2012 December

Tuesday, December 4, 2012


[Evicted] Please have the person evicted call me at the State Attorney’s Office. 305-292-3400.

They found the badly decomposed body of a 29 year old man hanging from a tree on Big Pine Key today.

[iGate] Lisa Druckemiller was notified by state officials that her retirement benefits have been suspended indefinitely and may be permanently revoked.


[Free Money Meeting] The Board of Monroe County Commissioners has scheduled a Special Meeting on December 11, 2012 at 2:00P at the Marathon Government Center to present to the public an overview of the RESTORE Act, the County’s efforts to bring a portion of these federal funds to Monroe County, as well as some of the Upper, Middle, and Lower Keys projects proposed to date to utilize these funds to benefit local communities. For more info Bulletin Board

[Bigot] David Leon Maxwell, a 56 year-old Big Pine Key man remained jailed Monday night after sheriff’s deputies said he shoved a 71-year-old flea market vendor and repeatedly called the elder “a cheap Jew.”


Why can’t I get the arrest reports anymore? It’s been a few days. (Ed: In the navigation bar at the top of the page > More … > Arrest Reports Mug Shots)

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[Christmas Eviction Notice] For starters, ask the State Attorney to prosecute your so-called landlord for theft by fraudulent misrepresentation, probably not the exact legal name for the crime he committed, but close enough. Also for starters, advise the bank and its attorney in writing that you insist on trial and notice of all legal proceedings being delivered to you, so you will know where and when to show up and explain your side of the case to the judge assigned to your case. And at the same time, tender future rent payments, by check or money order, to the bank and/or its attorney. Save a copy of all documents. 

This is a guess on my part, perhaps educated, that if there was no sign or other visible notice on the property that a bank owned it, a sign saying the property had been foreclosed, was for sale and/or no trespassing, and if the so-called landlord was, in fact, the owner before the foreclosure, then it might be a judge will say the bank is “estopped” from denying your lease with the prior owner, and must honor the lease until its term expires, if you pay the rent due under the lease to the bank henceforth. 

I cannot imagine a judge being unsympathetic to your situation, if it is as you report it to be. I cannot imagine a judge ordering the eviction of three people paying rent to the person they had every reason to believe owned the property because the bank had not put up a foreclosed, for sale or no trespassing notice. I can’t imagine a judge not telling the bank to work it out with you for the remainder of the term of your leases.

Judges have considerable leeway in dispensing what is called “equity”, and they also have considerable influence in recommending settlement. When a lease is up, however, it’s a different story. A landlord does not have to renew a lease, absent the tenant having an explicit right to renew.

You do not need to hire a lawyer to represent you. Any tenant faced with eviction can go before a judge pro se and ask for relief. It is very important, however, for a pro se tenant to stay on top of any court proceedings and make all court appearances, and in that regard, a pro se tenant must let the judge know there is a pro se tenant resisting the eviction and the pro se tenant wants to be timely noticed with all legal proceedings, so as to allow the pro se tenant to be at court when such proceeding are before the judge. Give the judge your name, your US Post Office mailing address, your phone number and your email address.

If there were a Legal Aid office in the Keys, a pro se pauper tenant probably could get legal representation in that way, but I am not aware of a Legal Aid office in the Keys. A call to the Public Defender’s office could determine what, if any, legal representation a pauper pro se tenant might be entitled. I suggest you shorten your story to the bare essentials and submit it to The Key West Citizen and the Keynoter, as a letter to the editor. And to Key West the Newspaper, as a case they might wish to investigate and report. Put your names on it before the public.

If the bank has offices in the Keys, the local publicity might become a serious ally for you. Keys banks do not like adverse publicity and/or pissing off the public and losing accounts. Furthermore, as you describe this case, a bank would be stupid to kick a paying tenant out and let the property lie vacant. It might be the bank does not know what its mainland lawyer is doing. It might be the bank will not like what its mainland lawyer is doing. It might be, contacting the bank locally and/or at its headquarters and talking with the top of the local and/or home office totem pole might get results. Especially, if the top of the local and/or home office totem pole knows all three of you, counting your elderly neighbor, will resist to the bitter end and be hauled away in handcuffs. I can see that one making the national news. “FLORIDA KEYS BANK FORCES THREE GOOD-PAYING TENANTS TO BE HOMELESS FOR NO GOOD REASON”

All this free advice is offered for what it is worth. Any person, lay or lawyer, can offer free legal advice for what it is worth. It happens all the time. I don’t know who your lawyer is, nor to I want to know. But you might wish to ask him/her why you had to go to the Coconut Telegraph to get this advice, which any lawyer with half a brain and half a heart should give you for free. Bad karma for your lawyer not providing it, for free. Bad karma for the mainland lawyer representing the bank. Bad karma for the bank if it doesn’t work something out with you. Bad karma for a judge who does not help you. Bad karma for the thief who took your money under false pretenses.

I one time lived on Steve Howe‘s property. Does anyone know what happened to him? 

[Drowned Kid] 19-year-old Erick Diaz from Miami died just before noon on Sunday while free diving and spear fishing in waters off Layton in the Upper Keys. His cousin told detectives that Diaz had a line attached to his spear and also tied around his waist, reports say. While trying to shoot a fish, he reportedly shot the spear into some rocks and it got stuck and because the line was ties around his waist he couldn’t surface and drowned.

Calendar? I’m not sure what’s going on recently – the lower keys boat parade is listed as Saturday Dec 18th – but in 2012, the 18th is Tuesday. Then there’s the Ed calendar. I’m wondering if this is all part of the Mayan calendar – maybe the dates are changing so we don’t have to pay bills before the world ends. I’d hate to be behind in my payments when the world ends. (Ed: If there’s a date screw-up it is probably my fault. I’m stuck in some kind of Mayan time warp.)

[Yard Sale] Big Pine Key. Friday and Saturday, December 7 and 8, at 1817 Watson Blvd., (toward No Name Key) Lots of Stuff!  Some Christmas items, home decor, kitchen stuff, various plants and many other items.  8 a.m. until Noon. Classified Ads > Yard Sales


[Map Test] How well do you know the Middle East? Link

[Hobo Red] That post triggers fond memories of a former bar in Key West. It was Red’s Place on Caroline St . Their motto was, “Come on in, it only looks scary”. It was actually a nice place to throw down a few. The bartenders were nice, and so were the patrons, especially the real wooden Indian guy who sat motionless in a corner chair, until he raised his glass. All I have left are the memories and the T-Shirt. When you go drinking, it is best to be with professionals. That was Red’s Place. Rest in peace Pat Ryan. You and your bar are missed. Link

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Hey Fishermen, silversides are here at Fanci Seafood. We also carry assorted chums and bait. Good luck out there. It looks like the wind has laid down a little today!

[Evicted] I know the “the slumlord/foreclosure industry victims” from yesterday’s post and they are very nice people who have only been in the Keys a little while. It is a shame that they have been screwed around. One of them works for me and he’s great. He is always on time (amazing , eh?), and works very well unsupervised as he enjoys the job. Honest, intelligent, dependable and cool too. Also an artist. We need more folks like them on BPK. Wasn’t the post was very well written? This isn’t Key West, thankfully, so I hope someone out there has a place for them.


Colorful succulents. Link

Amy Havelin, the lying sack of crap. Are you kidding me? She pulled the wool over the voters’ eyes. Other public officials backed her. Knowingly broke the law. Why, she’ll fit right in. Nice way to work the system Amy.



Merry Christmas!  ~The Cat

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When your nose gets sun burned in the Keys, it’s time to move into the inside bar!

[Evicted] I feel for you about the property you rented. Check out local and state governments that protect renters’ rights. Lots of info in the phone book. If you don’t get the right dept they will steer you to the correct one. Good luck!


Holiday popcorn. Link


The world will end in 17 days on December 21, the Winter Solstice. NASA says it ain’t so. Link

[Evicted] To the two service workers who are about to dispossessed: are you looking for a reasonable rent for a place to live? Are your credentials in order as to jobs, credit history, etc? Let me know. Maybe there is a way out of your dilemma. When things look grim there is always an answer. Let me know.

Pretty slick artist. Even better than some of those who do sidewalks in chalk.


I tried to make my own Twinkies, but it’s way too difficult. Back to cold fusion.

Christmas cookies from around the world. Link


[Evicted] If you can’t afford to live decently in this place the way it is that’s your fault, don’t blame anyone else and  don’t complain about it.  I can’t think of anybody this place needs.


San Francisco based porn company offers sex-ed classes with live-demonstrations. Link

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[The Man Who Rode Thunder] William Rankin a pilot in the United States Marine Corps is the man who rode thunder when he ejected from his F8 Crusader on top of a cumulonimbus thunderstorm cloud. He had a very bad day that summer of 1959 by any pilot’s standard as not only did his engine fail but his parachute deployed in the middle of the thunder storm. Surviving an ejection from 47,000 feet into a thunderstorm is truly amazing. Link

Seasick yet?

FAVOR’s Free Films! Friends And Volunteers Of Refuges 4th season of outdoor films. Films are to be shown outdoors at the National Wildlife Refuge Trails Parking lot located (1/4) mile north of Blue Hole onKey Deer Blvd, Big Pine Key.  FAVOR’s outdoor films are shown on the1st and 3rd Wednesdays; starting in December and continuing until the end of March. For film schedule Bulletin Board > Continuing Events

[Prescribed Burn] Without fire, No Name Key could lose pineland forests. Link

 Wildlife officials capture crocodile in Key Largo. Video

[Capt Doom and Gloom] “After the fact variances” Like the Inn around MM 21, that was a home then converted by petition, but he lied and now it is a Int’l Inn in a purely residential ‘hood. Who got the payola? Can I open a muffler/motorcycle shop on Shark Key?

“If I could get in touch with my feminine side” I probably get a instant migraine, lose 90% of my logic, have a fishy smell, spend most of my money on debris for my mutant kids, and drive on the wrong side of the road with a cell phone up my….!

“Evicted tenant” Common reasoning is knowing that you cannot make a decent living where you are. If so, then go to a place where you can. If you do not have the skills for the jobs in a given area, move to where you can do what you can do. Crying the blues because you cannot live like a rich man is not the answer, thinking realistically and living within your means is. Too many people want the goodies, but will not work for it, or have not the talent to do so. Think how you are going to raise those six children now that you hopefully realize your situation. Only you are responsible for your actions and life.

Now we have 60 days to find a new home” Golly, you could walk all the way to Detroit in 60 days where the affordable housing is government subsidized and meet your friends again. It is the rule, if you cannot afford it, do not move there.

“Big box store” When that happens it will signal the final demise of the Keys, because the developers will follow the money and destroy our lives.

How to get your wife to lose weight, just tell her girlfriend’s husbands, you can understand what the Fat Chick from NJ is all about!

Are we really eating chicken eggs? or are they something else?


Grapefruit interferes with prescription drugs, for those who did not know this already. Link

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[Coral Death] Feds do as they please no matter what the cost. Just ask them and Sakashita(?).

Correction to yesterday’s ill-informed poster. The “airheads” in Hollywood do support taxing the rich more. They’re liberals, remember?

FTR guy and John McCain are not hypocrites. I’m sure there’s footage of them hounding Bush over the Americans who died on his watch too.

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From the Right

The Obama campaign most certainly did all in their power to convince all of us that Romney and Baine Capital killed the wife of an employee of GS Technologies, a steel company.  The Obama campaign spent millions of dollars in TV ads wherein one Joe Soptic, a GST employee, claimed that Romney was responsible for the death of his wife. GST had been bought by Baine, and years later sold by Baine. Some employees lost their health insurance. Soptic/Team Obama tried to convince us that Romney caused the ladies death. Even WaPo’s FactChecker gave that claim a 5 Pinocchio rating.  It was a blatant and noxious lie.  

(“I’m glad FTR doesn’t have a gun or we’d all be in trouble”) By the way, what makes you think that this Olde Fart, a retired cop,  doesn’t still have a gun? If I do, it certainly is my right.  Even though our liberal friends violently object, our Constitution guarantees you and I the right to own firearms. I hope that you have availed yourself of that right. I recommend the Big Coppitt Gun Club, good prices, good people, and plenty of fun.

Part 2) A Boeing 747 driver friend furnished us the following condensed version of the history of mankind:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.  (except those who lived on BPK and enjoyed paradise)

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals  and Conservatives. 

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture.  Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting  around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed. 

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men  who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ’s  and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing.  This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. 

Some of these Liberal men eventually evolved into women. They became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.

Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their liberal men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers inHollywoodand group therapists are liberals.

Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn’t fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively.

Conservatives who own companies hire other Conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming toAmerica. The American Colonists were conservatives. The liberals crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

And there you have it! Brilliant!!! I’m going to have another beer and finish my ribeye.