2018 January

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsPublished Tuesdays and Fridays. Letters to the editor with pictures.​ Since 0202.​

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[Over Development To Begin] Monroe County Commissioners, County Administrator Roman Gastesi & Planning Director Mayte Santamaria are on the verge of executing a plan that will end life as we know it in our beloved island homes, neighborhoods and communities.

My message to them is as follows: I’m at the Miami VA and unable to attend this important meeting. I adamantly oppose and will do all within my power to resist these specious, fallacious and unconstitutional changes under consideration that will destroy our way of life in the Florida Keys.

I’m assembling a team of attorneys, scientists and legal experts that ardently stand in opposition to the changes that you’re considering to amend into our Comprehensive Land Use Plan.

The mythical guise (proposals) addressing the affordable/workforce housing desires of government, developers and business are destructive. If adopted, they will deliver the final death blow to every resident of Monroe County concerned with maintaining a modicum of nature, decency and environmentally sound necessities required to support a healthy and sane existence.

The deleterious impact of approving “Building Incentives for Developers” will eradicate whatever “quality of life” pursuits families cherish in our Florida Keys. Our National Refuge and Sanctuary will no longer be an Area of Critical Concern, as it will have been forever terminated. Urban sprawl will have secured its noose round our necks.

Because the county commission has chosen to consider and possibly sign into law these horrific land use changes, they have an obligation to provide each citizen that will have to endure their insanity, with the means and opportunity to present facts and evidence that will offset and deter them from making a very ignorant and illegal decision.

I request that they either vote “NO” or delay this lunacy until my team can properly present to them an argument that will assuage their derangement, or more appropriately, eliminate it all together.
~John Donnelly

[Wind Insurance] The only insurance that really worked was flood insurance. If you had a ground level home they paid you whatever you asked for, no matter how ridiculous. Wind insurance is almost useless as they argue over ever dollar and the deductible is awful, from 3-5% of your house’s value. On a $300,000 house you’d have to pay between $9,000 and $15,000 out of your pocket.
This Sunday, January 28th, from noon till 4, Coconuts will host ABATE’s 17th (could even be the 18th?) annual Chili Cook Off. This is one of the most fun events of the year. The video will give you a peek of what’s going on. If you’re out and about stop by, spend a few bucks, eat some great chili, hear some excellent music, enjoy a fine afternoon & help ABATE.

ABATE is not a club, it is a politically active organization working on motorcyclist’s rights. We are affiliated with national rights groups like the American Motorcyclist Association (AMA), the Motorcycle Riders Foundation (MRF) and the National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM). This video is last years, I think. Check it out. Video

[Debris Pickup] The last day to put eligible hurricane debris on County and private roads in the Mile Marker 28 to 40 area (Little Torch, Big Pine and No Name keys) is Sunday, Jan. 28.

Final pass in this area will begin Monday, Jan. 29 and continue for several weeks until the debris has been collected. Leading up to the final pass start date, collection will continue in this area.

County public works crews will also perform a final pass on private roads in this area, moving any additional debris from the private road to the closest County right of way for collection by the County’s contractor. It is not necessary for residents on private roads to call to request a pick up.

It remains illegal to put debris anywhere along U.S. 1 in the Keys – this includes between MM 28 and 40.

The final pass already is underway on County and private roads in the Mile Marker 16 to 28 area, and will continue until completed. The deadline to put debris along roads in these areas has passed.

[Canal Debris] Big Piners already tasked with rebuilding homes, reopening businesses and restoring neighborhoods have also expressed frustration that canals in the area are still trashed by post-Irma debris with no apparent plan in place to clean them.

The process to restore canals in the Keys is apparently more complex. Monroe County, representing unincorporated parts of the Keys such as Big Pine, Key Largo and several others, along with incorporated areas, must each draft and sign individual memos of understanding with the Florida Department of Environmental Protection. The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission originally was also part of the multi-agency venture but has since pulled out. Monroe County Commissioner George Neugent says that all the bureaucratic shuffling means the county’s hands are tied.

[Talk Talk] Woman speak about 20,000 words a day and men about 17,000 except for a guy I used to work with who never shut up. He would talk from the time he got out of his truck until the time he left the job. He never shut up and never really said anything of value. He drove me crazy to the point where I never hired him again even though he was a terrific worker. My sanity was more important than the job.
[Restaurant Review –Tonio’s] My wife and I went there last Wednesday and it was not crowded at all so there should not have been much stress.  I ordered the grouper special with crab on top with a cream sauce.  All I got was a piece of grilled grouper in an oil sauce.  No crab.  We ordered several glasses of wine but were given the happy hour price only on the first glass even though we were there early and all subsequent glasses were well within the happy hour pricing.  Bottom line:  The piece of grouper was real and cooked well, but I think the buyer should beware about this place. ~Davis C

[Locked Public Doors] Damn it! Everywhere I have ever been, if there are two doors entering a building they both have to open for the fire code. Most places in the Keys keep one side locked and people walk into it, then have to use the other door. This sucks because the RH Door in always in and the LH door is always out. Maybe if I sue they will fix this! Mark the IN and OUT sides for the idiots and germ freaks.

[New Nature Center] The Key Deer refuge’s new nature center was basically unscathed in the storm, even serving as a shelter after the storm for first responders and National Guardsmen. Killam says that staff is striving to keep the center’s opening night on schedule, which is set for this fall. Visitors can preview the new nature center from March 10-17.

[Conspiracy theory of the week] Did you know that NASA invented thunderstorms to cover up the sound of space battles!

[Tonio’s] I was at the bar about a week ago and the couple next to me sent back, what appeared to be, seared tuna. We have to give the place a chance. Opening a new restaurant takes time to train the staff and work out all the bugs.

[Wanted] Utility trailer for carrying 1 yard of fill (3,000 lbs).

MO:I just bought a gallon of Liquid Wench
JO: That’s Liquid Wrench
MO: Not when you buy it at Fair villa!
[“Brighten tube”] If a magazine isn’t handy to “brighten” one’s view (Friday’s ‘Science’ post), just make a narrow tube by curling your fingers.




[Cooking Tip] Tired of boiling water every time you make pasta? Boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later.

[Free Tax Preparation] United Way of the Florida Keys is offering 2 free tax preparation options for families with limited incomes who live in Monroe County. The VITA (Volunteer Income Tax Assistance) program is designed to assist qualified taxpayers with completion of their annual tax returns and to ensure that limited income families receive every available benefit. Qualification is based on a household income of less than $54,000 in 2017.  In addition, United Way partners with industry leader H&R Block to help people easily and accurately file both their federal and state taxes through MyFreeTaxes, for taxpayers earning less than $66,000. tax-prep
The four most alarming words people hear in a bar are, “Last call for alcohol.”
The invasive New Guinea flatworm will be a great thing for most of the restaurants down here. They can offer it to the tourists who actual think they are eating grouper, snapper or dolphin. Since the restaurants have been substituting Asian crap fish such as Tilapia for the real thing for years, the transition should be easy.   Locals can make some money collecting them for the restaurants.
Any one know who the politician is that will be at St. Pats about noon Sat. 27th?
[“Slow down for deers”] To the “grammar police”, the sign has been upgraded! ~Sandi

[Debris in Canals] Just call the Army Corp of Engineers and they will clean out the ditches in days! Don’t get any politicians involved or any juntas or else nothing will be accomplished except your wallet being emptied.

UWFK announces additional $130,000 in hurricane relief grants. See who gets it: Link

[Conquistadores 1518 Mexico] The Mexican Indians wished to murder us, and eat our flesh, for which purpose they had already prepared the dishes, the salt, the pepper, and the tomatoes. The Indians would make peace, after they had satiated themselves with the flesh of our bodies, and had honored their gods with the sacrifice of our blood and hearts.

Mo: what’s with all these broads suing all the guys?
Jo: It’s because they want an easy meal ticket
Mo: But what if you take her ‘fishing’ and fix the problem?
Jo: Nah, just take her lawyer ‘fishing’, nobody’ll miss him!


All those s**thole countries can go away and let earth clean itself back to clean air and water.

Why do we let out ‘maintenance people‘[?] tax us to the point of bankruptcy? Because we have been conditioned that they are Gods and we are their servants!
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