2016 January

Tuesday, January 19, 2016


Since 2002. Published Tuesedays and Fridays

national politics an(Click here)
cowboy-hans-bumgartencowboys-funeral1.92-flotillahans-bumgarten-ashes1.92[Murder in the Florida Straights] The Citizen printed this photo of Captain Hand Baumgarten and reminded me of a horrible event.

In 1991 Captain Hans Baumgarten (in the plaid trousers in the photo) was murdered by two Cuban men who chartered his boat to go “fishing”. Instead they murdered him, dumped his body overboard and took his boat to Cuba. They paid him from a big roll of cash.

Boaters found his body and he was cremated and his ashes were dumped in the NW Channel.  There was a large flotilla accompanying the funeral boat. As is fitting to Key Weird his ashes blew back onto the mourners at the stern of the boat. The Fireball had a different captain that day who didn’t consider the wind direction when stopping the boat to dump the ashes. It was a rotten ending to a rotten story for a real good guy.

Hans was a good guy. He gave me advice once at the docks where I was leery of drilling of holes in my new boat to mount stuff. He laughed and said, “Don’t worry about it.” I haven’t since.




[The Great Tree Massacre of 2016] Winn Dixie landscaping?

[Shallow Wells Approved] A state administrative law judge ruled that a privately owned Stock Island sewer utility does not have to build a deep injection well to handle treated sewage. State Department of Administrative Hearings law judge Cathy Sellers issued her ruling Friday, stating that KW Resort Utilities can use two shallow injection wells, which are much cheaper to build, to handle the treated effluent on Stock Island when the utility completes construction of a new plant, which could cost between $4 and $6 million, according to three estimates given to the utility. The deep well could have added an additional $6 million to the project, which could be completed by January 2017, said KW Resort Utilities’ attorney Bart Smith, whose family owns the utility. “We are very happy with the well-reasoned decision by the judge,” Smith said. The Florida Keys-based environmental group Last Stand challenged the state Department of Environmental Protection permit needed to open the plant, arguing that KW Resort Utility should install a deep well, which would push the treated sewage several thousand feet deeper into the ground. ~KW Citizen, Tim O’Hara

[GE Is Now Chinese] Haier Group’s headquarters is in Qingdao in eastern China’s Shandong province. Haier Group, the world’s biggest home appliance maker, announced Friday that it is buying General Electric Co.’s appliance business for $5.4 billion to expand its U.S. and global presence.

[Living With Snowbirds] Just so you know, we locals love our small post office. When you’re not here the rest of the year it’s suits us fine. Rarely is there a wait and if there is, it’s a chance to catch up with someone we probably know. Our grocery, Winn Dixie, also suits us just fine the rest of the year. There is always plenty of parking and fresh produce to meet our needs.

Sunday evening, we were all saddened to see the trees in the parking lot, where the chickens would roost, cut down. I suppose it puts you more at ease, but those mahogany trees not only roosted the chickens, they kept our cars cool in the summer heat.

There’s just something fun about our lifestyle here, neat, quirky and unlike anyplace else. You see, we have learned to live with less, on the edge of losing everything six months of every year and we like it. We are humble and grateful. Not for the money you throw at us three months of the year, we are grateful for the quiet, laid back paradise we know the other nine months you are not here. We know what it’s like to drive to work across an ocean so blue it makes our eyes water some days. We know what it’s like to relax into a warm, balmy breeze at the end of a scorching day with friends and neighbors. We know what it’s like to be whoever we are and know it’s not only okay, but cherished.

All we ask is that you try to appreciate the fact that we are tolerating your poor driving skill, pushy, rude, mainland ways as much as we can; and we are, as patiently as possible, awaiting your departure. We know a different way.  We have jobs when you’re not here “supporting” us the rest of the year and do just fine. We manage the trade-off. I hope this insight helps you to understand our small resentments and you’ll appreciate being here with us a little more.

winn-dixie-parking-lot-treesWinn Dixie is cutting down the trees that shaded your vehicles in the summer and looked pretty good too. The word is that they are trying to get rid of the chickens, and that someone complained that there was poop on their car. Rumors abound.
[Another US1 accident] Another accident Monday morning. This time the car drifted into an oncoming dump truck!! if you are texting and driving stop! There is no text that important. The life you save may be your own.
mouth plantWeed-Be-Gone
1 gallon vinegar
2 cups Epson salt
1/4 cup Dawn dish detergent – the blue original
Just mix and spray in the morning after the dew has evaporated. Cheaper than anything you can buy and it will kill anything you spray it on. Link orOption 2 (do not mix these methods) Link
Soak your pea gravel with sea water. Nothing but mangroves grow in sea water. You can always mix a heavy dose of salt in water for a pump sprayer or sprinkle salt all over the pea rock and let the rains take care of it. Pool chemicals do the trick too. Bleach kills all and whitens stones.”For every blade of Grass a Mosquito has a home to breed in!”
Did you hear about the Polish car pool? They meet at work.

[FTR: “I don’t know about you, but this old fart is fed up…fed up to here…”] You know, FTR guy may have unwittingly written the best epithet for himself.

Florida Greenways and Trails newsletter. Link
axe to grind[The Great Tree Massacre of 2016] I went to Winn Dixie this morning [Monday] and what a shock! Every tree in the parking lot has been removed. Looks like Miami after Hurricane Andrew. Not a bit of shade anywhere to be found and now the true ugliness of the shopping center is visible to the world. I was told the management company from Boca Raton didn’t like the trees and wants to plant Royal Palms to make it look more like a Palm Beach shopping center. They also had the chickens removed to who knows where (watch out for and W/D sale on chicken). I wish I had a picture to attach. Maybe someone else can post one.
[Peugeot with Parking Assistance 1927] This was in 1927. The more things evolve and progress the more we find someone has already been there, done that. Video
leaning tower pisa

Next time you pass MM 77 take a look at the gas pumps on the north side of the highway. Going 55 MPH even a guy on horseback could see they are leaning this way and that. Who the hell mounted those things? I don’t even want to think about the unsafe work those guys have done if they left them looking like that.

[Sarcasm and Orgasm] Two things most people don’t get. (those who do are smiling right now)


[Free Plug] Opened in October 1985, family owned, breakfast and lunch, the Galley Grill mm25 Summerland Key.

I’m glad to see the new people moving here. 95% of us here weren’t born here either. Time spent living here makes you appreciate what you have. Try a bit to understand why you moved here in the first place.
dabloon rotate[Expert Wanted] We are trying to locate someone who is educated in old coins, stamps and unusual currency, made incorrectly. We will pay for your expertise. Text Dixie at 305-797-0474
[United Way Does Good] From January 15th-18th, United Way of the Florida Keys participated in service events throughout the Keys to celebrate the Martin Luther King Day of Service. The MLK Day of Service is a part of United We Serve, the President’s national call to service initiative. It calls for Americans from all walks of life to make the holiday, “a day on, not a day off”. It serves to harness the power of volunteerism to provide solutions to our most pressing national problems such as hunger, homelessness, and poverty.

On January 15th, UWFK began their weekend of service by distributing over five pallets worth of school supplies to students throughout Monroe County! Volunteers helped deliver notebooks, pens, and paper to 15 schools in the upper, middle, and lower Keys, reaching over 8,000 students.

On January 18th, UWFK staff and volunteers participated in service projects at local nonprofits. In the Upper Keys, volunteers completed landscaping projects at the Wild Bird Rehabilitation Center in Tavernier. In Key West, volunteers cleaned, cooked, and served a hot meal for the homeless at St. Mary’s soup kitchen.

Donations to support the work of UWFK and our local nonprofit partner agencies are accepted year-round. If you would like to make a donation, you can access our online giving portal by clicking the “Donate” button at Link. Thank you for helping us in our mission to become the leader in community caring!





Don’t snort Viagra.

[Rough Seas] Without a doubt the United States Navy is the most powerful navy in the world. Until Mother Nature says otherwise! Video


Interesting comprehensive map of every country in the world that uses the MMDDYYYY format and the silly American system of measurement.

[The Great Outdoors] When I was a kid I’d play outside every day. My mother would throw me out—to join the other boys whose mothers had thrown them out. We’d play in the fields or woods, making up stories and adventures. I don’t imagine kids today are fostering such imagination. Everything is already imagined for them online. I doubt they even play outside every day.
dance tap hip hop


I just watched Gregory Hines in the B movie “Tap”. You’ve got to have a whole lot of energy to be a tap dancer at that level!

Our Beautiful America –Charlie Daniels Band



[Legend of Threes] Glenn Frey, the Eagles guitar player died yesterday. That’s three. David Bowie, Alan Rickman, and now Glenn Frey. Link

[Beliefs] There are many people who aren’t satisfied unless something is either from God or is a conspiracy. They just can’t live for the here and now.
cristal ball gypsy

Wow, talk about a prediction!  A poster on Saturday said Alan Rickman and David Bowie passed and there would be a third – and they were right.  Glen Frey passed away this week. Hopefully we’ll keep the rest of the celebrities now.  It was 3 big losses. They all left creative legacies and will be missed.

Wonder how important computers or cell phones are? Just carry one for notes and let the battery go dead. Yeah, paper forever!
separate egg whites[Egg Whites] A man burnt his face badly. His neighbor came out of her house with a dozen eggs and a bowl yelling: “bring me some more eggs!” She broke them, separating the whites from the yolks and applied the whites onto the man’s face. By the end of the summer, the man’s face was like a baby’s skin. (remember, you saw it on the internet)
The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal”, “Thou shalt not commit adultery”, and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.  ~George Carlin


[Moon Effects] Here’s a handy moon chart for the year. For example, you can Google: how does a full moon effect a Taurus.

The Oscars are turning into another racial bull s**t show. There are not as many non-whites winning this year, so what? Maybe it is because there is not enough talent at the other end of the bus or there was better talent up front? How about giving “Oscar” Myers to basketball players?

[Wanted] I’m in need of a riding lawn mower in good condition. Thanks. 785 567 6408.

After seeing what those idiots in Tennessee did with their lottery ticket and going on the Today Show to expose themselves to the world, I quit buying the big tickets and will stick with the little ones just in case I do win a few rupees. That way the Mob, my Relatives and the Charities won’t be knocking down my door for their share!
crossing guard police stopTo the traffic directors outside the flea market on sat afternoon in Big Pine Key: Are you kidding me? you allowed each pedestrian to randomly cross the street and therefore caused a 7 mile back up of traffic? At least hold the pedestrians and allow them to cross every 5 minutes or so. That was the most ridiculous back up of traffic I’ve ever seen. The town and traffic would’ve been better off without you standing there gabbing and allowing the drivers and walkers to use their own common sense and courtesy to cross the street. You did no favors to the traffic flow through your town and we were so frustrated we chose to keep driving vs stopping to visit your stores and restaurants. Poor job.
[Mystery Message] Very well thought out, with original text. Kudoes!
medicare part g[Medicare Part G] Say you are an older senior citizen and can no longer take care of yourself and the government says there is no nursing home care available for you. So, what do you do? You opt for Medicare, Part G. The plan gives anyone 75 or older a gun (Part G) and one bullet. You are allowed to shoot one worthless politician. This means you will be sent to prison for the rest of your life where you will receive three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating and air conditioning, cable TV, a library, and all the Health Care you need. Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That’s great. Need a hearing aid, new hip, knees, kidney, lungs, sex change, or heart? They are all covered!

As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you at least as often as they do now! And, who will be paying for all of this? The same government that just told you they can’t afford for you to go into a nursing home. And you will get rid of a useless politician while you are at it. And now, because you are a prisoner, you don’t have to pay any more income taxes. Is this a great country or what!

The Southernmost Coconut Castaways, the Official Home “Friend Club” of Howard Livingston and the MM24 Band, will be having their  5th Anniversary/Birthday Party Jump Up social this Wednesday,  January 20th at Mangrove Mama’s at MM 20 from 6:00 – 9:00 p.m. Special 2/$30 dinner menu and happy hour drink specials all night long. Raffles, prizes, give-aways, contests, awards, and live music provided by Adrienne Zolondick & Jade Storm until 10:00 p.m. Everyone is always welcome to attend!

For more information about The Southernmost Coconut Castaways, a charitable/volunteer/fun non-profit Club and organization with the motto “Serving Community Roles With Caribbean Souls”, go to Link or stop by their “merch & info table” and learn how you can become “another Castaway” like Howard sings about.

academy award

Did I hear the radio say “Mad Max-Fury Road was nominated for an Academy award? I don’t know how I sat though that piece of s**t; and its nominated?

[Judgmental] I just looked at the 2016 Mayor’s Ball photos in Konk Life and realized the ugliest people in the USA must live in Key West. They all look like the commerce board members from Amity Island in JAWS. Are these the soles who will live in the “affordable housing homes” or the greedy bastards who want cheap labor under their thumbs? Link
microsoft logo

[Microsoft Won’t Support Old Windows Versions On New Processors] Like I didn’t tell you so. MS is sticking it where the sun does shine! Link

Submit anything but National Politics to For National Politics go directly to that page, log in, and post your comment. NATIONAL POLITICS

national politics an(Click here)