Turkey
Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey, scotch, or JD
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turn oven the on
Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky
Step 9: Turk the bastey
Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 16: Floor the turkey up off the pick
Step 17: Turk the carvey
Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out

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If the people who’s house burned down on Ramrod Key had insurance, which was stated previously, why all the donations and benefits for them?



General Robert E. Lee did not start the KKK. It was supposedly started by Civil War veteran college students who selected General Nathan B. Forrest as the grand poobah.

 [Crooks] If you are having crab traps stolen, please fill out the fish & wildlife form and return it. Maybe they can catch these crooks. Trap-Robbing-Form



The world will end in 30 days on December 21, the Winter Solstice.  Other than that have a happy Thanksgiving!

  [Duh!] Call for County internal audit. Link

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Lower Keys Property Owners Association, Pot luck and members’ meeting Monday, December 3. Bulletin Board

Here’s a thought from an OB-GYN group: Make The Pill over the counter, cut unintended pregnancies. Link


Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I am grateful for being alive.

Be considerate of aircraft when practicing your golf shots. Link

Bug Board dismisses State’s salary concerns. Link

Despite difficulties, local families still thankful. Link


French cats. Link

Fighting the invasion of exotics, especially pythons, on the front lines. Link

[Keys Disease: no know cure”] Yes there is. A non-Key’s zip code.



Hippy Thanksgiving Deer Ed! Thanks for getting the word out in the awesome form of the Coconut Telegraph. Love & peace to you & yours from me & mine.

Mosquito Control Director gets $15,000 raise. Link

[Jest] I was Fire Chief, after having spent my youth in Key West hanging out at the fire station. I moonlighted as an importation and distribution specialist at night. Happy Thanksgiving to all those conchs still left from those days!  ~Bum Farto


[Mark Kohl, a former two-term state attorney, accepted a post as executive director of the countywide agency, Vogel said Monday.“]  Son of a bitch! Wasn’t it less than a month ago she said she had no plans to hire him?  So much for professional credibility.

[Homeless Art] Dear Mr.Norway guy, I am so glad you had fun viewing the local natives, i.e. the homeless. Aren’t they cute? They can do so many clever things, like crapping on your yard, passing out on the sidewalk in front of your house, yelling obscenities in front of your kids, fighting over who gets the last swallow of booze and best of all, getting injured following their lifestyle and making all of US (not you) pay for it. I did not notice you mentioning making a large or even a small donation for the care and maintenance of these great tourist attractions. Since they rate as “free entertainment” you should immediately correct your dereliction.

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Ed, you did it again! Another beautiful picture of the Florida Keys! Well, Happy Thanksgiving to you anyway. 


Giving money to the so-called homeless is a waste of time. Doesn’t anyone remember Mr. Golden Voice?

The world will end in 30 days, but not until after Thanksgiving so have a great day with loved ones, friends and family.

[Captain Doom and Gloom] “Winning The Lottery” The first thing to do is put the ticket in a safe deposit box. Then move to a foreign country and buy a church. Then start The Church of Devine Profit. Then wait a year. Then have a professional make-up artist change your looks. Then delete all your ties to theUSby deleting all accounts and accesses. Then cash in the ticket under the Churches name. Then skip out ASAP to your new world order home and church and tell the State to kiss your ass over the taxes. Then hide all that cash. Then party your butt off forever. Relatives? What relatives? 

Winning the Lottery Dont’s: Do not make a deal with the Mob to save the taxes. Do not make a deal with Rome to save the taxes. Do not split the ticket with anybody. Do not tell anybody you won. Do not send it in for the reward. Do not keep your phone number, address, or any ID that is public. Do not live in the save location. Do not trust anyone. Do not buy a new pick-up truck. Do not move to Australia with a blonde bimbo. Do not tell your wife, just leave and start again, but rich this time!

National Geographic photos – spectacular slide show. Take some time off and enjoy the show. NationalGeographicPhotos


[Keys History] Presented by the Historical Preservation Society of the Upper Keys with Jerry Wilkinson, President. A very informative site for Keys history buffs.
Menu > History > All Keys History or Specific Keys

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[No Medical Pot] Thanks very much for taking time to write and share your views regarding legislation which would legalize use of marijuana for medicinal purposes.

My voting record is consistent in supporting public policies which discourage the misuse of drugs which are classified as illegal. I do not support efforts to change the classification of marijuana.

Again, thanks for writing.  It means a great deal to me. ~Respectfully, Senator Don Gaetz


[Roy Boy on Pirate Radio] Thanksgiving Special Radio Show Thurs. Old Hippie Folks will understand, youngsters will get History Lesson. Will also play Native American Songs!   9PM Eastern

[Yuk] Just imagine what you would be having for Thanksgiving dinner if our ancestors had shot bobcats instead of turkeys for the first Thanksgiving.


One vote for me for hot oatmeal.

[Ba Humbug] The suppressed speech of Wamsutta (Frank B.) James, Wampanoag to have been delivered at Plymouth, Massachusetts, 1970. Link


Soyuz Re-Entry Seen from the International Space Station, the Soyuz TMA-05M descent module begins to re-enter the Earth’s atmosphere, leaving a plasma trail as the Expedition 33 crew streaks toward a pre-dawn landing on the steppe of Kazakhstan. Expedition 33 Commander Suni Williams and Flight Engineers Yuri Malenchenko and Aki Hoshide landed northeast of the remote town of Arkalyk at 8:56 p.m. EST Sunday (7:56 a.m. Monday, Kazakhstan time). More on the landing …


Happy Thanksgiving and thanks. We are especially grateful for your support of our Florida Keys community.
Warm Regards, Your Friends at United Way

[“There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats.” -Albert Schweitzer]  I did some research on that quote and found that about 10 years ago, some politically correct idiot changed the word pussy to cat. Party on Albert!

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[Shadow People] I’ve been seeing these strange Shadow People in my house recently, and I even saw one, one night crossing the street, while driving home. What’s peculiar, is that, not only have I seen them, but several people too. At 1st I thought it was my imagination, but it turns out that I wasn’t imagining this oddity. One night, after everyone had gone to bed, I went to make sure the front door was locked and as I walked towards the front door, on the wall adjacent to the front door, a shadow of a very long arm with claws suddenly appeared on the wall. It swung it’s arm in a downward motion from the ceiling all the way down to the base of the wall. I suddenly jumped, because who the hell would be expecting to see something as unusual as what I had just seen. I quickly gathered my composure, and asked it who are you, and what do you want. It didn’t answer. They never do. 

I looked behind me to see if someone was pranking me, but everyone had gone to bed. I stepped back and motioned my arm up and down, thinking that maybe I had caused this, and to see if my arm would cast a shadow on the same wall, and it didn’t. What was really strange is that there wasn’t enough light reflecting on the wall to cast a shadow.

One night my in-laws came down for the weekend, and my brother-in-law was hanging out with my wife and me in our back porch while the rest of the family was inside. I stepped into the kitchen to talk with my sister in law, and as my wife was exiting the back porch and entering the living room to go walk our dog, my brother in law suddenly lets out this shriek and tells my wife, “watch out, there’s a shadow of a man going behind you!” My brother-in-law became hysterical. He was frightened by what he had just witnessed. Everyone, except me, began to laugh at him. I knew that what he had seen was real. I took him back to the back porch because he felt foolish, but was still distraught due to what he had seen. He was really upset. I consoled him telling him that I believe him, because I’ve seen it too. I had to give him 2 doubles of straight rum so that he would finally calm down.

Another odd event that occurred was one night, when my neighbor/buddy was hanging out with me in my home office. It was about 1-1:30 am, he was sitting on the futon behind me to the side of me on my right, and I was sitting at my desk. My room (office) door was wide open which is located to the right side of us. I was showing him some stuff on my computer, and my buddy I kept hearing this faint music. I got up to check if anyone had fallen asleep with their TV on. Nope, everyone was sound asleep. I go back into my office, and continue with what we were doing. Shortly after, I see in the corner of my eye, a white entity pass by my open door crossing across from the corridor. Coming from where the bathroom and bedrooms are, and heading towards the living room. My buddy suddenly says “Hi” thinking it was my wife passing by. I told him, “I don’t think that was my wife”. Shortly afterwards, I see it again, passing by my office door heading back towards the direction it originally came from. My buddy then says, “Hi” in a loud voice, and there’s no response. He then asks me if my wife is angry or bothered with him since she didn’t respond.

I said, “I told you that wasn’t my wife!” He tells me, “Sure it was, who else can it be, it was a woman. The only woman here is your wife.” I then get up from my chair and tell him to follow me. I take him to my bedroom door and quietly open it as to not disturb my wife while she sleeps. I open the bedroom door and show him that my wife is sound asleep, and was even snoring, and wasn’t wearing a white robe or pajamas. We quietly go back to my office and my buddy stays silent for about ten minutes and then suddenly decides to leave, because he was spooked.

I have seen this white apparition walk beside me several times at night when watching TV or talking on the phone, out on my back porch late at night. While talking on the phone, it passes by coming from the bedroom area and towards the kitchen, and vice-versa. Several times it has taken me off guard, and I would think it’s my wife, and when I would go to the kitchen to see if she’s alright, to my surprise there’s no one in the kitchen. Then shortly after it returns passing by heading where it came from.

I’ve been living in this house almost 10 years, and I’ve been seeing these oddities for about six years now, recently it’s become more common. At night when I lay in bed, I have a habit of putting on my earphones and listening to interviews on my iPad until I fall asleep. The lights are all off except for the dim blue light that shines from my bedroom DirecTV box, which sits on top of my stereo receiver, which also shines a dim red light too. I also have the light display from my clock radio. So, it’s not absolutely, completely dark in my bedroom when the lights are off at night. There were about three separate occasions, where as I would be laying on my bed, and just happen to open my eyes. I see this shadow figure shaped like a distorted human, entering through my closed bedroom door, and walking into my room right in front of me, and as it passes by the dim blue and red lights of my stereo and DirecTV box, I notice that the shadow actually blocks the red and blue lights as it’s passing by them. I don’t close my eyes as it’s approaching me, I actually squint my eyes so I can continue watching it, to see what it does or wants. Because I believe they must be able to see in the dark better than we can, so that’s why I was squinting, so that it doesn’t realize my eyes were open.

It’s a good thing my wife was sound asleep, because if she would’ve awaken and seen this, she would’ve freaked out. I’ve seen it standing beside me, and other times standing by my wife’s side of the bed. In every incident I would take off my earphones and get up and ask it what it wants. Every time, it disappears when I do this. I began to research this phenomena for about 8 months now, and discovered to my amazement, that there is a vast amount of people out there, who have been having the same experiences, and they have named this oddity “The Shadow People”. In most cases, their experiences are a lot more daring and frightening. The majority of the People have seen the most common types of shadow figures known as the “Hat Man”, because the shadow has something that resembles a black hat on it’s head. Another common one is the shadow with red eyes, and or the “Hat Man” with red eyes. Most of these shadow people are extremely tall. I for one, must admit that I have not witnessed any of these types of shadow people. Only the ones I’ve described here from my experiences. Except the one crossing the street that night. It looked to be about seven feet tall or taller. I think there may be a link between these shadow people and another phenomena known as “Moth-Man”. According to Moth-Man eyewitness testimony, they all claim that what was most notable, was the tall height and the glowing piercing red eyes it possessed.

One thing all these people have in common, in which I don’t understand is, that they all panic when they have these encounters. If any of you out there reading this have experienced or are experiencing the same phenomena, please take my advice. Do not show any fear. People need to understand that there are far more things in our realm that we are not aware of, and have not been brought to light, so to say. I learned not to demonstrate or have any fear, when seeing these shadow people. I believe that’s exactly their agenda. I think they feed off of the vibrations people emit during the emotion of fear. I think this is why most testimonies have really been frightening. Because the more fear you vibrate, the stronger and more aggressive these shadows become. So, do not show fear. Ignore them if you can. They suddenly disappear when you ignore them. I do hear footsteps in my home at night. In most cases it’s some kind of animal, but not in all instances. I don’t believe my home is haunted, nor do I believe that these are demons or ghosts. I think these might be some sort of inter-dimensional beings that have the ability to enter our dimension, and go back to theirs at will. I must admit that I personally do find this oddity to be quite extraordinary, and extremely fascinating and interesting.

I recently purchased a pocket tape recorder with the intention to ask it questions the next time I see one in my house, while recording my questions at the same time, and letting the recorder continue to record while I sit in silence. I think like a scientist. I don’t think with fear. I think with curiosity. If there is anyone out there reading this that has been having similar experiences, please respond. It doesn’t mean you’re crazy or a wing nut. Ignore whatever goofball comments people on the C.T. will respond towards this post too, because I know I will. I’m sure “Deer Ed” will be just as interested, as so would many of you.




[“Pilgrims Massacred 700 Pequot Indians“] Considering the number of colonists and their concerns with survival, I doubt very much they had the manpower, ammunition, time or inclination to waste it on an expedition to find 700 natives who would sit still for them to massacre.  Doesn’t matter, you’re determined to rain on the Thanksgiving Day parades, but I plan to enjoy the day and be busy giving thanks for life as it is now. 

I think we could perhaps avoid offending the New Jersey women by using a sort of classification code similar to the hurricane ranking system. The following is a suggested ranking for NJ woman.

Class I   –  ok to look at, nice speaking voice, average size, pleasant demeanor and at first glance could pass for someone outside of NJ. You could bed one but take caution and make sure you have an escape plan.

Class II  – you can look at her without any lasting ill effects, but you sense something is not right. The voice is on the rough side, similar to a case of laryngitis as she will almost always smoke.  Her demeanor will be like a New York alley cat. The weight  will be in the medium to heavy range. Trying to bed one is not advised but if you do, double wrap it and do not kiss or touch anything. Make sure you burn the bedding and bleach the bathroom after she leaves.

Class III –  most sober men would say she was unattractive- her voice sounds like a cross between Harvey Fierstein and Lucille Ball- she will never be without her smokes, even when eating. The weight will be in the heavy to smart- car range and she will have the demeanor of a mule in heat. You need to seek serious help if you try to bed one of these- if she tries to force you to have sex tell her you got it blown off by a mortar shell in the war- try to distract her with food until you can get away.         

Class IV  – she resembles the evil god Cthulhu-you will not be able to look at her with the naked eye. She will talk so loud that your ears will hurt- her voice will  sound like a chain-smoking longshoreman with bronchitis. She will have the demeanor of a water snake and her weight will be between an adult manatee and a hippo. Don’t even think about it!  

Class V – hide the animals- flat out ugly- elderly people and young children should avoid seeing this Class at all costs- Her voice will be so low that you will not hear the sound but you will feel the vibrations-like the low end of a subwoofer. She never stops smoking and will set off nearby smoke alarms.  Her demeanor will be exactly like a rabid Honey Badger.  This type is extremely heavy; you will know when she is near by the ripples in your water glass as she approaches. Bedding information is non-existent because no one has lived to tell about it.

FTR may win the battle of words and that’s fine as long as those that agree with him keep losing elections.

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From the Right

Are you a white male? If so, please read on. Certainly you will remember the angst generated against Romney when the Obamanistas falsely accused him of “writing off” 47% of Americans.  Certainly you will remember that Obama solemnly assured us that we are but one big family. He told us that he was concerned about each and every American. He promised us he would be the President for all Americans.

We know that Obama will be in office for the next 4 years, heaven forbid that anything should happen to him and we’d wind up with Biden. But, now that the he’s won, now that he’s in the driver’s seat, wouldn’t you think that he and his would just get down to solving our nation’s myriad problems and quit campaigning.  Well, Deer Friends, he’s not.

Obama et al are still in full campaign mode.  Even the Obama campaign website is up and operational.  Take a look at There you will find an absolutely fascinating questionnaire. The questionnaire’s lead in states: “This movement has always belonged to you. So your feedback is crucial in determining how we continue to work together.”  The questionnaire goes on to list 22 separate categories of self identification. 

Let’s say that you identify yourself as being an adult white male. If that is you, Mr. Obama and his team have written you off.  The 22 self identified categories are as follows: First listed is African Americans, then Americans Abroad, Arab-Americans, Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders, Educators, Environmentalists, Healthcare professionals, Jewish Americans, Labor, Latinos, LGBT, Native Americans, People of faith, People with disabilities, Rural Americans, Seniors, Small business owners, Students, Veterans/military families, Women, Young professionals, and Youth.

Mr. Obama and is team have no interest in adult white males. Caucasian males  are of no import to Team Obama. Has he written you off? That sure sounds like racism to me.

It really is racism. It’s yet another example of the lefts needs to keep various interests separate and apart from each other, but yet to group them solely to harness the political power that the special interests combined can generate.

Historically,America and Conservatives believe in an inclusive society which at its core is American. America has traditionally been referred to as a “melting pot,” welcoming people from many different countries, races, and religions, all hoping to find freedom, new opportunities, and a better way of life. It is that strength and unity of purpose that has made America the light of the world. It is that coming together and joining in common purpose and freedom that has made America the greatest nation in history.

But today, Liberality demands that we scrap our strengths, our heritage, and our unity. They are determined to morph our society into one of multiculturalism.  The concept of assimilation is now an object of scorn to the liberals. They demand that it be abandoned.

The old “melting pot” metaphor is being trashed to be replaced with  new metaphors such as “salad bowl” and “mosaic”. Their stated ideal is mixtures of various ingredients that keep and prize each’s individual characteristics.   But now, those disparate cultures are not being blended together in one “pot”, but rather they are transforming American Society into a multicultural mosaic. Each tiny facet of which has its own customs and beliefs. A mosaic may be pretty to look at, but it has no strength. Its bonds are fragile. Each shard may have its own strength, but the total has little or none because it has little or no commonality with the other.

We must remember that Mr. Obama, the Liberal in Chief, has always considered American society to be deeply flawed. He has no intent to unify, to meld the attributes of the disparate cultures that thrive in America. He yearns to place each one of them in a “box” that can be mobilized and used for political gain. “Boxed” cultures are malleable to individual political purposes. It is consummately easy to play the inhabitants of one “box” against the other.  The Obama survey goes far beyond simple demographic testing, and reveals his view of a compartmentalized America.

Imagine a Key West that was solidly Russian, with Russian being the language and culture of the island.  Imagine a Marathon that was Sudanese, a Layton that was Latvian. Imagine Key Largo as Muslim enclave with a population that demanded to rule all who live or visit there with Sharia Law.

To this Olde Fart, that concept is deeply flawed. It will certainly engender a We vs. They society. It appears that process is already in progress in many parts of our nation. It is now difficult to communicate with many folks who live in Miami simply because they have not assimilated into American culture. The same situation exists in many parts of our nation.  Many of these “hyphenated-American” folks have a stronger sense of fealty to their native land and its customs and culture than they do toward the USA.  That, Deer Friends is wrong, it’s dangerous, and ultimately destructive to the bonds that unite America. Under liberal leadership we are rapidly devolving into a balkanized nation.


Deer Friends, the strength our union is forged of steel. Steel is made in a crucible, a melting pot, not a salad bowl.



Part 2) We sincerely hope that each and every one of you and yours have a wonderful Thanksgiving Day. We all have a lot to be thankful for. Respectfully submitted FTR