2015 January

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

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The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Anonymous Letters to the Editor with pictures. Published Monday through Friday by Noon.

tap brown water
[Corrosive Wate
r] Every morning I hear the radio commercial about how great our Florida Keys tap water is, award winning etc.. If so, why do the plumbing fixtures in my house have to be replaced every few years. This weekend I replaced an expensive not-so-old bathroom faucet that was crumbling apart. My shower heads get clogged and rot out every few years. The drain stopper in the other bathroom stopped working and when I took it apart the stainless steel rod that opens and closes the drain had rusted and the end was missing. My parents up north have had the same plumbing fixtures since I was a kid and that was a very long time ago. What is in our water that destroys all the fixtures? Good thing we have PVC pipe or we would be replacing the pipes as well.
For rent. BPK. 3/2 on canal. Fenced yard with boat slip, swim spa and outdoor shower. Master suite with jetted tub. Available Jan 15th. Long term lease $2,500. Classified Ads > For Rent
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Last night I cracked some stone crab claws (from Fanci Seafood) in the kitchen sink. I got most of the shell fragments collected, but a few went down the drain. They will lay on the bottom of my septic tank until the pump-out, just like the beach sand that my visiting guests washed down the drain in the shower. If I had an E-1 grinder pump instead of a septic tank, these hard sharp particles could shred the rubber stator. How crazy do you have to be to design a raw sewage pump with a rubber sleeve as a sealing and wear item? Crazy as a fox if you can sucker some backwater coastal utility company with virtually no sewer experience into designing their whole damned collection system around them. “Oh, Lordy, we’re going to be selling a lot of parts to them fools!”
Today’s driving tip for Snowbirds: There is no law that requires you to stay behind the painted stripe when the light is green. Get the hell into the frigging intersection so you are ready to make a left turn when an opportunity arrives. When the light turns yellow, by virtue of the fact that you are actually in the intersection, you have the right-of-way and can turn when the oncoming traffic stops for the red light. Which means someone actually made a left turn during a light cycle. Don’t just sit there like a bump on a log behind the stripe with a green light, or worse yet, straddle the cross-walk only to back up when the light goes yellow. Look it up. It’s not illegal to be in the intersection during a green light.
[Spies Like Us] Despite the influx of tourists in the Lower Keys, local watering holes don’t seem to be nearly as well patronized as usual? Could it be that locals are getting upset at the increasing use of spy cameras that monitor not only the honesty of the staff but the sobriety and conduct of patrons? Occasional police presence at bars to review video tapes perhaps not only discourages patronage but attendance as well. Orwell may well have been right.
scales weightedAmerican lawmakers, spurred by their concern for the natural Keys environment, have created a regulatory environment in which the barriers of government are broken down and the boundaries of the Constitution defaced.   It is my opinion that the Feds have lost sight of the importance of constitutional protections as they measure their accomplishments in terms of numbers of prosecutions and convictions and the dollar value of fines.
[“Sunrise drive weeds”]  I feel for you, but did you not figure in that SE wind weed thing before you bought.? I looked there about twenty years ago and decidedly decided not to buy a home there because of the weeds. It will not stop and there is nothing you can do. Sad but true. It will eventually sink — until next time. Have a cocktail and forget about it.
I don’t care about the smoke. I want to join the Moose to be part of the community. Maybe I can help out and/or improve the smoke issue once I join, but I’ll make my own decision.
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flag gay4
The law of the land in Florida is that the ban on same-sex marriage, as codified in statutes and the Florida constitution, is in contravention of the rights insured by the United States Constitution and is thus unenforceable.  ~Judge Luis Garcia Circuit Court
[Smelly Locals] No, no,  the reason the snowbird that you were talking about was making such a scowley face when he entered your proximity, was your stifling body odor. It’s pretty much a locals thing.
[War and Peace] A dynamic new dramatization of Leo Tolstoy’s epic follows the fortunes of three Russian aristocratic families during the Napoleonic War.  Audio
complain6[Moanin’ and a-groanin‘] I sure hope there are some happy people down in the Keys. It sure seems to be a lot of negative people posting on the CT these days. Some of you folks need to chill out. You could be living where the sun doesn’t shine. Remember you live in Paradise, go scuba diving or try fishing and get outdoors and enjoy what you have.  Why bitch about every little thing. Have a good day and rock on!
[Bumper Sticker]  I had sex with my wife and all I got was this honor student.
pig tail
[Freshest sausage ever
] Smartest prank ever. Video
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[“Climate change according to FTR”] I would like for FTR to provide one source for climate change denial that is not paid or supported by a special or political interest.  Just one!
[“Sunrise drive weeds“] A lot of people get blinded by the idea of living on the water and don’t do their homework. There are several places on the islands that are inundated by weeds when the wind blows from a certain direction, but the realtors don’t usually mention that.
polar bear party
[“No Name Key has had electricity for over a year and a half. What harm has it caused”] I am glad you bought this up. I remember how the greenies ranted about those greedy people that just wanted electricity so they could sell their home and make an obscene profit. It never happened. What did happen is that a lot of those noxious, noisy, polluting, polar bear killing generators are not being used.The greens should be screaming about the building height limit being raised in the name of global warming threats. This is a distraction; it is the equivalent of the “do it for the children’ ruse politicians use to get their pet projects passed. If this height is allowed to be raised at all, then all hell will gradually break loose and this place will look like Miami Beach. And that will not be good for the children or polar bear.
Bi Polar
the world’s favorite
mood disorder,
the cause of all
human ails, including wars,
being killed by cops on a Key West beach,
whatever fits,
if the demons
are not counted.Bi Polar disorder,
the destruction of the
south pole,
the feminine,
the north pole,
he ain’t been
right in the head
since she been gone.
[Same Sex Marriage] The judge says, “I now pronounce you legally married.” instead of  “… man and wife.”
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[Rip Off] Wounded Warriors Project a legal scam! Only about a third goes to help. If you were thinking about donating to the Wounded Warrior Project, think twice. It would behoove you to get in your car and drive cross-country to deliver the funds to the charity you hope to help. More money would end up in their hands than entrusting it to the WWP for disbursement. “Patriotism is the last refuge of scoundrels.”  Link
The Asshole Song — by Jimmy Buffett Video
hareens 12.2.14
Current statics says that 65% of business came through smartphones and tablets.
Redneck paradise
I am a proud Moose member from N.J. Years ago we were told by the state the we would have to become non-smoking. It was no big deal to me. I am a cigar smoker, I have no problem stepping outside. But if you think you increase membership by becoming non-smoking, I think you’re wrong. I’ve heard all kinds of people tell me, that they will start coming out, and I haven’t see any of them. Some people just like to bitch.
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A can of wasp spray is a preferable alternative to pepper spray for protection against assailants, I’ve heard.  Is pepper spray permitted in the Keys or will I get a ticket from MCSO? Will I get a ticket for using a can of wasp spray if I am approached and feel threatened?  It seems like MCSO gives out a lot of tickets.  Obviously, I am not a man.
[Obamacare] I have to totally agree with FTR on his post yesterday concerning Obamacare, the “Unaffordable Health Care Act”. My company’s management, in all their wisdom, took away my benefits in 2013, because they were so sure I could get even better coverage through Obamacare. My insurance through my company had included medical, dental, and vision, and cost me $235 per month, with no deductible and $2500 out of pocket max. Last year, through Obamacare, I paid $859 per month for medical only, with $1900 deductible. This year, the insurance carrier said they weren’t offering the same policy I had last year, but I could get something comparable for $1070 per month. I wound up going with another carrier at $726 per month, but with a whopping $6000 deductible! Affordable health care my arse! And I am considered in the middle class
[Stargazers] Dance of the planets. Venus and Mercury conjunction. Video
energy bulb6
[Energy Grants & Loans] Today,Tuesday, Jan 6th  –  Energy grants & loans for small businesses class. Government grants and / or guaranteed loans are available for small businesses or agricultural producers in Monroe County to make energy efficiency improvements or add renewable energy systems, such as solar energy, to your business. US Department of Agriculture – Rural Development representative, Christine Goddard, will explain the USDA REAP grant which can cover up to 25% of system costs and USDA-guaranteed loans that can cover up to 75% of the costs.  Class is Free! 4 – 6pm at Board of County Commissioners room 2798 Overseas Highway, Marathon (MM 48.5 bayside), 2nd Floor.
[Captain Doom and Gloom] DEF: Singer n, A person who should be calling hogs to do something functional!
DEF: Bimbo n, A overstocked overused overlibated barstool warmer.
DEF: Guru n, Somebody who is a Professional Bull Shiite Artist in a bathrobe.
DEF: Nun n, A penguin with a head full of frustrated dreams wearing Gucci underwear.
DEF: Cop n, A misguided badge carrier thinking politicos are Gods.
DEF: General n, A military dysfunctional who likes old sergeants.
DEF: Sergeant n, A military dysfunctional who likes Generals butts.
DEF: Suit n, Work clothes for the mechanically inept
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kirt-maconaughey-in-his-kilt-and-colors-at-2014-celt-festThe Celts are coming this week to Marathon for the second annual Florida Keys Celtic Festival. It kicks off with a Kilts in the Keys Party on Thursday, Jan. 8 at Marathon Grille in the Gulf Side Village from 5 to 7pm with music by Bernie and Stephen of West of Galway. Enjoy great Celtic culture, music, food and spirit on Friday, Jan. 9 from 3 pm to 9pm and Saturday, January 10 from 9 am to 9pm at Marathon Community Park.The festival features thundering Scottish rock, and a bit of traditional music too, at the park’s main stage amphitheater. Celtic bands are scheduled include Scottish headliner Albannach, international super group Rathkeltair, The Screaming Orphans and West of Galway. The St. Andrews Pipe Band of Miami will fill the festival air with the sounds of bagpipes and drums. Highland Athletics and Border Collie Sheep Herding Demonstrations will take place on the festival grounds. And, there’s a children’s glen with activities for the wee ones.Weekend-long admission for adults is $22 or just $12 for Friday night only and $17 for Saturday.
Children age 12 and under are admitted free with a paid adult. Proceeds from the Florida Keys Celtic Festival supports youth outreach programs for the Hammock House at St Columba Episcopal Church. For tickets and info visit  Events
[“The Big Pine Moose”] They’re addicts, just like any other addict, only too addicted to realize it.
CheapShots will be in the Keys This Friday, Jan. 9th through January 12th, serving from Key West to Islamorada. The holiday dental special has been extended until the end of February due to high demand. Book your appointment early by calling 305-390-0325 or go to for more info. Dentals are starting at $110, yearly vaccine packages $44, and heartworm and flea meds at great prices too.
 [“Smoking Moose“] They have taken cigarettes out of every place now. Go to one of those places and leave the Moose alone. I don’t smoke, but I’m sick of everybody digging into everything looking for something to bitch about. Go someplace else. The rest of us are just going to go through life happy. Living life amazed. Go do something to make the world beautiful. There are plenty of opportunities to make the world better. It will make you feel way,  way better than whining about stupid stuff. When you die which of these choices do you think are going to be more important?
It’s cold in the north in January , therefor ftr must be right, no global warming!
[economy] The USA still lacks good paying jobs thanks to the current admin and the ACA, the USA has become part-time job nation so the = or less than 30 hours work week can be met. So go ahead and tout all those part-time jobs LOL.
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FTR told me in his posting that as a Democrat im upset about the lower prices im paying at the pump.Now thats comedy thats hard to come by.
Let me try telling others what upsets them. Conservatives are highly displeased that we are not involved in a few more wars because not fighting wars means youre a wimp.
Hey, this making up stuff is fun.
Smoking in the BPK Moose IS an established fact period. If you don’t like places full of smokers stay the HELL out. Just who the hell do you think you are, GOD, Mr Obama, Nancy Pelosi,George Neugeant that you are superior to others and they have to bow down to your every whim. Don’t you have to wipe after Ur done like the rest of us. GET A LIFE! Has anyone else noticed that this cropped up After the return of the snowbirds. They come down here for a short period of time and want everything to be just like it is BACK HOME. We like it here just the way it is. If you don’t than why are you here.
from the right
conservative6Let’s review. On many, many occasions in the past I’ve made it abundantly clear that I’m not a journalist, I’m an advocate who is doing his best to convince others that Conservatism is the single best remedy for our nation’s ills. In like fashion, the liberal posters are advocates who do their best to convince others that Liberalism is the cure to our nation’s ills. I will always present the evidence in support of my point of view in the best light possible. As will the liberals.I will attempt to convince everyone who reads the CT as to the merit of my arguments. But, I have never, nor will I ever lie or intentionally attempt to mislead. There is no need to so do because the truth is on the side of Conservatism. Will I make errors? Of course!

You will note that in the majority of my postings, I provide links that are supportive of my point of view. Those links often have content that is not fully supportive of my point of view, nonetheless I provide you with them. You will also please note that the liberal critics default response is not to provide data supportive of their position, but rather to insult and denigrate.

You, the CT reader, will be the ultimate judge of the merit of this Olde Farte’s arguments and opinions. In the end, each reader must realize that the CT is a forum of opinions, and each reader has the responsibility to check the arguments and the facts claimed in support thereof, and then come to their own conclusions.

A POSTER WROTE: “Thanks to Obama the nation added 2.7 million jobs in 2014 through November, the best year for employment growth since 1999. Economic output registered its best six-month stretch since 2003. Claims for jobless benefits have been running lower than at any point since 2000.” Link.

very interesting6FTR’S RESPONSE: To paraphrase Sgt. Schultz of Laugh In fame: “Very Interesting”, but very misleading. Let’s take a look at the official Bureau of Labor Statistics data on the issue.

Please remember that we finally are coming off of the longest recovery from a recession in more than half a century. The only longer and more tortured recovery was also at the hands of Democrats. Please also remember that the recession has been over since June of 2009.  Only in the last few months has our economic engine begin to sputter again in spite of tens of thousands of new regulations foisted on us by the Democrats.

Please consider that we have added 3.423 million people to our labor force since the Democrats took control of Congress in 2006. That’s 8 long years ago. But during that same period we have only added 1.361 million jobs. You should also think about the fact that in those 8 years of Democrat control, more than 15 million people have abandoned the work force. When the Democrats took over, our u/e rate was 4.5%, today it is 5.8%. Link

To give the issue some perspective, between Jan. 1, ‘01 and Dec. 1, ’06, GWB with a Republican legislative branch, added 9,565,000 jobs to our economy.  That’s damned impressive. From Jan. 1, ‘09 through Dec. 1, ‘14, the same time period in their Presidencies, Obama and the Democrats managed to add only 3,949,000  jobs. That’s pretty damned pathetic performance.  For God’s sake, last month, we only added 4k net jobs.  Don’t believe me, check it out for yourself. Link

The poster claimed that “Claims for jobless benefits have been running lower than at any point since 2000.” That may or may not be true.

According to the Department of Labor’s opening statement in its report of 12/27/14: “In the week ending December 27, the advance figure for seasonally adjusted initial claims was 298,000, an increase of 17,000 from the previous week’s revised level.” Link

The poster also claimed: “Economic output registered its best six-month stretch since 2003.” While it is true that our GDP has had a decent increase in the last quarter, especially when compared to the previous quarters in 2014. In Q1, our growth rate was negative. Please remember that GDP growth still has not reached the growth rate we enjoyed in 2003 with Republican governance.

Another poster wrote of Obama’s reported increasing approval rating since the election. That’s not surprising given that the economy has finally begun to sputter along. We should remember that Obama, who is not running for office, and the Democrats suffered one of the most crushing defeats in a midterm election in decades. It was a thorough and complete repudiation of his policies. It was a rout. Elections, not polls, have consequences. It is worth noting that on January 4th Gallup reported that only 44% approve of Obama’s performance, while 49% disapprove.

schultz-obamaWhile there is improvement in Obama’s polling, it can largely be attributed to falling gas and energy prices. That decrease is of course a huge benefit to our economy. Yet, paradoxically Obama has done nearly all in his power to keep fossil fuel prices sky high. It is a commitment to the far left that he will not break.

On December 31 Rasmussen reported that only 30% of us believe that our nation is on the right track, while 61% say it is not. As to the Democrat health care scheme called Obamacare, the average of the Real Clear Politics polling shows that only 38.4 favor it, while 51.5 oppose it. None of that is even close to being a ringing endorsement of Obama