2019 June

Tuesday, June 11, 2019

Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.


Please, please slow down and watch for deer. This is a busy time of year for them. Our does are pregnant and looking for food or they have fawns running with no knowledge or fear of cars. We have had 12 deer fatalities that we can confirm in just 10 days! One mother and one fawn (there were twins) killed on No Name Key so that fawn twin that was left will die too (no, another doe will not take it in). Please, we implore you to be watching and slow down. ~ Key Deer Protection Alliance

[“Karoke”] A few years ago I was bumming around southeast Asia and one drunken night I met an Aussie in Laos at a bend in the Mekong River. He bragged that he was a champion Karaoke singer at home and wanted to show off for me. Great. We went all over the little Laotian town (about 4 streets) called Luang Phabang trying to find a karaoke bar. No luck. What? No karaoke bar in an Asian town? Unheard of. The locals pointed to a bakery that had a karaoke machine. Great. The proprietor pointed us to the back room, we bought beer in the bakery part, and the bakers commenced to set up an old 13″ tube TV. Quite a process with all the extension cords plugged into just one socket. By this time there was somewhat of a crowd gathered in the bakery and all the way to the back room to hear the great Australian karaoke singer. Great. I was even getting worked up and was thinking of singing too. Just one more beer. We were eager to see the song list, hoping he could rock the bakery and cement this event into Luang Phabang history. The TV came on, the song list appeared –oh, no, it was in f**king Lao! Ting, ting, ping, ping, clang, gong…
[Health Tip] If you can’t afford a doctor, go to an airport. You’ll get a free X-ray and a breast exam. And, if you mention ISIS, they’ll throw in a free colonoscopy.


In case you didn’t notice, Bucktooth Rooster has sold and renamed the Big Pine Rooster. So far, same great food, but forged discount cards have been the death of them. A different system is being implemented. The Sunday Special turkey dinner is superb!

[Bills] Does anyone ever read all those junk inserts that go along with your bills? They seem like a terrible waste of paper.


Do they have American themed restaurants in Japan where Americans cook in front of you with lawn chairs and grills?

[Climate Change] On the front lines of rising seas: Naval Air Station Key West. High tides are projected to cover 70% to 95% of the station’s land area by 2100. Link





[“Channel markers”] It seems that the County’s Marine Resources are in charge of the channel markers.  Why the heck are they in terrible condition if they are up at all is a wonder.  Is that something to ask the County about?  I wonder if they’d answer?

[Inorganic Phosphate] The medical journal “Circulation” published research from the Utah Southwest Medical Center that concluded that inorganic phosphate in your diet causes lethargy and associated weight gain. Some quotes, relayed by a Matt Cook newsletter: “Inorganic phosphate is used in excess as a preservative and flavor enhancement in processed foods. Up to 70% of the best-selling grocery items, including cola drinks, prepared frozen foods, dry food mixes, packaged meat, bread, and bakery products, contain inorganic phosphate additives.”
Phosphate is also added to chicken and turkeys in that “may contain up to 15% of a brine solution” on the label. That’s 15% of your meat purchase that is not only not meat but unhealthy too
[Where to Eat] I walked out of Big Pine Rooster tonight because they have ceased carrying beer I like. On draft is mostly Keys brewery offerings made with FKAA water. Yuck. They also eliminated my favored bottled beer. It’s off season, so you can quit favoring tourists and snowbirds, Mr. New Restaurateur.
I then went down to Kiki’s Sandbar because at least they have my favorite beer. I ordered the Snapper sandwich, but it clearly wasn’t snapper– wrong shape, wrong flakiness and texture, wrong flavor. I complained. The waiter offered to take it back and let me order something else, but I was hungry and half way to my beer limit, so I kept it and ate it–whatever it was. I did get a big discount, but no longer trust their fish to order that again. I hope it wasn’t pig manure fed tilapia. Gag. They used to have good mashed potatoes, but these tasted like powdered.
The new restaurant at Sugarloaf Lodge has been given poor reviews by friends. My last meal at No Name Pub was absolutely awful. I avoid Paradise Burger after they called the cops to report my friend drunk when she was just weak from a day out of hospital, no breakfast and trying to walk on badly swollen feet. So far that fake DUI with a zero alcohol reading and no party drugs has cost her about $8,000 in bail and legal fees and still not resolved.


[“Fried egg mold”] For the person trying to make an Egg McMuffin, try flipping the round contraption over (you’ll also have to rotate the arm thingy.) I have one and it works great. Happy breakfast.

Guns have been the mainstay of protection for centuries, but recently, the nut cases have been releasing their misguided anger and hate thinking they are in some old western, gangster movie or video game. In the real world it is not like that. No one on this rock needs a firearm, except maybe a Game Warden. Too many people make for too many instances of aggression. Ban all weapons and over population and this rock just might make it.




Need a bow thruster for your yacht? Why spend thousands of dollars to have professionals install it. When you can spend a couple of hundred dollars and do it yourself.

[Vasectomy News] NY State spent $4.1 million on deer vasectomies in past 3 years to sterilize 1577 male whitetail deer at $12,975 per buck. That’s absolutely nutz! Link
[How To Recondition Batteries] Is it possible? Link



[Winn Dixie] Weekly ad. Finally an ad I can get behind. Don’t run out Mr Dixie, I’m on my way! Link

[The Last Green Thread] On a narrow path through Florida’s Everglades Headwaters, three friends embark on a journey to survey a fragile wilderness corridor before it disappears forever. Video





Spotted fawn from this summer’s crop.

[Viz]”I have really been enjoying the excellent scuba/underwater videos of Keys dive sites running a loop on one of the big screens at the Big Pine Rooster restaurant.” It appears to be a tourism promoting video. But I kept wondering where are they finding all this clear water? Our water clarity has tanked, especially since central sewers have been built (poorly) and upscale resorts proliferated. Finally, I noticed that all of the SCUBA regulators I was seeing in this video are early 1990s vintage. Old footage of the way things were. And they really were magnificent.

[Security Cameras] You can buy the Nest indoor camera for two hundred dollars plus $112 per year for storage or buy the Amazon Blink camera for one hundred and get free storage! The Blink is a far superior camera–indoor or outdoor–just to name one thing. It’s quite thin and has features you can only thank Amazon for. They give you everything you can think of and then some. I couldn’t believe how easy it was to set up. All I needed was my wifi password. Link

The Diver on the header of this blog is the perfect example of what happened to the posts posted here. They go nowhere! Some posts are logical, precise, and right on the mark, but the twisted feedback a particular post may get boggles the mind with negative vibes and silly rebuttals. But of course we are in the Keys. (Ed: Are you complaining about the correct site? I can’t find a “Diver on the header of this blog” Other than that detail, you are correct.)
[Modular Housing] One thing about those instant factory built trucked in junk housing–they burn. I call them plywood trailer trash. They should be banned from the Keys.



Mosquito gone directions!

[Captain Doom And Gloom] The more we read news the more it seems the majority of people are criminals, degenerates, bent, sick, and useless eaters on this planet. What the hell happened? Unlicensed overbreeding is one reason, super greed for power is another.

Not many folks realize that Keys Cafe by Big Pine Motel is now open on Tuesdays and only closed on Wednesday. They do a good breakfast starting at 7 am. Tuesdays are mellower without Lias’s abundant energy, but Melissa does a great job of serving while Lisa sleeps.

[Onder Lemoenkop] Shiraz. Great wine from Africa. I have a case on order just for the label. Link