2016 February

Tuesday, February 9, 2016


Since 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays

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conch-pile-best[The Conch Ceremony] Like many parts of Florida, the original inhabitants of the Keys were the Native American Indians. Tribes such as the Calusa and Tequesta. The Tequesta were living in the Keys and on Munson Island 2000 years before white folks made their way here. The story as I understand it begins with Tequesta Indians and on Munson Island. HiTeTeTa is the Tequesta entity of good & safe fishing.

Present day Boy Scouts have updated the ceremony using a Conch shell as a gift to HiTeTeTa to bring on his favors. It wasn’t always a conch shell. The Conch ceremony is a revision. Why? Best we can tell is that HiTeTeTa demanded blood. The Tequesta language may have been closely related to the language of the Calusas of the southwest Florida coast and the Mayaimis who lived around Lake Okeechobee in the middle of the lower Florida peninsula. There are only a few words from the languages of those tribes for which meanings were recorded, yes, no, good, bad, stay, go, food, eat, fire and shelter. The artifact that was found on Munson over 100 years ago was a group of hieroglyphs on treated shark skin depicting the HiTeTeTa blood ceremony.

The general interoperation of the hieroglyphs shows bloodletting. This was accomplished by piercing a soft body part, generally the tongue or penis, and scattering the blood or collecting it on bark, which was subsequently burned. The act of burning the sacrificed blood symbolized the transferal of the offering to the gods via its transformation into the rising smoke. Piercing was accomplished using stingray spines, or shark’s teeth. Under some circumstances, a rope with attached thorns or obsidian flakes would be pulled through the tongue or earlobes. As you can see there are several reasons for the blood revision. Boy scouts are co-ed and females don’t have a penis. Their male counter parts also voted for the change. The thought of piercing one’s tongue with a stingray spine was also a no go. Hence, The modern Conch Ceremony.  ~Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store

[“Frozen Fish”] My wife and I eat out with frequency and one of our favorite places is the Square Grouper. There have been rare occasions when we have been disappointed, but, hey, even Ted Williams struck out occasionally. By and large, we have found the service, presentation, and preparation there to be as good as is to be found anywhere in the Keys, including the high end restaurants in Key West

I want to applaud Lynn Bell for her vigorous response to the slanderous post that accused her of serving frozen fish of questionable origin.

Further, I think the Telegraph deserves some scolding. If you are prepared to publish postings that can be harmful to commercial enterprises, you should also be prepared to attribute such postings to their source. By failing to do so you are enabling cowardly posters to damage persons and businesses without revealing their identity. At one time you used to post the email addresses of those who chose to be critical of local commercial enterprises. For some reason, you have stopped doing so. I think that you, Deer Ed, need to reconsider your decision that allows those who speak harmfully of others to had behind a mask of anonymity.

Real critics, honest critics, place their names above their reviews. (Ed: I did post the writer’s email address after the original post, although sometimes I forget, I didn’t in this instance.)

leash dog pulls lady[Hate Retractable Dog Leashes] They should never be used on neighborhood walks. You the owner of the dog is the problem.  I hate when people don’t follow the rules of the road or at least let me get around because they think they can let their dog stretch out as far as they can on the retractable leash. I hate when someone yells at me when there should be enough room on the road for me to pass without your retractable leash and dog all over the road. I hate when people walk at night and don’t use a light or wear reflective clothing. Get some common sense. Ban retractable leashes and people with no common sense.
[“Frozen fish”] I do not know whether the hogfish was fresh or not that I ate at the upstairs bar at the Square Grouper. I do know it was very strong, fishy tasting and not good. Perhaps it was fresh but had been around too long; that is for you to determine. I will try it again and hope it was a one time incident.
911 flashing red light[Accident] I was working at Mangrove Mamas and heard a loud boom and ran outside towards US1. I saw a car crash and ran in and called 911. I hope everyone is ok. Sherriff came quickly with the ambulance.
[Clueless]  Do you have boat available for booking from 25th to 27th May 2016. The number of guests to expect is 6 people. Get back to me if you have opening for reservation during my stated date. David Coleman Glasgow G2 5NW Scotland.



[Domestic Abuse Shelter] DAS is hosting two community meetings on Friday, February 19th at the Doubletree by Hilton Grand Key Resort, Key West. Both meetings are in support of two DAS’s initiatives: the Child Protection Investigations Project and DAS’ Primary Prevention.

The great hogfish cover-up continues in the Lower Keys. Almost all hogfish is speared, not caught in nets or on hook and line. There are not enough divers spearing hogfish or enough hogfish down here to supply all the restaurants claiming fresh hogfish. Guess what is substituted for this fish? Tilapia. Both are bland white fish, but tilapia is raised in excrement. I suggest that you use liberal applications of tartar sauce to enhance the taste.
alarm bell

[Beep Beep Beep] If I had my way there would be no reverse alarms on trucks. Professional drivers should know what’s behind them when reversing. 5 AM is no time to let the entire neighborhood know your truck is in reverse. They are unnecessary, obnoxious, government forced noise pollution. There, I said it.

[Clueless] Dear Agent, Jerry (my husband) and I decided to purchase our new home since we are expecting our first child. My co-worker who you helped with theirs think you can help us. What is the best time to call you?
mermaid on rock

If mermaids were real, tackle boxes would have condoms and lube.

[“Deeding your property to FKAA”] Then who has the liability for that easement? The owner does so FKAA should have insurance in case I slip and fall and have to sue them for millions, right? Paybacks are a bitch!


[Hard Drives] 2TB micro SDXC. The largest micro SDXC card ever. Just imagine how many movies you can store or record! Link

[“Frozen fish”] Good for you Square Grouper for biting back at the negative poster.  Square Grouper is one of the top restaurants in the Keys, if not the US, known primarily for their expert preparation using only the finest and the freshest ingredients.  There is a reason there’s a long line of people waiting outside the door to dine, and that reason is exceptional quality, consistency and integrity.  Kudos to Square Grouper, recently voted #1 restaurant in the Florida Keys on TripAdvisor.  Poster, you may feel more at home at McDonald’s.
cruise ship bon voyage stbdBeyondships is a free resource for cruisers, travel agents and ship buffs intended to give you a feel for the ships.  Its ship profiles include: photo tours and  commentaries; interviews with captains, ship’s officers and cruise line  executives; feature articles; menus; deck plans; daily programs and other  information about the ships. You can see how geeky these ships have become to cater to the masses of mutants now soiling our seas. The industry has killed itself by trashing out those old beautiful ships that once sailed the seas. Now it is nothing but water slides, go-cart tracks and over-crowded mess lines. If a cruise ship carried more than 1000 passengers, you will not find me on it. Link
[“FKAA management is hiding all they can”] Isn’t that fraud or some kind of illegal action? It is taking people’s money and not performing what you have been paid to do!


This is a great shot of the Gulf Stream. Look how strong it is by us in the Florida Straights. Without it keeping on course, weather and fishing and life as we know it would be very different and not in a good way.  ~Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store

Recently at a Key’s wedding someone yelled, “All married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living!” The bartender was nearly crushed to death.



When your tax accountant asks if you have any dependents.

[New Kind of Spam] “How can we get on your email list?” (Ed: We’ve been receiving these types of emails for a few days. I think it is a kind of spam that is designed to confirm an email address. Email addresses are worth a lot of money to spammers and sell for quite a bit, but if a spammer buys a list and half of the addresses are no longer active he’s going to buy from another vendor. That’s why an address has to be confirmed in order to be sold. If I reply to one of these emails, my address is confirmed with a date stamp and I can expect to get a lot more spam.)


Men know they’re married when they have towels they’re not allowed to use.

My new Samsung S5 smartphone had so much junk programs in it I saved more than half the memory by deleting what I will never use. There are many free apps online. I will never buy an app again. Just search for the type of app you’d like, look at the rating, how many have downloaded it, if it’s free, and download it.
hit man with gun


[“Out of the Box, My Opinion by Bruce Schmitt”] Is this the same Bruce Schmitt that had a contract put out on his life with the head of the Coastie and another well-known local from Jersey?

[“Request for Long Hair Ranch info”] Call Bob at 305-872-8343. Located on Sea Lane off Key Deer Blvd.




Sean Connery when he was young.

[“Frozen fish”] Oh well, I’ll continue with the controversy. I ate at Islamorada Fish Co today and asked the waitress if the grouper was local. She said, no it was frozen. Same thing about the dolphin. I then asked if anything was local including the listed “Domestic” snapper. She said everything was frozen and from overseas except the domestic snapper, but that was not exactly local, although it most likely was from northern Florida. She was quick to add none of the fish was tilapia or farm raised.
So I ordered a cheeseburger and it was quite good. My wife naively asked if it was grass fed (fat chance) but she responded, no, but it is Angus. In fairness, at least she was honest and none of the fish was advertised as local or fresh, just “fish”.
Bottom line: Most don’t go out to eat expecting a healthy choice, you go for convenience. Anything beyond that is a bonus and word will spread.
bolt electricute dead

[Electrical Hazard] Residents and boaters in an around No Name Key are in danger. Some irresponsible residents have placed an underwater live electric extension cord across the entrance to the canal. This cord is hazardous to anyone who navigates in, over or around it. The cord does not go deep, so it can easily be caught on your propeller, be hit with a kayak paddle or even cause death by electrocution. None of this matters to those pompous folk who have endangered others – how sad. Beware & be careful.

[“Al Jazeera America to close down”] Some of, if not the best, news on TV is shutting down April 30 (Comcast channel 107) Now news will all be all about Trump or the Kardashians. News for sheeple. Link



Nyla Witmore exhibition at the GingerBread Square Gallery in K.W.

The Counter Terrorist Magazine, America’s premier informational journal for law enforcement, intelligence and special operations professionals; is looking for writers. Our mission is to provide operators relevant information in order to combat terrorism at home and abroad.

This is a peer to peer journal that is read by an estimated 25,000 professionals in the US and abroad. An e-zine version is published in Singapore reaching another 68,000 professionals. We would be honored to hear from you about your experiences. Link



In every generation there is a chosen one. Alone it will stand against the vampires the demons and the forces of darkness. It is the “NUT”!

[Super Bowl] We watched until the half time show, which was great, then watched Netflix. I wonder how many people only watch half the game. Lady GaGa really nailed the National Anthem.
an cuba flagHaving noticed the new coffee shop on Big Pine called Cuban Coffee. When did it become appropriate to display the flag of a foreign nation on American soil without the American Flag either above or beside it? Am I just old fashioned or uninformed?
[Antarctica] Richard Sidey Photography. Video
bill-hunch[Addiction] My wife of 20 years is an addict. It started about 10 years ago. After a week-long trip to see her daughter she came home, a changed person. She will never overcome this addiction and as most addicts, she denies it even exists. It possesses her, it is her number one priority in life. It has affected our formerly very active sexual relationship as well as our overall intimacy. Upon waking in the morning, she immediately sits up in bed and takes a hit, staying high for average of 2 hours. Sometimes she takes a hit even before sitting up. After that, she arises and visits the bathroom, disappearing for usually about 30-45 minutes, hitting the entire time. When she finally is “up and around” she is never out of hands reach of her habit, taking long breaks from whatever she might be doing as well as absorbing hits anytime during the day that she is idle for even a moment. In the evening, when she comes to bed, she immediately takes a two hour hit which rules out much chance for cuddling or sex. Now, sex is pretty much down to, get-it-up-let’s-go sessions, timed between hits, which limits it considerably. Anytime I bring up her abuse and excess, she immediately goes on the offense as a defense. I have watched smokers and every few minutes, you can be assured, they will light one up, regardless of what they are doing or where they might be. They light up before going into church, they light up immediately upon leaving. They light up in the car, they light up in the bar. They must, and my wife must take her hit similarly. You see, she is a IPhone and social media addict.
mardi gras
[Danger France and Spain] My family and I were in Europe last week for a tour of France and Spain. I was never so glad to come home to the USA! Those countries are just about had it with Muslims taking over. I would advise everyone not to attempt to travel to any European country for the next year or so or until this invasion is over with, and those people are driven back to their own countries. It is too dangerous now!
fishing in fish bowl


You know you’ve tried it, “Here … fishy, fishy, fishy!”

I watched the Super Bowl until half time then went to bed. What a rip off and the commercials were the weirdest garbage I ever saw. Most made no sense. All those people paid a fortune to sit in that stadium and for what? The cheapest seat was $2700 and you probably had to use binoculars to see anything.
groucho chicken in pot

[“Alice Cooper”] I’ve always been a fan of Alice Cooper, but the thing I find most remarkable is that he was good friends with Groucho Marx although they were separated in age by generations. They lived nearby and Alice and Groucho used to watch movies together at Groucho’s house.

The Square Grouper is one of the best restaurants in the Keys. Do you actually think they would ruin that reputation by lying about fresh fish? The Wharf used to be a fish market, commercial boats are tied up there in that area. No time to mention all lower Keys restaurants, but most have been in business too long to jeopardize their reputation.
Al jazeera 500h


[“Al Jazeera America closing”] Although Al Jazeera America has some of the best world news there ever was, it never was able to attract American advertisers or politicians because it is run by Muslims in Qatar and none want to associate with Muslims that would be politically incorrect. No American politician has ever appeared on the network out of fear of being associated with Muslims. Link.

The endless parade of losers in the sheriff’s arrest log intrigues me. What exactly is an occupation that has the title “owner”? They own something? I’m sure someone can enlighten me on this subject. Slum lord? Douche bag? Trust fund no-nothing-ass? Full Menu > Arrest Reports
sunset bahia honda bridge Happiness in intelligent people is one of the rarest thing I know. I understand Abraham Lincoln shared that folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be. Consider a promise to yourself, just consider…

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something in them To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best. To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words but great deeds. To live in faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you.  ~Coconuts Bar & Package Store

Amazing blues slide guitar street musician. Notice he’s using the side of a whiskey flask for a slide. Video
Boston-tea-party[The Real Tea Party] Colonists disguised as Mohawk Indians, boarded three British ships in Boston Harbor, December 14 1773, and threw their cargoes of tea overboard, in defying England to impose on the American colonies a tax on tea for the benefit of the East India Company. 342 chests, valued at about £18,000 were destroyed.

A bill was brought before Parliament “for discontinuing the lading and shipping of goods, wares, and merchandises, at Boston or the harbour thereof, and for the removal of the custom-house with its dependencies to the town of Salem.” This bill was to continue in force, not only until compensation should be made to the East India company for the damage sustained.

The pizza shop in the Winn Dixie Plaza sells the Key Lime Pie Co brand of pies. The difference between them and the Winn Dixie pies are like night and day. Yes the price reflects it as well but if you don’t want a chemical soup of high fructose corn syrup, palm oil and a zillion preservatives do yourself a favor and splurge for one of these–they’re delicious!
murder outline crime scene


[How to Identify a Decomposed Body] On women the index finger is longer than the third finger. The reverse is true of men.

Ultra-marathon champ and vegan Scott Jurek tells how to eat and run 100 miles. Fermented food and Paleo diets are also put to the test. Audio
xray hand[Arthritis] Do any of you have any cures for painful hand arthritis?  It hurts to make a fist unless in a hot bubble bath.  Does arthritis hurt less in Florida?  I’m up here in the frozen North. Someone told me that it doesn’t hurt in Arizona. Ew, maybe more booze. Would that help the pain?  Does pot help?  That makes me fat.  When is the Skinnygirl brand of weed coming out?  I cannot deal with this pain and feel handicapped.  Any healthy suggestions would be fabulous.
[“Septic tanks”] What is the latest on keeping our perfectly working septic tanks in case, or rather, when, the FKAA fiasco crashes and soaks the Keys with dodo!? I am going to be really pissed off if my property is covered in the ‘hood’s crapola!
tv9[For Sale] TV & stand together for $30.  This RCA TV might last forever, unlike the 2 – 3 year flat screens on today’s market. 27” RCA w/remote & User’s guides in 3 languages.  In a corner, it takes no more space than a flat screen.  TV is 30” wide, 23” high, & 19” deep & heavy. Also, a black Sony TV stand, with perfect, curved smoke glass; it is designed for a corner.  33” wide at front, only 24 1/2” at back; 19” high, with a shelf inside. Cudjoe Key (mm 21) 305-744-0558
[Vote] Congrats USA! 36 million more Americans watched Super Bowl 50 than voted in 2014.
godzilla dances

[Lied to All These Years] A Japanese fireman with a sweaty face is shouting into a radio, “Now Godzilla’s picked up a train…” Which makes no sense because amphibians don’t have thumbs. Maybe Godzilla’s thumbs are like a panda’s so-called thumb, which is really an evolved claw. Maybe.

What a lousy Superbowl and the commercials sucked too. At $2500 per seat, I want my money back!

toilet flush lever

[Sewers] How about we all flush our toilets at the same time when the sewers are complete and see if this crappy system works or not!

[First Slaves in America] In 1621 a Dutch vessel, availing itself of this commercial liberty, brought into James River twenty Africans, who were immediately purchased as slaves.
ftr from the right 75h[FTR] Rubio will beat Clinton or Sanders. There is good reason for Rubio’s growing popularity. Many, if not most, Americans see the threat of homeland terrorism and the metastasis of radical Islam worldwide as the single biggest threat to our nation and the world as we know it. (continued on the National Politics page …)
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