2013 July

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

The Coconut Telegraph

Anonyomous letters to the editor with pictures

The Original Unsocial Media – Daily Since 2002

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[Downstairs Enclosure Inspections Kaput!] Now you can rent downstairs enclosures and get insurance and not worry about getting caught. For the past decade, FEMA had used a “pilot” or “test” program to demolish “downstairs enclosures” (the area below base flood elevation in elevated homes) by requiring invasive home inspections. Un-incorporated Monroe County was the only NFIP community in the United States that was being forced by FEMA to endure these inequitable home inspections where FEMA demanded that homeowners pay for the removal of entire levels of their homes. On June 4, 2013 FEMA responded to the demands of Monroe County homeowners when they terminated the downstairs enclosure Pilot Inspection Program … (Continued below in the Long Winded Tomes section.)


[More Assuming] 3 or 4 more words of description in some of these obscure posts might turn the light on. This Detroit thing for instance…who cares to begin with? The poster and then the later sign said Carl’s Chop Shop closed. Umm,  I grew up in the 50’s in the south FL swamps, been all over the world doing Uncle Sam’s thing, lived in the NE, NW and partied hardy in southern Cal. Seen Mexico, Guatemala, Europe, and even hopped a freight across Canada from Montreal to Vancouver, but I’ve never heard of a Chop Shop in all my travels.

A few more words please to complete the thought, a few more words please from the folks who think that Carl’s Chop Shop’s demise is a headliner in the lower Keys. So is a chop shop a place to buy pork chops, or maybe chopper bikes like Easy Rider, or perhaps it’s the code word for chop chop massages by sister-san, or maybe for real, the final resting place for parts of Jimmy Hoffa, how about where your super fancy car ended up when it was stolen? Did you leave something out of your description of the defunct Detroit business? Bottom line – who cares here? Weep your tears in the ghettos of Detroit.

1-week-blue-hole3-001-week-blue-hole2-001-week-blue-hole1-00[One Week Old Blue Hole Heron Chicks]These little guys hatched this past Thursday, June 27 at the Blue Hole. I totally understand the benefits of controlled burns. However Big Pine Key is a very unique place. What appears wet at 7:30 AM can be bone dry by 9:30 AM. My concern is that the authorities make darn sure that the control burners are very familiar with control burning in a tropical area that is not a tropical rain forest. Perhaps they should be allowed to only torch at one point, rather than 4. Please check Windfinder prior to playing with fire.

The best part about being over 50 is that we did most of our stupid stuff before the Internet.


Marijuana‘s march toward mainstream confounds Feds. Link


[Looe Key has new owners] What is owner? definition and meaning.

1. A party that possesses the exclusive right to hold, use, benefit-from, enjoy, convey, transfer, and otherwise dispose of an asset or property.

If you’re not the new owner, why don’t you buy it from the owner and run it the way you see fit. If the new owners want your input they would put up a suggestion box.



“Night of the living dead” as Rolling Stones rock the festival.

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[Editor Doesn’t Suck] Deer Ed, the website is looking really spiffy. I am a loyal (addicted?) blog reader. Today, I had a chance to look at the rest of the site – nice layout, great info, visually appealing, and love your graphics. Keep up the good work!


[Picnic Island Ferry] I have been hearing rumors that the new Looe Key Resort and Tiki Bar owners are contemplating running a pay as you go ferry service to Picnic Island.  There is plenty of anchorage out there, and plenty of sand to have a picnic on, but I, for one, do not want some commercial enterprise trying to push individual groups of folks aside.


[Cheap Soda] If you’ve been wondering about this gadget, I can give it a good review.  The flavors are good, it’s easy to operate, and the supplies are available in a lot of stores or online.  Don’t bother buying the ‘deluxe’ model, the cheapest one works just fine. Link

[Windows 8] There are no problems with it. It is the best operating system ever made. The only complaint made so far  is it’s user interface which is designed for touch screens. That’s it.

starburst green

[“Fire Works And Dogs“] If you think big or “real” dogs, as you call them, are the only dogs not gun shy, you are sadly mistaken. I’ve been around dogs all my life and big dogs can be real pussys. Rottweilers can be the worst of the bunch. Dumb and gun shy. Small dogs are generally smarter, cooler, more fun to have around — make a hell of a lot less mess —  and most times don’t stink the place up. Keep your big smelly stupid pain in the ass mess making dog out of my yard too.

nira tocco realtor 9.12

[National Crook] Jesse Jackson Jr, the son of civil rights leader the  Rev. Jesse Jackson Sr., pleaded guilty this  year to spending $750,000 in campaign  funds on personal items, including a gold plated Rolex and mounted elk heads, among other things. He faces a maximum five year prison term. Under his plea agreement, Jackson must pay back the $750,000 and he will be subject to a host of other financial penalties.

If you’ve been wondering about this gadget, I can give it a good review.  The flavors are good, it’s easy to operate, and the supplies are available in a lot of stores or online.  Don’t bother buying the ‘deluxe’ model, the cheapest one works just fine 

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[Local Crook] “Dr Goodman Steals $60 From Old Lady” Dear Dr.Goodman, you my good sir, are a complete asshole. The facts are as follows. One who swears to the Hippocratic oath knows you shall do no harm to your patients. This means physically and financially. Stealing $60,000 from a patient by a doctor seems like a joke. Were you a shitty doctor that couldn’t make $60,000 dollars a year or are you just a moron with a PHD who wasn’t even smart enough to get away with the theft.

Either way you seem like a true asshole and I am glad I have not had the experience of meeting you. Please leave the Keys. We already are full of assholes and are trying to weed you people out.

[Neutered Man] A man working at the desk of Planet Fitness on Bay Shore, Long Island was too afraid of repercussions to enter the ladies’ room to administer CPR to a dying woman? Once men were men and women were women, but not anymore! Link 


One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics, is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.  ~Plato

an_help-wanted-sm[Help Wanted] Guard Position. Cudjoe Key Blimp site is looking to fill an open full-time guard position.  You must be drug free, physically fit, and able to work night, weekends, and holidays.  The shifts are three and a half days on and three and a half days off each week consisting of three 12 hour shifts and one 6 hour shift.  This position comes with full medical benefits, vacation, and sick leave.  If interested Classified Ads > Help Wanted

[Stupidest band names in history] They actually chose the Beatles. I love the Beatles. Link

fish2Florida Keys Fishing History & Future Link
Fishing Florida Keys 1957 Link
Fishing Florida Keys 1958 Link
Fishing Florida Keys 1983 Link
Fishing Florida Keys 2007  Link
The Future of Fishing 2013  Link
The Future of FLorida Keys Fishing  Link

[“Hate everybody”] I’m not sure if you’re prejudice or not, but you’re definitely not discriminatory! And I bet you don’t get many Christmas cards either.


Law Enforcement told Zimmerman to not continue following the kid he killed. He’s reaping what he sowed.

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[Why Touch Screens Will Not Take Over]  Why personal computers still need the keyboard and mouse, despite Microsoft’s best efforts to kill them off. Link

Attorney General sues NOAA to block new regulations that threaten fishing industry. Here is a concise story on how we can fight against NOAA.  Bostonians are just as smart and intellectual as us Keys locals.  Can’t we do this? Link


[Dining in the Keys] The new management of the Looe Key Tiki really need to step back and reassess what they are doing. Not just that place. A few places. I had female guests in town a few weeks ago. One Monday night we rode by Bistro 31, parking lot was empty, having not seen any reviews, we passed and went to Keys Fisheries in Marathon (always good) Spent $167

Another Monday, The Grouper was closed so we went to ZA-ZA’s. Is it open? Is it closed? It would have been my first time eating there. It’s now doubtful I ever will. We ended up at Kaya, for another great meal. $143.50 We were going to eat at the Grouper the following Thursday, but the accident stopped us. Next time for sure.

Another night I sent the girls to the big tiki on Ramrod (I don’t go there). I was told one of the bartenders said to one of the ladies he stirred their drinks with his “dick” -print it, he said it. (Ed: Oh, I’m sure he said it because you already said you weren’t there.) She was taken back. Had I been there, they’d still be picking broken liquor bottle glass out of his head. They had $130 worth of food and drink and they left a good tip for the a**hole. I know who it is, they told me his name. I’ll fix him.

She liked the Bang Bang Shrimp but said they won’t be spending any more money there because of their smart mouthed, dumb-assed bartender. Pretty sad when you guys lose business to The Wharf, where they said they had great food and great service from the staff there more than once on this trip.

Fanci Seafood will be closed on Sundays until August. Everyone have a great summer!


[“Everybody Says …”] I always have to laugh when I read something from someone who claims to be speaking for everybody, or even for “most” people.  What an ego.


[Sewers] I think the County Government should get us the best, most trouble free, easiest to maintain sewer system available, not the cheapest one  or the most expensive one.  Just the best.



Enough solar energy falls on the Earth during a single week to power the entire planet’s power grid for a century.

Terence Mckenna denounces Relativism. The great evil that there is no great distinction between shit and Shinola. Video


[Experts] I have only met a couple of people down here who didn’t act like they knew it all.




That’s a Nopefish. The can be found in the waters of I’ll-never-go-there River in Screwthatistan.

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[Home Wanted] We’re looking for long term home rental with at least 3 bedrooms and some sort of storage. Willing to look anywhere between Big Pine and Key West. The owners of our current rental have decided to move back in after our lease is up in October. We have had great references from our previous rentals. 2 adults, 2 kids, and a cat. I work for the government. Hoping to find a price range of about 1500 but can go up from there if the house is right. My fiancé is also a landscaper/lawncare person so your yard will be well taken care of. Pool care is not a problem either. Please contact me at Classified Ads > Situations Wanted



Lost Cat.  Small multi-colored female went AWOL in the Eden Pines area.  She has no teeth and and her tongue is black and often hangs out (before she was brought to the shelter, someone had tried to poison her).  Reward!  Classified Ads > Lost and Found

[Climate & The Future] Why bother caring about the future of the climate? Because of your kids! And your kids’ kids! If you don’t have kids how about because you care about humanity?


[Zimmerman – Martin case] The reason the detective on the case was the only one who thought Zimmerman was guilty of anything is because he is a douche bag. My prediction: Zimmerman will be acquitted of all charges and the black community in Sanford will have a big protest. Then Martin’s family will bring a civil suit against Sanford. They will get nothing and this whole mess will further escalate racial relations. Martin was a punk/thug that got what he was asking for. It is my desire that in the future more want-to-be gangsters choose the wrong individual to start an altercation with.




For this conjunction don’t just bring binoculars, bring a telescope. Good luck.

How do you know your’re shopping in Texas? “Keep calm, and carry on” Video



I can’t wait to shoot off fireworks on the 4th of July to symbolize our countrys never ending affinity for war.

[Captain Doom and Gloom] The Wastewater System: Capricious and arbitrary decisions made in behalf of local citizenry isn’t new, though this time is very onerous.

Such decisions obviously benefit the Planning Commission as it underpins future development in the Keys.

Lest that angle is attacked, nothing will change! We have to somehow decouple the larger agenda from local concerns or we’ll shove sand against the proverbial tide. The question to be raised is simple: how will the gravity, vs. the chum grinder system help or detract from the overall county plan to develop the Keys? Once that is resolved, it’ll give us leverage to sway the course.

religion politics zone

[Spy v Spy] Are we all that naive that we didn’t know the government was monitoring our calls, emails, texts, or phone conversations. Wake up and smell the coffee! How many times have we been told by the media that this terrorist plot has been discovered due to social media? How many times has a planned school disaster been stopped due to Facebook or email monitoring? How are all these creeps dealing in child porn caught? The intelligent citizens of our country have known about this since the 9/11. We are seen on security and red light cameras all over the nation everyday. Much of our cable viewing is monitored by our cable company and TV ratings are generated. There is even a Highly rated TV show based on the the monitoring program ( Person of Interest ). Edward Snowden is a traitor to our country. Stop drinking the Fox News Kool Aid.


[“Now Republicans can rig elections in their favor too”] Oh you mean like Obama did in the last election? They showed them how to vote two and three times and they are going after everyone who did


I don’t think liberals are anti-science, they are just against science that shows that their pet causes are worthless. Most liberals I know have only dealt with the “soft sciences” such as psychology, social sciences, etc. The Nobel prize winning physicist Richard Feynman deemed these soft sciences pseudo sciences. Feynman is right up there on the IQ scale with Einstein, and he has shown repeatedly that he knows what he is talking about. Video

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from the right

Yesterday’s posting carping about Texas Republican legislators support of modifying their abortion laws was disgusting. The poster claimed that their proposed changes would be expensive and therefore the Republicans were hypocritical.  I sincerely hope that the opinion expressed by the poster is not Democrat dogma. The poster is opposed to changing the existing Texas law that prohibits abortions after the 25th week to the 20th week. How in the hell can anyone equate that with Medicaid costs as did yesterday’s poster.

It seems that many Democrats are willing to compromise or accept nearly anything except regulation of abortion on demand.  They’ve faded on Gitmo, the war, their take on our environment, etc. etc.  But any change in a law that prohibits or even restricts the killing of an in utero infant or even an infant in the birth process makes them apoplectic.

pills2Deer Friends, while many of our left fielders would have you believe that abortion is a reproductive health issue. It is not. Abortions do not extend life, they end it. The grim fact is that 95% of abortions are done as birth control, these abortions are strictly for the convenience of the mother. 1% are done because of rape/incest, 1% because of fetal abnormalities, and 3% due to the mother’s health problems.

Deer Friends, today there is absolutely no reason for any woman to become pregnant who does not want to be pregnant. If the mother is determined not to nurture and raise the infant, there are hosts of people yearning to adopt.       

Frankly, while I abhor abortion in general, I can understand its use in cases of rape, incest, massive fetal abnormalities and instances wherein carrying the infant full term will seriously jeopardize the mother’s health.

There is now research that demonstrates that 20 week old infants are likely viable, they can survive if born prematurely. There is now research that shows that 20 week old in utero infants can feel pain, can experience pleasure, can move, and are capable of surviving early birth.

But our left field denizens insist that abortion on demand is a fundamental right.  Why don’t they concern themselves with the right to life of the in utero infant rather than the convenience of the mother?  Some Democrats, including our President, actually support the killing of unwanted infants during the birthing process and even killing or permitting live, breathing, newborn babies to die. In the Illinois state legislature, Obama vehemently opposed the Induced Infant Liability Act. That law would have required doctors and health care professionals to provide care to infants who survived abortion.  He repeatedly voted against requirements and restrictions intended to stop “born alive” abortions. This sure sounds like infanticide, murder.

I wonder how many of our CT community could actually kill a baby who was in the birthing process. Certainly we would all like to know why such an act is in the best interests of our society.  The usual method is to pull the baby part way out of the birth canal, then sever the spine with scissors, and/or to puncture the skull and vacuum out the infant’s brain. This sure sounds like infanticide, murder. That is the process that Mr. Obama so vigorously defended..

The abortion issue is not a dollars and cents issue. Beyond the obvious moral issue, it is a real constitutional issue as to whether or not in utero and just born infants have the constitutional right to life. It seems that many of our Democrat friends feel that they don’t.

an_gay_alPart 2) I suggest that the posters who were all torqued about postings concerning Democrat homophobia read the Daily Kos article entitled “Democratic Homophobia in the House” to be found at Link  or perhaps you might read the article titled: Obama To Do Gospel Tour With “Ex-Gay” Singer Who Vowed To Battle “Curse Of Homosexuality”. You can find it at Link  I suggest that the posters who were all torqued about postings concerning Democrat racism read the article titled “Democrats History of Racism” to be found at Link 


For those truly courageous left fielders, I challenge you to read the article entitled “Black Activists Sue Democrat Party For History of Racism & Abuse” to be found at Link.  Perhaps the bravest of the brave left fielders might want to do some research on Rev. Wayne Perryman, a respected black minister and community activist. Perryman, an author, lecturer, former newspaper publisher and radio talk show host who has received a multitude of honors and awards for his work and community service, was recently recognized by Chairman Benjamin Jealous of the NAACP for his latest research on racism and politics.  He brought the suit.

Deer Friends please never forget that it was the Republicans who freed the slaves, integrated the schools, integrated the military, and forced the passage of the Civil Rights act of 1964.

Respectfully submitted:


continued …

FEMA’s Downstairs Enclosure Pilot Inspection Program Has Been Terminated! For the past decade, FEMA had used a “pilot” or “test” program to demolish “downstairs enclosures” (the area below base flood elevation in elevated homes) by requiring invasive home inspections. Un-incorporated Monroe County was the only NFIP community in the United States that was being forced by FEMA to endure these inequitable home inspections where FEMA demanded that homeowners pay for the removal of entire levels of residents’ homes if they were deemed to be noncompliant.

On June 4th 2013 FEMA responded to the demands of Monroe County homeowners when they terminated the downstairs enclosure Pilot Inspection Program. Having unpermitted habitable living space in downstairs enclosures is still illegal in the Florida Keys and in every other floodplain community in the United States. However, there are currently not any triggering moments when a Keys homeowner will be threatened with code enforcement or criminal penalties, the inability to purchase flood insurance, or the inability to pull a building permit if they do not allow a FEMA inspector inside of their homes. Our home values will be significantly protected as a result of the termination of these devastating inspections.

Citizens Not Serfs have dedicated themselves to securing the end of FEMA’s one-of-a-kind Pilot for the Florida Keys and are pleased to announce that Monroe County is once again being treated like all of the 20,000+ NFIP communities around the United States.

Citizens Not Serfs began the process of ending these programs when we drafted and successfully lobbied for the passage of a Florida law making it illegal to require inspections of downstairs enclosures as a result of a homeowner’s applying for a building permit. Citizens Not Serfs then successfully convinced the Monroe County Commission to exclude all code enforcement and criminal penalties for failure to secure a home-inspection when a homeowner elects to sell his/her home. Our organization (with the assistance of some excellent lawyers and lobbyists) spent the last 18 months developing economic analyses, engineering studies, community surveys, and other advocacy data that was presented to Senators Rubio and Nelson, and Representative Garcia’s offices with a bid to gain their support in ending the Pilot. The legislators in turn contacted FEMA with the recommendation that the Pilot Program end immediately. Due to this unified pressure from our congressional delegation, FEMA had no alternative but to the end the program. Without the intervention of United States Senators Bill Nelson and Marco Rubio and Congressman Joe Garcia with FEMA, we simply could not have got this done. Please drop them a note and tell them “Thanks” for representing us all so magnificently in all of this in Washington. After June 28th, 2013, all homeowners that have not yet requested inspections will be able to reapply for flood insurance without an inspection just like homeowners in every other community in the United States.

In closing, we would certainly be remiss if we did not thank and remember our fearless friend and leader, the late Phil Shannon. Phil was our primary funder, our advocate, our master strategist, and anything else we needed him to be throughout this effort. Unfortunately, Phil did not make it to the end of this effort, but his spirit has been there urging us on. After Phil’s passing, Mary Shannon very graciously continued the funding of

the project started by her late husband and we thank her for her commitment. The Advisory Board for Citizens Not Serfs throughout all these years, whom guided the direction of the effort and provided invaluable counsel, included Joe Chernay, Randy Chapman, Kelly Koch, & Terry McGee. Just think for a moment where we have been to accomplish our goal from the Monroe County Government Building to the halls of the Florida Legislature to the halls of the Congress of the United States. Citizens Not Serfs were able to defend our property values and our right to equal protection under the law at a time when the tide seems to have turned sharply against individual rights. If interested in making a contribution send a check for any amount payable to Citizens Not Serfs, to 1045 Flagship Dr – Summerland Key, FL 33042 . Our organization intends to continue to monitor FEMA and Monroe County to ensure that nothing like this program occurs in Monroe County again. If you have additional questions or concerns, you can reach Kelly Koch, membership

Citizens Not Serfs “Together We Can Save the Keys”