2018 January

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsPublished Tuesdays and Fridays. Letters to the editor with pictures.​ Since 0202.​

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[Sheriff’s Air Force] I just found out that the Fire Department and hospitals are contacting different commercial air ambulance companies to fly patients out of the Keys, to include — you guessed it — Air Meathods[?]. I guess the reason is that one helicopter caught on fire, another one is broken, and the last one is kept on the pad at LKMC. Is this what our tax dollars are being spent on? Next election let’s get rid of all the elected officials involved with Trauma Star.
[“Betty Brothers”] I have a signed copy of one of Betty’s books. As a teen I used to stop and play with her dolphins. Those years were when the Keys were cool and still made up of unique people.




[“Montego Bay property”] It’s going to be a real estate office.

[“Make metal roofs mandatory”] “This proposed ordinance has a great potential for disaster”] The only disaster this would cause is that roofers would be out of business. Anyone who thinks a shingled roof has any advantage over a metal roof doesn’t know much about roofing. My roofer said the only reason local roofers are against metal roofs is because when all the houses have been re-roofed with metal, roofers will be out of business because you never have to replace a metal roof. They last almost for ever. A shingled roof is a bad roof for down here under any circumstance. Friday’s poster’s arguments were based on a few rare exceptions. The only down side to metal roofs is the cost–between $18 G’s and $26 G’s.


[“Metal roofs”] Here is a post-Irma shot of my former home from my days living in PPH. I always thought my full metal roof was better protection but I’m not so sure now. That’s the master bedroom missing its roof and I think that’s the roof lying in the lot next door.

Does anyone know if Mangrove Mama’s has been sold again?



[Debris] We can still dump on the roadway from MM16 to 40, but not on US1.

[Medical Hack] So, your doctor ordered a test or treatment and your insurance company denied it. That is a typical cost saving method. OK, here is what you do:
1. Call the insurance company and tell them you want to speak with the “HIPAA Compliance Privacy Officer“. By federal law, they have to have one.
2 Then ask them for the names as well as credentials of every person accessing your record to make that decision of denial. By law you have a right to that information
3. They will almost always reverse the decision very shortly rather than admit that the committee is made of low paid high school graduates, looking at “criteria words,” and making the medical decisions to deny your care. Even in the rare case it is made by medical personnel, it is unlikely that it is made by a board certified doctor in that specialty and they do not want you to know this.
4. Any refusal should be reported to the US Office of Civil Rights ( as a HIPAA violation.
The Spanish Harbor boat ramp is full of bay grass at least 50% of the year and unusable when needed the most. Instead of putting a needed public ramp on the west side of the bridge to help Big Pine Key and the tourist, our elected officials have put hundreds of thousands of dollars (if not millions) into a first class bridge fishing project on Spanish Harbor Bridge. There is very limited parking for bridge fishers on the east side of the bridge, where most of the money has gone. On the east side of the bridge is the boat launch ramp, which has limited parking now for boaters. I do not have anything at all against bridge fishers, just huge amounts of wasted tax dollars
Metal roofs are the only way to go. Only shingle roof contractors love them. Ask any insurance or mortgage company.
Kenny Lowe, the manger at Winn-Dixie, isn’t leaving. He doesn’t know how that rumor got started, but said many have asked. Next time you are in there, thank him for opening W/D the day after Irma with almost no staff. Better yet, contact their corporate office and write nice things.
Wolfman passed away. He died as he lived, alone. Some of you may have known Wolfman, a homeless guy who had been on Big Pine Key for many years. He did no harm to anyone. He slept wherever it was dry. It’s hard for many of us to understand that some of the homeless folks have chosen that life style, Wolfman did. Back in the day he was always seen with his white German Shepard, that’s how he got his name. Like so many Piners, I never knew his birth name, only his nick name. He did take good care of his dog. RIP Wolfman.
[Debris] The collection of Hurricane Irma debris resumed Wednesday on Monroe County roads in the mile marker 16 to 40 area in the Lower Keys after a short break for Christmas.

No county roads in these areas have received a final collection pass. If you have debris in county rights of way or private roads, it will get picked up. More than 1 million cubic yards of debris has been collected from just this area alone, the area hardest hit by the Category 4 Sept. 10 storm.

If you live between mile markers 16 and 40 and have eligible hurricane debris remaining in your yard, place it on the nearest county right of way. This is important to expedite the cleanup and ensure all eligible hurricane debris is picked up.

The final collection of hurricane debris on Duck Key, Conch Key and in the city of Layton is also underway. The deadline has passed in these areas to put hurricane debris on county and city rights of way.

The Florida Department of Transportation’s debris contractor, MCM, is conducting a final pass along U.S. 1 in the Keys. It’s been illegal for weeks now to dump any hurricane debris in the U.S. 1 right of way or on county roads that have received or in the midst of a final sweep. This includes Key Largo, Tavernier and from Stock Island to mile marker 15 (Baypoint).

Also, discarded Christmas trees in the Keys should not be put on hurricane debris piles for pickup. The trees should be put with your regular yard waste for collection.




We put out water every day for the deer and they drink about two gallons of it every day.

Q: What happened to the Irish man who thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year?
A: He gave up thinking.
[Debris] When the hell is the State going to clean up the rest of Irma’s debris. I know most of the local rednecks have dumped their trash on our roads, but that still needs to be cleaned up! When the rat start eating our kids then something might be done, right?
[Membrane Roofs] Parts of a metal roof that become airborne can become a disaster to its neighbors! Not every house can be County-approved for a metal roof. Seven years ago, my ancient gable-style roof got a white “TPO-fabric” roof instead from

Commercial grade, less expensive, guaranteed longer, provided much-reduced interior temperatures, bonded tightly, and survived Hurricane Irma’s 140-mph “dirty-side” winds with no damage whatsoever.

[Bob Marley Redemption Song] At the time he wrote ‘Redemption Song’, circa 1979, Bob Marley had been diagnosed with the cancer in his toe that later took his life. It is considered one of his greatest works and continues to inspire generations of Marley fans across the world. Audio
[Conquistadores 1518 Mexico] The unhappy victim destined to be sacrificed was ripped open with a knife made of sharp flint; the throbbing heart was then torn out, and immediately offered to the idol-god in whose honour the sacrifice had been instituted. After this, the head, arms, and legs were cut off and eaten at their banquets, with the exception of the head, which was saved, and hung to a beam appropriated for that purpose. No other part of the body was eaten, but the remainder was thrown to the beasts which were kept in those abominable dens, in which there were also vipers and other poisonous serpents, and, among the latter in particular, a species at the end of whose tail there was a kind of rattle. This last-mentioned serpent, which is the most dangerous, was kept in a cabin of a diversified form, in which a quantity of feathers had been strewed: here it laid its eggs, and it was fed with the flesh of dogs and of human beings who had been sacrificed.
Reality continues to ruin my life.
[Keys Expensive] Those of us who have lived in Keys since birth or moved here when it was affordable should now move away because a bunch of ‘got miners’ developed and ruined our homes? Maybe, just maybe, Irma was karma on the got miners! She sure could not have tore up a more deserving part of the Keys than she did. One day I will be in Boondocks or the tiki bar and actually get to see and hear some twat-waffle say those who cannot afford it here should move. I can guarantee you his orthodontist will be able to afford the Keys life afterwards, and tell Ira Jane / Melanie[?] — whatever this week, hello.
[“Favorite hurricane trashed item”] I think Wilma’s favorite trashed item was cars and trucks. I think there were 27,000 removed from the Keys. In this year’s hurricane, the insurance companies aren’t junking them anymore, they’re just paying to repair them. I’d still be worried that six months down the road the ‘fixed’ cars will un-fix and stop.
If I get a paper cut in my office, can I sue my boss for having sharp paper around? How about suing for conception due to a cheap rubber bursting? Or maybe suing the cruise line for bad weather during my trip? Can I sue because I have never sued anyone before?



This Big Pine Key snowman was brought to you by Coconuts Bar & Drive Through Liquor Store, downtown Pine Key.

[Resolution] In 2018 I will start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store.
[Debris] In just a few more days it will be 4 months since hurricane Irma.  Still there are piles of trash and garbage everywhere.  On Watson between Key Deer Blvd. and Fern Ave. nothing has been touched and the trash continues to get dumped.  There hasn’t been one pickup.  Not one.  The stuff was actually falling into the roadway until someone pushed it back a bit. I haven’t seen even one truck in Eden Pines and only two on Key Deer Blvd where piles of debris still sit.  I hope we all clearly remember this inexcusable debacle when it’s time to vote for county commissioners again who have a lot of excuses, do a lot of finger pointing and basically do nothing to remedy this mess.


Happy 2018!   On the back of my Jethro Tull‘s Aqualung album circa 1971.  In the beginning, Man created …

Betty Brothers wrote and illustrated many books about the dolphins.” Can you tell me some of the books she wrote their titles?


[Over-development] If you get the chance to travel to Hawaii and the South Pacific, don’t bother, it all has been trashed out and tourist-ized and the old world beauty is gone. Save your money and just tour via Google Earth! Beware the same doesn’t happen here, or is it already too late?

[“BBQ grills thrown out”] Because the New Keys are owned by people who fix nothing. They are the throw-away generation.
[Correction] I am old and have senior moments”. I recently posted a message to Glenn Reber regarding the passing of John Brincko. John Brincko was the second husband of Glenn Reber’s sister, not his mother! Sorry.
All the twisted news that is being displayed online, on TV and in the papers, that are actually lies should be liable as lying in court and those held responsible.
[Cisterns] We are 150 miles out to sea and most every home here has a pointed [Gabled] roof for snow loads. A flat roof would collect rain and help fill utility containers, water the weed, even supply the home with drinking water if filtered correctly. Also, the earth is 7/8 water and we don’t tap that for drinking or cultivation very well. Why?
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