2017 February

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays
Letters to the Editor with pictures

[Affordable Housing] The construction trailer next to Skeeter’s is for an affordable housing development on the property.  It’s been in the works for a number of years, but finally seems to be getting off the ground.
[Crooks] Here’s a link to an article in the Blue Paper about the disregard our county commissioners exhibit for reporting their finances as is required by law. Link

The emerging rat problem in a number of places (including my neighborhood on Big Pine) is likely due to a number of factors, not the least of which is the misguided unrelenting war on feral cats.

Why is FTR so excited about Trump’s poll numbers? Isn’t Zika still going to kill us all?
[DirecTV vs Comcast] During the last 1/2 of 2016 I was paying Comcast $289 a month for non-HD service on 2 TV’s, supposedly with high speed internet and a landline they never installed. I have a home up north and I go up there every 2 weeks. But every time I would arrive down to my home on BPK, my cable service would be off and I would have to call Comcast and spend at least 2 hours on the phone to find out why this happens and telling them to turn it back on. This became very expensive and tedious. I heard about the AT&T/DIRECTV offer and called the 800 number. They set me up with what I thought was a better deal of about $50 less. I told them I wanted their local DirecTV agent, Sammy Sam, to hook me up. They told me, no problem just give him your order confirmation number and he’ll install it for you. I did just that. Sammy Sam then tells me that’s not the case. Sam comes to my house and tells me that I have to go directly through him. He looked at the offer DirecTV gave me, and tells me to cancel that order using the 800 number.

I became a little frustrated and he saw that too. He assured me that he will alleviate any frustrations towards the situation by getting me a better deal. I promised him that if this is true, then I will submit my opinion on the C.T. be it good or bad. But I’d wait 3 months to give my service review. He said fine. Well, here it is three months latter:

Sammy Sam, you are the best! Sam gave me 2 HD/DVR genies for free, High speed AT&T fiber optic Internet at 64 Mbs and a landline, all for only $129 a month! I wasn’t getting anything close to this from Comcast and I was paying them $289 a month. The DirecTV 800 number was offering me stuff I didn’t need and Sam was aware of that and told me straight out.

Every time I come down here now my service is up and running without a glitch or needing to spend hours on the phone with those idiots to have my service turned back on. I texted Sam the other day to let him know that I am completely satisfied with his promise and service. Sam also installed security cameras around my home. Now I can watch my property from any smart device while I’m away. SammySam you are the BEST! I highly recommend his services, but don’t make the same mistake I did. Don’t call DirecTV 800 number, call him directly on his cell phone: SammySam at Florida Keys Satellite 305-896-3017.

I kept my promise because he kept his word. Thank you.

Pope Francis delivered another criticism of some members of his own Church on Thursday, suggesting it is better to be an atheist than one of “many” Catholics who he said lead a hypocritical double life




[7 New Planets] The 7 newly discovered Earth-sized planets orbit a “Red Dwarf” star, so perhaps they should each be named after the 7-dwarfs.

[“Violent home invasion”] From the Keynoter, “God is definitely with us,” Raymond Archer posted on his son’s Facebook page, in response to comments supportive of his post from the book of Psalms, 91:14-16. “He is with my son. I won’t say much, but I will say I am more proud of my son then ever before. He is a humble old soul. I love you, Isaac Archer. God has a plan.”

The Psalms quotation the father posted is: “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.”

Where was God when your kid was in someone’s home terrorizing them? Where was God when your kid needed to hear His voice telling him not to do wrong? Had your kid been in my house, he would not have needed God, he’d have needed a bullet proof vest because walking into someone’s home with an AK and a hood on opens the door for me to shoot the intruders regardless of age, and I don’t ask for I.D.

Mr. Archer, I’m glad you’re proud of your son because no one else is. If this is your way of dealing with failed parenting, fine. But please don’t condone your kid’s poor judgement or actions in front of your students and don’t preach either – it’s hypocrisy. Your kid is guilty, he was there during the commission of a serious felony. Accept the fact he deserves to be punished only because he got away briefly. He could have been legally shot dead or killed someone because of his greed and violence.

Anyone want to bet this crime was over dope? Link

[Old Seven Mile Bridge Renovation] Yeah, they’ve finally begun! I saw them pumping concrete on Monday
[Woman Dies Hitting Bridge] Drowning divers, flats boats flying into mangroves, jet skis rear-ending each other and now this tea table incident. Good lord do people leave their common sense at the docks these days? Who the hell doesn’t know how much overhead clearance they have and if they do witch span to navigate through? I would have hated to seen or heard that disaster.

[Flying Spaghetti Monster] The first episode in the series of videos introducing His Noodliness—The Flying Spaghetti Monster—to the world. Created as a major project for my Bachelor of Design in Visual Communication. Huge thanks to the Reverend Dajaun Martineau for the music and sound. Video

[Disturbing The Peace] What I love most about this time of the year in the Keys is it’s cool enough to leave the AC off, the windows open and wait until the snowbirds walk down the street, then make lots of sounds like they are having a wild sex orgy
[Butter is Health Food] Dr. Glenn Rothfeld, M.D. reported in a health newsletter that University of North Carolina researchers unearthed a hushed-up 5 year study from Minnesota, involving 9,400 people, comparing dairy butter to vegetable oil based substitutes. The group not using butter had 22% more deaths and twice the heart attacks! Those that died had the greatest reduction of their total cholesterol numbers.
Not what the mainstream has been telling you, is it? Bad news for the vegans, but for the rest of us, there should be no guilt or worry at all about using butter and tossing the margarine. And forget panicking about high cholesterol- it might be saving your life.
[Traffic] Three bridge closures this week to impact traffic. Link
[Religous Profiling] At 44, he dumped his wife and 2 kids, after inheriting $80 million from Muhammad Ali’s estate. He’s an addict, who’s been on government assistance and food stamps. When you look at current photos, you’ll understand why he was questioned at a Florida airport. Link
Remember when Detroit iron ruled the roost? Ford kicked Ferrari’s ass during the 24 hours of Le Mans. 1949 Mercury lead sleds. 426 hemi. Let’s go back to loud pipe, tire smoking, gas guzzlers we all grew up with.
[Crushing The Press] Freedom of the press is not just important to democracy, it is democracy.  ~Walter Cronkite


Spoiler alert! Yes ladies this is how we think.

Two centuries of immigration. Video Map
Hey FDOT, how are those crosswalks working out for you?



I just watched Hacksaw Ridge, a great movie about a  brave man, without a gun, on a mission to save people in WW2. A must see. Desmond Doss: remember this hero.

[Missing Bus Stop Seats] The City of Marathon does not want to re-install the benches so that the homeless have somewhere to sit.


[The Cannabis Cup] Feds threaten to shut down giant Las Vegas marijuana festival. Cannabis Cup set to be held on tribal land falls under federal rules. Video

[Fed Up] My friend who has lived in these Keys for over 50 years is over it. He says he will sell out to the whores pushing us locals out so these islands can be developed into the plastic paradise that is coming. He is pissed at local establishments, insurances companies and utilities raising prices so high he cannot afford to live here any longer. Their plan is working.
1960: Teamster Union President Jimmy Hoffa was in Key West inspecting property, which had been offered as security for a business loan from the Union. I think I saw his toes sticking out of the sand at Smathers Beach many years ago.


Alternative kale.

[Sewers] I read that the Key Largo Wastewater Board is being sued for $100,000 because they provided connection node head pressure values that were too low and caused lift station pumps to burn up because they struggled to pump against the back pressure. Most of the private lift stations in the Cudjoe regional are near re-pump stations, so that situation is unlikely here. What is likely is that FKAA pumps will burn up for the same reason as in Key Largo. In Port Pine Heights, the FKAA lift station pumps are facing more than the manufacturer’s maximum head pressure (back pressure) when the system is fully connected. By that time, those at FKAA who were responsible will be out of the Keys with their carpet bag of money, and our sewer rates will be increasing to replace pumps prematurely.
[Friends] If you want to know who your real friends are just ask them for a job!
Cudjoe Gardens community-wide yard sale Sat, March 4, 8am – 2pm  (mm 21) US1 and Drost Dr, Sawyer Dr, & Colson Dr. NordicTrack Treadmill, chaise loungers, electric recliner, microwave, small kitchen  appliances, divers fins, flag & float, bicycle rack, clothing, housewares, & so much more!
What is getting built to the right of Freeman’s automotive in Marathon?
What gives with all the “Share the Road” signs through the fenced Key Deer “slaughter chute” section of US1 in Big Pine at the Marathon end? There is a bike path and a wide shoulder, or else a shoulder that would almost make another lane through that section, yet there are multiple yellow signs encouraging you to share. Share with what or whom and why? Whose brother-in-law has a sign supply business?
[Why Uber is Good for Key West] 1. Tourism destinations must continually compete with an ever-changing competitive landscape. 2. There is an under supply of cars-for-hire, parking, and an increase in traffic. 3. Competition is a good regulator of consumer services. 4. Municipal regulation has not resulted in the quality of taxi services expected. 5. High cost of living produces the need for additional income opportunities. 6. Visitors continually complain not having the availability of ride sharing, and also of the high cost of our present taxi service. 7. We don’t owe the taxi companies a thing. If they don’t like it they can become an Uber driver!
[“What is being built between Skeeter’s and the storage place on US 1 in Big Pine Key”] If I recall that space is zoned for 8 affordable or workforce housing units. I could be wrong though



REO SpeedwagonRidin’ the Storm Out

[Half of Households in Monroe County Don’t Make Enough Money to Afford Their Basic Necessities] The 2017 United Way of Florida’s ALICE report shows the number of families living below the survival threshold in Monroe County has increased since the report was first issued in 2012. ALICE (families and individuals who are “Asset-Limited Income-Constrained Employed”) households are made of working people who don’t earn enough to make ends meet each month, given the high cost of living in Monroe County.

ALICE individuals are employed in fields as diverse as healthcare, childcare, retail, hospitality, business, and more. United Way of the Florida Keys President and CEO Kate Bauer-Jones noted, “Here in the Keys, if you’re not ALICE, you certainly know someone who is. They are friends and neighbors, the people we see and interact with every day, working hard to survive in the most expensive county in the state.”

According to the new, updated 2017 ALICE Report, in order for a family of four to survive at the most basic level in Monroe County, they must have a household income of at least $68,952. This number includes minimal levels of spending on childcare, food and rent expenses, with no miscellaneous spending at all. A single individual must make at least $29,208 to meet the “survival threshold”. These levels have increased faster than the rate of inflation since the first study was done in 2007.

More concerning however, is that while the total number of households living below the ALICE survival threshold has decreased throughout much of the rest of the state, the number of families struggling to survive in Monroe County has increased in the last five years. In 2012 there were 29,241 households living below the survival threshold. In 2015, that number jumped to 31,391. There are now an additional 2,150 households in our community unable to afford healthy, nutritious food or send their children to safe, quality childcare programs. Link

Political correctness according to McArthur and Truman. Link



[Keys Culture] After living in the Keys for five plus years, the only culture I have found here is in a Petri dish in my lab!

[Health] It has been reported that those on gluten-free diets who switch to rice flour products have about 70% higher mercury levels than the wheat flour eaters. Supposedly. rice sucks up heavy metals while growing, including mercury, arsenic, cadmium, and titanium.
I just figured it out, for the last 20 years I have been paying wind. flood and homeowners insurance for this lowly house live in. I only just realized I could have rebuilt it completely to new again. I have never had any damage from any storm. Paying that much makes me feel like a fool! I should have put that money into a savings account to cover any major damage.
[Your Job] If your life and well-being depend on your job, you are doing it wrong.

[Mis-Direction] Did you ever notice that when coming into Big Pine from the Marathon side, you are driving north on US1 south towards Key West? Don’t believe me? Check a map or Google Earth.

[Sewers] Maybe you saw the FKAA service trucks at the biggest Big Pine master pump station on US1 this past week, working long and hard to get the station pumping again. You may have seen the bypass pump hoses, too. They can bypass now when there are few connections and not much flow. Let’s see how they fare when they have an average half million gallons per day being pumped to Ramrod. At peak predicted flow, they have about a half hour from the time an alarm is sent to mobilize to the pump station and get the flow going by whatever means necessary before the pump station overflows. Why such a panic? Because FKAA saved money with a puny wetwell that has a small reserve capacity. For this lack of due diligence, FKAA management got promotions, raises and accolades.
[FTR’s Paid Political Comment] The amazing FTR thinks “the country is heading in the right direction.” Funny, he doesn’t speak of the House’s ten year, 10 trillion dollar deficit projection. Looks like GW on steroids. Link

Judge Wapner is dead at 97.

[Health] Titanium dioxide nano particles reportedly smash holes through the microvilli in your small intestine that then allows microbes to pass through while inhibiting your absorption of vital nutrients. It also can wreck your DNA and chromosomes, encouraging cancer and other illness. Titanium dioxide is in plenty of stuff, most notably in sunscreen where the nano particles go right through your skin. Premium paint uses them, and especially if you spray, you can inhale them. They are a typically unlisted ingredient in packaged food, and some beer even uses titanium dioxide nano particles. “Just because you are paranoid doesn’t mean they are not really out to get you!”
Wouldn’t it be nice if all these anti-everything nuts could be sued, arrested, or deported for liable, slander, public embarrassment, or whatever lies they generate? It sure would clean up the news.




Computer Power User Magazine March issue. Free. Link

[R. W. Emerson] What lies behind you and what lies in front of you pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.
[Writers Group] Hello, writers! Reminder that we’ll meet at the Big Pine Key library Wednesday from 1-3 pm. Optional meet and greet for lunch at Bistro 31 at noon (arrive no later than 11:45 am if you want to order breakfast, 11:30 am even better). Last time we had 11 people so we stayed until 3:30 pm. You may want to run a few more copies of your work since attendance has picked up, but please bring at least 8 copies, up to 5 pages, double-spaced. See you there! Full Menu > Ongoing Events
[Crosswalks] I wonder when FDOT will put cameras on the crosswalks and pay another do nothing government slug to sit & watch for people to get run over. That way they can get the meat wagon there quicker. That seems to be the way their logic rolls.
[Sick Society] A Southern California man was put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammunition stored in his home. The house also featured a secret escape tunnel.
By Southern California standards, someone owning 100,000 rounds is considered “mentally unstable.”
In Arizona, he’d be called “an avid gun collector.”
In Arkansas, he’d be called “a novice gun collector.”
In Utah, he’d be called “moderately well prepared,” but they’d probably reserve judgment until they made sure that he had a corresponding quantity of stored food.”
In Kansas, he’d be “A guy down the road you would want to have for a friend.
In Montana, he’d be called “The neighborhood ‘Go-To’ guy.”
In Idaho, he’d be called “a likely gubernatorial candidate.”
In Georgia, he’d be called “an eligible bachelor.”
In North Carolina, Virginia, WV, Mississippi, Tennessee, Kentucky, South Carolina and Minnesota he would be called “a deer hunting buddy.”
And, in Texas he’d just be “Bubba, who’s a little short on ammo.”


[Balls of Steel] A KC-130J Hercules, assigned to Marine Aerial Refueler Transport Squadron (VMGR) 234, air refuels a Humvee carrying CH-53E Super Stallion. Video

Does Larry Blackburn[?] get off on photographing wrinkles and weird people? Where are the beautiful young people in Key West or don’t they come here anymore?



[People Are Smart Department] How very clever – why didn’t I ever think of that on those many occasions when I struggled to hang a picture. Place a fork over the nail, voila! Video

[The Cost of Deporting] The federal government spends more each year on immigration enforcement — through Immigration and Customs Enforcement and the Border Patrol — than on all other federal law enforcement agencies combined. The total has risen to more than $19 billion a year, and more than $306 billion in all since 1986, measured in 2016 dollars. This exceeds the sum of all spending for the Federal Bureau of Investigation; the Drug Enforcement Administration; the Secret Service; the Marshals Service; and the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives. Link
[Ethernet Services] Increase network capacity for greater speed and productivity. This will make you feel like a peasant for sure. The money guys get all the speed and features, but we get the crap connections. Link

[Tennessee Williams Exhibit Celebrates Playwright’s 106th Birthday] The Tennessee Williams Key West Exhibit is offering a series of cultural events throughout March and early April that celebrate the 106th anniversary of the March 26th birthday of the iconic playwright.  Activities include the screening of a series of classic films written for the screen by Williams that will be shown at the Tropic Cinema on March 6, 13, and 20 at 6 p.m.
~Also being offered are contests in three areas associated with Williams’ multiple talents: plein air painting of an image of the Tropic Cinema on March 4 from 8:30 a.m. until noon; poetry and short story writing with a March 8 deadline for submission of entries.  Winners of all three contests will receive monetary prizes and the opportunity for their work to be exhibited or published.
~Another celebration highlight will be a curator lecture/tour about the Key West filming of “The Rose Tattoo” on March 10, 10:00 a.m. and 12, 2:00 p.m. and a showing of the video of the 2014 stage production of “Tennessee’s Rose” on March 14 at 7:00 p.m.  It explores the playwright’s relationship with his sister Rose and her influence on his writing.  Both events will be held at the Exhibit location, 513 Truman Avenue.
~A second theatrical performance, “Tennessee Williams: His Words in Letters” will be performed on March 19 at 8:00 p.m. at The Studios of Key West.  This intriguing evening of theater will focus on the great and tumultuous love of Tennessee’s life.
~A Film Forum will be held on March 27 with a reception at 5:30 p.m. and the forum at 6:00 p.m. at the Tropic Cinema.  Shirrel Rhoades, film critic and publisher, will lead the discussion about the three classic films shown on the previous Mondays in March and Williams’ foray into screenwriting for Hollywood.
~Contest registration forms and full details about these events are available at Link or by contacting Dennis Beaver at

United Way of the Florida Keys events for March. Link
[Commerce Secretary and Russian Deal] Look up the Rachel Maddow show & look up spot about the new Commerce Secretary. It’s pretty interesting who’s in bed with who
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