2019 June

Friday, June 14, 2019

Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.

[Counterfeit Discount Cards] The Bucktooth Rooster was forced to discontinue their discount cards because some crooks duplicated them and cost the restaurant $6,200 in just one month! That’s a hell of a hit for anyone, especially during this slow time of the year. One of their servers told Rich that when she worked at a local pizza place they would sign the counterfeit cards and hand them out to their customers.   Then about three weeks ago a woman stopped by Rich and Marcy’s house and gave him about three quarters of a box of blank cards she said she found in her son’s room.
The Big Pine Flea Market sold in March. Its fate is up in the air at this time. The flea market’s been there forever and it’s the last one in the Keys.
Sunscreen is damaging coral reefs. Everything you should know about it. Link
Mosquito Control District will begin using an Unmanned Aircraft System (UAS) for aerial larviciding in remote locations. The district has been using this technology for surveillance of mosquito sites for the past several years. The district’s UAS will be able to cover approximately an acre at a time with granular larvicide and will be used in areas that are difficult to treat by hand or helicopter. Initially, the district will begin these prescribed treatments of remote sites in the Key Largo area. The larvicide being used is a granular form of Bti, a naturally occurring bacteria that only has an effect on mosquito and blackfly larvae. Link
[Friday Joke] I was driving when I saw the flash of a traffic camera. I figured that my picture had been taken for exceeding the limit even though I knew that I was not speeding. Just to be sure, I went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now I began to think that this was quite funny, so I drove even slower as I passed the area once more, but the traffic camera again flashed. I tried a fourth and fifth time with the same results and was now laughing as the camera flashed while I rolled past at a snail’s pace. Two weeks later, I got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt. You know, you just can’t fix stupid.



[Flag Day] Here are 5 ways to show your patriotism on Flag Day 2019. Video

[Consistency] I ate at Kiki’s Sandbar Wednesday and Thursday and ordered the same sandwich both days: “Chicken Caprese”. Wednesday, the filet exceeded the bun and there were a bunch of fresh spinach leaves. I enjoyed a 22oz Arrogant Bastard ale with it. Thursday, they were out of big bottled Bastards, and out of the small bottled Bell’s Two Hearted Ale, but I finally scored on a 12 oz. Rogue Dead Guy. The chicken arrived and it was hard to believe it was the same order. The filet was about half the bun and no spinach. New cook. They were both very tasty, but it goes to show how you can’t judge a restaurant on just one visit. Kiki’s has the best beer selection of all.
[“Fried egg ring”] I use a mason jar ring lid, you have to spray it with Pam first, works great for the perfect Egg McMuffin.
[Where to eat on BPK]  I trust only Bucktooth Rooster, Bagel Island or Cocos, all Mom and Pop run eateries.  Everything is homemade and cooked to order, unlike all the others who utilize Sysco and GFS processed food.  Having just read a post about Florida Keys Café and how their breakfast is good — please.  It’s the dirtiest kitchen on Big Pine (running a close second is China Garden).  And I’m speaking truths told from a local plumber who has serviced these establishments.  The restaurants on BPK only survive because there are no other options close to home.  As a local, I choose not to eat their crappy food, pay their high prices, or take the status quo as acceptable.  Where is Gordon Ramsey when you need him?


I’m burying an old Halloween skeleton in a shallow grave under my new deck. Should be funny in 30 years when the next guy is rebuilding it.

In Florida we have several seasons. There’s snowbird season. There’s love bug season. There’s the dreaded hurricane season. And now, we’re in the midst of the worst season of them all — shirtless moobs season! Link



[Feeding Deer] One night on Key Deer Blvd., I saw a deer eating road kill and thought, “Who knew?” This week, I saw a deer chowing down on some barbecue ribs that the garbage collector spilled. She was shortly joined by another doe and a buck. I think FWS underestimates the diet tolerance of the omnivores.

[Friday Joke] The officer said, “You’re staggering.” I said, “You’re quite handsome yourself.” We just laughed and laughed.
I need bail money!
[“Abortion”] “I Ain’t Got No Body” That’s right, the government owns it!


[For Rent] Two Bedroom Duplex on Canal. Big Pine Key. 2 bedrooms. One bath. Unfurnished ½ Duplex on clean boating canal w/seawall going to Pine Channel and the coral reef. Port Pine Heights sub-division. Beautiful vaulted ceilings. Tiled floors throughout. Laundry room. Very clean. Central A/C. Ground level. Port Pine Heights subdivision. Quiet neighborhood. Newly remodeled. No smokers or dogs. $1800 a month. First, last and $1000 security ($4600 total to move in) Owner pays for trash, tenant pays all other utilities and services. Available now.  pictures Link

[TDC] I remember when the water was gin clear and the reefs had color, but that was back before Tourist Development came. It’s sad to say, but the reef for all intents and purposes is dead. Don’t get me wrong, there may be a spot here and there, but even the Dry Tortugas has declined. Green water, shabby viz, fake fish sandwiches, over-priced drinks and local crap beer, and tourists too slow to know. Thanks TDC.

[Flag Day] Another non-event holiday. I sure hope the post office isn’t closed today.



[Bluefin Tuna] Delicious and endangered: the story of Bluefin Tuna. Dan Saladino travels from Brixham to Tokyo in search of bluefin tuna. There have been more sightings of the endangered fish in British waters, but does that mean we can eat it? Audio

The world’s largest pot farms, and how Santa Barbara opened the door.  Link


[Radio] Isn’t it awesome that one company owns most of the radio stations in the Keys? A few mornings ago I got into my car to go to work. I turned the radio on to our popular local station. Heard nothing so I started pushing my presets. All of them where off the air. One last button had NPR and they where loud and clear. Again, tonight Thursday 6/13, I’m on my way home and again all of them are off the air. I can hear WTKS on 104.1 from Orlando pretty well here on BPK though. Hope they can get it fixed soon. Storm season is here, once the internet and cable stops working all we have left is radio

[Water Crud] I tried to re-purpose a shower door as a fixed window and learned something in the process. When you use one of those acid based hard water deposit removers to clean the door, you may be micro-etching the glass. Although you may have gotten all the FKAA crud off the door, there will be a ghost image of the acid tracks down the door that will show really well with the sun shining through. I tried polishing them out with toothpaste- a quite harsh abrasive even if it’s a gel, that I’ve used before to scour some engine parts or buff out plastic lenses. Didn’t touch it. A Rain-ex coating helped a little by filling in but not enough. The lesson is to apply the Rain-ex or a good car wax before the water sticks to the door. Or getting a water softener is a the best bet so you don’t get those nasty FKAA water deposits on everything in the kitchen and bath in the first place.


‘Stoned-age?’ People smoked weed 2,500 years ago, earliest use yet discovered. Video

[Fake News] I always read where people accuse the mainstream media of lying and fake news, but they never cite an example, or if they do they change the story around based on their opinion. They never quote the actual words that they say is a lie. They post just their interpretation of those words. Words have meaning. That’s why printed matter is so carefully written. TV news is another story altogether. They’ll say anything just to fill in ‘on-air’ time.
[Friday Joke] The devil shows up in church and everyone runs out but an old man. The devil says why don’t you run, aren’t you afraid of me? The old man says, “Nope, I’m married to your sister.”


It’s true that money can’t buy happiness but it’s more comfortable crying in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.

The cure for all this sexual groping and suing is to make everyone sign in to all the bars and clubs with a document stating they are there to get picked up or to hustle some poor schmuck out of his/her money. My second issue is to legalize hunting seasons on lawyers.



It’s Friday so why not waste some time. Soundboard

FKAA’s Senior Citizen/Disabled Vet Discount is worth getting if you meet the income limits of about $67,000 a year for a household. It saves you the base facility charge which is substantial. But be aware that if not renewed every year on time, FKAA will hit you with the full bill. You will get no reminder to renew. They don’t enjoy giving any discounts.


[Winn Dixie] Weekly ad. Link

[Adaption] Wendy’s has launched a campaign to donate up to $500,000 toward adoption programs. Since 1992, fast-food chain Wendy’s and its partner, the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, has at its heart the interests of children who are in foster care waiting to be adopted. The Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption is a national, nonprofit public charity dedicated exclusively to finding permanent homes and loving families for the nearly 155,000 children waiting in North America’s foster care systems. As an adoptee himself, Wendy’s founder Dave Thomas always held the cause of adoption close to his heart. Link
[Restaurants I’ve Walked Out Of] Yep, I feel for you. Gone are the days of Keys cuisine, cold beers from an ice filled cooler and real local fish. The biggest issue is there are no more locals cooking like back in the day. The owners are from somewhere else, the food is from somewhere else and the line cooks and servers are from somewhere else. When it’s served to a tourist from somewhere else, they don’ t know any better and they write some review on a social app of how great it is. Every place mentioned in a previous post I’ve had bad experiences in. Gone are the days of Wahoo and cobia on special, all-you-can-eat dolphin Fridays or buying seafood from Monte’s, having him steam it and eating it on their screened patio. The biggest joke is key lime pie (and all the other desserts supposedly made with them). There’s not enough Key limes in the Keys to support all the pies served. There are no growers in the Keys, but the tourists and newbies will never know they’re being served Key lime flavored pudding. Or pie made from Persian limes. I sure do miss Bob and Lucy from Bobalu’s (the original owners). There’s never been a netter Key lime pie or a better menu at their price point. Someone turn off the waterfalls when the tourists all go home.
Abortion is no body’s business except the woman’s and no government should stick their noses in anyone’s personal business. If anything, get rid of the nut case holy rollers, crooks and war mongers.
[Crooks] Are your winnings real?  Check the names of fake lotteries, sweepstakes and promotions. This is, by far, the most complete list of scam lottery and sweepstake names available.  Scammers are continually inventing new names, but we investigate and expose them as quickly as they invent them! Link

It’s far better to travel the world via Google Earth than being confronted with the low life’s causing so many problems for tourists today. A hell of a lot cheaper too.

[Legal Pot Label] “This product is infused with marijuana or active compounds of marijuana. This product should not be used by women that are pregnant or breastfeeding. For use by adults as well as children only as recommended by a physician. Keep out of reach of children. Products containing THC can impair concentration, coordination and judgment. Do not operate a vehicle or heavy machinery under the influence of this drug. Caution: when consumed, the intoxicating effects of this drug may be delayed by two or more hours.” Are they saying it can take 2 hours to get high?
[Tankers Attacked] Dubai, United Arab Emirates — Two tankers were attacked Thursday near the strategic Strait of Hormuz, marking the second time in a month tankers have been seriously damaged in the region. U.S. intelligence pointed to Iran as being responsible for the attacks, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo said Thursday. Video




“American themed restaurants in Japan” are called McDonalds, Arby’s, and Taco Bells.

Inorganic phosphate is needed to make more profit because we do not care what happens to you, we want to get rich.




Marine Corps F-35 stealth fighter conducts flyover of White House during Polish president’s visit. Poland will purchase 32 brand new F-35’s. Video

[Irma PTSD] “Regarding the ad on our local radio stations that begins with, ‘Irma did her best to tear up the Keys,’ please consider an update. It’s nearing two years since this devastating storm wreaked havoc on our communities. Many of us are still recovering. We don’t need constant, daily reminders that trigger PTSD. Something fresh and positive would be greatly appreciated. Please and thank you.” I couldn’t agree more!