2019 June

Tuesday, June 18, 2019

Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.

[Snake] I went to use the table saw and this big rat snake was using it. I had to push her away with a stick. I pushed and pushed, but she wouldn’t move. After much prodding she finally left. What a dumb critter. This was the biggest rat snake I’ve ever seen. It was a full 4′ long. After shooing away the rat snake I went to the paint table and a rat dropped down from above, right between my hands, and then dropped to the floor right between my feet! Eeek! I was jittery as can be in the first place, and imagining snakes everywhere, and then this damned rat jumps between my hands and feet. Thankfully it didn’t touch me or I think I would have fainted.  I knew then why the rat snake was so reluctant to leave. He was hungry and smelled the rat. I’m creeped out. Every electric cord looks like a snake now and every leaf blowing across the floor, a rat. Too bad the light was so wrong or I could have captured the colors and geometric pattern of this beautiful snake in my photo.
[Flea Market] Please note that the flea market was sold back to the original manager who then leased the market to new people.  They will be renovating the market in September and October and the market will re-open for the 19-20 season on November 16, 2019 with new canopies, updated restrooms and the world famous Fish Fry back open for business. I personally worked with the brothers to remove their sister from the management position and they bought the property back from the estate. Thanks for your assistance.  Can you please publish that they market will re-open on November 16, 2019.  We cannot afford to lose customers. ~Hareen’s Suncare & Hats



[Future Car From The Past] 1951 Studebaker Manta Ray.

[“Local radio stations need to take lessons from the Spanish language stations that always come through loud and clear”] They are not even trying to improve because they want a new tower.




We tried Willie T’s, after going to the Green Parrot to hear a particularly good guitarist, for a meal based on a KW friend’s advice. Maybe it was an off day, but I won’t be back. They delivered a Mahi sandwich for $14 that the bun dwarfed. It was overcooked, probably previously frozen and tasteless, and the fries were not even good. I complained and they gave me a $2 discount. Wow.

[Irma PTSD] Just walk into the pot dispensary doctor and tell him you can’t sleep, fear the sound of the wind and rain and, bingo, you get a medical weed card and access to a dispensary for 70 days.


[Space Travel] It is said that it would cost $30 billion dollars to return to the moon. In reality that is just recirculating funds back into the populous. The only value in going to the moon is the space craft that would also be used for future endeavors, so why worry how much things cost?

[“Water clarity”] When I first dove Sand Key in 1974 the water was crystal clear and visibility was a hundred feet. A week later when diving the same reef, the water was greener and dark, and visibility was only three feet. Couldn’t see a thing. There are a lot of factors other than pollution that make our oceans’ visibility change. If you don’t dive frequently you don’t see the difference from day to day.
[Tweeker] Hitler was so hooked on crystal meth that his doctor would come into his room every morning and while Hitler lay in bed, inject him with crystal meth and steroids. Without them Hitler could not rise out of bed. Germany’s Chancellor loved meth so much that in the spring of 1941 Hitler handed out 35,000,000 meth amphetamine tablets to his troops. One of its benefits was that it removed empathy from the soldiers.

I wonder why we’re just finding this out now that German soldiers were all tweekers! We knew Hitler was hooked on drugs, but we never knew what kind until now. No wonder he was so scary. Link

The CT just informed us that the Big Pine Flea Market was sold in March, but don’t just stop there. Give us the total scoop. Who bought it and what are they going to do with it? Hopefully, It’s not another phony affordable housing project. Workforce housing, where the builders scams the County officials into building market price complexes. What Big Pine needs is a Publix or at least a McDonald’s.


Heart attacks can be triggered by dehydration. Drinking one glass of water before going to bed avoids stroke or heart attack. Also why do people need to urinate so much at night time.

Gravity holds water in the lower part of your body when you are upright (legs swell). When you lie down and the lower body (legs and etc) seeks a level with the kidneys. It is then that the kidneys remove the water because it is easier.

[260 Dolphins Stranded] Dolphins stranded along the Gulf Coast. Video





[New Fawn] Did you ever see anything so cute.

[Legal Pot] Florida pot is controlled by a select cartel and no one else can join. Can you imagine the amount of money these monopiles are making! Imagine having the drug concession in Florida? And no one is complaining about the monopoly.





Why build a sand castle if you can build a couch!

[Travel Bucket List] 60 things to do in America at least once in your life. Link


[Who’s Dead] The Social Security Death Index . Link

[Mold] Anyone else in the Keys have home mold problems? Anyone want to have anal sex? Just put in a homeowners’ claim for that mold. That will get you all the screwing you want.
[Invasions] Some days ago I was watching some of the remembrances of the 75th anniversary of D-Day.  It was by far the largest amphibious invasion in history, comprised of more than 150,000 soldiers, sailors, and airmen.  It was hard for me to comprehend the magnitude of such an event. Later the same day I read that in May the U.S. Border Patrol had apprehended more than 130,000 people attempting to cross our southern border illegally.  That figure did not include any of the ones that were not caught, so the total number is undoubtedly higher.
The juxtaposition of the two numbers on that day could not help but give me a whole new perspective on the nature of what’s currently happening down there.





Rural roundabout.

[Anonymous] Deer Editor, I post fairly often and always ask to be anonymous.  Please ensure my name and/or email is not included in any of my posts here forward.  I surely appreciate it! And keep up the great work. I love this week’s jokes. (Ed: Thanks for the nice words. Full Menu > FAQ > Censorship: “All articles of a negative nature naming names or businesses will have the poster’s email address printed at the end of the post. This will prevent malicious false statements from being made and disturbing the peace. This only applies to local people and businesses. There is no other reason to post someone’s email address after their post.”)


[Don’t Eat The Fish] Lake Okeechobee algae bloom toxic. Link

Homosexuality is an abomination” ~Leviticus
Not so fast Leviticus. Read this and shut up. Link



[Winn Dixie] Weekly ad. Link

I’m at the point that I turn off the volume when Allen Archer gives the forecast. Does he own the station? He has the worst diction of any speaker I have heard. Correction, that I have never heard. Take the marbles out of your mouth Allen. Better yet, retire.



[“Big Pine Flea Market sold in March”] Thank God they got rid of this place. Who in their right mind would buy fleas there? My poor dog has enough of them. Flea Circus Video

[Fake News] To the person who has never seen the actual words of fake news, check this out from the premier newspaper, the New York Times. New York times apologizes for fake news video




[Plastic Straws] With all the controversy about plastic straws I can’t believe KFC still uses them.  Here is proof.  See the straw? the straw! can you see the straw?


Comedy Key West presents “The Dating Game” and the “Not So Newlywed Game” on Saturday, June 22nd. Doors open at 7 PM and games starts at 8 PM. Local couples prove they are the newlywedest couple in Key West. Then laugh along with our bachelors and bachelorettes as they try to win a date with an incognito gamester on the other side of the curtain. Hosted by local comedians at the Bottle Cap Lounge. $15 at the door. A portion of bar and door proceeds benefit the Sister Season Fund, A locals-helping-locals non-profit. Bottle Cap is located at 1128 Simonton Street.  For more information about the Sister Season Fund visit

[“Key Limes”] Does anyone remember Melvin Brewer, and his acres of Key Lime groves? He, in his 80s by now, and his wife moved upstate, but they had an A-frame house adjacent to the grove on Big Pine Key. His answer to a dwindling harvest of key limes?  Hook a chain up his tractor, and pull the trees part-way out of the ground! They came back famously, he said. Pulling them out of the ground a little might have elevated them above the brackish water that runs through our island and kills many growey things
[Sanctuary Cities] Gov. DeSantis signs ‘sanctuary cities’ ban into law. There aren’t any in Florida! Video

Do not close your AC ceiling vents to redirect cool air elsewhere, because if that vent gets warm air near it, it will start to condense and dripping water. Then you will get mold build up in your ducts. You cannot clean the ducts or treat them with chemicals, you will have to replace them and maybe the entire AC system. That is big bucks. Keep the duct vents open and dry.

[“Drones”] Mosquito Control using drones to kill bugs? Are you kidding me? This county will do anything to play their kids games. Want to kill bugs, iguanas, and other pests, use a C5A and spray the entire Keys in 5 minutes. The old DC3 worked, but it was not the toy of choice for the bureaucrats. Everybody’s got their finger in the golden goose down here.
[“Discounts”]  Nobody give discounts, they just charge more to balance out their profit margins.
[Key Lime Festival] “July 4-7 culinary events for every taste, including favorites from past years like the Key Lime Cocktail Sip & Stroll and Key Lime Pie Hop, and new favorites for Key Lime lovers like The Key Lime Scavenger Hunt and Key Lime Cookbook Signing & Champagne Reception.”
What a joke, the event is wrapped around a cookbook signing, about a fruit that is sparsely found in the Keys and usually only in people’s yards. Key West has become Key Fake! Show me where the key lime groves large enough to support the pudding pies and pops that the tourists suck. Heck, Nellie and Joe’s Key Lime marinade isn’t made in the Keys anymore. They’re based in Pompano Beach and have a bottling plant in California – probably closer to their supply of those Mexican limes. How about celebrating real Keys history with a square grouper fishing tournament, a tree top flying competition, a raft race (on inner tubes) to Cuba, or a conch cooking contest (fritters made with local caught conch), or a “joint” rolling contest now that weed is legal and Key Fake has dispensaries. Want to bet the tourists don’t know those little grains of conch in their fritters are from the Bahamian/Turks & Caicos. I mean since the Key West conch farm didn’t work out and all and was only an excuse to get their liquor license and City approval.
[Sterilization] Ever wonder why there are no sponsored sterilization clinics mentioned on the web or the news? They would be a great idea.